CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Brawley
My body is still wired; sleep isn’t an option I have right now. After every episode Vero experiences, I take weeks to get back into a good sleeping pattern. Add in what happened to Kayla, plus now the cops are sniffing around, and I find myself still awake at two in the morning.
I have been lying in the dark for a few hours. My body is tired—I can feel the fatigue weighing me down—but my brain won’t shut off. I need to make sure they are both okay, as it’s my job to protect them.
Rolling out of bed, I’m careful not to wake Vero.
He is finally sleeping properly again. Resigning myself to another sleepless night, I creep downstairs and turn on the coffee machine, making myself a cup.
When I’m done, I notice the back porch light is on, but when I go outside to see if Vero just forgot to turn it off, I find Kayla sitting on the top step.
She is wrapped in a blanket and staring out toward the cliff.
I stand in the doorway and just admire her.
I’m struck by how lucky we are that she is here, as I never imagined someone could love Vero the way I do.
Her love may not be as obsessive as mine, but while I may not be able to say the words out loud, she can, and the way she is with him makes me fall for her more every day.
Vero needs a softer touch, too, and as much as I’ve tried, I can’t be everything he needs.
“You should be asleep,” I murmur into the quiet night.
She glances back at me with a half-smile. “So should you.”
I step through the doorway and sit beside her, and she shifts over slightly to make room for me.
“How long have you been out here?” I ask.
“A while,” she says, pulling the blanket tighter around her body. “My brain won’t stop thinking.”
“About what?”
She leans her head against my shoulder. “Just replaying things. The usual after something traumatic happens.”
I nod, knowing the feeling well.
We sit in silence for a while before she turns to face me. “When did you sleep last?”
I shrug—there is no point in lying. Looking out at the cliff, I try to remember the last time I actually slept, and I really can’t remember. “Not since what happened to you, at least.”
“Shit, Brawley, I’m so sorry. Everyone has been so focused on me and Vero that we haven’t made sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie. You don’t need to be strong all the time and deflect.” Her brows furrow.
I hate how she can see right through me. But I have to be strong, especially for Vero when he is building himself back up. And now I have her to worry about as well.
“Talk to me. I know you want to protect me, and though I love that, I’m here for you as well, even if it’s only emotionally.” Her voice is gentle as she tries to persuade me to share.
“When we opened the coffin, I thought you were dead,” I finally say.
She goes still, and I wonder if she can handle this conversation. I decide since I’ve started, I may as well let it all spill out. Maybe it will help me sleep.
“The time it took between when we got the lid up and knowing you were breathing felt longer than it was—seconds felt like hours. My first thoughts were how to tell Vero, whether telling him would finish him or change him. Thinking of a world without you in it was . . .” I have to take a deep breath. “But you were breathing.”
Kayla reaches over and takes my hand, turning it over and staring at my knuckles, which are bruised from punching a tree. It wasn’t my finest moment, but frustration got the better of me.
“I keep thinking,” I say, “that if we were a little later, you would have been gone before we got there. We would have lost you, and when Vero found out, I would have lost him, even if it was just to his mind. That’s the part I keep replaying over and over.”
“Brawley . . .” she whispers.
“I can handle a lot of things, but I can’t replay those few days ever again. Not knowing if you were alive, or where he was.” I make eye contact with her. “I can handle losing almost anything, but not the two of you.”
Her eyes gloss over, but it was never my intention to make her cry. “I know what you and Clay did—I don’t need you to confirm it, but I need you to know that I know. Deep down, I think I should feel a certain way about it, but I don’t. I feel . . .”
She tapers off, and I answer for her. “Relieved.”
“Yes,” she replies quietly.
“I’m glad. I have never once said I was a good person—I know I’m not. And I never want you to be afraid of me. He deserved everything he got. I’m not one to start something, but I will finish it. No one will hurt you on my watch.”
She nods, shifting down a step to sit between my legs and lean her body back against mine. I wrap my arms around her as she snuggles into my warmth.
Clearing my throat, I continue. “When Vero woke up after the first episode I ever saw, he looked at me and apologized. I spent a year after that making sure he never said it again, trying to make sure the situation never got far enough that he came back to a mess.”
