Chapter 4
Flynn
“ M y mom asked him to leave.”
Natalie’s expression conveys the same distress I’m feeling. “Oh my God. I don’t believe it.”
“From the way he sounded, he doesn’t believe it either. He’s coming here.”
“I changed the sheets in the guest room last week after Olivia slept over, and there’re clean towels in the linen closet.”
“Thanks, hon.” I kiss her forehead and leave her to finish the nightly skincare routine that’s one of her few indulgences at the end of long days with four young kids.
Thinking about my beautiful wife helps to keep the panic from overtaking me.
My parents have split.
Hopefully, it’s temporary. But what if it isn’t?
I can’t even go there. After I grab the towels from the linen closet in the hallway, I put them in the bathroom that adjoins the guest room. Then I sit on the bed and compose a text to my sisters.
I can’t believe I’m saying this… But there’s trouble between Mom and Dad.
I give them the highlights—or lowlights—of what happened today and apologize for dropping this on them out of the blue and in a text.
Mom asked him to leave. Dad is on the way over here.
Ellie initiates a four-way FaceTime call.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asks when her face appears on my screen.
“I wish I was.”
“Dad was married to Vivian Stevens? The same Vivian Stevens that Mom hates?”
“How does everyone know that but me?”
“It’s a girl thing,” Annie says when she joins the call. “You wouldn’t understand. I can’t believe this.”
“You guys,” Ellie says, “the party is in two days.”
The party has been ruthlessly planned by my sisters as well as my assistant (and Hayden’s wife) Addie, with some help from me when they allowed my input. It’s out of our hands now. “What the hell do we do about that?”
“Worst case,” Annie says, “they put on the performances of their lifetimes, unless they want everyone speculating about trouble in paradise.”
Aimee joins the call. “ Dad was married to Vivian Stevens and Mom didn’t know that? ”
The high-pitched tone of her voice is wildly out of character. Aimee is the calm one, or so she likes to say.
“I can’t wrap my head around this,” Ellie says tearfully. “Mom must be devastated.”
“I’ll go check on her,” Annie says. “She shouldn’t be alone right now.”
I’m relieved Mom won’t be alone tonight. “That’s a good idea.”
“What’re we going to do ?” Aimee asks. “Like, what in the hell do we do?”
Natalie comes in and sits next to me on the bed. “We give them space to work this out.”
“We don’t have time for space with the party in two days,” Ellie reminds her.
“They’ll be fine at the party,” Natalie says. “They’re accomplished actors.”
“That’s true.” I put my arm around Nat, needing her close to me now more than ever.
Annie’s phone shifts over to her Bluetooth as she pulls out of her driveway and heads for Beverly Hills, wiping away tears that won’t quit. She lives the closest to Mom and Dad and can be there in about fifteen minutes.
“Are you okay to drive?” I ask her.
“I’m fine. Just stunned like the rest of you are.”
“Be careful, Annie,” Aimee says.
“I will.”
“I can’t believe Mom told him to leave,” Ellie says.
“I can,” Annie replies. “Mom sees red when that woman’s name is mentioned. It happened recently when we were at lunch with Kate Remington, and she made a joke about how Vivian hasn’t gotten divorced in a while, which isn’t good for her business. Mom shut that right down.”
“You had lunch with Kate?” Aimee asks tentatively.
The subject of Julian and the Remingtons is a source of pain to Aimee, who once hoped to marry Julian.
“We ran into her when we were shopping,” Annie says. “It was spontaneous, but the point is Mom’s entire disposition changed at the mention of Vivian’s name. Can you imagine what she must be feeling after finding out Dad was once married to her? My God. She has to be out of her mind.”
“How could he have kept such a thing from her for all this time?” Ellie asks.
“Mom loses it at the mention of the woman’s name,” Annie says. “Imagine what it was like back then, not that long after Vivian swooped in and stole Mom’s fiancé, and they had that huge fight on the set of their film. They were big enough by then that everyone must’ve known about it. Dad would’ve been afraid to say the woman’s name around Mom.”
