Chapter 15
Max
S tella is exhausted and heads up to bed when we get home. I tell her I’ll be up shortly and go into my office, fire up my laptop and get busy setting up accounts under the name I use when I check into a hotel. That’s a trick celebrities use to keep the paparazzi from finding us when we don’t want to be found. My Edwin Johnson persona has a fake California driver’s license and everything, which makes this process much easier than it would’ve been otherwise.
Within thirty minutes, Edwin has an account at an online vendor and a new box at the Beverly Hills Post Office.
I’m quite pleased with myself until I dive into the actual shopping portion of the program. The vast array of options is mind-boggling. Clearly, the lifestyle has evolved and expanded—greatly—in the years since I last dabbled. At that time, it was exciting, exhilarating and a bit taboo. Now, it’s mortifying.
I’m far too old for this shit.
The thought of actually using these things in bed with Stella makes me feel like I’m having a heart attack.
She says she wants this, but does she really? Does she fully understand what it means to be submissive?
We’re going to have to have that conversation, in addition to several others.
When I was younger, the conversation alone would be enough to get my motor running on all cylinders. As I contemplate “going there” with my lovely wife, I break out in a cold sweat, and any desire I might’ve felt is swept away by a sick feeling.
The worst part is Stella thinking that I’ve ever been unsatisfied with our always-healthy sex life. That’s simply not true. Long after most of our friends settled into seemingly platonic marriages, ours is still romantic and sexy and everything it’s always been.
I mean, we’re not doing it like we did back in the day when we were newly in love and couldn’t get enough of each other. Four kids arriving in quick succession put a damper on our ardor for a time, but we never lost that loving feeling like so many people do as they age.
In fact, two Saturday nights ago, we came home from dinner with friends and had ourselves a private after party that went on until well after midnight. We laughed about that the next day, how we’d stayed up long after our usual bedtime. “We’ve still got it,” I’d said.
She’d agreed. “Damn straight we do.”
Before this condition of hers goes any further, it’s imperative to me that she know, without any shadow of any doubt, that I’ve never wanted anything more than what she and I have had. We’ve had as close to perfect a married life as it’s possible to have, full of love, laughter, intimacy and great sex. We’ve supported each other through all the highs and lows of a lifetime, from losing our parents to missing out on coveted parts to challenges with our kids. Having her in my corner has been as important to me as having her in my bed, and she has to know that.
I order a few basic items and have them sent to my new PO box using expedited next-day shipping, so they’ll arrive in time for the trip.
Then I clear the search history on my laptop, not that anyone but me ever uses it, but one can’t be too careful about these things. I power it down, shut off the lights on the main floor, check to make sure all the doors are locked and head upstairs, hoping Stella is still awake.
In our room, the bedside light is out.
I’m disappointed, but the conversation will keep until the morning. I get ready for bed, brush my teeth and reflect on the beautiful celebration the kids threw for us.
I slide into bed carefully, so I won’t disturb her.
She turns over and curls up to me.
I make her welcome in my arms, as always. “Are you ready to sleep?”
“You know me and sleep these days. It’s a nightly battle.”
“I don’t want to disturb you.”
“It’s fine. Did you take something for the champagne headache?”
“Shit. No. Let me do that so tomorrow’s not a total loss.”
I get up and go into the bathroom to take two ibuprofen and return to bed. “Come back.”
She returns to her spot next to me, her head on my chest and my arm around her. “What’s on your mind?”
“Since you laid out your condition for forgiveness, it’s been bothering me ever since that you might think I’ve found anything lacking in what I’ve had with you. Because I haven’t. I’ve never once thought, after making love with you, gee, I wish that was different or more or anything other than exactly what it’s always been. I need you to know that.”
“Of course I know. I was there, remember? I know how it is between us.”
“After hearing about what came between Vivian and me, you didn’t think that maybe I wanted something more?”
“I mean… It’s a little unsettling that she saw a side of you that I never have, and it’s made me curious, as anyone would be.”
“That side of me was short-lived.”
“Still… It interests me.”
“Do you understand what it means to be submissive to your Dom in bed?”
“I, um, I think so.”
“You’d turn over your pleasure to me and trust me to take care of you.”
“How is that any different from what we already do?”
“It’s different because I may ask you to do things we don’t normally do, all of which would be discussed and agreed to in advance, and you’d have the power to stop everything with a single word.”
“A safe word.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“I’ve read books that featured the lifestyle, so I have some idea of what to expect.”
“What would your safe word be?”
She thinks about that for a second. “Green Room.”
“I love that, but green usually means go in this game.”
“As long as it’s paired with room it works.”
