Chapter 31
KANE
Our mealtimes are kept separate from the others as we sit in the empty hall with our trays of food. “This is the best one,” Kid hums, biting into his bread roll then turning it so I can see the little dots inside it as he kicks his feet. “Look, it has crunchy stuff inside.”
“Seeds,” I tell him as I put my roll on his tray.
His eyes are huge and so deep brown, they shine as he shyly says, “You gave me a present.”
“I’ll get you a better one in the future.”
His smile gets wider, a small dimple denting below his lips, which I nearly miss when he lowers his head, smiling at the piece of bread in his little fingers.
It’s already late since we spent all day locked in the room, so he’ll be tired soon.
I gently tap the table to get his attention.
“Eat all your food, Kid. Then you can have a shower and go to bed.”
The kicking is slower this time, but he keeps looking up at me between bites like I’m a superhero.
I can’t wait to see who he becomes once we’re out of here.
My mind drifts to the perfect bedroom for him.
It has to have huge windows, a private bathroom with a lock on the door, maybe.
A skylight so he never feels closed in. I’ll need to make him a games corner too rather than playing charades all the time.
Charades can become our family game night activity before we watch movies.
They can’t be horror though or the kids will get scared.
Bread won’t be a present. I’ll get him whatever he wants. His clothes will fit him instead of him wearing mine.
Once we finish eating, I stand and pull his chair back so he can get down. Without thinking, he grabs my hand as we walk back to our room. He keeps his head down the entire way but once we’re inside he jumps up on the bed. “Kane?”
“Yeah?” I toe my boots off before grabbing a spare hoodie from my bag so he’s not cold. I hold it out for him to push his head through then carefully pull his arms through the sleeves that are way too long for him.
He plays with the strings as he whispers, “Are you my friend?”
“Yeah, Kid. I’d love to be your friend.”
He jumps up, wrapping his arms around my neck.
There’s no stiffness as I catch him and he keeps his legs flat down my body, so I slowly walk around the room as I rest my cheek on the back of his head.
Rubbing circles on his back, I close my eyes, imagining we’re not in this place.
His hair tickles my lips, but I don’t stop hugging him because it’s for my comfort.
Kid rubs my shoulder as he asks, “Do you want to talk to Delilah again?”
“Do you?” I counter.
He nods, pulling back to look at me as he presses his hands flat to my cheeks, pushing them in so I make a fish face. “Show her this, so she can guess what you are.”
I keep him in my arms as I walk into the bathroom to collect my phone from my bag then sit in the corner furthest from the door. The battery is on thirty percent, so I can’t use the filters he likes as I load the camera then turn it to record while he gets comfortable on my thigh.
“No butterflies,” he whispers, pointing at the screen.
“Not today, Kid.”
There’s so much sadness on his face even though he doesn’t argue. Fuck it. I’ll let it die. Lennox hasn’t removed the block for me to be able to use it fully anyway.
As soon as I swipe onto the frame with the butterflies, his little face lights up. He maneuvers his head around them, picking a new favorite for the day—a bright orange monarch butterfly with thick black strips separating the wings, soft yellows and whites dotted around the edges.
“Hello, Delilah. I’m Kid.” He waves, parroting how I start my videos as he points at me. “Kane loves you a lot, and he’s my friend.”
“I love you too,” I whisper into his hair. He does that shy nod thing he always does.
“You love Delilah lots. You miss her, and you always look at her picture.”
“Yeah, I do,” I admit. “She’s funny and clever.”
It turns into an interview as he grabs my phone to ask, “What do you love the most about her?” He forces his eye into the frame so he can watch.
“How strong she is, and talented. And how those things are just for her.”
“Did she teach you things?” he asks, focused on a different butterfly.
“Yeah…” Some things aren’t appropriate for little ears. “She taught me what love is, how to play the piano, and charades.”
He shakes his head, bringing the phone closer to his face as he whispers, “He’s not very good. You have to teach him better.”
