Chapter 12. #3
Seven fractures… along his ribs and arms, from attempting to block the slide before it hit. Abdominal trauma. Acute hypothermia. And if he wakes successfully, they’ll need to test for brain damage.
He sounds like a dead man.
The room spins for a moment but Christian is the constant. He doesn’t look like a dead man. There’s colour to his cheeks, more than there was when I’d handed him over at least, and his chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm.
“He’s used to getting hit and making a comeback,” Tobias offers after some moments of silence. “We all are. He’ll just be coming back with stronger bones.”
His words are barely able to clear the sweeping void that has taken over in my head. He’s right. I’ve had fractures before. With rest, they’ll heal up in no time. Same for the hypothermia and abdominal trauma. Rest and healing and he’ll be fine.
I step forward to press the charm into his hand, closing his fingers around it tightly.
He’ll be fine, I repeat to myself. By the time he wakes up this’ll all be blown over.
I remember Father and Mother’s displeasure with Christian and I can’t help but clench my teeth. It’ll be fine. I’ll handle everything. By whatever means necessary.
I find myself waiting, but even as the silence becomes unbearable Tobias makes no move to break it again. I have no choice but to concede, but still I don’t take my eyes off Christian, “Say what you want to say. Before we head out.”
Silence again.
For one moment. Two.
“You could’ve sent me.”
Those… aren’t the words I expected. It baffles me to such an extent that I’m forced to tear my gaze away from Christian and turn to face Tobias, “What?”
“You could have sent me,” Tobias reiterates slowly with narrowed eyes. “To go after Christian. Instead of risking your life. Instead of pointing your gun at me.”
Now that he’s saying it, I do see his point… but my mind was far from that kind of place when I watched Christian fall overboard. “I didn’t think of it at the time,” I admit.
“You weren’t thinking.”
Why is everyone so sure that I was incapable of thought?
“Christian’s going to get more heat now because of you. Because you drew everyone’s attention to him.”
I hate that he’s right. No one’s going to remember Christian as the person who saved our lives.
Only the person I jumped into the water to save.
‘I'll use my life to show you and this team the worth of the Adler Squad.” Christian’s voice in my head is making me fall into the chair by his bedside, mumbling a stream of curses in my mother tongue.
What was I supposed to do? Leave him? Tobias is saying I could’ve sent him, but…
“I don’t expect you to risk your life for him on our first mission,” I repeat my thoughts from earlier, but Tobias dismisses it with a huff and a mocking tone.
“The Reuben I know never holds back on mincing words. Say what you mean.” He steps forward until we’re side by side.
“You didn’t trust us to get him and bring him back.
” When I look up at him, his expression is cold but his energy still burns like that intense blue flame.
“You thought we’d leave him to die at the bottom of the sea. ”
I remain quiet. Trust. That’s what I’d forgotten when faced with Xavier’s words.
‘We’re all responsible for each other.’
The trust I’d preached to Christian to have in me after Aster’s test.
I rub a hand over my face. I want to tell him this is different.
‘It needed to be me.’
‘If I didn’t go after him I would’ve lost my mind.’
‘I knew for sure that I’d bring him back.’
A thousand words on my tongue but all of it still makes Tobias right.
‘Christian isn’t your responsibility… At least not until I know for sure I can trust you to have his back.’ The real words I’d held back from saying to Xavier.
An apology hovers on my tongue, but even in my head they feel empty.
“It doesn’t matter if he’s a princess from the eastern sea.
If you give me the order, I’ll follow. We all will.
That’s how it’s always been.” Tobias’ stare is intense, and I realize it’s my first time seeing this much anger on him, “So next time you lose your shit, you send me, Reuben. If you point a gun at me again, I’m out. ”
It’s true that Tobias listens to me without a second thought. He’s the opposite of Xavier—quiet, calm, unhesitant. He’s been on the team longer than any of the others… and I’ve never seen him get upset the way he is now.
I must have really messed up to make Tobias mad.
“Fine.” I grind the words out. “Next time, I’ll give the order.”
“Cute, but I don’t need your order now.”
I glare but he’s already turned away from me to watch Christian, the anger ebbing away just barely, transforming into something lighter. “He saved my life too… so you don’t have to worry about whether I’ll have his back anymore. He earned mine.”
Zorro descarado… But hearing the promise in his words and seeing the sincerity in his energy, makes the anxiety just a bit more bearable. I may be the leader, but I was wrong. I don’t have to handle everything.
“Thanks, Tobias.” And I mean it.
Tobias dismisses me with a huff. “You think the Don will pull him?”
The thought of Father pulling Christian from the team makes my teeth gnash together, “I’ll fight it if they try.”
“Camille’s grandfather should be happy at least, that Christian contributed to saving his granddaughter,” Tobias offers. “If we ask Camille, I’m sure she can put in a good word for him. Enough to make the Don hesitate.”
I forget sometimes, that my men are as sharp as I am when it comes to making plays. Camille’s grandfather asked Father specifically for a team to protect his granddaughter. We just might be able to use their good relationship in Christian’s favour.
“I wouldn’t have been able to get you and Camille out of the way fast enough like he did,” Tobias admits quietly. “If your father does manage to pull him—”
His expression is grim as he looks back at me.
“It’ll be our loss.”