Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Warren
We left the bayou just before sun-up after dumping the bodies in the murky water.
I should have felt something like remorse as I looked at their corpses, but I was still in the haze that Levette always created.
Whenever we were together, nothing else mattered to me.
It was something I hated about myself, especially because I did little to prevent it happening each time.
I wanted to be swept away by the darkness he called within me.
Back before I met Lena and came to accept who I was, I would have thought myself no better than the alligators that tore into the witches’ bodies as if they were no more than appetizers.
What saddened me was the knowledge that it was not a deliberate action on his part.
Levette was twisted and could be cruel, but he actively tried to be the opposite with me.
Which meant it was something that I caused in him, a part of loving me that triggered the darker parts of him, too.
We were a mess together, and desolate without one another.
After agreeing to meet the following evening, I made my way back to Lena’s residence just in time for the sun to rise.
I tried my best to creep through the house, barely making it to the lounge before Lena popped up behind me, speaking into my ear. “Where have you been?”
Smacking at her arm, I groaned and flopped into one of the armchairs. “Reminiscing.”
Lena swished the skirts of her gown and sat down opposite me, hanging her legs off the armrest. Her long, blonde hair hung loosely around her shoulders; it made her look relaxed, which was not something normally associated with Magdalena Vulpe.
“I see. Did you have fun visiting your old haunts?” she asked, examining her nails like she was trying to look bored. It was a futile act; I could practically feel her buzzing with intrigue.
“Ask what you really want to ask—”
“Did you see him?” she questioned without hesitation.
“Yes.”
Lena sat upright, her eyes narrowing. “Interesting…You do not look broken.”
“It was not unpleasant,” I replied, busying myself with stocking the fire so she could not see the smile on my face. “We talked.”
“Did he beg for your forgiveness?”
I stabbed at the coals with the iron poker, my mind flashing with images of the night. Soft kisses, rough touches, and so, so much blood. It made me ache for more.
“Indeed.”
“Look at me,” Lena commanded. While she was not my sire, I was part of her coven, and I chose not to ever disrespect her by ignoring an order when she gave it. She rolled her eyes when I turned around to look at her. “You fucked him.”
“I—uh…”
“Do not try to fool me, Warren. You let him in. Again!”
I winced at the anger in her voice, something that was usually reserved for everyone but me. It hurt me to know I had made her angry, but part of me was furious in return.
I got to my feet, dropping the poker next to me. “I am more than capable of making my own decisions! He and I hurt each other; I am not faultless in our messy history.”
Lena stepped up to me, her short height doing nothing to make her less scary.
Lena was a powerhouse, the very epitome of female rage.
I ordinarily loved it, though now it made me uneasy when it was directed at me.
The power poured from her, and it was like I could feel it pulsing around me, could almost smell it in the air.
It made me want to lower my eyes, an unseen hand forcing my compliance, but I refused, keeping my gaze leveled with hers.
“You are being stupid, my little vampire. Reckless decisions lead to empty lives.” She leaned in, sniffing me with a curled lip. “I can smell him in your pores. He’s part of you again. And blood…You fed a lot tonight.”
“And if I did?” I questioned indignantly, my skin crawling with her critique. I knew she was right—I never doubted Lena, even when she was pissing me off—but I still did not appreciate it.
Growling in warning, Lena stepped away from me, running her fingers through her hair.
I could feel the anger radiating from her, the restraint she was holding onto to stop herself from exploding on me.
I would come to appreciate that in later years, and thank her for it many times over, but it only irritated me in the moment—her indignation towards me, as though she had never been in love or suffered for it.
“You are maddening, and I can barely stand it,” Lena spat, throwing a glass against the wall. “So indifferent about something that could ruin everything I have worked so hard to build. Tell me, how many did you kill? Were they, at the very least, people who would not be missed?”
I cringed at her questions. In all our years as friends, I had chosen not to lie to her. Lena had respected me and saved me, and I would not wound her with falsehoods.
“Answer me!”
“Lena, I am not one of your underlings! You don’t rule over me like them,” I snapped, turning my back on her.
“You chose to be in my coven, and while I have always afforded you the luxury of freedom and respect of an equal, do not be disillusioned by my friendship! Now answer my bloody questions!”
My body was vibrating with emotion—frustration at Lena for caring so deeply, anger at myself for making decisions that would ultimately hurt us both. I could not face her again, could not answer without admitting my shameful deeds aloud.
I started to walk away from her, determined to choose silence and avoidance over hurting us both, but Lena would not have it.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me back, pinning me against the wall.
While she appeared small and slight in stature, Lena was one of the oldest vampires I knew, and therefore, her strength was unmatched.
Struggling against her, I tried to kick her off me, but she pushed harder against my chest. “Get off of me! Lena, stop!”
Lena hissed, baring her fangs at me. Her eyes turned dark as she channeled the monster within. “I told you to answer me. I gave you the option.”
I roared as she began to rifle through my brain, sweeping her way through my memories.
It was a deeply uncomfortable sensation, as if a ghost were invading every memory I had.
Hitting out at her, I tried to get her to stop, but Lena ignored me, filtering through until she found what she was looking for.
When she was done, Lena released her grip on me and stepped away. She turned her back to me as I fixed my shirt, regaining my breath.
“How could you?” I asked, my voice weak. It felt like a betrayal, a line I never thought she would cross.
I stared at her back, panting, waiting for an answer.
What I did not expect was the suffering on her face as she spun around, her hand connecting with my cheek in a slap that sent shockwaves through my body.
Gripping my cheek, I stared in disbelief as tears rolled down her pale cheeks, marring her perfect skin.
It stabbed me in the heart knowing that the first time I had seen my best friend cry was through my own fault.