“That’s what he said earlier when he told me,” I tell them. “The nasty exchange between Mom and Vivian on the set of London Town was big news at the time. He knew better than to mention her name to Mom when they met. Anything to do with Vivian set her off and upset her so much that he thought it was best to keep that detail to himself.”
“That’s a big ‘detail’ to hide from your wife for fifty years—that you were married before, and to her mortal enemy,” Ellie says.
“I still can’t believe Mom has a ‘mortal enemy,’” I add. “Before today, I would’ve said she didn’t have an enemy in the world.”
“I only picked up on her hatred of Vivian that day with Kate,” Annie said. “Her name came up, and Mom was totally different. Later, when we were in the car, I asked her about it. She said in her whole life, Vivian is the only person she’s ever truly hated. Then she told me why, and I totally understood why she felt the way she did about her.”
“And today, she found out Dad was once married to her,” Ellie said. “I feel sick.”
Ellie sums up exactly how I feel.
Natalie squeezes my hand in support. This brings back awful memories of the brief time we split after we were first married. It’s the same sense of helplessness and despair, only that was even worse because I thought I might’ve lost the love of my life forever.
“Check in with us after you see Mom, Annie,” Aimee says.
“I will. Almost there.”
“And I’ll let you all know what Dad has to say when he arrives.”
We end the call after promising to keep in close touch.
I lean my head on Natalie’s shoulder. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“It’s surreal to me. I can’t begin to know how awful it must be for you guys.”
“I was just thinking that the sick feeling reminds me too much of the time we were briefly apart.”
“I hope your parents put things back together the same way we did then. True love always wins. I have to believe that.”
“I really hope you’re right.”
Stella
I came home ravenously hungry after barely eating all day, but now the thought of food makes me nauseated. A huge lump has taken up residence in my throat that makes it impossible for me to do anything other than focus on breathing and trying to swallow the bile that has my chest burning.
Or maybe it’s the heartache that burns.
Max, my Max, was married to Vivian Stevens .
For the rest of my life, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to reconcile that sentence with the man, the life, the love I’ve known for fifty-two years. If you’d asked me this morning whether Max had ever lied to me about anything important, I would’ve bet my life the answer was no.
I’d be dead as a doornail, as my father used to say.
It’s unfathomable.
It’s revolting.
It’s… devastating .
The awful feeling reminds me of the time, about twenty years ago, when a young actress accused Max of attacking her on a film set. I’ll never forget the shock and fear of realizing an accusation alone can ruin a sterling reputation and a successful career. The press was relentless in their coverage of the story, and the woman was later discredited when it was proven that Max wasn’t even on the set the day she claimed the attack occurred. She was run out of the business, but it took a long time for us to get past such an upsetting incident.
As bad as that was, however, this is worse in so many ways, because Max, my Max, is the source of my agony.
My phone chimes with a text I’m tempted to ignore, but I glance at it because it gives me something to do besides fume and grieve.
From my friend Kate Remington, ironically one of the top divorce attorneys in LA. I just got a Facebook memory of your 40 th anniversary celebration ten years ago, which means 50 is right around the corner. Happy anniversary to the golden couple (see what I did there with the gold?!). Love you both and hope you’re celebrating with the family!
I break down into deep, heart-wrenching sobs. I’ve been so looking forward to our fiftieth anniversary celebration and the massive party the kids have planned for Saturday, which is two days from now. With hundreds of our closest family and friends invited, including Kate, who must think it’s a surprise, there’s no way to call it off now. That’s what I’d do if I could.
I’ve never been this hurt, angry or bewildered, even after the mess with Vivian and Jonah. That’s nothing compared to finding out Max lied to me for all this time—and yes, a lie of omission is still a lie, even if done for altruistic reasons.
This weekend was supposed to have been an incredible celebration of an iconic, legendary marriage and family. Instead, I’m alone in our special sitting room, sipping a glass of whiskey that’s making me feel sicker than I already do and contending with the unbelievable thing my husband of fifty years dropped on me out of the blue.
Vivian Fucking Stevens.
Of all people.
That he could’ve once loved her enough to marry her makes me want to vomit.
The realization that my Max once had sex with her takes me over the edge and has me running for the toilet to expel the meager contents of my stomach. The whiskey burns badly on the way out. I’m contending with dry heaves when I hear the chime of the security system, alerting me that someone has entered the house.
