Chapter 13.
‘Christian’
I hear Reuben before I see him.
“You're being noisy.” His voice feels like it’s a room away from me, but I can still feel the animosity from his words alone as I blink my eyes open.
“If you're going to argue, do it somewhere else,” he growls from outside my door. “My friend is sleeping.”
I vaguely remember saying something similar before passing out. It was a bid to calm him down before he lost his shit and killed the paramedics, but it’s… strangely nice that he’s taking my words so seriously.
I’d woken early this morning, and both the nurse and doctor did their extra tests before telling me I’d be fine, and that it was a miracle I wasn’t crushed to death on impact.
The miracle though, was me. Reinforcing most of my bones before I was hit.
It’s been four days since the incident on the cruise ship and now the sun is setting from my window, cascading hues of blue fading into splashes of orange and gold.
I have to be more than six floors off the ground, because the cars in the distance look small.
From here, I can see the bridge over the river in the distance, which I crossed with Reuben and the team on my first arrival.
It’s all really… pretty. I can’t pull away because I want to ingrain the scene into my memory.
It’s my first time in a hospital. The people—staff—are nice to me, they make sure I have everything I need and notify Reuben the moment I’m awake. He must’ve been busy picking up after the incident, since he’s only come now, at the end of the day.
I tried to leave to see him at first, but the staff also wouldn’t let me. They say my injuries will take about six weeks to heal properly, and that I should rest.
I’m lucky they hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary with my body.
Anyhow, people bodies are really frustrating. I can’t stay six weeks in this place, no matter how pretty it is. I’m not sure if I was able to prove my worth to Reuben this time, since I’m the only one on the team who got injured.
I’ll have to speed up the healing by a few weeks, maybe do some grunt work around the estate since Reuben likely won’t let me go on another mission until all six weeks are up. But this’ll be my chance to improve Christian’s reputation outside of Reuben’s team.
The door opens right when I’ve made up my mind, and I hear Reuben pause in the doorway.
“You’re awake.” His voice sounds strange to my ears. Vulnerable. When I turn to meet his eyes I’m half-surprised that he looks so exhausted.
“The doctors told me you were sleeping.” He’s switched out his grey suit from that night for a black version, notch lapel, double-breasted.
All he needs now is sunglasses to finish the look and save the world from cyberspace invasion, but there’s a tiredness beneath his eyes and a messiness to his updo that drags a frown to my lips.
“You look like you should be the one sleeping.”
“Rest is hard to come by when someone decides to raid a high society event.” When he approaches, his smile is fearless, as though the tiredness I saw a moment ago was just an illusion.
I don’t notice that the sheets are bunched tightly into my fists. “I should be out helping you. Not resting.”
“You were hit by almost three hundred pounds of aluminium entertainment.” He takes the seat by my bed. “We can handle a few days without you.”
That’s what I’m afraid of.
“What about Camille?” I ask. “Lucia?”
“Camille’s shut herself in since Josei’s death,” he says quietly. “She doesn’t come out of her room, and Lucia…” His eyes darken. “You’ll see her soon. She visits you often.”
I have a lot of questions regarding the aftermath, but the moment I open my mouth to ask, Reuben leans over to rest his head on my lap.
My hands are frozen in the air like a fool, and it’s like my spine is locked into place, but his eyes are closed.
I’ve never seen Reuben like this before… I’m not entirely sure where to put my hands.
Should he be doing this? Surely a leader would want to appear strong at all times in front of his subordinates. Though I should be the least to talk, stars, I broke down in tears in front of him already.
My nose wrinkles at the memory, but Reuben doesn’t notice—his face looks strangely relaxed in my lap.
And it’s the first time I’m noticing how long his lashes are.
How soft his features become when he lets down his guard.
How much lighter his hair actually is up close. How it curls everywhere wildly.
The moment feels tangible. Like a single breath might break it.
“Me estás mirando fijamente, estrellito?” His voice tumbles from his lips in a low mumble that tingles my spine.
A familiar waterfall of words I've heard once before. The only good thing out of this is that I’ll have time to learn his language while recovering.
I’d consumed more content in English than I had in any of the others…
and now I can feel myself regretting it.
Was I able to show you a glimpse of it, Reuben? My worth? My usefulness?