“How could I?” Lena questioned, so quietly and softly that it made me register just how much I had hurt her. “How could you?”
I shook my head in confusion. “Lena, I know that I should not have—”
Lena held up her hand, cutting me off mid-sentence. She sank to the floor, her skirts circling her like a protective barrier, a line I knew not to disturb.
“Please, stop talking. I cannot bear to hear your excuses. I do not know who you are right now, and that troubles me.”
I reached my hand out to her. She recoiled from me in a way that broke my heart in ways that Levette never could.
Lena had been the one to pick up the pieces of my life when I had wanted to die, and taught me how to endure when I could not feel anything else.
To see her so grieved by me, so outwardly wounded, was something I could not forgive myself for.
“I am still me, Lena.”
She shook her head. “My beloved friend is still in there, but that is not who you are right now. You killed witches, Warren.”
“Since when were you so fond of them?” I asked, though this time I made sure to be gentle in my approach. I wanted her to know the anger I felt had left me; that I cared about her more than defending myself.
“Whether I like it or not, those people are a part of me, Warren. Their story is mine, their past is my past. Not only did you kill them, but you broke my coven rules. You killed other paranormals for fun, draining them entirely instead of feeding for sustenance. You neglected the very clear boundaries I have set to make sure we are not outed and hunted by the humans. You disregarded all of that—disrespected me—for him. For the person who broke you.”
Her words pierced through the veil of twistedness I was wrapped in. After working on control for so long, heeding all her warnings for a decade, I had let it all go in one evening. I had become, to my own detriment, the weakest version of myself. I had allowed the monster in me to win out.
“Lena…”
“It is fine.” She got to her feet, dusting her skirts off and wiping her face with her palms. As she did so, she straightened her back and became every bit of the coven leader, the warrior, I knew.
All hint of emotion was gone, no sign of hurt or sadness on her face.
“I understand the price of love, Warren. I know how it changes us. But when you are with Levette Fortier, you become someone unrecognizable.”
Her words were like lacerations across my skin. The more she spoke the truth, the more I bled out before her.
Stretching out her hand for me, she helped me to my feet. I was surprised when she did not let it go, instead squeezing my palm in hers.
“You are my best friend, and I do not want that to change. Should you choose to stay here and be with him, I will understand, and I will not judge you for it. However, if you do choose that, you will no longer be a member of my coven.”
I reared back as though she had hit me again, pulling my hand from hers. “You would cast me aside?”
Lena’s brows furrowed as she looked at me.
“Of course not, you dimwitted fool. You will always be my friend, and I do not wish for you to leave. However, I have many people looking to me for leadership, and the respect I have spent decades earning will likely be ruined in an instant if I allow you to remain one foot in the coven, one foot in New Orleans. You cannot be part of my family while breaking all the rules that keep us safe.”
She closed the distance between us and put her hands on my shoulders.
“What you did tonight may have ruined what the Authority sent me here to do. I am a woman, one with more power than anyone gives me credit for, and that is not something other vampires appreciate. To mess up any business given to me after spending so long gaining the power I have, it would be detrimental. I cannot allow you to do that to me, no matter how much I care for you.” She leaned on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek.
“I will understand your decision, no matter what you choose. But know that when the sun sets this evening, I will be leaving the city, whether you come with me or not. Please make your decision carefully.”
I waited until she had left the room, the door clicking shut behind her, before I collapsed into the sofa. Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed quietly as the reality of my night set in.
In just one evening, I had reverted back to the fledgling vampire who could not control himself or the excitement of being a vampire.
I allowed my love for Levette to cloud my judgment and my anger at him to be misdirected at others.
Instead of talking things out properly, taking the time to make it known how I felt and how much I had struggled over our time apart, I lunged headfirst into the chaos Levette thrived in.
Worst of all, I would do it all over again.
When I thought of our shared kisses, the unfiltered smile on his face, or the way he lit up when he told me he loved me…
I became undone completely. Since the moment I first met Levette, he’d had a way of making the entire world around us disappear.
Everything else was just noise, something for us to use to benefit ourselves.
It was wrong, and even when I knew it, I found it easy to disregard it around him.
But Lena, as always, was right. Levette brought out a darkness in me that I struggled to contain. The beast roaring in my veins burst free whenever Levy looked at me. For ten years, I had practiced control and self-restraint, only to become a monster in an evening.
I thought of Father Smythe and the hopefulness on his face that I would live a happy life.
With Levette, I could be happy, but it would be like a drug fiend’s high—dangerous and something I would always have to chase.
And whenever the happy high began to wane, I knew I would fall into the spiral I tried so hard to avoid; damnation would chase at my heels.
Being part of Lena’s coven had saved me.
She had taught me control, how to be a vampire without letting the demon win.
Most of all, she had taught me that I did not have to be a version of myself that I hated.
I could accept my fate and still pray that Christ knew my name.
I had lived that way for a decade, and the thought and realization surprised me: I’d had moments of bright happiness during that time.
I loved Levette, but loving him made me lose myself. It made me lose sight of my faith and who I was, what I was trying so hard to be.
Lena could be ruthless in business, but she was a good leader, and her coven had become my family.
I traveled everywhere with her, my twisted companion.
But by coming back here and allowing Levette into my heart, I had wounded her.
I had disrespected her by rejecting the strict rules she set in place for her family, and I had hurt her by killing people she considered kin.
When Levette had broken me, Lena had healed me. She was my best friend and the only being I fully relied on. I could not forget all she had done for me and waste it away on a love that would corrupt all parties involved.
I could not stop the tears from flowing as the pain of my decision settled.
Lena would leave New Orleans when the sun set, and I would join her.