Chapter 10
MEG
Meg couldn’t deny she’d been relieved when she realised Chrissie wasn’t here with her daughter, although seeing Sarah come down the stairs when she’d arrived a couple of days ago had been a real shock.
Sarah had grown into a beautiful young lady, and she looked so much like Chrissie.
She didn’t have Chrissie’s red hair – rather, she had Anthony’s dark hair and olive complexion – but she had her sister’s smile and soft voice.
What she also didn’t have was Chrissie’s hostility, which meant Chrissie probably hadn’t shared the details of their falling out.
Sarah seemed accepting of Meg, but a cloud hovered because once Chrissie knew Sarah was spending time in the same vicinity as Meg all hell would break loose.
Meg had been the one in the wrong all those years ago.
She hadn’t been the sister she should’ve been.
She’d longed to move past it, but every time she’d tried to reach out, Chrissie hadn’t wanted to know.
Meg had sent Christmas cards and birthday cards plus a few letters containing her address and phone number but never heard back from her sister, so after a few years, Meg accepted that Chrissie had been so hurt she just couldn’t forgive her for the things she’d done.
‘You’re bundled up all warm,’ Astrid noted when Meg came out of the kitchen after putting her coffee mug in the dishwasher. ‘Are you off out?’
‘I’m going for a walk.’
Since she’d arrived, she’d mostly hunkered down in the other spare bedroom with her laptop, under the pretence of doing admin for The Cocoa Cupboard. Really, she’d been trawling the job websites, but there wasn’t much going at the moment. Perhaps the New Year would bring something her way.
Astrid reached out to adjust Meg’s coat collar the same way she’d done when Meg was little. ‘You and your walking. You’ve always done it when you need to think. You’re safe today – your dad has checked the weather and the avalanche bulletin.’
‘He’s so diligent.’ He always had been. She supposed that was what came from being a soldier in the army for so many years.
Her mum whispered, ‘Some might say obsessed. But if it keeps us safe…’
‘Quite,’ said Meg with a grin.
She wasn’t surprised when her mum asked, ‘Everything is okay with you, isn’t it, Meg?’
‘Everything is fine, Mum.’ She would tell her about her woes, but not yet.
Ever since those days in London in her early twenties, when she’d been a mess and had called on her parents for help when she ran out of money more than once, she’d never ever wanted to admit to another failure again.
She never wanted to let them down, to disappoint them.
She’d done enough of that to last a lifetime, especially when it came to her relationship with her sister.
When she was twenty, Meg had gone to London to study, but with the bright lights, excitement, and feeling of opportunity she’d got sidetracked.
She’d hit pause on her studies, rented a room in a flat with a mishmash of people and got a part-time job at a café.
She was in the big city, ready for the rest of her life to start, in one place, on her terms.
One of her flatmates, Siobhan, had been the closest to Meg in age, and they’d gone to bars and clubs on a tri-weekly basis. Meg hadn’t seen any downsides. So what if she wasn’t studying yet? She’d get there in the end.
And then Chrissie had come to visit. She was thrilled to have her little sister with her, but from the minute Chrissie arrived at the flat Meg had read the disappointment on her face.
It was as though up until then Meg had floated along and not really seen what was right in front of her.
The flat was grimy, her flatmates – apart from Siobhan – were insular and lazy.
Chrissie had asked when she was going to move somewhere else and start studying, she told her their parents were worried about her, she asked her to come back to Switzerland.
But Meg had dug her heels in. Said this was temporary.
Tried to get her sister to see she needed this break before she knuckled down again.
Then, when Meg had had to work, Chrissie had met Anthony and Meg hated that the highlight of her sister’s weekend had been meeting the man she fell for straight away rather than a good time with her sister.
After Chrissie returned to Switzerland, Meg could better see her failures.
She should’ve studied rather than putting it off, she should’ve set a better example for her sister and then perhaps Chrissie would be doing the same, getting herself a future, rather than preparing to commit to someone whose career her life would have to revolve around for evermore.
Their mum had never said she minded moving about, but Meg hadn’t wanted that life for her or Chrissie.
