12. Laney
Banging at my front door sends me rocketing upright in bed.
It’s late, the world dark outside my bedroom window.
I can’t say I’d been sleeping. I’d been dozing at best, my head filled with the promise of the nightmares I knew would come.
Each time I started to drop off, my brain had taken me back to the time down on the beach, Axel’s body pressed heavily on mine, and I lurched to wakefulness again, my heart hammering.
Now that same hammering is coming from my door. I sit up in bed, the covers pulled around my body. I stare in the direction of the noise.
Who’s there?
Instantly, my thoughts jump to Smith and the others.
What if they’d made it out of the wilderness and tracked me down, wanting to finish the job?
It’s not as though I’d have been difficult to find.
Our names and faces have been plastered over every newspaper, magazine, and online article across most of the country over these last few days.
Smith would have been able to find me easily.
“Laney?” A shout. A man’s voice, gruff and deep.
I recognize it instantly and let out a breath, my shoulders dropping. It’s Cade. What’s he doing here?
“Laney, let me in. I know you’re in there. I need to see you.”
He’s shouting loud enough to wake up half the trailer park.
I have images of my mother and her stream of boyfriends, how they’d often fight in the middle of the night, loud enough for everyone to overhear what was being said.
I don’t want to become her. I don’t want people to think I’m the same as her.
The only way I’ll get Cade to stop shouting is by letting him in.
I hop out of bed and hurry to the front door to unlock it.
I have security chains on, too—several of them—and a deadbolt.
I purchased them all after returning to the trailer and installed them myself.
I gave myself a pat on the back for being able to do that on my own, and not needing to ask a man for help.
All the chains and locks mean it takes me some time to undo everything. On the other side of the door, Cade lifts his fist and bangs again.
“Come on, Laney, open up. I only want to talk.”
“Keep it down,” I hiss back at him. “I’m going as fast as I can.”
Maybe I should tell him to get lost, but the truth is I’ve missed him.
I’ve missed all of them. I need this time away from them to heal and grow as a person, but that doesn’t stop me wanting them.
I take some pleasure in Cade being here.
It means he’s missed me, too. He’s been thinking about me as well.
I get the door open and step back to let him in. As well as his huge body, a wave of alcohol fumes enters.
My heart drops. He’s drunk, and I’m not sure what drunk Cade is like. Right now, I’m wary of everyone, even him, and that he’s been drinking doesn’t help to ease my nerves.
“Jesus. Cade,” I say, wrinkling my nose. “Did you bring half the bar with you?”
His eyes widen slightly, his gaze sliding past me, as he takes in my trailer. “Why are you living in this dump?”
“Fuck you, Cade. This is my home, remember? We can’t all have famous brothers who have a shit load of money so we get to live out of five-star hotel rooms.”
He jerks back, lines appearing between his eyebrows in confusion. “What are you talking about? Yes, you do. Darius is your family, too. Besides, we don’t come from money either.”
“Then stop being so fucking judgmental,” I snap. This has gone wrong pretty fucking fast. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I had to see you.”
“Why?”
My question seems to confuse him further. “Because I love you. Because it’s killing me being away from you. My whole head is full of you, Laney. There’s no room for anything else.”
His size dwarfs the inside of my trailer. He’s big and tough, and covered in tattoos, but the pain scrawled across his features makes him look younger.
I sigh and cover my face with my hands. “I can’t do this, Cade. You’ve been drinking, and I’m exhausted.”
He twists his lips and turns his head. “Darius is going to fuck everything up.”
My heart lurches. “What do you mean?”
For one second, the thought that Darius is sleeping with another woman jumps into my head.
He wouldn’t do that, would he? What if he’s been drinking, too?
I bet he’s been surrounded by female attention since we got back.
Why would he stay faithful to me when he has the choice of every other woman in the country?
All those perfect hourglass bodies, with their big tits and butts, when I’m practically a stick, especially since the crash.
I know I should be feeding myself up now we’re back, but, after the initial rush to be able to eat whatever I wanted, I seem to have lost my appetite again.
Nothing is appealing, and the thought of actually grocery shopping and cooking feels like too much effort.
I can’t seem to find it in myself to get out of bed, and instead just lie there, staring at the wall, hour after hour.
“He’s going to do a concert, but he’s not ready.”
I shouldn’t be relieved, but I am.
“Is he okay?”
Cade’s gaze darkens. “You care about him but don’t give a fuck about me.”
“That’s not true, Cade.”
He’s draining me, and I don’t have the strength for this.
“Yes, it is. I can tell by your reaction. You still haven’t forgiven me for what happened back in the forest. But I’ve forgiven you.”
My eyes pop wide. “ You’ve forgiven me ?
I hope you’re fucking joking right now.” I pause and think again.
“No, actually, I don’t, because even joking about that is totally unacceptable.
You don’t have to forgive me because I didn’t do anything wrong.
I was the one who had things done to her, not the person who made it happen. ”
“Don’t twist this, Laney. You know what I’m saying.”
My nostrils flare, and I shake my head. “Get the fuck out. I don’t want to speak to you, especially not when you’re like this.”
He squares his shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re mine, Laney.”
My vision shimmers through unshed tears. Is this how it’s going to be? “Not right now, I’m not.”
“Bullshit. We belong together. You know it as well as I do.”
“No. I told you to leave.” I shove his chest.
He grabs my wrist. “No, and you can’t make me.”
He’s restraining me, taking away my freedom, and it sends me right back to the cabin and those men.
Panic grows in my chest, swelling like a balloon until I’m sure it’s going to suffocate me.
All I know is that I need to be free, and my body goes into pure fight or flight.
With nowhere to go, it chooses fight, and I batter at him with my free hand until he finally releases me.
I throw myself backward, desperate to put space between us.
“Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out!” I scream at him.
It’s all I can do to stop clawing at my hair. My spine curls as I hunch over.
“Laney?” His voice is distant. “Fuck, Laney. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it. How is this ever going to work? Every time I let myself soften toward him, he fucks up again. He’s too damned selfish.
“Get out,” I repeat. “Get out.”
Still, he hesitates. “I can’t. I can’t leave you like this.”
I can’t even look at him.
Finally, he says, “Fuck,” and the trailer door slams in his wake.
The neighbors have probably been wondering if they should call the cops, but it’s not like it’s the first time they’ve heard a fight coming from this trailer.
It would normally be my mom and some random man she’d picked up in a bar, though.
Am I becoming like her? Is that going to be my destiny, to live out my days in this place, getting drunk and high, and picking up violent men?
Tears pour down my cheeks. I can’t even bring myself to get up off the floor.
I have no energy. The tug into darkness is overwhelmingly powerful, and I can’t even bring myself to fight it.
At least there’s peace here—a strange kind of peace, anyway.
I’m so lost inside my own head that I don’t notice the cold floor or how hard it is.
I don’t even think about the fact the trailer door is still unlocked, and that I haven’t put any of the chains on.