Chapter 46
KANE
Lennox has been quieter than usual in the last few weeks.
Every time I mention him visiting Delilah again so he can give her a phone, he shuts down.
I don’t know if he’s avoiding being there while Rowan is since that fucker disappeared around the same time, but I sit in the security room, watching the captives enter the large, tiled room to shower.
“Did you think about what I said?” I ask, carefully picking my words to stop anyone else from knowing about my pleas to see Delilah after we visit Niko tomorrow.
He ignores me as he stands, buttoning up his suit jacket. I watch him put on his mask, hiding the blankest expression I’ve ever seen. Sasha doesn’t react to it as she eats her snacks on the other side of the desk.
Once we’re alone, I ask her, “Don’t you ever give your stomach a rest?”
“I’m hungry,” she snaps, protectively pulling her bag of meat closer like I have any interest in eating human flesh while she watches the captives shower, laughing along with them.
“How are you so thin when all you do is eat?”
She quickly lifts her boney shoulders, dropping them just as quickly. I mute the captives’ confessions of love to ask, “How old are you?”
“Today? Fifteen.”
Holy fuck, she’s young. Too young to be here. With that knowledge, I soften my voice as I continue interrogating her. “How long have you been here?”
She pauses with her fingers in her mouth, sucking the blood off them as she hums before she says, “Here?” She gestures to the room. “Since I was six, but they let me stay as long as I help them.”
Okay, we’re getting somewhere. I don’t fucking know where but it’s more information than I had earlier.
“Did you own this building?” I hit the control for the water when the man sways on his feet.
He’s a hardheaded fuck when he’s in the room, always refusing to take the water he’s offered, but the woman forces him to drink on the days they shower so I check the cameras for the other guards to make sure they don’t see them.
“I didn’t own anything,” Sasha whispers as she scrunches her bag up in her fist. “I had to live here before Lennox found me.”
I’m not sure what could be worse than what we’ve witnessed so far, but the way she stares down at the desk tells me it exists. She roughly pushes her chair back, the wheels screeching against the concrete floor as she storms out.
This is the first time I’ve been left alone in the security room since Rowan initiated me.
The captives are busy doing the same shit they always do as they stand under the spray, but I turn up the volume so I can hear normal conversation as I switch between the cameras to find anything I can use against Rowan.
They begin arguing over their love confessions Sasha is obsessed with listening to as I find surveillance for a room I’ve never seen before.
Everything inside of it is warm, standing out against the rows of concrete walls and floors.
The interior matches what a cabin would look like with the wood walls, large stone fireplace, and plush furnishings.
The flicker from the open fire casts shadows around the empty room.
Just as I’m about to click off the screen to find an occupied room, Rowan steps out of a door on the back wall hidden by the shadows. The only difference between him and Lennox are the gloves on Lennox’s hands. I have to lean closer to hear their conversation as I keep an eye on the door.
“Why must you get attached?” Rowan scoffs.
“We need him on our side,” Lennox says. “Our family has already lost too much, so punish me in his place.”
Are they talking about me?
They must be considering there aren’t any other long-lost family members, but the use of punishment fucks with my head since I know what Rowan uses.
Lennox blankly removes his suit jacket, then his shirt, meticulously folding them before placing them on a chair around the large oak table.
I wince at the deep scarring on his back.
Maybe this punishment will be different than what I think it is.
When he begins to remove his shoes, slacks, and boxers, I know it isn’t.
He bends over the table, laying his cheek on the wood. Naked.
“Would you like a change?” Rowans stops in front of the fire, surveying the brass fire companion set with a smile.
There’s a sick sense of curiosity forcing me to continue watching. I can’t be understanding the situation correctly. The longer I watch, the worse it gets as Lennox apathetically states, “I’m back with you, like you wanted. Do what’s required.”
Rowan lifts the long tongs from the iron holder, tilting them as he slowly steps onto the stone hearth to rest the sharp prongs in the center of the coals.
It’s not until after the brass is glowing, when he stands behind Lennox that I notice the healing scar stretching across Lennox’s back has the same swirls as each item hanging from the fire companion.
