7. Dane
Chapter 7
Dane
The older Daniel got, the more my time with him seemed to fly. I missed him like crazy when I was deployed, so every second was precious. But when all he wanted to talk about was all the cool things Lennox showed him, it grated on my last nerve.
“Did you know there’s math used in football?” he asked as we ate our tacos. “He shows me the statistics and play books, and all the cool stuff.”
“Uh-huh.” I motioned to his untouched food. “Eat your dinner before it gets cold.”
He picked up his taco and took a bite before starting with the next round of questions.
“Do you think we could go to see him play? He said I could go down on the field!”
No .
“I don’t know, buddy. Football season just ended. Depends on whether I’m deployed at the time.”
Daniel took another bite of his beef and cheese taco and then looked up at me.
“If I ask him, I bet he’d give Mom the tickets. She could take me.”
I stopped chewing and stared into the innocent eyes of my son. He had already been stricken with hero worship for the one person I wish I could forget. But I knew Lennox was easy to like with his dumb smile and easy-going demeanor. He was a big kid himself.
Swallowing, I wiped my mouth, then took a drink of my water. I was curious.
“Why do you like Lennox so much?”
His shoulders lifted once, then dropped. “He’s nice. And he talks to me when no one else does.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
My appetite dissipated, so I put my last taco down on the paper. Did he not have any friends?
“When he comes to the Youth Center, he brings shirts and stuff. Sometimes he brings little toy footballs. But he always comes over to me before he talks to the big kids.”
The asshole was moving in on my kid.
“What do you talk about?” I asked, trying not to lose my shit. It wasn’t Daniel’s fault that Lennox was a charmer.
“School, and if I need help with my homework. He said he’d come to one of my soccer games if it was okay with Mom. I told him she wouldn’t care.”
I continued to eat, not knowing what to say. I gave up feeding the pit of vipers squirming around in my stomach. It was happening all over again.
“Did I do something wrong, Dad?”
I snapped out of the dark thoughts I was having and reached out for my son. “No, buddy. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
He looked up at me with concerned eyes. “I’ll stop talking to him if you want me to.”
My heart sunk at laying my problems with Lennox on my kid. I knew he would never intentionally hurt Daniel, but he was not going to take him the way he took my father.
“No,” I said, pulling him into a hug. “You can talk to him all you want. He’s a good man.”
It killed me to admit that out loud because I’d dined on my resentment and anger for Lennox most of my adult life. As long as he was good to Daniel, I might not kill him.
“Finish your dinner, kiddo, and we’ll go home. I bought you a new book I’m dying to show you.”
Daniel grinned up and me, then went to finish his dinner.
We didn’t talk about Lennox anymore that weekend. It was as if he knew my former friend was a sore subject. Kids were intuitive that way.
We went to the base and I let him sit in my F-18. One day I hoped to take him up in it, but not right now. He was going to make a hell of a pilot when he grew up.
However, when I took him home at the end of the weekend, my other friend was waiting on me with her own questions. I’d hoped she would have forgotten them after forty-eight hours, but no luck.
All I could think about was I hoped she hadn’t slept with him. Camile was bisexual, and Lennox could be hard to resist. Then the horrifying thought set in that he might be there when we arrived.
One thing I wasn’t going to do was compete for my family again.
Thankfully there was no obnoxious Hummer in sight. So I cut the engine and got out to open the back door.
“Grab your bag, buddy,” I said, smiling at him.
He reached over and picked it up. “Got it, Dad.”
I stood and looked at my son for a moment, then picked him up to hug him. Squeezing him tight, I committed the sound of his laughter to memory.
“I love you, buddy,” I whispered to him.
“Love you too.”
My eyes teared, and I knew I had to get myself together. Daniel was the one thing that could bring me to my knees, and I’d fight to the death for him. Still, I hated saying goodbye.
Putting him down, he looked up at me. “I won’t tell anyone you cried.”
I smiled and ruffled his hair. “Better not. But it’s okay for men to cry. It’s a healthy release of endorphins and stress. I make Javy cry all the time.”
He covered his mouth and giggled. “Do you dump him upside down?”
“Every single time.”
We laughed as we walked to the door, but I knew the melancholy was going to set in when I left. While Javy and I were very close, I spent most of my downtime alone. Even though I loved and needed it, I still felt lonely sometimes.
Daniel reached for the doorknob and swung the door open.
“Mom, I’m home!”
He took off, then stopped to look back at me. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye. Okay?”
I smiled. “Never. I promise.”
Satisfied with my response, he headed for his room, passing his mother on the way.
“Give me a hug, you,” she said, grabbing him up.
He popped a big kiss on her cheek before she sat him down. She took his bag of clothes from him before she looked up at me.
“They’re clean,” I said. “Washed and folded yesterday.”
Camile smiled. “Good man.”
I thought I might escape the cross-examination, but I was wrong.
Camile stood in the middle of the floor with her hands on her hips, still dressed in her airline uniform. “Why didn’t you tell me the friend you bitch about was Lennox?”
She wasted no time hitting me with the one question I didn’t want to answer.
“How was your flight? Where did you go again?” I asked, heading toward the sofa.
I knew it was pointless to attempt a diversion. She wouldn’t let me off the hook no matter how much I deflected. Plus she knew I was at my weakest after spending time with our son.
“Long Beach. And it was fine. Now answer my question.”
I released a weighted breath as I sat down on the sofa. Rubbing my eyes, I leaned my head back on the soft cushion. “Why does it matter?”
“Because you miss him. And he misses you.”
My eyes popped open, and I glared at her. “You’re out of your mind. Were the oxygen levels too low on the plane?”
Camille took a seat next to me and hit me with her mom glare. “I don’t understand why you can’t let go of the past. You were kids.”
I turned my head to look at her. “It’s not that simple.”
She sat back on the sofa but didn’t divert her gaze. “Then why don’t you tell me what happened?”
I didn’t want to rehash our ancient history with her. So I went on the attack. “How was your date?” I made date sound like a dirty word.
She raised a brow. “It wasn’t a date. It was dinner. But we did exchange numbers.”
I seethed inside. “Why did you do that? He’ll do nothing but break your heart. And if he hurts Daniel, I won’t be held responsible for what I do to him.”
Camile stared at me for a long moment before she spoke softly. “He’s not going to take your place in Daniel’s life. But all that sounds like experience talking. Is that what he did to you?”
I ran a hand over my face and sat up. “I don’t want to talk about Lennox. I’ve kept him in a nice neat coffin in the back of my mind, and I prefer he stays there.”
“He did, didn’t he?”
I sighed. “Why do you have to push this?”
We stared at one another. Hers was empathetic, while mine was defensive.
“I think you have unresolved feelings for him. Does he know you loved him?”
I swallowed but held her gaze. “I don’t love anyone but you and Daniel.”
Her mouth inched up into a smile. “Liar.”
I scrubbed my hands over my face. She was relentless.
“I don’t know what you want from me. ”
Camile narrowed her eyes at me like I was a complicated formula she needed to figure out.
“I want you to be happy.”
I did too, but I wasn’t sure how to make that happen.