I tickle him, playfully hissing, “Oh, yeah? Who said I’m not good?”
I freeze when he giggles. Actually fucking giggles. I start again to hear more as he continues softly laughing, rolling into my chest to get away. I catch my phone before he drops it and lock the screen to conserve the battery. “Are you going to say it again?” I ask, lifting him above my head.
His eyes are lighter, smile wider—his dimple is fully out.
“You’re lucky you’re my best friend, Kid. I’ll let you get away with giving my secrets away.” I slowly right him. “Do you want to get a shower before bed?”
The smile vanishes like it always does when he has to shower or use the bathroom. I don’t push him as I stand then get him in bed without untucking the sheets. When he’s trapped in place, I lay on the floor in my usual place next to his bed, holding my hand up, ready for him as he stretches out.
The next part of my routine is simple as I hold Delilah’s photo in front of my face.
It’s a different one than the other nights.
In this, she’s looking at me. Not Asher or Ghost, but she’s actually looking at me.
I don’t recognize the sixteen-year-old with their arm around my girl.
They have too much life in their eyes. I’d give anything to be able to go back in time to warn both of us.
Kid’s hand slowly slips in mine as he drifts off, so I reposition it so it’s not at an awkward angle.
Waiting until he’s in deep sleep, I gently rub my thumb against the back of his hand as I silently tell my wife, “I don’t know what I’ll have to do to get out of here.
I’m doing it for the four of us. Please don’t hate me for it.
You’re going to find our baby. I’ll bring Kid home with me.
You’re going to love him. I thought loving you was easy, but him?
You might have some competition, pretty girl.
He’s clever as fuck and obsessed with butterflies.
I keep thinking about how big his smile will be when he finally sees one without a screen.
How you’ll be the type of protective he needs, silently working in the background like you did with me because you know we’re the type of people who hate attention. ”
I slowly sit up as I kiss the middle of Kid’s palm then gently lay his hand on top of the sheets.
With the view of past-Delilah and Kid in front of me, I can see my future with one more faceless teenager.
We’ll do normal shit like have movie nights where Delilah refuses to share her chocolate with me, so I’ll have to get the kids to take it from her.
They’ll snitch on me while they do it because they know their mother is in charge.
Right now, I need to keep breathing. The only way to do that is with pain, so I leave Kid on the bed as I quietly go into the bathroom.
There’s an excitement to what I’m going to do.
It makes my fingers tingle. It’s not until I’m sitting with my ankle resting on my knee, blade between my fingertips, I can breathe without any weight pressing down on me.
Kid jumps on my back as I do push-ups, clearly bored of copying me. He’s been awake for hours and we’ve run out of things we can act out for charades since my phone is dead, so I ask, “Count them for me?”
He sits cross-legged in the middle of my back, counting each repetition as I lower to the floor then extend my arms to push myself up.
When we get to twenty, he restarts from one.
“Twenty-one,” I gently correct.
“Twenty-one.”
We go through the numbers, with him copying me until we get to fifty.
A soft tap on the door makes him cling to my t-shirt as I keep myself up on my hands.
Bending one arm behind me, I flatten him to my back so he doesn’t fall as I sit up on my knees.
He wraps his arms around my neck as the tap comes again.
The locks hiss as I take the knife I cleaned after removing it from the guard, keeping it tucked to the side of my thigh. I set Kid on his feet and without further instruction, he runs into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
I relax as an unmasked Lennox walks into the room. He pushes two fingers into his shirt collar, showing the side of his nape, free from any burns. Closing the door, he says softly, “You’re learning, little shadow.”
“How’s Delilah?” I go to the bathroom door, knocking twice in quick succession, pausing before doing another two knocks.
The door rattles as Kid quickly pulls it open. I scoop him up to sit on my forearm as he brushes his hair out of his eyes. Lennox softens slightly at the sight of us, but he doesn’t focus on Kid.
