Chapter 64 Delilah
DELILAH
“I’m going to catch you,” I say with lightness in my voice, running forward with my back hunched as our baby girl giggles, running towards Kane.
“Run, pretty baby,” he says with the same lightness. “She’s right there.”
Her giggles get louder until they fade, and I’m stuck with the image of myself—alone.
I scream.
I scream louder than I ever have in my life as I close my eyes, attempting to drag my mind back to the beautiful limbo where I’m with my family.
But my screaming morphs at the way my body is violated again while I’m locked in a mirrored box. The person staring at me isn’t me, it’s someone who belongs to everyone else.
The mirror taunts me as my nerves are abruptly turned back on to register the hand in me.
I lie to myself again; I tell myself it’s Kane and we’re on the window ledge.
He hates me, but it’s pretend.
He forces my body to do what he wants because he knows me.
He’s not Rowan, he’s not Harkin. He’s not whoever else has stepped into the room.
He’s Kane. My Kane, who sees me. I tell the lie so successfully the ghost of his voice echoes through my memory as warm liquid splashes against my inner thighs. “Remember I love you.”
“I do. I love you too, baby.”
But his voice changes to the deep one Ghost would use, getting further away. I clench as two fingers are pushed into my ass. “Filthy fucking whore.”
I scream as the pressure in my lower stomach increases.
“Keep screaming. Cry, fucking beg.” A light slap lands on my clit. “Beg me to stop.”
I do it as tears stream down my face. “Stop! Please!”
My throat is scraped raw, my chest shuddering as I sob at the way my filthy body reacts to someone else. I don’t want them to touch me; I want Kane. I gave him permission, no one else. This person pretending to be him copies my memories as they hit the top of the box twice.
My mind adds his voice. “Knock, knock.” I tense as he pushes his full hand into me, stretching me while lazily moving his fingers in my ass. “You love when I play with your pussy.” He works another finger into my ass. “You love your ass being fucked even more.”
It’s the same deep voice he used to disguise himself when he was lying about his death.
Kane is alive.
He’s alive.
It’s not fake; I’m not replaying conversations. He’s really talking as he continues tapping the box with something. Two taps, like knocking.
I sob harder, relief and heartbreak mixing together to make the most potent emotion in existence as he roughly fucks with his hands.
We’re pretending again. I have to be good while Helene watches, so he’ll be safe from being whipped.
I can do that now that he’s here. I can let out my pain and tears with him.
“Stop!” I beg as I attempt to kick out, but the harsh leather wrapped around my thighs keeps them in place. “Please, stop! It hurts. You’re hurting me.”
He slows his hands.
I watch as the tears slip into my open mouth as I laugh.
It is him. No one else would stop at my pain, only ever Kane.
I don’t want him to miss out on meeting our baby, so I push my hips down to make him move.
The opening for the box painfully digs into my ribs, but he finally moves.
Hopefully, Helene hasn’t noticed the pause, so she won’t throw the sand timer into the water like she threatened to.
“Such a weak little slut,” he coos as he fucks me with his fist. “Both holes exposed, and you don’t even know who’s using you.”
I do.
I clench around his hand, trying to communicate that I know it’s him as I copy the repetition of two, but he doesn’t slow.
He speeds up as the knocking stops. The joy of having him back, being vindicated in knowing he’s alive, and the fear of him being Ghost again all raise my heart rate, sending the pleasurable chemicals around my body even faster.
So fast I can’t stop it as my back arches.
My screams bounce off the reflective glass as something splashes outside of the box. Kane continues fucking me as he curses, “Filthy fucking whore. Your used cunt is still begging for more. I should put my entire arm inside you, make you my doll.”
He wants me to know it’s him too. Helene, Rowan, my parents, Asher, the fucking universe and all of its wisdom couldn’t keep us apart even if they conspired together.
It’s me and Kane. Kane and me. With misery surrounding us and everyone manipulating the minutia of our lives, they can’t stop it.
We can’t stop it. We will always find a way to be each other’s peace.
After three years of loss, I cry as the smallest spark of hope warming my chest.
Hope.
Fucking hope.
As much as I lied to myself, I felt it slowly dwindling the longer we were apart.
Now, it’s growing, taking over all of my other senses.
I don’t feel the cold air as he roughly pulls his hand out of me, or the sharp sting of him slapping my inner thigh so hard I can count his fingers.
No, he’s here. He’ll find a way to get me out of this box. We’ll be together again.
But as I blink to clear the tears blurring my vision, the horrible realization of what’s to come slams into me.
I’m going to have to explain he missed seeing our baby girl.
I’ll be forced to tell him I couldn’t save her while she was inside me, then again when Helene took her away after I passed out from the blood loss.
I’ll have to relive the horrible moment I woke up to my baby being gone for the second fucking time.
I try to kick, to send him far away from the truth, so far he won’t know I fucked it all up, so far I’ll never see the hate on his face when he finds out.
My screams are more pained than they’ve ever been as I let out my frustration at the world, at Helene, Rowan, my parents—myself.
“Stop! I hate you! I hate you!” I scream at my reflection, trying to escape it. “Fucking die! You stupid fucking bitch, you ruined it all!”
The leather straps tighten around my limbs as I continue battling my own body.
I hate it, I hate myself, I hate everything.
I need more vials. Just one so I can go to the world where everything’s better and the only loss is one I had already processed.
But I can’t because I’m stuck with the reason for all the bad things in my life as each panel of the box stares back at me with my own face.
“I hate you,” I snarl, meeting my own eyes. “I hate you so fucking much. You should’ve died in that fucking fire. Everything would’ve been better if you died instead of Asher. I hate you more than him. I hate you more than all of them. You ruined my fucking life!”
The hands on my body leave but I keep spitting out my loathing until my throat burns, incapable of another word without choking. We’ve switched roles now. Kane made me question everything while I clung to the false Ghost, but I was always the one taking from him.
If we were never friends, Asher wouldn’t have been jealous.
If I never went to him for comfort, he would be safe.
If I didn’t kill Asher.
If I didn’t open my fucking legs.
If I didn’t need attention.
If I stayed fucking home every time he asked to go to the park or watch a movie.
So many opportunities for me to make sure he was safe. Instead, I’ve ruined us both.
“I need more,” I beg like I never have before. “Just one. Please. One more vial.”
Let me be crazy again. I don’t want to be haunted by all of my mistakes. I want to leave them all here, in this world full of pain while I get to be happy somewhere else.
But I’m not allowed as the lights cut out.
I wait for the click of the box releasing, then the restraints unlocking as I lay there, staring into the dark.
Everything is heavier as I slide out from the box, my body, my head, my limbs, my heart.
It’s all too much to carry. I have to keep the goal of a vial in the forefront of my mind to push one foot in front of the other, ready to run away from him.
The blacklights show how disgusting I am as the door slides open, revealing the room is empty.
I try to avoid them like I usually do as I turn to walk back to my dorm.
Little letters and purposeful shapes are in my periphery.
The start of a K, the point of an A and N, the flat top of an E surrounded by drips and hearts.
I slow, watching his name reappear with each step.
When I reach the door covering the staircase, I take one of the robes from the hooks, quickly wrapping it around me to hide his name.
The door slides open as Jasper gives me a small smile, gesturing for me to follow him.
Softening his voice, he says, “I’ll show you the showers. ”