51. THEO
51
THEO
My suitcase stands in the corner of my bedroom, packed and ready to go. Magdalen wasn’t here when I got back, every trace of her gone so efficiently I had to check the garden to see if her scarf was still there. I play with the frayed edges and check the clock for the fourth time in the past ten minutes to see if it’s still too early to go and knock on her door again. It was locked the first time. I tapped gently to see if maybe she was still awake, maybe she was changing and wanted to make sure no one was going to barge in – either way, I got no response. I try not to overthink it but between the silent getaway and the locked door, my nerves grow taut.
It’s fine. I jump up from where I am sitting and fumble for a loose cigarette at the bottom of one of Dante’s shopping bags. Everything’s fine . Putting it in my mouth, I yank the handle of my luggage out the door and start to rush downstairs. My body betrays me, though, my luggage abandoned in front of my room as I stand inches away from Magdalen’s bedroom. I press my fingers to the knob, twisting slightly. But it doesn’t budge. The sun is up, Magdalen. You’re always up when the sun is.
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Lucia and Maio leave before everyone else. She nods at me when they get into their car and I think I give a small wave.
‘You have to tell her,’ Lucia had said last night. ‘She’ll be devastated, mortified, and she’ll either start crying or stop talking altogether. But if she finds out another way then it’ll be the end. You’ll never stand a chance.’
Dante comes down next, luggage and a halfway-deflated beach ball under his arm.
‘You ready?’ he asks when he sees our trunk open and my luggage already inside.
‘Are the girls up yet?’
‘Say what you really mean.’ Dante rolls his eyes and throws his belongings inside. ‘I fucking punch you and you still don’t get it?’
‘Jesus Christ, alright. Is Magdalen up?’
Dante slams the trunk closed and points at me accusingly, snickering, ‘Ha! Pussy! My punch made you my literal bitch.’
‘Get that finger out of my face, Dante,’ I growl, and stand up off the car, taking a step towards him.
Dante flinches and slinks to the passenger side of the car. ‘Right, sorry. All in good fun, all in good fun.’
We look at each other over the roof and, though I want to smile, happy to see we’re back to normal, the anxiety of what I have to tell Magdalen weighs my muscles down.
Dante shrugs. ‘Her door was closed when I walked past.’ Seeing I’m not satisfied, he adds, ‘Everything alright between you two?’ And, for the first time, he doesn’t ask critically. Almost, concerned. It feels like I’ve been kicked in the stomach, when the one fucking time I want to tell him everything, I spit out a lie.
‘Yeah, just wanted to say goodbye is all.’
‘Cool.’ He opens the door and shouts from inside, easily accepting my answer, ‘We’ll see them in a few hours, anyway. Let’s go before the traffic.’
‘We have to put gas in the car before we get back,’ I mumble as I get in, starting the engine.