23. Laney #2
I stand up too quickly, almost knocking the chair over.
I swing around in an effort to prevent it toppling to the floor, and instead of saving the chair, I catch my coffee with my elbow and send it flying.
Milky coffee and ice splatters everywhere.
Everyone is staring now. Do they know who I am? Do they recognize me?
“Laney?” Stephanie says. “Are you okay? I’m sorry. I—”
I don’t even pause long enough to hear the end of the sentence.
I run out of there, knocking into other tables and people as I go.
I burst into the warm sunshine, gasping for air, but instead of feeling better about being out of the coffee shop and away from Stephanie, I feel even more exposed.
People on the street eye me curiously, and those driving by seem to stare at me from their windows, faces pressed to the glass. Do they know who I am—a liar, a whore?
Needing to hide, I duck down the alley beside the coffee shop.
With a trembling hand, I take out my phone.
I can’t do this alone. I’m trying, but I can’t.
My fingers tremble, but I manage to swipe the screen to call Reed.
He’ll be at the hospital, but it’s not as though Cade is at death’s door, thank God.
Reed answers. “Hey.”
It’s so good to hear his voice, even that one syllable, that tears well and a knot binds my throat.
“I—I—”
I can’t even fully articulate what’s happening.
“Laney, what’s wrong?”
“Please, I need…”
“Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”
I drop a pin in a map on the phone and send it to him. It’s easier than trying to explain. I press my back to the cold concrete wall and sink down onto my haunches. I’m shaking all over, the phone clutched in my hand. What if Stephanie follows me? I don’t think I can handle that.
I’m so pathetic. That poor woman lost her sister, and I ran away from her and hid.
She deserves so much better. Are we doing the right thing by making it harder for them to find the plane?
What if something was wrong with that type of plane and another one goes down, and more people die? Their blood will be on our hands.
I don’t know how much time passes. I zone out, lost in my head, as I seem to be doing so often these days. Sometimes it’s the safest place to be, even though I’m torturing myself there.
Footsteps approach, a heavy thud on the ground, moving at a fast pace. I jerk up, my breath catching, adrenaline flooding my system yet again.
“Laney?”
Reed stands in front of me. He’s real and solid, and I’m so relieved to see him. I put my arms out to him, and he hauls me up and wraps me against his chest.
“Oh, baby-girl, it’s okay. You’re safe.”
Then why don’t I feel safe? I let myself go and sob against him, my shoulders shaking. He doesn’t ask any questions, just lets me get it all out. I’ve forgotten about my fears of people seeing us together, but we’re not doing anything inappropriate. He’s allowed to comfort me.
When my tears finally run dry, he separates us, holding me at arm’s length so he can look into my face. I’m embarrassed now. I must look terrible—puffy and blotchy. At least I wasn’t wearing any mascara, so I don’t have panda eyes to add to hideousness.
“You want to tell me what happened?”
I shake my head. “Not here. Take me home.”
“This way.”
His rental has blacked out windows. I appreciate the small amount of security it brings me to be able to hide inside the vehicle.
“You should come home with me,” he says. “Cade’s been discharged, and Darius will want to see you, too.”
I know I should refuse, that it’s hard being around them right now, but I don’t have the energy in me to fight. “Okay,” I relent.
“Now can you tell me what happened?”
I nod and fill him in on the encounter with the flight attendant’s sister.
“Do you think she found you on purpose?” he asks. “Did it seem like a chance encounter?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think she meant to upset me. I mean, she’s the one who has the right to be upset, doesn’t she? Her sister died, and she can’t even bury her body. I can’t imagine if one of you had died out there, and we couldn’t bring your body home.”
“This isn’t your fault, Laney. We all agreed…”
I press my knuckles to my lips. “I know we did, but was it the right thing to do?”
“The right thing to do?” He considers this for a moment. “Perhaps not the right thing, but it was the only thing. I couldn’t risk those men surviving out there so they could find us again.”
“We don’t know that they’ll die. They have phones. As soon as they get service, they’ll call for help.”
“They have to walk far enough to get that service, and they have no supplies. With any luck, they’ll have tried to follow us and got lost out there. With no shelter and no food, they won’t make it.”
I want to believe that, but I can’t. There’s too much uncertainty. “They’ll have turned back before then. They know the cabin and the area around it. They’ll have followed the river back.”
He takes my hand. “Remember the reason we decided to walk out of there? We knew we wouldn’t survive over winter, and neither will they.
They’ll either have to hike to safety—which as we’ve experienced ourselves, can easily kill you—or they’ll be there over winter, which will also kill them.
Plus, we took their boat. We were only able to get as far as we did because of it.
We’d never have managed to walk that distance. ”
I shake my head. “Smith was meeting someone, a person they planned on doing a deal with. That was the whole reason they were at the cabin.”
“And that person didn’t show up.”
I let out a breath and sit back. How much does he really believe this, or is he just trying to make me feel better?
“We can’t live the rest of our lives in fear,” he adds.
I want to say that it’s easy for him to say, that he wasn’t the one who was assaulted with a weapon and raped, but it feels like a cheap shot.
He suffered—we all did. But he’s also a man.
I’m the one lying awake at night, my heart pounding every time I hear a knock or a scratch, thinking it’ll be them.
We arrive back at the house Reed has on a short-term lease. It’s not home for any of them, and I appreciate that the only reason they’re even staying in the city is because of me. It’s a beautiful property, though, with gated walls and a swimming pool out back.
It makes me painfully aware of how shabby the trailer is. I don’t need to stay there. I have money now. But it’s the only place that feels even marginally like home. I’m like a fox hiding in its den.
We enter the house and Reed calls out, “I’m back. I’ve got Laney with me.”
The two men emerge from what I assume is the living room. Cade’s bruises are turning green and yellow, and his eye is still swollen, but otherwise he looks strong. But then he catches sight of my tearstained face and his expression morphs to a glower.
“What happened?” he demands. “Someone hurt you? Who do I need to kill?”
“No one, Cade. I’m all right.”
“You don’t look all right. I mean it, Laney. If someone’s hurt you, I’ll track them down and I’ll rip their fucking throat out.”
“You’re not allowed to get in any more fights,” I remind him. “Doctor’s orders.”
“It was the flight attendant’s sister,” Reed says. “She bumped into Laney and begged her for more information on where her sister’s body might be. You can’t blame her for being upset.”
Cade’s shoulders drop. I think he was looking for an excuse to go and start a fight. He has to watch himself. I get that he’s angry at the world, but destroying himself won’t help.
“It just shook me up,” I say. “It wasn’t her fault. I’d have done exactly the same in her position.”
Darius places his hand to my cheek. “None of this is your fault either. Don’t ever forget that. You’re allowed to protect yourself.”
I nod and close my eyes briefly, twisting my face to kiss his palm.
They’re all surrounding me again. I’ve never felt loved in the way I do with them. I hope they know how I feel about them, too.