Chapter 22 #2
I gasped, my jaw hanging open as I stared at him. I hadn’t meant to listen to him, but those words…My teeth pierced the skin on my lip as I bit down hard, staring down at Levette.
“You are so indecent!” I scolded, though a part of me was hoping he meant it. His answering grin was all I needed to know.
“Indeed, but it made you excited, did it not?” Levette quipped, running a hand through his hair and making it look messy. I loved it when he did that, the dishevelment suiting him so handsomely.
I rubbed my face, groaning into my hands. “You have already damned me, and now there is no escape.”
Levette laughed before taking me into his mouth and sucking hard, circling his tongue over the tip. I gasped and bucked forward, my hand sliding into his hair as he worked me into a feverish, sweating mess.
You will find your redemption, mon cher. But while you search for it, let me show you how to dance in the dark.
The days following our bond created a difference in us that could only be described as something good and special.
Whereas before I could curl into myself and become lost to the melancholy, Levette was now able to see where my mind was headed and pull me back.
It was frustrating when I was angry with him and wanted to feel that, not be distracted, but it was a healthier balance that I was ultimately thankful for.
We returned to the Tombeau des morts-vivants twice in the following week, each time Levette turning up with a new shirt for me to wear or a pair of pants he thought would fit me perfectly. One evening, it sparked a memory in me, and I found myself quizzing him on something before.
“You had an armoire full of clothes when we first met that you gifted me when I awoke here. Were you dressing me in one of your old companions' clothes?” I snapped, suddenly appalled by the thought.
If this man thought that I was a charity case or needed to be dressed up to remind him of an old flame, I would make him regret the day his blood turned me immortal.
Levette laughed, flopping onto the sofa beside me. “Are you jealous, mon amour?”
I fumed, throwing my book at him. He caught it with ease, flipping it over in his hand to see what I was reading. “JEALOUS? You do not answer the question, but ask if I am fucking jealous? You pompous, arrogant son of a b—”
He grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me into a slow, passionate kiss. The arguments and insults I had on the tip of my tongue died, replaced by the intoxicating taste of him. When he pulled back to allow us to breathe, he had a smug smile on his face that made me infuriated.
“That is an unfair use of your very extensive kissing skills, sir,” I said, leveling an unamused gaze at him.
“They belonged to nobody before you, Warren. I had them made for you.”
“You had them…What? How could you possibly even know my sizes? Why would you do that?”
Levette rolled his eyes, slinging his arm over the sofa behind me. “Because I was trying to woo you, you fool. I had a rough estimation of your height and weight, and I asked the tailor to make them based on his best judgment.”
I gawped at him in disbelief. It made no sense to me. Why would he have clothes made for me? We barely knew each other then.
“I do not understand your methods of flattery. New clothes were going to win my heart?”
“I see where the confusion is,” Levette answered, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
It annoyed me how much I adored having him touch me; I had never expected to love someone so much that I became doting on them and enamored by their closeness.
“You were always going to be mine, as far as I was concerned. The clothes were a gift for whenever that time would be.”
To experience someone telling you that they always planned to make you fall in love with them was beyond baffling.
While it was complimentary in its innocence, and I loved that Levette wanted me from the moment he saw me—just as I had with him—it also created a slight panic in me.
To be loved by Levette was a fierce and dangerous thing, and I worried just how much of our relationship he had planned.
“You planned this?” I questioned, trying to keep my voice even. I did not want to throw accusations at him, but nor did I want to let it go without asking. “Is this how you envisioned it turning out?”
Levette looked shocked, as though he hadn’t expected anything but swooning at his declaration. Perhaps the fault lay with me, and I was overthinking, but I would not have the beginning of our forever together built on lies or deceit. If he could be honest with me, we could move on.
“I planned for you to be mine, for me to win your heart and help you see that you deserve love,” he said, taking my hand in his.
“I will not lie—I pictured an immortal life with you, yes, but that was a fantasy I did not know would ever become true. A dream. But I wanted your love and your friendship; that was my plan and the rest just…happened.”
I winced and looked away, pulling my hand from his. “It did not just happen, Levy. My life imploded in a matter of hours, and you were at the helm steering me into it.”
“Merde!” Levette grumbled, waving his hand in the air. “Do you condemn your bastard brother for his part in it as much as you condemn me?”
“You can be the biggest asshole sometimes, Levette,” I snapped, getting to my feet to put some distance between us. “That was cruel.”
Levy stood, too, blocking my path with his hand on my chest. “Was it? Or was it an uncomfortable truth? You blame me and I understand, I deserve and accept it, but not once have you mentioned Robert and how he was the cause! I can handle you hating me for my part, but I cannot handle you hating me because you lay all of the blame at my feet. That is cruel, Warren.”
He had a point, I knew, but the anger I had been trying so hard to keep contained was slowly surfacing.
Becoming a vampire had heightened everything and being controlled used almost all of my concentration at every waking moment.
When Levette goaded, he threatened to undo everything I was working for. It was maddening.
To think of Robert meant coming to terms with what he had done to me and what he was still planning to do.
It also meant thinking of what Levette had done to him.
It was a minefield of emotions that I knew would topple me in my new state; how could I control myself when I willingly thought of things I knew would make me break?
“You are being impossible,” Levette said, taking a step back and letting his hand drop. “Why must you make me the villain in your story when you also want me to be the hero? I am neither, and I do not know how to be what you want.”
“I don’t know, either,” I said, throwing my hands up.
“I love you, Levette, but you act as though I should find you blameless. As though the trauma I endured was nothing, something I should have gotten over by now. It feels as though it was only yesterday, hours ago even. But I should have recovered by now, right?”
Levette growled, punching the wall in anger. The wallpaper tore as the wall beneath cracked, a hole forming where his fist had been.
“I do not need you to be over it, but I need you to be honest about the entirety of what happened!” he yelled, storming out of the room. “Et bordel de merde, stop telling me you love me as a balm for whenever you want to treat me like the monster who destroyed you. I did what I did to save you.”
I love you, mon c?ur, but your love for me is sharpened like a blade. I will bleed out before your hatred wanes.
His words in my head were all I heard before the door to the apartment slammed closed and he stormed into the night.
I wanted to chase after him, to apologize, but his words had struck a chord in me, and I could not beg him to return home when he was right.
I was wounding him because I would not allow myself to forgive; I would not allow myself to grieve.
Levette was trying to show me the love I deserved, but in turn, I was reminding him of the love he had been shown throughout his immortal life.
He had been told he was a monster, irredeemable, and I was reinforcing that every time I told him I loved him but refused to accept the good he had done for me, the things he had done to protect and save me.
I am sorry, Levy. I will try to be better. Please, do not give up on me. I will not let you bleed out, I called to him, hoping he would listen and return home.
Silence was all that was returned to me, and I hated it.
I tried to focus on him, his thoughts, but a wall stood between me and his beautiful mind.
Was he blocking me? Levette had said we would have to learn how to do that together, but it had not occurred to me that it was a skill Levette already possessed.
He may not have formed a vampiric bond with anyone before, yet I had a suspicion that Levette was masterfully skilled in keeping himself, his heart, and his head blocked in.
He was a fortress, as his namesake suggested.