“Fair enough. When you read the books, did the BDSM turn you on?”
“It did. You usually benefited from that.”
“I wish you’d told me what’d fired you up. We might’ve tried this long before now.”
“I would’ve been embarrassed to tell you that.”
“See? That’s the beauty of the lifestyle. We put it all on the table and talk about everything, even things that might normally be embarrassing to discuss with a partner. Especially those things. The free exchange of communication and information helps me understand what really works for you and helps you to know what to expect in a scene.”
“You sound excited to be talking about it.”
“Do I?”
“Yes.”
“I suppose it’s easier to talk about and to be excited about it with the lights off.”
She laughs. “Everything is easier in the dark.” Her hand moves in circles on my chest. “I’ve been proud of the fact that there was nothing we couldn’t talk about, even the difficult stuff.”
“That’s true, and there’s no one I’d rather talk to about anything than you.”
“Same, which is why it should be somewhat easy for us to make the transition to something new and different. We’re already good at the most important part.”
“You’re right.”
“You say that like it’s a new development.”
“Ha! I walked right into that one.”
“Yes, you did.”
I tip her chin up to receive my kiss. “My beautiful wife is almost always right.”
“Almost always… Whatever you say, stud.”
“That’s the spirit. Whatever I say goes.”
“Only in here. I’m in charge everywhere else.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, my darling.”
Flynn
In the morning, I text my manager, Dani, and ask her to go through Vivian Stevens’s management to set up an ASAP meeting. Needs to happen before Christmas, and I’d like it to happen at her house, if possible. Tell her I have something important to discuss with her.
On it , Dani replies minutes later.
Thanks.
The message should make Vivian want to see me right away. I don’t mean to be arrogant, but after the successes we’ve seen at Quantum in recent years, everyone wants to work with us. That reminds me that Hayden mentioned Cammy Smith the other day—and I haven’t thought of it again. I text to ask if he set something up with her.
Marlowe and I are having lunch with her tomorrow. Don’t worry about it. I think it’s just a get-acquainted thing so she’s on our radar for future projects.
Got it.
How are things today?
Okay, I guess. Haven’t talked to them this morning yet, but I’m working another angle to put a stop to the memoir.
Let me know how you make out. Last night was amazing, but none of us will relax until we’re sure there’s no threat to them.
Agreed. Same here. I’m on it.
Then it’s in good hands.
Thanks again to you and Addie for letting us invade your home over the last week.
Our home is your home. You know that.
Likewise, my friend.
With chaos unfolding in the living room, I leave my office to help Natalie get the kids fed and dressed. Until I had four little kids, I wouldn’t have thought either of those things was particularly difficult to accomplish. However, I’ve learned that those two tasks make for a crazy morning.
We get through it with jokes the kids are too young to understand and nonstop banter that makes the wildest part of the day also the most entertaining.
Natalie usually turns Rowan over to me while she focuses on the little ladies, who require much more assistance because they care about what they wear and how their hair is done.
Rowan couldn’t care less as long as the getting-dressed portion of the program is done quickly so he can get back to leaving a path of destruction in his wake. With Cece and Scarlett, we said the terrible twos were wildly overrated. Rowan is proving otherwise. It’s a good thing he’s the cutest little guy ever, or we might have to send him back for a refund, which is another joke we often make.
I grab him before he can get away from me, hoist him onto my shoulder and buzz him through the house. That’s all I have to do to make him happier than a pig in shit. As long as it’s fast and rough, he’s thoroughly entertained.
I’m getting way too old to keep up with a two-year-old with his kind of energy.
Natalie says the kids will keep me young. I’m feeling every one of my forty years these days, but life has never been sweeter. Nat is right when she says it’ll go by in a blur. It already has. How is Cece already almost six ?
Hayden jokes that we had Bennett only because I didn’t want to be outdone in the kid department by him. We thought we were done after Rowan blasted into our lives, until Bennett made fools of us by slipping past the goalie.
Nat says she’s given birth four times, so it’s up to me to make sure there isn’t a fifth time—or else. I have an appointment to discuss the dreaded big V after the trip.
I settle on the sofa with Rowan and put on Paw Patrol , which turns him into a zombie for a few minutes. That’s the only break we get from his nonstop pace, other than when he runs out of gas and collapses right where he is to nap.
My son is a character, to say the least.
Since he’s settled for a minute or two, I take a call from Dani. “Hey.”
“You’re set to meet Vivian at noon tomorrow at her home in Bel Air. I’ll text you the address. Nelson, her longtime manager, said she’s excited to meet you.”
“Great.”
“What’s this about anyway?”
