Chapter 39 #2
I had a theory that the longer we were together with high emotions and didn’t give in to each other completely, the bond between us revolted.
We were fighting against some supernatural, a fated thread that tied us together.
To deny it was wrong and beyond uncomfortable.
I honestly believed it would lead to permanent insanity, but I somehow didn’t think Warren would trust that if I told him of my suspicions.
Bon Vivant was thriving, and I was rather proud.
While my other business had been successful in the past, it was an entirely different thing to see mortals and vampires together.
I had been skeptical all those years ago when Lena had told me what the Authority’s plan was, especially after living in the partial safety of the shadows for so long, but I was wrong.
It healed part of me to watch the cohabitation unfold, and now I was part of it, housing that equality myself.
I would never be human again, but I wondered what it was like for them.
The fear of us was now a novelty, something they used for the media.
Their silly movies about us, with sparkly skin or feline diets, made it easier for us to become part of their world.
The danger of us still existed, and I knew that the Authority were the ones in control, deciding what was allowed and what had to remain secret.
Even still, I was grateful to be part of it.
One day, there would be no part of me being shoved into the dark by anyone. One day, I would be free and loved and accepted.
I hoped that Warren would be by my side for it all. That he would finally see he was perfect and could be loved and accepted.
The club was at full capacity when I entered through the back doors, nodding to my newly appointed security guards.
The music thumped against the walls, and I resisted the urge to wince.
The noise was too loud for my vampiric hearing, and I was honestly confused as to why the other vampire patrons didn’t mind it.
Perhaps I just hated people and the noise.
Even so, I loved visiting the heart of the club to admire my work, seeing drinks spill and blood flow.
There was a tug in my chest that alerted me to Warren’s presence as I looked across the bar, seeing him serving drinks to a few inebriated humans.
He grinned at them, throwing a towel over his shoulder, and I was suddenly transported back to the first night we met, seeing him behind the bar of The Carousel as he smiled at me when I entered.
I pushed my way through the crowd, shaking hands and offering greetings, until I reached the counter, sliding onto one of the stools.
“Service, if you’d be so kind,” I said, dropping my voice so it came out sultry and was laced with desire.
Warren rolled his eyes, resting his elbow on the bar. “Did you really think that would work?”
“It worked the first time,” I commented, chuckling lightly. “I don’t have the same effect on you now?”
“Oh, you have that, alright. But I don’t give in so easily now.”
I leaned over, hovering my lips over his before pulling away with a devious wink. “That’s okay, chéri. I like a challenge.”
Hopping off my stool, I made my way through the crowd, laughing as Warren’s groan reached my ears.
I knew that messing with him was dangerous, a little unhinged…I knew it, but I didn’t even attempt to stop myself. If I was going to break through whatever was holding Warren back, I would have to goad him until he broke.
Which is how I ended up in my office with a human perched on my desk, his blood slowly dripping into my mouth from his wrist. This specific human had attended Bon Vivant weekly and had been batting his eyelashes at me whenever I passed by.
On more than one occasion, I had witnessed Warren glaring at him like he wanted to end him.
His blood was mediocre at best, but the image of it on my tongue was enough to have Warren bursting through my open door with fury in his eyes.
He grabbed the human by the back of the neck and dragged him from the room, growling when the human had the audacity to show his irritation.
Warren threw the mortal out and muttered something about a lifetime ban or death, before slamming the door closed and storming towards me.
“What the fuck, Levette?”
I grinned at him, which only pissed him off more. He grabbed a marble pen holder from my desk and tossed it at me, hissing when I dodged it. “What’s the matter, love?”
“Oh, screw you!” he screamed, grabbing the stapler next. “You planned to fuck that lovesick mortal, didn’t you? You were pissed at me for fucking one, but you had to go and get one to test it for yourself, huh?”
With his hair flying all around him and his pupils blown, Warren looked like he was demented. I couldn’t help but laugh at his absurdity, all while feeling aroused by his craze.
“I was never mad about the human, rather that you thought fucking me would damn you, but fucking a human wouldn’t.
