Chapter 39
Thirty-Nine
Moldavite
I sit on the edge of the uneven mattress, the blanket scratchy and the floor icy cold. Monsters lurk beneath the bed, reaching out to taint the last shred of sanity I’m gripping onto like a lifeline.
With a deep sigh, I scrub my callused hands over my face—attempting to shake the unwelcome thoughts from seeping in.
Lunaria’s downstairs, waiting on our supper, while I sit here. Useless.
It’s the word that’s been running through my head since we landed in this Divine-forsaken land. Lu’s all but taken charge of the mission—unsurprising—while I’ve tagged along, just trying to hold myself together.
“Get it the fuck together,” I whisper into the empty room.
The inn’s accommodations are small and simple, but it’s more than enough for what we need.
I shuck off my boots and start to slip off my shirt. The moment it crosses over my abdomen, my muscles lock, and I freeze.
Scars new and old cover my flesh. My hands begin to tremble, holding my shirt halfway over my chest. The scars that look years old weren’t there before the Vale. They’re just ones Vidaris healed over and over again so she could make space for new ones.
I’m not who I was before I went to the Vale. A quiet darkness is strung throughout my body, nestled in hiding places so it can’t be seen. My blood boils as I think about how Vidaris managed to change me—how she got under my skin just like she wanted to.
My magic swells, answering the anger coursing through my veins. A rush of fire pours from my palms, winding around my wrists and snaking up to my shoulders in a vine-like hold. I don’t tamper it or try to rein it in. Instead, I let it rage like the storm within me.
The flame grows brighter, casting dancing shadows along the uneven wooden walls as they move to my waist, covering the scars over my abdomen and obscuring them from my view. The fire begins to singe the lower half of my shirt, but I don’t stop it.
Stained white fabric is eaten by the flame, scorching a path along the middle.
Vidaris used fire against me once.
Flashes of her bone-white teeth dance within the flares of my magic.
I swallow and shove the hem back down, letting my fire die out.
With Lu downstairs, it leaves room for my thoughts to spiral. Her presence alone has staved off the unwanted memories over the last day, but now that she’s gone… There’s a piece of me that wonders if she’ll look at me the same way now that I’m different.
A soft hiss echoes through the room, and I shoot upright, looking around for the source. It intensifies, so loud that it feels as if it’s directly beside my ear.
Before I can get out of bed, the hissing stops abruptly.
“Orior,” a voice hisses so loud that my hands fly to cover the sides of my head. “Sleep now, little Aegis. There’s something I need from you.”
My back meets the hard mattress as I succumb to the grating, hissing voice.
Brilliant hazel eyes come into focus, my heart pounding in my chest.
“You’re okay,” Lunaria murmurs. She blinks rapidly. “You’re safe.”
Am I okay? My darkened heart sinks in my chest, wondering what she’ll think of me if I’m not okay…or if I’ll never be the same again.
My gaze falls to her lips, watching the way they form more words that don’t reach my ears.
I rub my fists into my eyes, not remembering when I ended up falling asleep. I must have passed out from exhaustion, though I’m surprised I didn’t wake when Lunaria came to bed.
The lingering memory of Vidaris’s disgusting smile haunts me, remnants of a nightmare Lunaria must’ve woken me up from. There’s a faint echo of a hissing noise floating around me, and I can almost remember what it was.
But the memory slips through my mind, drifting away like leaves in the wind as whatever nightmare I had is forgotten in a dream-filled haze.
“Graylen?” Her voice cuts through the noise in my mind. “Go back to sleep—”
My lungs freeze, capturing my breath until there’s no air left. The walls begin to close in around me—it’s too small of a room to feel free in. Too heavy with the darkness coating Crea’s soul.
“No.” The word tumbles out, and I bolt upright and swing my legs over the side of the bed.
My chest heaves as I grip the edge of the uneven mattress, my fingertips digging in. A soft ripping noise comes from where my untrimmed nails burst through the fabric.
I can’t go back to sleep—back to my dreams. Not when pain and tainted memories and the sickly, venomous smile of Vidaris await.
The bed shifts behind me, and I feel warm hands slide over my shoulders and onto my chest. Lunaria presses herself against my back, grounding me to where we are.
“You know you can talk to me,” she says softly. “If you need to. I’m here to listen or sit in silence or whatever it is that you need.”
She snuggles closer and melts into me. With her arms wrapped around me tightly, my lungs begin to thaw, and my breath grows steady as I cling to her like she’s the air I need. There’s so much that she doesn’t know about what happened to me down there, but I can’t bring myself to say it.
I want to shield her from it. To put her somewhere no one can hurt her and Vidaris will never find her. If it had been Lu in the Vale experiencing the things I went through…
My muscles tense as my brain assaults me with images of Lu being tortured over and over again.
I would’ve ripped apart the veil between realms with my bare hands to get her back—but instead, she had to do that for me. She saved me, and goddess knows I’ll do anything to save her.
There will never be enough days in eternity to love her the way she deserves to be loved.
“She won’t want you now, Aegis,” Vidaris’s voice chants in my mind, as clearly as if she were speaking to me now. “You’re tainted. How can you call yourself worthy of her after this?”
My head hangs down, and I rub my fists roughly against my eyes. Lu’s palms smooth circles over my heart as she stays draped over my shoulders, her chest pressed into my back. She stays behind me silently, her hand a steady and gentle sway over my chest.
“I should probably eat something,” I send into her mind, hoping that if I force down something, it’ll help ease some of the knots twisting in my stomach.
Her face swims into view as she slides around to my side. I shrink back, turning my head away from her too-bright eyes
“You ate when I got back,” she reminds me carefully.
My gaze swings back to her, and she tilts her head to the side, her gaze concerned. My brows pull together. I don’t remember eating—or even waking up when Lunaria got back.
“I think I know what’ll help,” Lu whispers, her voice like honey, breaking through the storm surrounding my thoughts. But what use is a canopy against a lightning storm? It’ll stop the rain, but it won’t stop the rolling thunder or streaks of heat from striking.
Lunaria slips off the bed, one of her hands trailing down my arm until her fingers intertwine with mine. She gives my hand a quick squeeze before releasing it.
Her mouth moves, but my ears are filled with a rushing river—each beautiful word of hers trapped behind the whir in my head. She gives me a sad smile and leans forward slowly, her lips pressing against my forehead.
I squeeze my eyes closed, basking in the feel of her lips against my skin.
The air between us chills as she leans away, and when I open my eyes, I find her slipping out of the room. My heart begins to pound. The white noise in my ears is replaced by a racing thump, thump, thump.
It’s too loud without her. My memory is filled with Vidaris’s pearly teeth as she laughs—all while she shows me visions of Lunaria dying over and over again.
Too loud, too quiet, too everything.
I don’t know how much time passes while she’s gone, only that she isn’t here and I’m barely hanging on.
When a gentle hand cups my cheek, my gaze flies up. I blink through the fog, my eyes greeted by Lunaria’s soft smile. She doesn’t say anything, just gives a light tug on my hand. My body follows her without question.
I can’t seem to focus on anything around me—my vision is blurred and sounds are muted.
As my feet trail behind her, it feels as if I’m watching myself from afar—my mind detached from my numb limbs. Everything is in a haze, but still, I follow Lunaria. I’d go anywhere she’d lead me.