Siobhan did her best to cheer Meg up after Chrissie left that weekend, which generally involved getting wasted and smoking joints, and it got worse when Chrissie announced her engagement.
Booze and pot were the only things that dulled the reality that she’d let her sister down, that Chrissie was doing something she might well regret.
And then Meg had picked the worst moment to try one final time to convince Chrissie that going through with the wedding was a mistake.
Chrissie stopped talking to her altogether after her wedding day and Meg found solace back in London with Siobhan and a bottle of gin.
She did her best to dull the ache of the divide between her and Chrissie, the shame of her mistake, the grieving for the relationship she’d once had with her sister.
She’d carried on like that for weeks. She was coping, but the night she got back to the flat after a shift at the seedy bar where she’d found more work and saw Siobhan and a stranger dividing up cocaine on the coffee table in the lounge, Meg had gone into her room and pushed a cabinet against the door.
That night she hadn’t slept. She’d stayed awake. What had happened to her life? She should have been studying right now, working towards a future, and instead she’d fallen into this routine that was slowly dragging her under. And she’d lost the one person who mattered the most to her. Chrissie.
Chrissie had been right to be disappointed. Because Meg was disappointed in herself.
She stepped outside the chalet. It had snowed overnight, but once again the snow had been shovelled and the path was gritted.
She’d just turned onto the pavement out front when she spotted Jonathan pulling out of his driveway.
He wound down his window and she walked over. ‘Do you need a ride?’ he asked.
She’d thought he was hot, if not a little brooding, when they’d spied on him from the lounge window the other day, but up close he almost took her breath away.
And his smile suggested he was a lot friendlier than she’d realised.
She’d seen him on and off over the years but never to exchange more than a wave from a distance.
Meg managed to make her mouth work. ‘I’m Meg.’
‘I know who you are. I don’t exactly go around offering rides to strangers.’
‘No, I don’t suppose you do.’
‘So… do you need a ride?’ he asked again.
She grinned. ‘That would defeat the point of my going out for a walk.’
‘Gotcha. Enjoy the walk.’ He raised the window again and went on his way.
She walked down into the town and beyond. On the hills, tree boughs strained under the weight of last night’s snowfall. Some paths were ungroomed, others too icy to follow.
She picked one that was passable with plenty of people venturing in both directions.
It was just so incredibly beautiful here, and liberating. If anything, it felt good to slow down with this visit, not be rushing in and rushing out of town like she usually did.
A couple of young girls ran past her, hand in hand, ski suits on, laughing their heads off as they headed for the town.
It had been years since she and Chrissie had been together like that, full of fun, with a sense of adventure.
The part of her life she’d shared with her sister was gone and she hated that she’d never get it back. Not even a sliver of it.
Being out here in the fresh, crisp air enabled good thinking time.
She thought about Sarah, her sister’s daughter.
She’d done her best to keep her distance, knowing that was what Chrissie would want, but it was difficult at dinnertime.
Last night, in an attempt to avoid any more talk of The Cocoa Cupboard after the chocolates she’d brought over had done the rounds, Meg had claimed she needed an early night.
She hadn’t wanted to go to bed at all. She’d wished she could go back downstairs and join in with conversation again.
She wished she’d been able to get to know Sarah when she still worked at The Cocoa Cupboard, when she could be proud and tell her niece all about it, invite her to see it for herself and try all the chocolate she wanted.
She imagined doing the same for Chrissie too.
But sadly, Chrissie was out of her life, and so was The Cocoa Cupboard.
She had a decent pair of snow boots on for her walk, but she’d forgotten what it felt like to trudge through deep snow.
It took it out of you, like walking through soft sand on a beach.
By the time she’d looped back round to the main street her legs were shaking from the exertion, and she still had the climb up the hilly road to reach the chalet to go.
When Jonathan pulled up alongside her and offered her a ride this time she accepted without hesitation.
She pulled on her seatbelt. ‘You timed it right.’
‘Glad to be of service.’ His gaze floated to the clock. ‘You’ve been out for a while.’