This sick fuck smiles wider as he ghosts the glowing brass above Lennox’s skin. Rowan carefully leans down, avoiding the heat as he kisses Lennox’s forehead. “This is like the other times. You are part of me. You belong to me.”
The keyboard clatters as I attempt to change the screen while he undoes his zipper, but my fingers skim the keys so it ends up becoming bigger. I manage to get rid of it on the second attempt, but still it’s there, burned into my memory.
More guilt.
First, it was Delilah. Then my beautiful butterfly. Then Delilah again. Now Lennox is added to it because he asked to be punished in my place.
Twenty years ago, I knew who I was. It was easy to carry my name; I knew every facet of what made me without any loathing. There were parts of myself I disliked. I was too quiet, too trusting, too hopeful. But there wasn’t resentment in every breath.
“Because you didn’t fall into Delilah’s trap,” Asher says.
“It’s not her fault.”
He walks around me to soundlessly take a seat on the chair Sasha vacated. “She did all of this when I was going to keep you safe. I would’ve been here while you had your life, collecting marbles or doing whatever boring shit you wanted.”
“You don’t get it. I wanted her, I needed her,” I argue back. “She didn’t do anything. It’s on me. I knew she was yours, so I should have left her alone.”
“Do you think she loved you?”
“I don’t even give a fuck anymore. If I’m being honest, I didn’t give a fuck then either. As long as I loved her, it was enough. Fuck me, the amount of times I would watch her while she was in your arms is embarrassing.”
“She didn’t love you,” he snaps. “She can’t love anyone. You’ll never have a family with her, and she will never look at you without seeing me. Is that what you want?”
“I met her first,” I gloat. “Technically, she always saw me.”
His eyes darken, nostrils flaring at being caught out. I can’t rub it in further because there’s a loud slam behind me, forcing me to turn as Sasha stomps into the room. She narrows her eyes at me then at the screens. “Were you watching naughty movies?”
“Don’t be disgusting, you’re a child.” I turn back to watch the screens now that Asher has left. “You missed their arguing.”
“They’re sweet.” The teenager dumps a dry bag filled with marshmallows in front of me. “You can have one and a half.” She punches me in the arm when she sees the shower isn’t on. “Put it back on.”
Lennox doesn’t act any differently after his punishment, which makes it even more disconcerting when I’d lose time for days after the ninetieth day. But he’s calmly sitting beside me as we drive through London to the same hotel we met Niko in last time.
He was silent during the flight too. Is that his reaction?
He’s always quiet though. It’s wrong to know he’s been violated because of me and not address it.
Yet the thought of bringing it up makes my own memories come back, so I shut my mouth as I stare out of the window at the normal people going about their normal lives.
How many people are like me? Like Lennox?
Is the guy running in a suit afraid of his memories too?
Or the woman who flinches when he gets too close to her?
There’s a memory of a conversation I had with my mom during one of her rare moments of openness as I catch my reflection in the glass when we drive through a tunnel.
“To be human is to go on,” she said. I never understood what it meant. When I asked her, she repeated it. “To be human is to go on.”
I think I understand it now. To be human is to continue living by any means necessary. It’s to hide all the darkest parts of ourselves. Bury those memories, thoughts, and feelings until you resemble something that fits into society. Both the victim and the perpetrator hide in plain sight.
As we turn into the underground garage, I see Niko standing across from the hotel.
He has a cigarette dangling between his lips, his phone to his ear.
I should’ve known he’d turn up early considering his need to act like he’s my protector, but my eyes widen when Scarlet steps out of the car.
She rolls her shoulders, pulling her coat tighter around herself, trapping her dark hair in the collar.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
It took a very doctored audio file for her to stop asking questions about Delilah.
If she’s spoken to Ruby, she’s not going to believe shit I say.
There’s not really a delicate way to say her baby sister is trapped on an unknown island by my grandmother/biological mother.
Or even any way to begin to explain how it’s genetically possible without my head exploding in the process.
When the car stops, I get out without waiting for Lennox or listening to his bullshit conversation with the driver.
The concierge holds the elevator open, and I try to lose my uncle as I get in, but he keeps the doors open for him.
