Chapter Three
I find Collin in the garage that afternoon, working on the midnight-blue Charger he and Jonathan have been fixing since freshman year. I’m convinced this car will never see the road, except from the bed of a tow truck.
Collin’s grandfather bought it for him as a project they could work on in the one-car garage on his property.
Mostly, it’s a place for the three of us to hang out—despite the smell of oil and gasoline.
It’s the easiest spot to meet since it’s located between us in the Bend—a section of town near where the river literally bends. Not exactly clever.
“Why is he lying?” I ask Collin as soon as I enter.
Collin looks up from under the hood. “You think he’s lying?”
“Don’t you?” I don’t try to disguise the frustration in my voice.
I hop onto the work counter to adjust the radio to play something from the last decade instead of when our grandparents were in high school.
It’ll only get switched back to the classic rock station when Jonathan finally shows. “How else did he get that cut?”
Collin stands and wipes his greasy hands on an already-greasy towel.
“I really don’t think he got in a fight after we left the party. And he would’ve told me if he broke some guy’s arm.” Collin pulls out a drawer in the tool cabinet and pushes items around in search of something that’s probably in a different drawer.
I lean back and swing my legs. “I know he didn’t break anyone’s arm. But he’s lying about something. He barely looked at us this morning.”
“He barely looked at you,” Collin corrects, his words aiming right for my gut—silencing me instantly. Collin realizes what he’s done. “Sorry. That was low.”
I shrug, suddenly finding the grease-stained floor fascinating.
“How come I don’t know this new girl?” He opens another drawer, finally finds the attachment he’s been looking for, and returns beneath the hood.
I sigh. “Because I’ve been trying to protect you from her since the beginning of school.”
“Protect me or protect her from us?” Collin comes around the car to lean against the fender across from me, twirling the ratchet around in his hand.
“Protect you. Trust me. I was assigned as her peer mentor. The more I got to know her, the more I tried to figure out a way to distance myself. She’s into everyone’s business. And the last thing I wanted—”
“Was for her to know about our business.” He nods, getting it.
“Exactly. I don’t trust her not to tell everyone. And it’s already complicated. So, until we can make it less weird, I’ve been avoiding you at school whenever she’s around.”
“Kinda noticed,” he says, his voice more hurt than I’m prepared for. “Thought it was because of Jonathan.”
And back to the dark, lion-shaped blob on the floor.
Collin sets the ratchet on the counter. “I forgot something… somewhere.”
I look up at the sound of a car door shutting just as Collin disappears out the side door. I can barely make out the person approaching through the clouded windows lining the garage door. But I’d know who he is, even in the pitch dark.
Forgot something, my ass.
“He needs caffeine already?” Jonathan asks as he shuts the door behind him. He walks over to the radio and switches the music back to the heavy guitar and screeching wails of the rock station.
Before I can jump off the counter, he’s in front of me, stepping close so his entire frame is between my legs. A shocked inhale catches in my throat, and his mouth is on mine. And he’s kissing me. His arms wrap around my lower back, and he tugs me against him.
I almost get lost in it. Almost.
Shoving my arms between us, I separate from him. Jonathan looks confused. Why does he look confused? I’m the one who’s confused.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh… you tell me,” I rebut, crossing my arms.
Jonathan is genuinely perplexed. He studies me like he’s trying to read my mind. The exact same thing I’ve been trying to do for weeks.
“You don’t know?”
He shakes his head.
“Really?” He can’t be serious.
“Is this about last night? Because I swear I didn’t get into a fight.”
I groan in exasperation. “No! It’s not about last night. It’s about how closed off you’ve been since school started. I’ve been giving you space so you don’t feel pressured—”
“Pressured to do what?”
I want to strangle this boy. Kiss him. But also strangle him.
“To be seen together.”
“Oh.” But he still looks like he’s not following. “Are we not supposed to be seen together?”
“I… um…” I’m speechless. Because I don’t know if we’re supposed to be seen together or not. I thought that’s what he wanted.
He leans back against the car. “We’re friends. We’ve been friends for most of our lives. Why shouldn’t we be seen together now? What’s changed?”
I stare at him. “Friends?”
The silence is infuriating as I wait for him to expand upon the definition of our friendship. Because friends don’t kiss the way we just did and have been since this summer… whenever anyone’s not around. Which is why I’ve been avoiding being seen together.
My logic needs some re-evaluating.
