Epilogue-Ben
“Daddy!” As soon as I stepped outside I was greeted by an excited little voice.
I shielded my eyes from the sun as I stepped into the parking lot and looked for the owner of the little voice.
There she was… my daughter. Jumping up and down next to her mother’s SUV while waving frantically.
“Daddy! Over here!” She yelled again. Melanie and Griffin were leaning against the car with easy smiles on their face as they watched our beautiful girl light up.
It had been ten years since I had tasted freedom, ten years since I blew up my entire life, ten years since I was given a hands-on education in what ‘fuck around and find out’ meant.
Yet, the woman whom I’d hurt more than anyone in this world and the man who put her back together were standing here, with my daughter, to celebrate my release.
An early release that I had gotten, in part, due to her and Griffin’s character references.
Both had repeatedly shown up to say that they believed I had been rehabilitated and would be a productive member of society and an active father for my daughter if released.
Between my cooperation during the investigation, time served while waiting for trial, and their actions, the twenty years that I could’ve been sentenced to had been whittled down to ten years.
My heart ached, overwhelmed by the love and gratitude I was feeling.
“I can’t believe you’re here!” I said, as my girl leapt into my arms and squeezed me tightly.
She was about to celebrate her tenth birthday in a couple of months and was growing like a weed.
I almost couldn’t believe it had only been three weeks since our last visitation.
“Did you have a growth spurt?” I scowled down at her as I placed her on her two feet again and measured where her head was coming to on my chest.
She rolled her sassy pre-teen eyes, her beautiful green eyes—her mother’s eyes.
“You ask that every time you see me, Daddy.” She huffed.
“Right, but this time I’m positive that you did.” I replied and crossed my arms. “We had a deal.”
“Daddy, I can’t control if I grow.” She threw her hands up and then turned to her mother, who had an amused smirk on her face. “Do you see what I deal with?”
I gasped. “What YOU deal with? What about me? You’re the one who keeps breaking our deals.”
“Daddy, your deals are ridiculous.” Anna put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot on the pavement. I tried and failed to hide my smile.
“I’ve missed you.” I whispered and pulled her in for another hug.
“I missed you too. Mommy says that we are going on a family vacation.” She tilted her head up to look at me, and I shot a curious look at Melanie.
“We are?”
“Mhmm.” Melanie nodded. “It was a surprise…” she quirked an eyebrow at Anna, who gave a sheepish grin in reply.
“Oops.”
“My fault entirely.” We said at the same time, and Griffin snorted. I swallowed the tiny burst of bitter pride that tried to work its way up. I owed the man more than I could ever repay; the least I could do was get the fuck over myself.
“Hey Griffin, thank you for being here.” I stuck out a hand for a friendly shake.
“Anna has been planning this day for months.” Griffin replied with a sincere smile.
“Daddy, do you want to guess where we are going?” Anna asked.
“Uhm…” I was coming up blank for ideas. I had nowhere to go… all my properties had been seized in the investigation, along with everything but my half of our house and the first million dollars I had earned before greed sank its claws into me.
“Great Grama’s house,” Anna announced with a whoop of joy. My eyes shot to Mel’s, and she nodded.
“Parole approved of the transfer.” She confirmed.
“Transfer?” I hadn’t requested a transfer.
“We will talk more later. First, let’s go get something to eat.” Melanie’s smile lit up her whole face as she looked at our daughter, and I was temporarily stunned by her beauty. Ten years hadn’t aged her even a bit.
In the beginning, she used to supervise my visits with Anna and would spend a few hours twice a month with me in one of the visitation cottages, but by the time Anna was five years old, she had started staying overnight, and Melanie was comfortable leaving her with me one night a month.
Most of the time, I would only see her long enough to witness her hugging our daughter goodbye and wiggle her fingers in a polite wave to me.
Griffin patted me on the back firmly with a warning glint in his eyes and said I could ride in the back with Anna. I felt my ears heat up, embarrassed that he’d caught me ogling my ex-wife.
It turned out that because I had turned witness, the feds thought it would be a good idea if I spent the first year of my release far away from Los Angeles, while they kept an eye on whether my release got any attention.
