Chapter 3.
‘Christian’
The floor is cold against my feet as I step out of the soft bed. It’s my first time sleeping in one as a human, but I try not to feel sentimental about it as I walk quietly towards the window.
The cold air is powerful against my skin, sending small shivers across the exposed skin of my chest and arms. Humans really aren’t as resistant to the cold as cats…
I can understand a little better now, why they wear so much fabric over their bodies; the moment I reach the window, I feel like some of my nerves might have already shut down.
It’s been four days since the death of the Adler Squad. One since Reuben Taiga came and threatened to whisk me off to a different state… but there’s no way I can possibly pull off being human.
There’s no way I can be Christian Adler.
Yet instead of escaping, I find myself sitting on the windowsill looking out at the night sky, digging up old memories. Insignificant ones, maybe to the Adler Squad, but the only warm ones I have.
I’m on the third floor of Dahlia’s residence by the looks of it. Her land is big compared to the other small lots cut into the city and from this height, I have a clear view of the surrounding yard, the tall black fence… yet the stars are bright out tonight, reminding me of the world I left behind.
My eyes darken when faced with those memories. Of a time long ago when I stumbled onto a human ship, abandoned beneath a red sky. Of the place where I fell in love with humans, through logs and video records and books.
Under that unchanging sky, I longed to be human.
I longed for it so desperately, I fixed the ship and I never looked back at the colony I left behind.
But on dark nights like this one, in my nightmares, I’m back there again, reduced to watching through a screen.
Reduced to being on the outside, never a part of the adventure, and unable to find my place in their stories.
When I woke up from those nightmares, Christian would always be right by my side… but now he’s gone… and there’s no longer a place for me.
Because the adventure is over.
The door behind me opens but I don’t turn to see who it is, I wait until the soft footsteps walk over to me.
“You look like you’re about to make a break for it,” Dahlia swings a slender leg over the ledge and through the window to sit beside me, but I say nothing.
It’s smarter for me to remain quiet, after all, Christian Adler was the first member of the Adler Squad.
One mistake here will be enough for her to realize I’m a fake.
“It was your dream to work for the main family,” Dahlia reminds me and my gaze is pulled from the stars down to the city.
It was their dream.
My dream was to blend in as a human. Have adventures of my own, like the ones I read about in their stories, meet people, make connections… Even though the Adler Squad didn’t know what I was, it was the closest I’d ever gotten to my dream.
Only now, I’m back at the start. Alone again… and even emptier than before.
“It was our dream,” I speak Christian’s words. “What’s the point of going there now?”
What’s the point of finding a new ‘home’, doing this all over again?
“The point is you’ll be taking the team with you.”
My throat tightens. I can feel her gaze burning into the side of my head, but I still force myself to ignore it. I’m not Christian. I’m not even people. How can I possibly take the team?
Who says they even want me to take them anywhere? If they’d known what I was from the start they’d have tried to kill me… right? I mean Max tried to shoot me when I was just a cat.
“I failed them, Dahlia,” the words are sour on my tongue. “I don’t have the right to take them anywhere.”
“… You’re wrong.”
I allow myself a glance but the last thing I expect is to see Dahlia’s smirk, “Do you know why, Christian Adler?” Her eyes no longer show sadness.
I know it must still be there, eating away at her bones, but she’s buried it so deep inside her, that all that’s left is a stony resolve.
“Because you’re the only one left who can. ”
Suddenly, my eyes sting. Her words stir me, in ways they shouldn’t.
“Go to Seattle,” she orders stonily and there’s no room for argument. “Show them what happens when they fuck with you. Learn from this.” She huffs a laugh, “Then they’ll know it was Dahlia Taiga who recruited the best fucking men across the entire family… minus one snake.”
Dahlia, you don’t know what you’re saying.
My lips purse as I turn the idea in my head. I can’t consider this. I don’t have Christian’s skills.
‘You’re the only one left who can.’ Her words trigger the memory of them. Until I hear their voices in my mind. Mitch constantly begging for pizza. Max covertly stealing his slices. Harvey’s boasting about the woman he refused to let us meet.