Jonathan examines me like I’m speaking backward. “What’s going on?”
“I thought we were more than that. You know, since we started kissing and grinding against each other every chance we get.”
Jonathan laughs. “And you want everyone to know? You’re sure?”
“I mean, everyone’s known how I’ve felt about you since sixth grade when I’d turn bright red every time you looked at me. But… if you don’t—”
“That’s what that was about?”
“What did you think it was about?!” I narrow my eyes, examining him like he’s a fascinating and extremely clueless creature. “You really didn’t know?”
“Do you think I would’ve let six years pass before I kissed you if I had?”
My jaw releases, and I’m gaping like I’m gulping air. “You felt the same?”
He releases a heavy sigh. Maybe we’ve both been going about this all wrong. I thought we always understood each other. But apparently, we suck at it.
“Wow,” is the only thing I can say.
“Wow,” he repeats but with a hint of frustration.
“So, can we not be annoyingly awkward around each other anymore?”
“Awkward? I thought I was doing a good job at playing it casual.”
“Are you kidding? I was prepared for you to tell me this was over. That you wanted to go back to being just friends. And… I was kinda freaking out.”
Jonathan grins, dazzling me with his bright smile. “Really? You thought I’d end this?”
“Yes,” I huff in annoyance. “Why couldn’t you make eye contact, ever?”
His smile widens as he steps closer, setting his hand on my knee to uncross my legs.
“Because if I looked at you”—he steps between my legs once again—“I’d want to touch you”—he grips my hips and thrusts me forward so I’m pressed against him.
I let out a small yelp in surprise—“and I thought I wasn’t allowed to, and it was killing me. ”
“Oh,” I barely utter before he’s kissing me again. And this time, I let him—and even reciprocate.
I’ve had a crush on Jonathan Reeves most of my life.
I loved him before I knew what it meant.
I tortured myself all through middle school and most of high school, wanting to be more than just his friend, but never wanting to jeopardize that connection.
Because he’s my best friend, and that came before everything.
Even kissing him. Which is hard to remember right now with his lips attached to mine, and my body tingling and pulsing, and maybe even throbbing a little.
I run my hand up his chest, and he pops away. That’s the sound our lips make when he suddenly disconnects.
A second later, the garage door opens, and Collin’s holding out a smoothie for me and an energy drink for Jonathan.
“Are we still awkward?” He shoots me one of his adorable, innocent but knows-he’s-not grins.
“Very,” I say, glaring at Collin. He could’ve waited, like, two more minutes before entering.
I hop down from the counter now that Jonathan has basically moved to the other side of the garage to give me enough space to do so and check my phone.
“I have to meet Danika. I’ll see you guys later.”
“When?”
The question comes out so quickly with just a hint of need, and it turns me around.
“I mean, are you around tomorrow?”
I smile gently at Jonathan. He really is trying even though he doesn’t need to in front of Collin. If there’s anyone who is absolutely fine with us being together, it’s Collin.
Then I remember what I’m doing tomorrow, and my smile deflates. “My dad is announcing his candidacy tomorrow, so I have to make an appearance at a bunch of events with my family. Sorry.” When I see the light in his eyes dim, I add, “Call me later?”
He nods, not uplifted by this request. We’re not great at talking on the phone.
Collin and I can talk for hours. But calls with Jonathan are filled with more silence than words.
And texting isn’t much better. We do talk.
But it’s usually when we’re not expected to, and all a phone call is, is expected conversation.
Our friendship, and now our relationship, needs room to blossom slowly. Nourished with patience and a heavy dose of acceptance. I know this. I’ve had years to nurture it, hoping we’d flourish. Which is why I haven’t pressured him to make us public.
After this summer, I was the one who suggested keeping what was happening between us a secret. I cannot believe we spent the last six years as friends when we could have been so much more all this time. Anyway, I don’t want to add expectations to be more than we’re ready to be.
The crunch of gravel turns me around just as I reach my car. Jonathan jogs over to me. I look at him curiously. “What did I forget?”
Jonathan wraps his arms around me. “This.” Then his mouth is pressed against mine, and I forget how to breathe. It’s a gentle kiss, but it says everything we didn’t say to each other inside the garage.
We are together.
Jonathan inches away. He hands me my clutch because I forgot it on the counter. “I’ll call you tonight.”
I watch him walk back inside, the clutch dangling in my hand.
I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s what we decided. Didn’t we?