I doubted it would, I had been a very small fish in the ugly pond I had somehow found myself trapped in.
My only connection was that a couple of my clients had ended up being players of interest to the feds.
All I had given them was access to any investments and records I had regarding the clients in question and the locations and dates that I had met with them.
From that, they were able to pull footage that put them in the area during specific auctions.
Which I guess was beneficial enough to knock a decade off of my sentencing and qualify me for the family reunion program that allowed me to be a part of my daughter’s life.
Other than Melanie and Anna, no one had shown any interest in me while I was incarcerated. None of my old friends or distant relatives had written or visited; it was like I had just disappeared.
Angela had shown up once, the day after my divorce was finalized, to gloat about her role in my demise and then had written to ask for money, a year later, when her sister had finally had enough of her nonsense and kicked her out.
My lawyer had kept tabs on her for a couple of years, and the last time he mentioned her, she was married to the manager of a supermarket, who liked to sleep with the cashiers, while Angela was at home raising his three kids from a previous relationship and had one of her own on the way.
Don said her life finally matched her insides—bleak, ugly, and insignificant.
When the Feds had told Don about their concerns, he had reached out to my ex-wife.
Something that, apparently, they did anytime there was an update, in my case.
I vaguely remembered giving him permission to do so back when I was first sentenced, for Anna’s sake, so I couldn’t actually be mad at him.
Melanie had arranged with her parents for me to stay at Grama Barb's house. She said that it wasn’t getting the love and attention it needed because her parents rarely went to North Dakota anymore, preferring warmer environments as they aged.
When I argued that her Gram wouldn’t want me there, she had scoffed and looked at me like I was a moron.
“Gram loved you.” She insisted.
“Until I hurt you.” I argued, and she rolled her eyes, “that’s where our daughter gets it from…” I commented, and she narrowed her eyes at me as Griffin chuckled loudly.
“Shut it. Both of you.” She warned, “she was disappointed that you hurt me, but obviously she still loved you, because she kept your secret and gave you a chance to come clean on your own.” She waved a dismissive hand, “more importantly, she would be proud of who you’ve become.
This is the man she always wanted to see you be. ”
“You’d be doing our parents a favor.” A deep, terse voice added. I hadn't been expecting anyone else to be here and I felt my stomach clench as I turned to face my former best friend. Kyle had aged well; a decade had given him a few greys but barely any wrinkles.
“Kyle.” I dipped my chin in acknowledgement but kept my eyes on his movements.
“Ben.” He strolled into the room and leaned against the far wall with his arms crossed.
Melanie's best friend, Lily, who had always hated me, swept into the room after him and pointedly ignored me as she squeezed herself in between Griffin and Melanie with a devious little smirk.
Griffin rolled his eyes and groaned as he slid over enough for Lily to fit comfortably.
“Your parents are okay with this?” I asked cautiously.
“It was their idea,” Melanie replied. “Anna loves that house and spends at a few weeks every summer there, so she’ll be comfortable there during any visits.
You’re familiar with the area but its also been long enough where you won’t run into too many people that you know and it’s affordable while you get your feet underneath you. ”
“If you actually maintain the property and do repairs while you’re there, you’ll even be paid for your time.” Kyle grumbled. “Our parents have been hiring a property management company to take care of everything for the last few years, but they haven’t done a great job.”
“I could do that…” I said slowly, “what needs to be done?”
“Nothing crazy.” Melanie assured me, quickly, “structurally and functionally everything is in solid shape. We made sure because the kids love it there. Cosmetically, it could use some work.”
“We would go with you for the first week. To help you get settled and let you spend time with Anna. Then if she wanted to, we’d let her stay for another week.” Griffin looked at Melanie, and she smiled softly. “Our boys would be going for the first week as well, so it would be a full house.”
“Anna talks about her brothers all the time.” I said easily. The pain that used to come when I thought of Melanie having another man's children had faded years ago. My girls were happy and healthy and loved by the man who had picked up the pieces I left behind in the wake of my destruction.