“She’s fine now,” he says. “However, your friends are causing problems.”
I don’t have any friends. It’s not possible when I spent my formative years behind bars, but Lennox places a sleek rectangular power bank in my hand as he says, “Arrange to meet him in London in two days.” His hand lingers as he looks at Kid. “Your hair has grown.”
“Can Kane cut it this time?” Kid asks while examining my hair.
Lennox nods then walks out of the room as I push the power bank into my pocket.
He returns a moment later with a chair and a leather case he sets in the middle of the room.
I expect him to leave or give me another riddle, but he leans against the closed door as I take Kid into the bathroom to wet his hair.
This time he’s not afraid, not even when I lightly rub a towel over his hair before sitting him on the chair.
Placing the towel on his shoulders I ask, “What hairstyle do you want?”
“Like yours?” He looks up at me with his smile a little wider, his eyes lighter too.
I have to scrub my hand over my head to feel for the length because I can’t remember the last time I had a haircut.
The sides are longer than they usually are, so I won’t have to attempt a fade.
Lennox watches us as I take out the scissors, combing my fingers through Kid’s hair to remove any knots.
Squatting in front of the chair, I lay his hair flat against his forehead, so I know how short to cut it to prevent it going in his eyes.
It’s the longest haircut in history, with my need to keep checking each strand while moving around him.
There’s another scene of my future forming: I take Kid for his first haircut.
I’ll get him candy afterwards for sitting still, which we’ll have to hide from Delilah because she’ll think it will ruin his appetite.
I’m going to spoil the shit out of my family.
She’ll calm down when they’re asleep and it’s her turn.
I kneel in front of him, checking it’s not wonky before I wipe the errant hairs off his skin. He slowly brings his hand up to check it, that little smile bigger as he turns, asking Lennox, “Is it the same?”
“Yes,” he says softly. “You look the same now.”
I remove the towel from his shoulders and gesture to the bathroom. “Go shower, Kid. You’ll need to get the hair off you.”
He looks at Lennox, but I move into his line of sight. “No one will go inside, I promise.”
Hesitantly slipping off the chair, he walks into the bathroom, softly closing the door behind him. As always, the water turns on, remaining undisturbed for too long while I stare through the wall like I can see him battling to get in.
“It’s normal,” Lennox says, stepping away from the door. “The fear of his own body or having to touch it is normal. Even fear of going to the bathroom. A lot of them experience the same issues.”
“And you don’t help them,” I scoff, disgusted he’s the best option of all the fuckers around me. “You allow them to be abused because you’re a coward.”
“You’re right. However, I’m trying to help you now. Call your friend, make sure Kane has to remain alive. Don’t allow this world to keep you here.”
He looks sincere as the spray of the shower changes its pattern, no longer beating against the floor. Pride warms my chest at Kid managing to overcome his fear. It won’t be long until he gets out, so I use the time to interrogate my cryptic uncle.
“Why London? I can meet him in New York. It will be more natural there.”
Lennox lays his hand on my shoulder, lowering his head so we’re eye to eye as he whispers, “You’ll be accompanied by Rowan, who’s at risk of being seen in New York.
So you will tell your friend to be in London.
You will tell him the suite you’re meeting in is where you’re staying while you get acquainted with your family.
You will make sure there is a reason for you to see each other regularly.
Without it, you won’t survive. Do you understand? ”
“No, you keep telling me shit in little riddles or warnings.”
His fingers tighten around my shoulder as he takes a deep breath.
“There’s no reason to keep you alive to the world without this.
Your parents are dead, Asher is dead. You made everyone believe Delilah is in the midst of a psychotic break, so you need to do this or else your existence will become his property. ”
“Kid’s coming with me.”
“No. I’ll be here and I won’t allow anyone to open the door. Then you can play your game when you return.” He squeezes again. “Do as Asher would while you’re here.”