“Nothing I can talk about yet. I’ll let you know if it goes beyond conversation.”
“Do you need someone with you for the meeting?”
She can’t possibly know that’s the last thing I want. “Nope. I can handle this one on my own.”
“Sounds good. Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Will do. Thanks for the quick work.”
“Sure thing. Hope you guys have a Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you and your family.”
“Talk to you in the New Year.”
I text my dad to let him know the meeting is set for tomorrow.
He responds with a thumbs up.
Everyone I talk to this week signs off until after the holidays. Our business mostly grinds to a halt this time of year, which is a welcome break from the often-relentless pace. We emerge from the holidays and go straight into awards season. This year, we’re not in the running for any of the big awards, which is actually a relief as we can sit out the merry-go-round of formal events that come one right after the other for weeks on end.
I was asked to present at the Golden Globes, but I declined since I’d rather be home with my family these days than spend a night rubbing elbows in Hollywood.
Natalie sits next to me on the sofa.
I take Ben from her and give him a nuzzle. He’s so flipping cute and smiley. I’ve been amazed at how my heart has expanded to admit each of our precious babies as they arrived. Just when you think you’ve given away all the love you have to give, you find out there’s more.
“I have a surprise for you,” Nat says.
“What’s that?”
“Candace and Olivia asked if they could babysit for us tonight because they miss the kids.”
“They saw them two days ago.”
“Parents of four young children do not look gift aunties in the mouth.”
I chuckle at the forceful way she says that. “Right. As you were saying…”
“I made us a reservation at the Maybourne.”
I raise a brow. “Did you now?”
“I did. Good surprise?”
“Best surprise ever.”
“Are you up for it with everything that’s going on?”
I take her hand and put it over the proof of how “up for it” I am to spend a night alone with her.
“That’s all it takes?” she asks, laughing.
“That actually happened when you sat next to me.”
“You’re so easy.”
“Only for you.” I lean in to kiss her. “What brought this on?”
“We’ll be surrounded by kids and people over the next couple of weeks. I wanted a minute to ourselves before the madness begins.”
“I have the best wife in the history of wives.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“I definitely think so. I have a meeting with Vivian Stevens at noon in Bel Air tomorrow.”
“I can wait for you at the hotel.”
“What about Mr. Bennett?”
“He’ll have to come with us, but he’s no trouble.”
I kiss the downy softness at the top of his head. “No, he isn’t. Remember how freaked out we were any time we had to leave home with Cece?”
“We were newbies then. We’re old pros now.”
“Where are my little ladies?”
“Playing in their room with the gate up so Rowan can’t get to them.”
“They’re wising up and playing defense. What time are we planning to leave?”
“The girls will be here at four.”
“Have I mentioned today how much I love your sisters?”
“They love you right back.”
Candace and Olivia are regulars at our house, coming and going as if they live there, which is just how we like it. Natalie wants as much time with them as she can get after spending so many years without them in her life.
I’ve enjoyed nurturing Olivia’s career and acting as her chief adviser/big brother/overall protector. She’s carved out a nice niche for herself and is in hot demand. She’d tell you that’s because of her connection to me, but that’s not why. She’s sublimely talented, and her screen presence is magical, the kind of “it” factor that’s either there or isn’t. I expect her to become a big star the minute Valiant is released in March, and I can’t wait to watch it happen.
Our work on the film was delayed first by the pandemic and then by the strikes. When we were finally able to begin production, the actress we’d chosen to play Natalie was unavailable. Hayden suggested we talk to Olivia about the role. While I loved the idea, I wasn’t without reservations. Mostly, I was concerned about reopening old wounds, but Olivia assured me—and Natalie—that she could handle it.
And boy, did she. Her performance was everything I hoped it would be and then some. She delivered a tour de force playing her sister through the worst and best parts of her life. While parts of the story were harrowing to revisit, I’ve never had more fun doing anything than I did re-creating the incredible early days with Natalie, from our first auspicious meeting in the New York City park to the Golden Globes to getting married in Vegas.
Hayden plans to show us the final cut when we’re in Utah. I can’t wait to see it all put together and to show it to Natalie, who’s maintained a bit of distance from the project since she approved the final script. We asked her if she wanted to see it for the first time in private, but she said she’d rather see it with her closest people by her side, so that’s what we’re doing.
Bennett has dozed off in my arms, Rowan is snuggled up to my left side, while Natalie is on my right. I can hear the girls in their room playing make-believe with their toys, and Fluff is snoring like a buzz saw, per usual, on the other end of the sectional sofa.
I could have anything I want, anything in the whole goddamned world, and this, right here… This is all I want or need.