“So, it’s decided.” Lily chimed in for the first time, “family vacation to North Dakota.”
“Family? Including?” I asked slowly, but in my gut, I already knew the answer.
“My wife and daughter will be coming too.” Kyle sneered at me, and I forced a smile on my face.
“You’re married? To each other—that’s great!”
Lily snorted, “If that piss-poor attempt was your version of lying now then you've made me believe in prison reform.”
“Thanks… I think?” I shook my head. This was going to be a long week.
· · ─ ·?· ─ · ·
They had picked a beautiful spot to bury Grama Barb. It was sunny, well maintained, and her headstone was surrounded by her favorite flowers.
Barbara Olsen
Loved beyond measure.
“Hey Barbara, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I’ve been a little…” I sighed and sat down in the grass.
The leaves rustled as a gentle breeze swept through the cemetery. We had been back in town for less than twenty-four hours before I asked Melanie if she could show me where Gram was buried.
She had dropped me off here and told me to call when I was ready to go home.
Home.
A small word with a huge meaning.
A place that I didn’t have anymore.
“What I really want to apologize for is not being here for the funeral.” I admitted quietly. “That has been my second largest regret, after hurting your granddaughter.”
“I got your letters. I read them over and over again. Some days, the early ones, before I messed up—just about killed me to read.” I sucked in a breath and felt my eyes prickle. “I think that's why I kept reading them. I needed to feel that pain."
It had taken years for the prison therapist to get me to admit just how badly losing her respect and love had hurt me.
"I hate that I took your love for granted and that I destroyed the love you had for the little boy I once was. The worst part was knowing that you carried the guilt of my actions to the grave. You didn’t deserve to leave this earth feeling like you'd betrayed your granddaughter.
I hope you know that she forgave you and never stopped loving you.
You weren’t the coward, Gram… I was.
I always thought there would be infinite tomorrows for me to become a better man… to love Mel better. I used to tell her I’d love her more… tomorrow. As if I had been making some kind of vow to be a better man, eventually.
It took destroying the love she had for me to realize I’d been too selfish to truly love anyone.”
I was openly sobbing and brushed away the tears with an angry swipe across my face.
"But I promise i'm going to love my girl more than I love myself, today and every tomorrow. I know I let you down, but I swear that I’m going to be the man you thought I could be…I couldn't be that man for Melanie, but I'm going to be that father for Anna.
That’s our daughter. You’d fucking love her, Gram… she’s… she’s the best parts of Melanie—all her strength without any of the weight from the pain I caused.
God, I hope you’re able to watch from up there. I hope you can see how amazing she is, how amazing they all are…
And I hope that I’m not disappointing you anymore. That I’m on the right track to becoming the man you wanted me to be. I hope when I see you again, I’ll have earned your forgiveness because I’d give anything to feel one of your hugs again.”
Warm arms wrapped around me from behind, and I jumped.
Anna and Melanie had arrived while I was talking, and Anna had wrapped her arms around me when she heard me crying. In the distance, I could see Griffin waiting by the car. Close enough to watch over his girls but far enough away to allow me a shred of dignity.
“She will be waiting to give you that hug—I’m sure of it,” Melanie said softly. There were tears in her eyes, and Anna looked between the two of us, confused.
“Why are you both sad?”
“When I was a little boy, Mommy’s grama was like a grama to me too and I miss her very much.” I explained and tore my eyes away from Melanie’s.
“Oh.” Anna nodded with a solemn expression on her face.
“She loved your Daddy, just like she loved Uncle Kyle and me.” Melanie added, and I squeezed my eyes shut tight, “and a grandmother’s love never goes away—not even when we mess up.”
I knew, without a doubt, that I was going to spend the rest of my life silently loving the woman behind me, the one that I let get away, but I also knew that I was going to be a better father and man because of that loss.
I looked again at the grave where the first person who had believed in me was buried and vowed never to take anything good in my life for granted ever again.
“More than I love myself,” I whispered to the sky and stood back up, ready to follow the beautiful little girl I was lucky enough to call mine into the next chapter of my life.
The End.
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