If Max has come back, hoping I’ll change my mind about wanting him out of the house, he’ll be very disappointed. I wipe my face and brush my teeth to get the foul taste out of my mouth. I’m emerging from the bathroom when I hear Annie calling for me.
“In here.”
I return to my favorite chair and put my feet up on the stool. After a long day of rehearsals, I’m aching and exhausted, but more than anything, I’m heartsick and outraged, which is a tough combination to contend with all at once.
Annie comes in, looking as anxious as I’ve seen her since her son Garrett had meningitis two years ago. That was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to our family.
“Mom,” she says, tearfully. I hate to see my lovely girl upset over something to do with me or her father. She’s tall like her dad, with blonde hair she got from me and blue eyes the same almond shape as Max’s. Her delicate features are tight with anxiety that breaks my heart. Our fearless attorney is rarely ever rattled like she is now.
I move my feet over so she can sit on the footstool. “I guess you’ve heard, then.”
She reaches for my hands. “What can I do?”
My huff of laughter sounds harsh. “Unless you can tell me this is a very bad dream, I’m not sure what anyone can do.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Neither do I. What does one say when one learns that one’s husband has lied to her for more than fifty years? Does Hallmark make a card for that?”
“Daddy loves you,” she says softly. “He loves you so much.”
“What would you do if Hugh told you—out of the blue—that he’d been married before to the one woman in this world you can’t stand?”
“I, um… I don’t know. But I think I’d try to remember… the, ah… the good things. There’s been so much good.”
“Yes, there has,” I say with a sigh. “But it’s now colored by the lie, Annie. How can it not be?”
“He didn’t tell you because he knew it would upset you.”
“That’s no excuse! He knew how I felt about that woman. How could he have kept this from me for all this time? What if I’d heard about it when I was out to lunch or at the salon or anywhere else for the last fifty years? I’ve been juggling a live stick of dynamite that threatened to blow up my whole life for fifty years, and he never did a thing to protect me from that. Not one thing. ”
“I can’t imagine how you must feel.”
“It’s unbelievable. Just beyond comprehension.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you for coming, sweetheart, but I’m all right.” I’ve never lied to the precious face of one of my children the way I am now. “You should be with your family.”
“I want to be here with you.”
“That’s so very kind of you—and your siblings, who I’m sure are awaiting your report with breathless anticipation. But I need some time to myself to process this. I’m sure you understand.”
“I do.”
I tuck a strand of her silky hair behind her ear and stroke her cheek. “I’ll be okay. I promise. Please tell the others not to worry.”
“How can we not worry? You and Dad are everything to us. Surely you must know…”
“We do. And the same goes for all of you. That’ll never change.”
“The party… Should we cancel it?”
“No. Don’t do that. We don’t need that kind of attention. We’ll get through it. Somehow.”
“We wanted you to enjoy it,” she says, tearfully again.
“I’m sorry. That’s going to be difficult in light of… Well, you know.”
“Should we cancel the trip?”
“Absolutely not.”
“But, Mom…”
“You’re going to have to follow my lead on this, okay? Tell the others, too. I don’t want you to cancel anything, but I would like to be alone. Okay?”
She wipes tears from her cheeks. “Sure. Whatever you need.”
I lean forward to hug her. “Thank you again for coming. I really do appreciate you checking on me.”
“I’m so sorry about this, Mom.”
“I am, too. I’m very sorry indeed.”
I’m sure she wants to ask me if I’m going to forgive him at some point, but I don’t have the answer to that. Not now, anyway. I’m thankful the Hollywood Bowl rehearsals are finished until after the first of the year so I can fully wallow in my grief and anger. Maybe if I take some time to myself—on our actual anniversary, of all days—I can be ready to face whatever the kids have planned for us on Saturday.
As public figures, we have to be cognizant of things like subliminal messages. If we cancel our fiftieth-anniversary party for any reason, we’ll be the lead story in Hollywood and beyond. I’d rather go through with the party than be the source of gossip. Even after all this time, that bitch Vivian would probably enjoy hearing there’s trouble in my life.
I won’t give her the satisfaction.