And Christian and I, curled up in his apartment to binge through every episode of Syndicate.
The memory of them fades. They’re like apparitions, turning their backs on me to disappear somewhere far away.
Dahlia’s right. The Adler Squad would’ve created a legacy. Even if that legacy was stolen, I could still give it to them. If not for the rest of the team… then only for Christian.
I don’t hear when Dahlia leaves, because if I’m going to do this—and really do this again—then I can’t mess up like I did before.
I have to be just as good as Christian was.
1,070 days ago, I gave up on trying to be human.
All those ‘videos’ and records I watched on that massive ship—all the ‘media’ I’d consumed to learn more about people culture—they were wrong.
People don’t sing and dance in the streets.
They aren’t welcoming to strangers and they have too many rules that can’t be taught from a book.
After arriving on this world on a half-functioning aircraft, I made hundreds of rules trying to remember the dos and don’ts of the status quo.
The norms and behaviours people consider normal.
Don’t shift in front of people. Ever.
Always wear clothes.
Don’t talk to strangers without reason.
Remember the dangerous places in the city. Don’t wander there at night.
Don’t get caught stealing.
Don’t loiter on the streets during the day.
Certain clothes will get you into certain places.
It’ll also bar you from others. So be mindful of fashion trends.
By now, the list is exhaustive. After seven months of failing, I gave up on my dream; I shifted into a cat and spent 571 days alone, before Christian reached his hand out to me and brought me home.
If I’m going to imitate Christian and pull it off, I’ll have to use everything I learned over those three different periods: the rules I made the first time, the time I spent observing humans from the sidelines, and the time I spent within the Adler Squad.
The next twenty-four hours then, are a cycle of practice and research.
I find the indoor shooting range early the next morning and go through every gun they have available, acquainting myself with the weight, feel and sound.
Rifles, pistols, firearms. Just those take me about six and a half hours to get used to, from how to dismantle them and put them together, to how to shoot and accurately gauge the distance between myself and my target.
I don’t have time to get to the others, because Dahlia practically drags me out of there after noon to get food into me, which leads to my next stage of research: food.
Luckily, there’s no one coming and going from the kitchen, so I’m able to monopolize the TV and find the food station.
Familiarizing myself with the strange box and the remote that controls it is a task all on its own, but it doesn’t take me more than thirty-five minutes until I’m familiar with it.
I can’t miss anything. I need to be able to do everything Christian could.
The rest of my day is the best part, tucked under a warm blanket in a cold room from afternoon to night while I watch a variety of movies. I make it through two documentaries, three action movies, three mysteries and three additional hours of historical videos before I realize the sun is coming up.
I’m starving again and my eyes are burning. So I decide to steal away into the kitchen for some leftover soup and rest for a few hours, but before I know it, Dahlia’s breaking into my room again because it’s already evening.
I’m out of time… and I’m starving again, what is up with human bodies and food? I never had to eat this much as a cat, but every time I’m hungry it feels like my guts are being turned inside out.
I miss my fur and flexibility too, the rooms in this house are always cold and if I don’t stretch, I always feel stiff.
I’d say my only takeaway from being people is showers.
Hot and cold settings and sweet smells that I get to coat over my skin?
It shouldn’t feel that good. It’s strange how humans want to step outside smelling like strange plants and beans, but it’s the most refreshing part of my day.
A far cry from when Christian tried to bathe me once before.
It was the worst experience I ever had and I still don’t understand why he felt the need to bathe me when cats bathe themselves.
Anyhow, Dahlia breaks into my room to help me pack all of Christian’s things into a small bag with wheels, and that’s how I find his necklace in one of the drawers.
A chain holding a single silver band. I’d never seen Christian wear it before yet still, I can’t stop myself from putting it on.
It’s the only thing I have left of him now and wearing it makes me feel…
like I still have a piece of him with me.
Some of the staff watch me strangely as I leave. Their gazes make me uneasy and Dahlia has to chase them out with sharp words before I understand the reason behind it.
Why would the main family possibly take in someone like me?
My heart grows heavier with the thought, but I ignore it as I step out onto the porch with Dahlia.