Chapter 10 Kane
KANE
I’m fucking weak, walking the fuck away so I don’t give into her. The alternative is getting sucked back into Delilah again, believing her lies, then being ruined. So I leave her before she can leave me.
The staircase rattles as I take the steps two at a time. There’s no one in the kitchen when I enter. All of Helene’s instructions have been for my benefit. In her own way, she’s been trying to make me see Delilah for what she is. It’s why she offered all the leashes, the punishments—everything.
I stop at the full-length cabinet housing the leashes as something metallic catches my eye on the other side of the array of metal and leather.
I hook it to the side of my pants on one of the belt loops as Helene walks into the kitchen while I choose other leashes, collars, gags, and some rubber shit with too many straps for me to work out what it’s used for.
She has a smile on her face until she turns, seeing the mask has been removed.
“Who allowed you to reduce your punishment?”
“I did.” I lay another leash over my forearm before I close the door to face her. “You’re the creator. I’m from you, so nothing has power over me. As you suggested, I’ll teach my wife the error of her ways. Make sure we’re not disturbed.”
Delilah’s mother comes into the kitchen with her stupid fucking husband, so I leave the three of them to do whatever they want while I go back to my wife to make her regret ever looking at anyone else.
Ever the dutiful fucking wife, she’s sitting on the end of the bed when I go back into the room. Her eyes light up at the sight of me.
Fake. Fake emotions, fake care, fake excitement.
“Get on your fucking knees,” I snap, slamming the door behind me.
Those bright blue eyes dim a little as she slowly slips off the bed to kneel for me.
My body is going to be in agony once the anger is gone. I can already feel the ache settling in as I walk towards her, dropping the leashes and collars on the bed. The noise has her attention, but I grab her hair at her crown to stop her from turning her head.
As soon as those deceitful lips part, I spit down in a line before she can utter a word. “The only time your mouth opens from now on is to take my dick.”
She blinks, bewildered, slowly shaking her head.
“How many have you fucked?” I grip her hair tighter. Another blink. I laugh. It’s bitter, filled with hurt. “Have you lost count?”
There’s no response or reaction, other than her eyes quickly darting to each corner of the room. She remains still, allowing me to control her.
It’s strange.
Why the fuck is that strange?
Asher’s presence within my head is duller, to the point Delilah’s is bigger. I can’t focus on one emotion. Everything is mixing together, turning murky so I can’t recognize anything in front of me.
“I watched you,” I remind us both.
She fucked someone on the same night she fucked me for the first time. She took him to her bedroom after telling me to leave.
Yeah, I watched it.
Grabbing the first collar I touch, I wrap it around her neck, and she tilts her chin up, helping me. That pisses me off even more.
“Are you such a fucking whore you don’t care what I do as long as you get fucked?”
Fight me.
Don’t let me speak to you like this.
But she simply says, “I know you have to punish me.”
Her eyes narrow in the corners as though she’s trying to tell me something as she quickly looks around the room again. I’m frozen in my confusion, but she keeps doing it. The same flickering to each corner then scowling at me.
I want to hurt her in the same way she’s hurt me, but the thought of fucking anyone other than her turns my stomach. As I grab the metal-link leash, I try to work out a way to trick her. I made her think I was dead, convincing her I’ve fucked someone else should be easier.
My problem reveals itself as my hand trembles. The thought of touching anyone else, allowing them to touch me, is enough to make me fucking shake.
The cause and the cure is kneeling in front of me as she gently lays her hand over mine, bringing it to the front of her neck to clip the leash to the ring at the front of her collar. I want to go inside her fucking head, find a reason for her breaking me. Constantly breaking me.
My hands are a reflection of my mind as I wrap the chain around one, cupping her cheek with the other. My palm gently caresses her jaw, my fingers massaging through her knotted strands while I twist the chains until she’s choking. “How long were you fucking him?”
“I didn—”
I tighten the collar until my knuckles are pressed against the stiff leather, liking the way the thick metal links pinch the thin skin between my thumb and forefinger, so I keep applying more pressure as I thread my fingers through her hair, dragging her up to stand.
She’s still beautiful, too beautiful. Her dress is ripped, hair fucked and wrapped around my fingers, cheeks turning red, yet there’s nothing other than beauty in front of me.
Still no fight.
Every instance I’ve worn a mask, she’s fought me, but she doesn’t fight me.
“No one is scared of the reflection.”
“Is that what I am?” I grit as I throw her on to the bed.
She lands with a bounce, pulling me only because of the fucking chain.
“What?” she croaks.
“Is what he said fucking true?!”
A crease forms between her brows as she asks, “Who?”
Climbing over her, I grab her jaw and hook the leash to one of the ornate swirls on the edge of the headboard. I push two fingers of my free hand into her mouth as Asher keeps fucking talking.
“It’s another game. Remember how she’d pretend to leave me for you.”
“Yeah, you always fucking lie!” I nod as I push my fingers further into her mouth.
She finally begins fighting me. Her weak fists slam into my chest, my arms, but I don’t move away from her. Not when she’s gagging, her eyes watering and her stomach convulsing beneath me. She scratches down my face, my neck, any part of me she can reach.
I need her to hurt with his fucking whispers in my head.
“How many times did she fuck us both in the same day?”
Tears drip from her lashes as she slaps out, making my ear ring when the full force of her hand hits it.
“How many other people was she fucking after us?”
“STOP!” I scream, pulling my fingers out of her mouth.
Her jaw is covered in red patches as I slowly loosen my hand.
Fuck, what the fuck am I doing?