Lennox listened to our conversation last time, so he’ll know Scarlet is here, then he’ll report it back to his abusive brother.
“Do you need to stop for the bathroom?” He looks at my twitching legs.
“No. Why don’t you go? Do whatever you need to do. I’ll be fine here.” Fuck, I sound panicked.
He can hear it too as he assesses me, his eyes slightly narrowing. My heart lurches as he hits the control panel, abruptly stopping the elevator as he asks, “Did you disregard my advice, little shadow?”
I can’t breathe with the prospect of more guilt being added to my shoulders. Delilah will hate me even more than she should already if anything happens to her sister. I can’t lose her when I haven’t even got her back yet, so I beg, “Can I trust you? Really trust you?”
“Yes.”
For fuck’s sake, I can’t tell if he’s lying.
He slowly steps in front of me as he lowers his head so we’re eye to eye. “Sometimes places can hold memories. There won’t be a repeat of what happened the last time we were here. He’s safe. They don’t know where we buried him.”
“Don’t.” I move back, curling my hands into fists. “I need you to hide, okay? That’s it. I don’t need you talk about shit or fucking remind me of it.”
I can’t fucking breathe.
The elevator is getting smaller, and I can’t fucking breathe.
The corner brushes my back, my sides, fucking touching me when I’m not moving. I have to hold my knees to stop myself falling, but I still can’t breathe.
There’s nothing around my neck.
Why the fuck does it feel like I’m choking when there’s nothing around my neck?
Lennox gently lays his gloved hand on my back, rubbing slow circles. “It’s okay, little shadow. You’ve been strong for a long time now.”
I shake my head as I drag in the hardest breath of my life.
“You have,” he urges. “You hid your humanity like you needed to.”
I keep shaking my head.
“He can’t see you in here. You can be Kane Xandros again.”
My jaw quivers at the sound of my name, and he abruptly grabs my arms to pull me into his chest. I don’t hug him as he wraps his arms around my shoulders or when he whispers, “He’ll be able to see you when the doors open. Get it out now when it’s safe.”
“Scarlet’s here,” I blurt out.
“He will already know,” he says calmly. “Save yourself so you can get back to your wife.”
I nod as I focus on my breathing.
He waits until I’m not battling for air to restart the elevator.
When the elevator reaches the suite, I’m more in control.
All the emotions are compacted in a small box they won’t be able to break free from.
There isn’t a barber waiting for me this time as we enter the lounge and Lennox continues walking into an adjoining room.
It doesn’t take long for the elevator to ping again as the concierge walks Niko and Scarlet into the penthouse. The louder mouth out of the two of them exclaims, “I bet Dilly loves this shit.”
Your sister hasn’t seen it.
I do what Lennox told me, lie. “She prefers the property on the French riviera.”
I’ve killed people, done worse to them once they’re a corpse, and I still flinch when she lifts her fist to punch me in the arm.
“Get my sister, baby Xandros.”
Niko doesn’t stop her from glaring at me. Instead he pours himself a coffee, agreeing with her. “Yeah, I’m starting to think this wife of yours is made up.”
“How did I make her up if she’s Scarlet’s sister?
” I back away from the most terrifying Leroux.
Scarlet has always been a fucking psycho, which is even more frightening considering the shit I’ve put Delilah through.
A better man would feel bad about lying to her.
I’ve passed that point though. “Delilah planned a trip with some of my dad’s relatives she got close to while we’ve been here. ”
It’s kind of the truth. She is close to Helene by proximity, not due to any care. Technically, her stay on the island is a trip, considering I’m going to bring her home.
Scarlet examines me as she removes her coat like she’s going to be here a while. “You let Dilly stay with someone else? Are you forgetting how you used to follow her everywhere?”
“I was a child then,” I say lightly. “I’ve grown up now.”
“I’m not the same boy anymore,” Asher whispers. “You’re using the same lines.”
“Rubes mentioned she’s had some health issues. Is she okay?”
No.
“Yeah, being around people helps,” I lie. “You know she’s always hated being stuck in one place, so the travelling does too.”
If I wasn’t already in Hell, I’d think that’s going to be my final destination.