Chapter 24 #2
I opened the door to his bedroom, staring at the large bed that he had recovered in.
For hours after I brought him home and fed him my blood that first time, when he had been left to die on the streets like he meant nothing, I would sit beside him and watch him breathe.
I was fascinated with the way his chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern, how his pretty mouth would open and shut on tiny inhales.
His long, pale lashes would flutter sometimes and I would lean closer, watching intently and waiting for him to wake.
I hated seeing him like that, so weakened and hurt, but I cherished the time where I got to care for him.
Closing the door, I made my way into the living room and took a seat on the sofa; the exact same place I had been sitting when he fought for the last time.
Memories of his anger flashed in my mind, how his eyes had blazed as he yelled at me.
I should have burned that blasted book the second I had brought him home, but how could I?
It was a copy of my dark deeds, a record of the sins I needed to atone for.
I closed my eyes and buried my head in my hands.
My shoulders dropped in defeat as I heard my own voice and the way I had volleyed arguments back at him.
I should not have left that night. Perhaps if I had stayed, things would have been different.
Before Warren, I had never had anyone to love or fight with; I did not know how to handle things adequately or communicate properly.
Healthy relationships were not exactly my forte.
He had been hurt and angry, and I had allowed him to sit in that, for his loneliness to creep in just as his anger fueled it.
A human may have been able to handle a silly argument with their beloved, but a vampire’s senses were always heightened, just sitting at the breaking point of control.
Leaving him alone and ignoring him had sent him into a spiral that I could not pull him back from.
And so he had tried to…
Tears burned in my eyes as the pain of his anguish resurfaced within me.
It was a broken, tortured pain, and I had helped to feed that in him.
I had loved him, but it was not enough. Because as much as I loved him, I had also made him feel as though he was destined for ruin.
I had aimed to help him love himself, prove to him that God had not abandoned him because he was in love with a man, yet I had done the opposite, making him feel like he had nobody in Heaven or on Earth.
To Warren, I had damned him in life and in death.
I made my way into the bedroom we shared, the tears I had kept at bay now falling freely as I looked at our bed.
The maid was told that she was only allowed to clean the dust from that room, shake out the sheets and remake it as it once was.
No matter how much time passed, I refused to entertain the idea of washing his scent away.
His laughter still sounded in my ears like a soft echo, reminding me of the brief happiness I had given him. His moans, too, the way he breathlessly called my name as I drove him to the edge of pleasure over and over again. And oh, his voice was like a whisper behind me everywhere I looked.
Come home to me, mon amour. It has been long enough.
Though I knew he would not answer, I could not resist trying one last time. Maybe he would hear the desperation in my voice and feel the way my heart physically ached for him. Would my punishment ever be enough?
I crawled onto the bed, kicking my boots off, and burrowed beneath the sheets, engulfing myself in his scent. Even as I cried onto his pillow, I held a tiny ounce of hope that he would return home.
The bed beside me shifted, and I hesitated to open my eyes for fear of being disappointed. Had my wishes finally come true, my prayers finally been answered?
A soft hand traced over my cheek, a featherlight touch.
I hummed and turned my face into it. How long had it been since I felt him beside me, his skin touching mine?
Oh, I had missed it more than words could describe.
I would find a way, however, so that I could tell him; he had to know how much I had missed him.
I kept my eyes closed as he pressed his lips to mine, again the touch so light that it barely felt real. Was I hallucinating? It was a possibility. If I was, I wanted it to continue. I would take even a dream version of him over not seeing him at all.
As I kissed him back, a sense of unease filled me. His touch was not like the one I knew. He did not taste hypnotic and alluring. No, everything about the kiss was wrong.
I opened my eyes and gasped, pulling away immediately. A low, threatening growl erupted from me. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”
The young man tilted his head in confusion, the sting of rejection on his face. “I just wanted to show you that I could be enough. I could be him.”
“You idiotic boy!” I roared, my lip curling as I looked at him. It was only when I saw what he was wearing that my control snapped and a furious haze clouded my vision. “What are you wearing? Where did you get that?”
He looked down at himself, smiling as though he were proud. “Do you like it? I got it from his closet. I thought the red suited me.”
I launched myself over the bed, taking him with me onto the floor. I pinned him by his neck, quickly trying to remove the silk shirt from him before I ruined it.
“Oh, yes, Levette!” he moaned. As though he thought I was seducing him!
“Shut up!” I yelled, hitting him against the ground. I successfully removed the shirt, throwing it onto the bed, before I turned my attention back to the idiot in my grip. “How dare you! That was not yours to wear.”
His lip quivered as he looked up at me, trying to hit my hand away from his neck. “I thought if I showed you that I could be him…I could be better. I love you more than he ever did!”
I laughed coldly, throwing my head back.
“For being an adult determined to live a life of luxury, you have the brain of a child. You know nothing of love, boy. A decade has passed, and I still feel him in here,” I said, hitting my hand on my heart.
“I will always carry him with me and nobody—especially not a spoiled wretch like you—will ever come close to him. I would rather live out the rest of my days in solitude than have a cheap copy of him.”
“He is an idiot! He left you, Levette! Do you not see the way he left you broken and alone? How can you love him? I think he is the fool!”
My rage blinded me and I let my control slip completely. My grip on his neck tightened as I lifted him up just enough to smack his head into the floor. Again, and again, and again. Harder each time until I heard the crunch of his skull as his pulse finally gave out. Even then, it was not enough.
He had thought he could compare himself to Warren?
I ripped into his flesh with my teeth, tearing him apart until his torso was covered in bloody bites and scratches. His blood filled my mouth, but I spat it out beside him, refusing to have any part of him touch me again. He had caused his own death with his stupidity.
There will never be another you, Warren.
There was an urge to send him a mental image of the boy’s corpse alongside my message, but I held onto that bit of control. Instead, I climbed back onto the bed and pulled Warren’s shirt to me, honing in on his scent and ignoring the boy’s.
Even when the smell of death filled the room, all I could focus on was my missing love.