Chapter Five #2
It wasn’t bad to see him, but it was fucking weird. Never mind that Warren was living with Tim’s ex-wife, but he’d sucked Tim’s cock. Tim hadn’t seen many of the men he and Maria’d had encounters with again, and he’d rarely had to make small talk.
Maria smiled tightly and said, “I’ll be in shortly,” in a tone Tim recognized as please bugger off. Warren disappeared with a wave, and Tim heard a sliding glass door close.
“You two…good?” he asked to fill the silence.
“Why?” she asked sharply.
“Just asking how you’re going like I would any couple.”
Her brittle expression softened. “Sorry. Though we’re in a non-hierarchical polyamorous relationship. We’re not a ‘couple.’ But I appreciate you asking.”
“But you live together. Doesn’t that lead to a hierarchy?”
She sighed. “Is this what you called to talk about?”
“No. Look, you need to have a chat to Ryan. We have to work together, and he’s being stubborn.”
“Wonder where he gets that.”
“It’s half yours, and you know it.”
“Fair cop.”
“Did he tell you he bloody blocked me on his phone?”
Her nostrils flared. “He did not. You’re both allegedly grown men. You need to act like it. You know I refuse to play referee.”
“I know, but haven’t you ever told him what really happened when we split?”
Her tight, close-lipped smile returned. “Well, you did leave me. That really happened.”
He clenched his free hand on his thigh. “You’re the one who broke your own rules.”
“If you weren’t so stubborn, we could’ve made it work. You agreed to open things up—”
“Because I wanted to make you happy!”
“Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it.”
“I’m not saying I didn’t. But being swingers together isn’t the same as you falling in love with another man.”
She flinched. “I know. And I didn’t plan it. But being in an open poly relationship is what I need.”
They’d been over it a thousand times, and what was done was done. She needed it, and he didn’t. He didn’t want it. It was enough work being in a relationship with one person. And given how his last hookup had gone, maybe it was time to join a damn monastery.
Before he could say anything else, Maria added, “If I hadn’t suggested we explore with other people, would you have realized you’re bisexual?”
He huffed. “Who knows? Besides, I’m—” He stopped himself. He was bisexual, but he wasn’t keen on talking about it. “I am, but that’s not the point.”
“Glad you’re finally admitting it, given the number of times I’ve seen you fucking another man. Including Warren.”
“Don’t bloody remind me.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Have you told anyone else you’re bi?”
“Doesn’t exactly come up in regular conversation. It’s my business.”
“Yes, but you know there’s nothing wrong with it.” She softened. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I sincerely hope you know that by now.”
“’Course I know.” And he did! He’d gotten off with blokes plenty of times. Look at what happened with Lachlan in Bali.
Stop bloody thinking about what happened with Lachlan in Bali.
She watched him with that too-familiar, gentle knowing expression that wasn’t his anymore. It was easier when they were fighting.
Before she could start talking about “internalized homophobia,” he added, “As I was saying, Ryan thinks I abandoned you. Left you to fend for yourself on the street rather than in our—the house. And yeah, I made the choice to leave, but you and I know that’s because you changed the rules. You fell in love with someone else.”
Saying the words aloud still made his chest ache dully even though he and Maria were better off apart. He wasn’t built for being in a relationship with more than one person. He’d tried. He really had. Fucking someone else together was one thing. Love was another beast.
At least it was for him. Maria and Warren had other partners they were…dating? Was that the right word?
“I did fall in love with Warren,” Maria agreed. “I—” She hesitated. “I still wish you’d given it a go.”
She’d proposed a “V” relationship where she was in a committed partnership with both Tim and Warren.
Even now, jealousy and resentment bubbled up in him.
“It’s not because I’m too stubborn to try.
I’m just not built that way. It was only meant to be sex.
You and me together with other people. No feelings. ”
“Even then, I don’t think you were ever that keen.” Maria drank from a bottle of Carlton Cold. “But being poly has given me something I didn’t realize I needed. And I do need it.”
“Right, okay—so why haven’t you told Ryan?
Or your mum and dad? Everyone thinks I’m the bad guy when you’re the one who—” He broke off.
“Look, I don’t want anyone blaming you either.
But you talk about me not being ashamed of getting off with blokes.
Why don’t you just tell people about open relationships and being poly? ”
“I—” Maria looked away, rolling her lips inward. When she turned her face back to the camera, her eyes glistened. Tim opened his mouth to apologize and take it back. Anything but see her cry.
Before he could, she said, “I’ll tell him. I did say the divorce wasn’t your fault without going into specifics.”
“He didn’t believe you.”
She nodded. “I should’ve been honest with him. It shouldn’t—” She laughed uneasily, swiping at her eyes. “Why does it make me so bloody nervous? His best mate’s gay. I’m sure Ryan knows more about all this stuff than I give him credit for.”
“So, Lachlan’s gay?” He’d obviously been keen in Bali, but Tim had reckoned he could be bi too, or pan or who knows.
Maria’s brows met. “Didn’t you know that?”
“I haven’t thought about him in fifteen years.”
