Chapter 17. #2
“Drugs!” He shouts at me and I have to dig my toes into the floor. “Meds! Something. I remember you.” He points his finger at me with a new realization. A new madness.
“You counted all the shooters in that grocery months ago by the sound of their bullets alone.”
Oh.
Fuck.
I start, “That's crazy—”
“Yes it fucking is!” He cuts me off immediately and the wildness in his eyes is heightening, “But you said there were six of them. Without looking. You watched Gabriel get shot, but you pulled me back—”
“Wait what?” Gabriel growls and there’s a sudden piercing stare drilling into the side of my head.
I can’t say I ever regretted that moment until now.
My mind which was so sharp moments ago, is now pulling full blanks, “Xavier, that's crazy—”
“Don't tell me what I already know!” He's spiralling and I don't know why. The aggression on him as he stalks toward me is enough to convince my instincts there’s an immediate threat, but with all the chaos in my mind, all I can hear is my wild heartbeat in my ears.
I’m frozen to the spot.
Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic—
“Even your fight with Olsen. I knew you were strong but what you did in that ring was impossible.”
I try again, “You said I could beat him—”
“You destroyed him!” Xavier snaps and this time my panic is rising to a full crescendo in my ears.
I messed up.
I step back.
“And now you're telling me—”
He’s too close.
I stagger backwards. My dread is mounting and I can’t control it this time.
I messed up.
I messed up again.
After I just said I wouldn’t.
“You can pick out jackshit from a thousand photos after seeing them only once—”
I have to run.
I messed it up and now I have to run.
Reuben immediately steps between us and my eyes widen.
His body is a wall that breaks the panic. It doesn’t extinguish it immediately, but it’s enough to stop it from rising anymore in my ears.
Even his shadow feels like a cool river sinking into my erratic heartbeat.
I shut my eyes tightly behind him. I have to hang my head to hide my face from the rest of the team. But I can at least use this to try to calm down.
“That's enough.” Reuben’s low voice is a balm on my heart. The sound sinks into my skin and finally it feels like I can fucking breathe—
“Reuben, the things he does are crazy,” Xavier doesn’t stop. “A giant lump of metal slammed into him and not only did he not die he still beat Olsen like that—”
“I said enough!” Reuben’s voice is like a gunshot rocketing through the room, and I can hear when Xavier steps back. Can hear him faltering in the way his breath hitches.
Reuben steps forward and when I open my eyes and raise my head it’s Xavier’s turn to step back. His face is pale.
“I don’t care if it’s drugs. Or meds. Or magic fucking mushrooms.” Reuben steps forward again and Xavier backs up again until his back is hitting one of the tables in the room.
“He’s given us our first solid lead in five years.” I’m sure Reuben’s expression must be terrifying because the hostility has completely deflated from Xavier, who is now completely pale.
“Back off.” Reuben’s voice is a low rumble in the room.
A warning.
It takes a visceral amount of effort not to reach for his sleeve. Not to take shelter behind him and soak in all that cooling energy that’s leaking into my body and bringing me down from my panic attack.
But I can’t look afraid. I can’t back down. I can’t cling to him. I have to somehow de-escalate this. But how? How can I possibly explain the things I can do?
Strangely enough, drugs may be the only way to explain it.
It’s not my greatest option, but—my fingers tighten into fists—
Christian hated drugs. Would he forgive me?
Somehow that feeling is there again. Like I’ve only made everything worse. That I’m ruining the memory of him.
No—my fingers unclench at my sides—I can’t use that. That’s going too far.
“I’m not on anything,” I confess softly before placing my hands into my pockets. “But I’m sorry you think so.”
There’s no evidence to say I am. And there’s no reason to explain it to him.
Denial is my best choice. Even if they think I’m… unnatural.
“If everyone thinks my theory is possible,” I look around the room, “then what does that mean from here?”
“I’ll have Aster dig this guy up,” Reuben answers for me, backing up until he’s by my side again, “but if he really has a backer, the digital trail can’t be trusted.”
I can see the light of an idea forming in his eyes.
“If so, we’ll have to take a closer look ourselves.”
The meeting ends with the team finalizing next steps. Now that we have a possible lead, we need to first make sure it’s not a wild goose chase.
There’s a lot I wanted to say, a lot of additional theories I’d wanted to discuss, like why the killer wears the same clothes each time. If it’s out of compulsion because he has no choice—
Or if it’s his way of taunting the police. Laughing at them. At us. Waiting for us to catch on to him.