” It was a truth I had kept buried since he returned with his little pet and told me he was attending church.
I was grateful that his self-hatred had waned, but I couldn’t deny that it pained me to see him live out a fantasy with someone else.
“But now Liam isn’t here, and you still go to church, so I guess I’m the problem. C'était toujours moi.”
“Sometimes I think you are purposefully blind to things!” Warren snapped, his jaw ticking. “It was never about you, or human versus vampire. I went to church with Liam because I wasn’t in love with him. He was a sin of my flesh, but you? Levette, you are in my soul!”
I hated the way his voice broke, the defeated anger in his voice. His beautiful eyes shone, but it was like neither of us could let go of the anger. It was a lifetime of subdued arguments finally coming to the surface, and we had to get it all out to move on.
“Then I do not understand. Explain it to me! Help me understand why you are so unwilling to let me in. I am sick of fighting this, War.”
Warren glared at me as though I was being impossible, and perhaps I was, but I also needed it. I needed him to say the words I was missing. If he wouldn’t let us be together, he had to make the reasoning plainly obvious.
“Tell me, or I will not let you go. This has happened too many times, mon amour.”
“You put my soul in turmoil! I am so in love with you that I cannot allow myself to believe that God would love me for disobeying him.” Warren dropped to the edge of my desk, the stapler slipping from his fingers.
“I want to be with you. I need you. All those years were torture. Levette, I finally found Him again, and if I give in to you, I don’t know if I’ll ever find my way back. ”
I watched him for a moment, silent and careful.
His faith had always been a struggle, long before me.
Warren was a product of misinformed ideals being taught as gospel, and it had broken his heart before he even knew what love was.
He was always punishing himself, and it was like watching him cut himself open just to watch him bleed.
A continuous cycle of pain and self-hatred, and for what?
The more he hated himself, the further he strayed from the true teachings of his divine father.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I said softly, leaning back against the wall.
“Like what?” Warren said.
“Like I’m asking you to choose.”
Warren sighed. “Aren’t you?”
“Ridicule! I’m trying to do the opposite, you fool.
” I threw my hands up in frustration, resisting the urge to pick him up by the collar and shake him.
“You think wanting me damns you? You are what is damning you! Don’t forget I know your scripture, too.
I know what the Bible says, and you know what?
Vous avez tort. It does not condemn you to Hell for liking men or wanting to be happy. ”
I took a step towards him, my body practically shaking. “You have a good heart? Oui.”
Another step. “You believe in your savior? Oui.”
He gulped the closer I got, blackened tears burning in his vision. “You try to be better? All those are what God asks of you as a cost for your salvation.”
Warren shook his head, opening his mouth in a silent argument.
“You make me weak, Warren. Since you came home to me, I have been focused on nothing else but you. You consume me, and I do nothing to stop it. You look to your God for approval, for your salvation, and all your answers. I do not blame you for that. But I look to you for approval, for love, for acceptance. And every time, I am reminded that the monster I became will forever have me burning for eternity.” The bite returned to my words, and I realized how much I needed to explode at him, let all my anger and honesty out.
The only way we would ever move forward was if nothing else was hidden.
“I crave your love so deeply that I allow you to make me feel so small.
I am tired, cher. For one hundred years, I tried to get my shit together, and you come back and blow it to pieces.
You take from me without giving anything back, and soon, I will be completely empty.
I do not know how much longer I can wait for you to accept yourself and love me back.
“Our love is a tragic and beautiful thing, mon amour. But perhaps it comes from a place so pure that even God may spare the rod to allow us a chance at happiness.”
Warren began to sob and I closed the distance between us, pulling him into my arms. I pressed soft kisses to the top of his head and pressed him close.
“I can’t keep doing this, love. It will end one of us, maybe even us both.
” Pulling back so there was a tiny bit of distance between us, I cupped his jaw and tilted his face to me.
“I am asking you to take this leap for me. Let yourself be free, please.”
“I don’t—” he started, his whole body vibrating with how hard he cried.