And now I can’t stop.
“That’s because you’re barely on social media and you and Ryan haven’t had a proper conversation in over a decade.” She raised her hands. “And some of that’s on me. Why didn’t you tell him?”
“I was tempted, believe me. Even if I could get him to listen… It felt like outing you. Didn’t sit right.”
Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. “Oh, Bull. I knew you were a keeper that first day. Well, second, I suppose. We stayed in bed for hours, and then you fried me bacon and eggs even though you said you couldn’t cook worth a damn.”
“Can’t, really.”
“It’s true—the egg yolks were too hard and the bacon too soft. And I loved every bite.”
He smiled, thinking back to those long-ago days in the tiny apartment Maria shared with three other students. Another life.
She shook her head and exhaled loudly. “Anyway. What were we saying? Oh yes, Lachie’s gay. He grew up to be quite handsome, didn’t he?”
“What? I don’t know.” Tim’s face felt too hot.
Laughing, she rolled her eyes. “You can admit a man’s attractive, Bull.”
“Wound too tight, aren’t you, boy?”
The last thing he needed was to think about Lachlan on his lap in that pool, melting back against him, his arse—“Christ, I don’t know. I should go.”
“All right. I’m glad we talked.”
“Me too. Look, it’s water under the bridge. We’re both happier now.”
She gave him a shrewd look. “Are you?”
“Maybe not yet. On my way.”
“How’s it feel being back on your old stomping grounds?”
“Same, same, but different. More crowded, that’s for damn sure.”
She chuckled. “It sure is. I remember when you took me fishing that holiday weekend and said we had to be first in, best dressed. It was three o’clock in the morning and no one else showed up until seven.”
Tim smiled at the memory of her huddled under a fleece, glowering as the sun came up. “There’d be heaps of people in the fishing area by seven now.”
“Pretty soon after that, I was pregnant and quitting uni.” Her smile was sad. “It’s good that you’re back. We need to fix this.”
“Thought I was doing the right thing by giving him space. Seemed better off without me. He said he was.”
“He believes it too. But he’s wrong, Bull.
And I want you to know that I did tell him the divorce wasn’t your fault.
Without going into details, which I should’ve.
” She laughed shakily. “I’m not ashamed of being poly.
I’m not! It’s just still really hard to talk about it with people who don’t know.
When Warren and I moved to Perth, I promised myself I’d tell Ryan everything. ” She lifted her hands. “And yet.”
“I’m not ashamed of being bi. Still don’t fancy broadcasting it.”
Maria laughed softly. “Reckon we’ve got some hangups, Bull. It’s all down to society. Probably the patriarchy too.”
“Fucked if I know, Mimi.”
Her smile turned tender at the old nickname. “I’ll speak to him. We could together? United front and all that.”
“That would be good.”
As Tim said goodbye, he tried not to think about the massive new secret he was keeping from his son. Christ, that sure as hell wouldn’t help anything.
What happened in Bali was staying in bloody Bali.
“Barking lifeguards, Damo speaking.”
As Tim watched the handful of swimmers in the choppy, gray water through binoculars, he listened to Damo’s side of the conversation.
“How far out, d’ya reckon?… Did you ring the police?… Yep, we’ll launch the ski and take a look. Cheers for that.” He hung up and announced, “Member of the public reckons there could be a person floating off the point south of Barkers.”
“I’ll take the ski out,” Tim said, pulling off his uniform shirt and running through the checklist in his mind.
“Wanna take Sharky with ya?” Damo asked.
“Yep,” Tim agreed—realizing a second too late Damo meant Lachlan. Turning, he jerked his head toward the door, and Lachlan followed.
It was still twenty degrees out, but with the heavy clouds, the sudden temperature drop from the day before made it feel colder than it was.
Most people were staying away from Barking, but they had a job to do.
It could be a body. Could be a person struggling to stay alive.
Could be a piece of rubbish. Only one way to find out.
Under the tower, he and Lachlan pulled on long-sleeved wetsuit shirts over their board shorts in tense silence, leaving their bum bags. Tim strapped into his life vest and pushed his walkie-talkie into the waterproof attachment on the shoulder.
They hitched the trailer carrying the ski and sled to the buggy and Tim got behind the wheel as Lachlan hopped in beside him.
They didn’t say a word as Tim backed the trailer up to the water’s edge and Lachlan splashed into the shallows, guiding the craft off the trailer once it was deep enough with the ginger-haired bloke—Ronnie? —lending a hand.
Tim jumped on the ski with Lachlan climbing on right behind him. Ducking his head through a spray of water, Tim punched through the impact zone, and Lachlan’s fingers dug into his shoulder for a second before letting go.
“Hang on!” Tim shouted, sitting as he turned the engine full throttle to go south around the headland, away from Barking over small, rough waves.
Lachlan’s knees bumped his outer thighs, but he still wasn’t properly hanging on.
For fuck’s sake.
This wasn’t the time to be fucking bashful. It didn’t matter what happened in Bali. They had a job to do. Tim took a breath to warn him to grab on already when they bumped over a swell—and Lachlan was gone.