“That’s why you hold everything in,” she muses aloud.
“It’s easier if it’s just one of us spiraling.”
“Easier for who?” she throws back at me. “I can see it and have since I first came here. You carry the weight for all of them, even Vesper.” She turns her head slightly so she can look up at me. “You’re allowed to put some of it down.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“You have me now, so let me carry some of it with you. Relationships of any kind are all about give and take. If you are running at twenty percent, tell me and I will function at eighty. You’re not in this alone anymore.”
I rest my chin on the top of her head as I look out at the cliff and the faint line of the water. Kayla shifts, and I whisper, “Don’t go in yet. I just need to hold you a little longer.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I want you to stay here permanently . . . I need you to stay,” I admit.
“Good, because I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
We sit for a while longer, then when she yawns, I help her up and we head inside. I lead her upstairs, bypassing my room, as I refuse to wake Vero up—and right now I need her strength. When we reach her door, I open it and let her walk in first, closing it quietly behind us.
She reaches up and places her hands on either side of my face. “I’ve got you.”
Kayla pushes up on her tiptoes and pulls my face down to meet hers, pressing her lips against mine. The kiss isn’t rushed; she’s showing me she’s here, however I need.
I find the hem of her nightshirt—this one belongs to Clay; he bitches at her for stealing them, but she tells him not to smell so nice.
Pulling back from the kiss, I take a moment to drag the material over her head and drop it to the floor.
Kayla now stands before me in nothing but a tiny thong, and my hands gain a mind of their own, touching her bare skin, smooth beneath my calloused hands, her softness a vast difference to Vero.
I can’t help but touch her everywhere.
Leaning in, I kiss along her jaw and down her collarbone. She whimpers, and I love how I can make her need me as much as I need her.
Twined together, we move slowly, and when we reach her bed, I lay her down. She pulls me with her and watches me with wide eyes as I kiss the corner of her mouth, exhaling with a shudder. As I move over her, she wraps her legs around me, and I reach back to pull my shirt over my head one-handed.
I take my time with her, wanting to enjoy her body and memorize every noise she makes. Almost losing her has made me realize I can’t live without her, but I also still have so much to learn.
I kiss along her throat, and she melts beneath me. Her noises go straight to my chest, yet these feelings are alien to me. My hands slide over her waist, revealing her soft, silky skin beneath my palms. It’s been a long time since I have touched someone like this.
Kayla’s fingers card through my hair, her nails lightly scraping my scalp, and my eyes close for a second because, fuck, I needed this. Not just the sex, but her. Alive, beneath me, feeling her breathe.
I drag my mouth back to hers and deepen the kiss, my weight settling as her legs tighten around me again.
She pulls back. “Are you okay?”
“I just need you close.”
“You have me.”
I kiss her before she can speak again, sliding my hand up over her ribs, needing to feel every inch of her.
She finds the waistband of my sweats, and I laugh when she hooks one side with her toe and drags them down far enough that my cock pops out.
I let her do what she needs as I brush my thumb along the underside of her breast. Kayla arches as I slide my cock into her pussy, needing to be connected to her, and she moans in ecstasy, digging her nails into my shoulders.
I don’t rush, starting slow, needing to touch and kiss her.
“Brawley,” she whines.
I know what she is asking for, but I can’t be that version of myself right now. She kisses me as I slide my hand up the outside of her thigh and around to her ass, pulling her in as close as I can, while I make small thrusts, teasing her, causing her core to clench around me, wanting more.
“I can’t lose you,” I whisper.
She swallows my words with a kiss, knowing she can’t promise me that I won’t.
I fuck her into the mattress, my pace slow and measured while I kiss her. We take our time, and when her legs tremble around me, I pick up the pace. I thrust into her perfect body until she whispers my name against my lips, and I come when her pussy pulsates around me.
Then I slide out of her before I go completely soft and roll behind her, then slide my cock back inside her, needing to stay connected.
“Sleep,” I say, and she doesn’t argue.
She simply pulls my arm around her body tighter, and after a few minutes, I hear her softly snoring.