Chapter 60
DELILAH
Jasper and Sienna are kind, whereas Nova is a bitch.
I probably shouldn’t call an abused teenager a bitch, but in the week I’ve been adopted by the young trio, she’s offered to remove one of my eyes, shave my head, or cut my face.
They were all said as though she was offering to do me a favor, not horribly alter my life.
Our routine in this place is all determined by other people.
Right now, I’m forced to walk on a treadmill.
My calf throbs from the exertion as harsh fluorescent lights shine down on each individual station in the gym, leaving the sides in the shadows like we’re on platforms. Each machine faces a wall in the windowless room.
I focus on the small LED light in front of me as I walk.
The others are all going faster than me and Jasper’s feet pound against the belt of the treadmill, like he’ll possibly be able to get anywhere.
The LED light in front of Sienna turns on, flashing blue then pink.
Her fingers shake as she presses the button to stop her treadmill.
Whenever the other lights have turned on, the person has left the gym, but she doesn’t look like she’s breathing as she pales, swallowing around a lump in her throat.
It doesn’t stop her as she mechanically steps into the shadowed path between our treadmills then walks out of the gym. Jasper slows on my other side, whispering, “What color was it?”
“Blue and pink.”
He takes a deep breath, intently focused on the wall. The thud of his steps get quicker, shaking the heavy machine as Nova jumps over the gap to take Sienna’s abandoned machine. “He’ll be lost until she comes back.”
I nod politely.
I can’t risk doing anything to take me out of my room since I’ve been receiving a gift every night when I return after the last meal of the day.
One vial is all I’m allowed, enough to stop my veins bursting into flames.
The itchiness is worse than anything else I’ve ever experienced.
It invades my mind, no matter how much I scratch or claw at my arms. It’s all I can focus on, robbing me of sleep, an appetite, everything other than an overwhelming sense of pain.
With the vial, even one, I can function.
I don’t feel the pain in my leg or the grief decaying in my chest.
The light in front of me flashes a white light in a sequence: five quick pulses, a pause, five pulses again.
“Lucky you.” Nova lets out a low whistle.
“What does it mean?” I ask, showing my ignorance.
“It means…” She grips the arm of the treadmill to dramatically swing closer to me as she drops her voice to a whisper. “You’re going back to your dorm instead of a Room. Who did you fuck?”
She’s a child.
Children shouldn’t say things like that.
She makes it worse, muttering, “You must be a real screamer if they’re looking after you.”
I grimace as I turn off the treadmill. I’m not some twisted pervert who’ll ever engage in inappropriate discussions with a literal child.
Even if she’s the one who brings the topic up.
If she wasn’t so violent, I’d hug her, tell her it’s not normal, and I’m sorry for everything she’s been through to make her so comfortable speaking like that as a teenager.
My bones ache as I make my way through the disconcerting hallway back to the empty dormitory without passing anyone on my way. I hold the cold wall to take some of the weight off my leg, slowing as I pass each pocket door.
Sweat trickles down my back like I’m going through the rehabilitation exercises Lenny gave me years ago when I first injured my leg, but I keep walking, with my family as my goal.
The door to my room slides open as I approach it. I have just enough energy to make it to the bunk. The vial isn’t laid on my pillow like it usually is, so I gently uncover the bed, careful not to end up throwing or smashing the glass as I search.
There’s nothing fucking there.
Throwing the pillow on the floor, I lift the sheet, patting the bed down as I go.
Even when the bare foam mattress is staring at me, I keep searching.
Dropping to my knees, I push my fingers into the gap between the bed and the wall.
There’s no smooth glass, just the wall and stupid fucking mattress.
I was in the gym for too long, worked my body too hard.
Now I’m paying for it because all those beautiful chemicals have left in my sweat, carrying the will to go on with them.
I curl up in a ball on the floor, closing my eyes as I bring my knees up to my chest, trying to force myself to go to sleep so I can dream about Kane and our baby as the tremors take over.