Somehow, I can't bring myself to ask, because he looks so peaceful.
I don’t know what possesses me to let my hand fall.
It’s an intrusive thought I can’t suppress as my fingers brush the hair that falls over his face.
It’s his turn to become tense beneath me, and I pause, strangely hoping I haven’t broken this moment between us.
He remains quiet and I know somehow, it’s still preserved.
Know that he’s stopped breathing, just like me.
It somehow gives me courage to thread my fingers through his hair.
More intently. More deeply. Pulling the strands back so I can see his face clearly.
So I can feel how soft it is between my fingers.
Reuben leans into me with a sultry sound that tickles my insides. When he opens his eyes, there’s a fire there that’s threatening to burn me alive… and I’ve never seen this expression before. In any video footage or even on my adventures with Christian.
It’s… breathtaking.
More breathtaking than any view of any city.
I can’t look away from him and he senses that. His body tenses beneath me, as if restraining himself, and when he releases a breath, it’s staggered. Released through slightly parted lips. My gaze falls to them before I can stop it.
I pull my gaze away, back out the window, because now, my thoughts aren’t making much sense. Reuben remains tense beneath me, almost stiffer than stone, but when I gently thread my fingers through his scalp, he finally relaxes—his eyes close again.
I don’t know if this is… normal. Something’s telling me it’s not, but I’m here now mostly because I’ve never known the difference.
He tells me about the diamond and Josei’s intentions. He explains that the piece is one of the rarest in the world, that requires top-tier security and mountains of paperwork just to move from place to place. So when Josei revealed the piece, the crowds knew they weren’t safe.
He told me it’s still missing. That no one knows if someone took it in the chaos, or if the hijackers were successful in the end…
And I don’t know if I should tell him.
I saw everything that unfolded the moment after Josei was shot.
When the guests were stampeding past me for their lives, I saw the moment the diamond disappeared.
And I’m not sure yet, why I keep my mouth shut.
All I know is that I can still see a certain couple dancing under the fireworks on board the ship, behind my eyelids, smiling shyly at each other.
A fragment of time lost forever.
Lucia comes to see me every morning around sunrise.
She wears baggy black pants with more pockets than I can count, black boots and a grey turtleneck which covers up her tattoo and the skin of her wrists.
Her hair remains braided to fall across her chest, but even in the morning light, there’s a soulless look to her eyes.
When she sees that I’m awake she forces herself closer. To move, to smile, to hold my hand. She doesn’t talk about that night, neither of us does, but there are mornings when she doesn’t notice I’m awake, and I see her staring into nothing at all. Like a marionette that was put down for the night.
And when the sunlight streams in and she notices I’m awake, she pulls the strings and performs her act again—her smile, her stories… like the cute dog she saw on the way in and her grandmother’s visit to town.
No mention of Camille. Or Josei.
When she leaves, the air is always heavier. Stifling.
But when she leaves, Xavier and the team come right after and it’s a whirlwind of noise. Of card games and drinks and snacks…
I’m grateful.
Even Gabriel takes part and though I know he’s still an asshole, the usual barbs are nowhere to be heard.
It’s like I’ve actually become a part of the team.
Reuben comes every evening. Mostly to fall asleep on my lap, as if it’s the only place he can possibly get any rest, but I can’t find it in me to push him away.
The second week, Dahlia comes to visit. She smacks me on the head for almost dying so soon, and she tells me about the affairs in Portland. She says looking for new talent is hard but they have a few recruits with limitless potential and it makes my heart lighter.
She gifts me a photo of the Adler Squad.
It can’t be any larger than the size of my palm, but even after she’s left I can’t stop looking at it.
Max, Mitch, Harvey and Christian have arms around each other's necks, all crouched to smile at the camera. Mitch is caught mid-laugh, there’s a glint of amusement in Max’s eyes and Christian’s expression is relaxed.
Happy. They’re all bundled up in heavy scarfs, and snow gathers at their feet and suspends in the air around them.
And right at the corner of the photo, sitting on its back paws and looking at the camera…
Is a small familiar black cat.
This picture was my first Christmas with the Adler Squad.
Everett’s face is torn out in the corner, courtesy of Dahlia, and it’s enough for me… It’s everything.