26. THEO
26
THEO
A small clock hangs sadly on the mirrored wall of the bar. I watch the little hand move hurriedly around the numbers to avoid looking at myself in the reflection. It is already 1.30 in the morning, and the four of us are the only people left. Looking around the dimly lit space, I can see Dante hovering over the jukebox, the back of his head shaking as if in an argument with the machine. Anika and Magdalen play pool horribly, but their laughter is sweet against the hushed tunes of Elvis Costello. Dante must have pressed the wrong button. Anika tries to twirl the pool cue like a baton, but it hits the glittering chandelier above them, and they break out in another wave of girlish giggles.
How can Anika just move on from this? How can she separate herself from him so easily, like it wasn’t also her fucking father at dinner? Taking a final sip from my fifth drink, I crush the ice between my teeth. Images of my father’s flustered face feel less intense than they did after the first. Someone squeezes both my shoulders tightly, and I look over to see Dante’s wide grin.
‘Who wants some weed?’ His breath invades the small corner I’ve secluded myself in, wafting the deep smell of cigarettes and stale peanuts in my face.
I scoff, shrugging my shoulders so he stops touching me. It feels insensitive for him to bring up drugs when my father was so fucked up only a few hours ago. But then I think of all the times we’ve gotten high before and know I’m being irrational. It’s weed. Jesus.
I bite down on the ice again. Glancing back at the mirrored clock, I’m scared I won’t see who I think I am, hiding away in this bar just as he probably is in his home office. Weak. Predictable.
‘You in?’ He raises his eyebrows jokingly. My teeth grind into themselves, ice mixed with anger, and I desperately try to remain fun and familiar to Dante. Not wanting to slip.
‘No, bro, I think I’m gonna head home.’
‘You’re a pussy, mate .’ He says the last word mockingly. Giving my shoulders a final push, he stands beside the bar stool I sit on. ‘But I’ll see you tomorrow, right?’
In the darkness, his glowing face reminds me of one of the masks hanging up at the museum, used to scare off demons during intense prayer sessions.
‘Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow, Dante.’
He gives me one last look, and in the dark shadows of the bar I see he’s frowning. There’s a ring of sweat around the glass of my beer, and I trace my finger through it, drawing a sad face in the wood.
‘Daddy issues,’ I try to joke, but the truth hangs in the air between us. Taking a shaky breath, I try to give him an encouraging smile, but the muscles in my jaw are so tight I’m afraid my whole face will break. He nods, not dwelling on it, and whistles loudly so Anika’s head chirps.
‘He coming?’ she yells.
‘No, not tonight.’ Dante glances at me before returning his gaze to Magdalen.
‘We’ll get you one of these days.’ Anika bounces up and down, holding the cue high above her head.
Meanwhile, Magdalen stares at him expectantly. ‘Aren’t you going to ask me if I want any?’ She tilts her head, one hand leaning on the cue for support.
‘No, I actually wasn’t at all.’ Dante stands tall, and I snort with surprise at his sudden protectiveness.
‘Just so you know, Dante, if I wanted to, I could totally smoke it up with you guys. But it just so happens that I’m not in the mood, so I’m not arguing my rights.’
‘Yeah, whatever, Maggie. But even if you were in the mood, you still wouldn’t be allowed.’
Magdalen rolls her eyes and throws up her middle finger. Dante blows her a kiss and looks back at me. ‘You two okay to get home?’ There’s an edge to his voice – a test to see if his earlier suspicions will reveal themselves in how I answer.
‘Take care of Anika.’ Pulling him in, I slap him on the shoulder, a silent understanding that whatever happens, we are both big brothers first.
‘Always, brother.’