But I don’t pitch in again. I don’t have the heart. I speak when spoken to but I have nothing else to contribute for the rest of the meeting.
“If there’s anything else you notice, then let us know.” Gabriel pats me on the shoulder as he leaves, but I only glance at him out of the corner of my eyes before refocusing to the front.
“Sure.”
He and I both know I won’t.
Everyone slips away afterwards, and Xavier doesn’t look at me again, until it’s only Reuben and I standing still in the room.
Reuben’s watching me—again—with folded arms and I’m too tired to deal with him now, so I turn on my heels with a sigh and make my way back to my room. Still, I can feel him, like a shadow at my back.
I open the door to my room, but before I can close it, his hand is there against the door, stopping me.
“Where were you going to go?”
I blink, door handle still in hand, “What?”
“If you’d bolted.” He tries to sound indifferent but there are shadows in his eyes as he steps deeper into the room. Deeper into my space.
“Where were you going to go?”
My lips purse, “I’m not sure.”
It’s the truth. I have nowhere to go after all.
I leave him in the doorway to turn my back on him. It doesn’t look like he’s about to leave, and it’s too late at night for me to try to force him. I open my bedroom window to let the cool air through, but the moment I turn I’m running straight into his chest so suddenly my heart rate spikes.
The scent of him fills my nose, and I scowl as he puts his hand in his pockets.
“Tell me,” he says.
“No.” The words escape my mouth so quickly, I don’t need to think about them.
“I stood up for you, so you can at least tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t know what you’re—”
“Are you on drugs?”
“You know I’m not,” I hiss.
He grins, “Yes. I know that. But I’m having trouble understanding what happened in there.”
“You could leave it alone like everyone else,” I argue.
“And then when I look around you’ve bolted to god knows where,” he snorts. “No. I won’t.”
We both stare at each other for a long while, each of us waiting for the other to back down or give in. A slight wind blows, and my eyes are suddenly drawn to the ribbon in his hair. To the black decoration that, even in this moment, makes him look… gentler.
My gaze softens and I’m the first to look away.
Reuben is the one I have to fool the most. I know that. I told myself I wouldn’t forget it.
But he stepped between Xavier and me when I was about to run away.
He took my side.
“I can hear the hum of your phones in your pockets,” I finally confess in a soft voice. “You have two. One of them died during the meeting.”
Reuben blinks at me, before pulling the phones out. Surely enough, one of them is dead.
“It didn’t vibrate,” I rub my neck, “they were both on silent. Still… I heard them. Electronics give off a sound when they’re on… even if it’s faint, like lights.” I nod towards the one above our heads.
“The meeting room too, I could smell the cleaning product in there. It was four days old... Even the scents on you,” my palms feel sweaty, “isn’t yours. It smells like someone else. Something sweet.”
“I took down the clock on the wall, because even without it, I can count the seconds. Of every day, of every hour, of every moment. Like a ticking in my brain that won’t turn off.”
“I’m not on drugs,” I admit softly. “Or meds. Or anything.” I can feel the panic rising up in me again. “I just don’t want people treating me like—"
Reuben grabs my face, “Basta.” He commands sharply and my panic settles. “You’re making me want to kiss you.” I can’t understand what he’s saying but the shadows in his eyes are darker than before.
“Calm down.” His voice is soft but the heat in his eyes is loud, “How long has this been happening to you?”
I remain quiet.
“Since the Nash Operation?” He asks, but I can’t say he’s wrong. Most humans aren’t able to use the full extent of their senses... Because of what I am, I simply just don’t have the limits that they do.
“Does it get too much for you?” He changes the question.
“No.” I answer honestly, rubbing my neck. “I’m used to it. I just… panic. It’s not… normal.”
And that’s desperately what I’m trying to be.
“You’re thinking like a child.”
Reuben’s words are the last thing I expect. My eyes narrow.
“Hear me out.” He flicks my forehead. “If you’re able to do those things without any strange substances fucking with your head, then yes people are going to look at you like you're crazy.”
A scowl spreads onto my face—
“But it also makes you better than them.”
My pulse stutters.
“You’re better,” he reinforces with such certainty and with a smirk that my heart staggers. “You were better than Tobias and I on the Millenium Star—”
My eyes widen.
“You were better than Olsen. And you just proved you’re better than Xavier.”
“But,” my heart thumps and my throat feels dry, “I keep ruining my chances—”