Sitting up on my knees, I place my hands on my head, staring down at her as she chokes, hacking through her coughs for air.
I don’t want to hurt her.
But I do.
I quickly get off the bed and grab her ankle, forcing her leg apart while she’s trying to breathe with spit on her face, cheeks red. If I do this, I’ll stop myself from falling into her trap.
I unhook the metal Y-shaped belt from my belt loop and force it up her legs so the circular portion is wrapped around her waist before I squeeze the sides, fitting it snug against her skin.
Removing the key from the locking mechanism at the side to prevent anyone taking it off, I hold it tightly in my fist as Delilah looks down.
“Is that a chastity belt?” Her lips barely move as she whispers, “Thank you.”
“For what?” I turn, firing back over my shoulder, “Stopping you from being a fucking whore because you’re incapable?”
My cigarettes are on the ledge with my lighter as I open the window to climb out. There’s a small groove between the ledge and the surrounding stonework of the walls, so I tuck the key into it to keep it safe.
There’s something familiar about sitting here that I can’t understand through the shit in my head.
Instead of trying, I close my eyes and take out a cigarette.
The flame is too close to my face, singeing my lashes, but I like the warmth.
As I take a deep breath of toxic air, I keep the flame alight, heating the metal casing of the lighter.
That familiarity sinks deeper into my skin as I open my eyes, watching the metal heat.
Then when there’s black soot marking the metal, I extinguish the flame and push my sleeve up to press it to the inside of my wrist.
Pain—something I can recognize.
It doesn’t matter how fucked my head is, the pain is understandable. It allows everything to make sense because to live is to be in pain, but I’ve finally found a way to be in control of my life.
The small bit of peace I’ve created in the chaos is chased away as Delilah softly whispers, “I said thank you because he won’t be able to touch me now.” She pulls the drapes across the window before she climbs out, handing me the end of her leash. “At least I won’t fall.”
“You should.” I pull my sleeve down and lean my head against the window as the wind picks up. “It’ll be the only time you stop opening your legs.”
“Kane, don’t do this.”
“Do what? See you for what you really are?” I keep looking at the horizon. “You’re a whore, Delilah, and your lies don’t mean shit to me anymore. He can fuck you again when I’m done with you.”
Her jaw drops in my periphery, the blurred edge of her tears slowly dripping down her face. She shifts away from me, hugging herself, but there’s steel in her voice as she says, “You’re fucking sick.”
“Me?” I laugh, finally looking at her. “I’m not the one who fucked someone else.”
“Do you think I had a fucking choice?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“My father?”
“I saw you.” I scoff, shaking my head as I flick the butt into the water. “You were lucid, eyes open, not drugged by your daddy.”
Now she hits me.
She sits with her back against the side, kicking into my thigh with her unbruised foot while she tearfully says, “Fuck you. You keep doing this to me. Now you’re sinking too fucking low.”
I grab her ankle, dragging her closer to me so she’s laid flat on the stone as I tighten my hand on the leash to stop her from falling.
She’s clearer than she’s ever been as she spits up at me, “You were the guard watching and you didn’t stop him.”
“Who?”
“My fath—Harkin.”
She slaps at my hands as I try to touch her. Did he hit her? No, she was running to a man.
“What did he do?” I ask.
“Kane, were you the guard watching?”
I shake my head, still staring at the bruises on her wrists then I look at her fully. Really fucking look at her.
The bruises aren’t only on her wrists.
There are some on her inner thighs.
On her knees.
“Please can you listen to me?” Her bottom lip wobbles as she whispers, “No one has ever listened to me.”
I nod but the residual hate is there, forcing me to snap, “It doesn’t mean I’ll believe you.”
Delilah doesn’t attack me though. She smiles as she wipes her tears off her cheeks. “The people who believed me never cared anyway.”
She slowly sits up, staring at my hand. I thread my fingers through hers, a stupid thing I convinced myself made her feel better when we were children.
She’d be scared about going on the slide, swings, or the rope bridge, and I’d hold her hand so we’d be able to keep playing.
I convince myself of the same lie as she takes a fortifying breath before she says, “Harkin would drug me.” She holds my hand with both of her as she stares out at the horizon.
“For years. I don’t know when it started, but he did the same to Ruby and Scarlet too.
It’s why they left. Asher knew. It’s why he said I was closed for business.
It’s such a weird thing to say, but when I found all the videos from the cameras Asher hid in my room, I knew what it meant. ”
Another lie.
“You weren’t drugged,” I say, more to prove she’s a deceitful bitch than asking her for confirmation.
She shakes her head.
“The Halloween party?” I force out through clenched teeth.
This professional liar’s lips slowly draw together as she asks, “Which one?”
“The one when I fucked you on top of the piano.”
“I remember being in the garden, watching the stars, then I promised you I didn’t want Asher.” She stares into thin air, her eyes narrowing. “I tried to leave him, but he hit me and my mother shouted at me for causing a scene, so I stole her wine glass. Then I woke up in my bed.”
“You told me not to be there.”
“It didn’t matter what he did to me. You wanted a relationship with your brother.”
“How can I believe you?”
“Don’t.” She shrugs, softly smiling. “My mother believed me then she left me alone with that monster.”
“Asher?”
“Harkin. He recorded…” Her tears come faster as she folds in on herself to trap her sob.
“Did your dad hurt you?” I ask, barely above a whisper.
“Daddies look after their princesses,” she cries, crossing her ankles. “Thank you for making sure he can’t again.”
We’re both fucked up and there’s no saving us. Yet I still hate her. It won’t go when the voice in my head tells me it’s her fault while I sit her on my thigh, wrapping my arms around her.