Chapter Fifteen
In the shadows of the willow myrtle tree, Tim waited on Ryan’s street, wishing he’d worn a jacket.
Deserve to be cold after what you’ve done.
He hadn’t slept a wink and was acting like a bloody stalker. But Ryan was on the opening shift, and Tim couldn’t exactly talk to him at work.
His phone screen was bright in the still darkness of the early morning. He’d texted Ryan, but no response. Maybe he was blocked again. Couldn’t blame him.
Tim shifted, and his right knee twinged. He ached like he’d paddled out kilometers from shore. His arms, legs—everything. Glancing at his phone again, he stuffed it in his jeans pocket. Was Lachlan sore after the pounding Tim had given him right there on the floor? Did he regret it?
Did he want it to happen again?
“It’s not,” Tim muttered in the darkness. The streetlights were few and far between, and he’d hear Ryan coming before he saw him. There was no one else awake to hear him repeat, “It’s never happening again.”
Christ, he wasn’t going to survive.
Yes, the sex had been incredible, and if he was allowed to fuck Lachlan again—come inside him and hear those sweet, perfect moans as he let go—he’d already be at Lachlan’s house rather than lurking under the trees on Ryan’s street.
But it was the kisses he couldn’t get out of his damn head.
He hadn’t kissed anyone like that in a long, long time. Never a man. He remembered with regret jerking his face away from Lachlan in Bali. He could’ve had more kisses. They wouldn’t have been like that though. Not that first night.
These kisses were fire, and he still burned.
Lachlan had a rostered day off, at least. Tim hadn’t had to check—he’d already memorized Lachlan’s schedule without realizing he was doing it.
“Just another reason you shouldn’t be in charge,” he muttered.
Across the street, a house came to life, lights glowing from the windows. He could imagine yawns and shuffling to the toilet. A contractor’s van sat in the driveway, so maybe it was a tradie getting up for an early start.
Before Tim could check the time again, a door shut a few houses down, and thongs shuffled on the footpath. Quietly, Tim stepped out to block Ryan’s path, saying his name.
“Fuck me!” Ryan jumped back, hand on his chest. “Jesus, Dad!”
The air punched from Tim’s lungs. Dad. He hadn’t been called that in years. “Sorry,” he croaked. “Just need a minute.”
Wearing his lifeguard hoodie and jacket over shorts and thongs, Ryan crossed his arms. “Nothin’ else to say.”
“I’m ringing Teddy this morning to let him know I’m resigning. I’m sure Liam or Baz or one of the other guys will be able to step up temporarily.”
Instead of being relieved, Ryan seemed even more angry, his jaw clenching. “You’re bailing? Teddy’s relying on you. He trusted you!”
Tim blinked. “I thought—you don’t want me to go?”
“I—I—it’s not about me! Teddy has cancer. You’re just gonna leave him in the lurch?”
“No. But I have to resign.” Tim paused. It felt strange to say his name out loud for some reason. “Lachlan’s my subordinate. It was inappropriate to say the least.”
“No shit. But you can’t just run away again.”
“When did I run? You moved back here from Queensland.”
“Yeah, and why didn’t you? The surf school was gone, so why the fuck did you stay on the Gold Coast all those years?”
“I thought that’s what you wanted!”
“I did! But maybe I really didn’t!” A dog barked down the street, and Ryan exhaled noisily. “Whatever. You’ve learned all the paperwork shit Teddy has to do for the council. And that new patrol system we’re trying is actually pretty good.”
Tim couldn’t deny a flash of pleasure at the praise. “Thanks. But someone else can learn the paperwork.”
Ryan’s jaw set. “You came back to Barkers and made me—” Cursing under his breath, he bit off what he was going to say. “Fine. Fucking go.”
“Thought you’d be happy to hear it!” The last thing Tim wanted to do was leave, but he could never get it right with Ryan.
“Thanks heaps. What about Lachie? I know him. He hardly ever hooks up. That fucker Julian Sinclair wrecked him years ago, and he’s barely dated anyone since.”
Tim’s stomach dropped. Lachlan had insisted this Julian hadn’t been at fault, but was there more to it? “What did he do? If he hurt Lachlan—”
“None of your business if Lachie hasn’t told you. Fuck, of all the blokes in Barkers, why my best mate? It does my head in to think about it. Bad enough that you and Woz fucked. This whole thing is so goddamned weird.”
Tim steeled himself. He had to let Ryan feel what he was feeling. Accept it. Even if it hurt. Even if he felt weird saying it. “Because I’m bi?”
“Yes!” Ryan shook his head. “I don’t know. There’s nothing wrong with it in, in…theory, that’s the word. I’m not against anything like that. Gay, bi, trans—I’m all for it. But you and my best mate? That’s fucking weird!”
It was a fair cop. “I know. I barely remembered him. I didn’t at all in Bali. I wanted to wring his neck for not telling me who he was.”
“Instead you decided to keep fucking him,” Ryan spat.
“Not until this weekend. We really did try to stay away from each other. Except…” The words were too heavy, like they were stuck in concrete in his gut.
“What?” Ryan asked warily.
“It’s not just fucking,” Tim whispered. “I… He…”
Ryan stared at him in the gray dawn before rubbing his face. “Stop. I can’t. I’ve gotta get to the tower. Can you just stay the fuck away from me?”
“I’ll be in my office. Ry, I’m sorry. I know I’ve made a mess of everything. Again.”
Not arguing, Ryan stalked off, then whirled back for a moment. “But don’t quit. You’re good at the job. Teddy doesn’t need any more stress.”
Tim watched him in the murky light before he disappeared around the corner. Was that…a compliment? He let himself be pleased for a moment, but of course it didn’t bloody matter if Ryan thought he was good at the job. He wasn’t because part of the role was, hmm, let’s see, not fucking his staff.
But okay, he’d hold off on resigning for today. He hadn’t spoken much to Teddy, wanting to give him his space. Just the odd text about footy and nothing about work. Teddy had asked a few times how things were going, and Tim had said all was well. Which was almost true.
He walked slowly and turned off on Liam and Cody’s street. He was actually scheduled already for admin work, thankfully. He didn’t have to be at the office until nine, and all he wanted to do was climb into bed and pull the covers over his head. Maybe he could fake a migraine and take the day off.
On the footpath ahead with Liam, Charlene wagged her tail and pulled at the leash. Tim had to smile at her sweet, goofy face. “At least someone’s glad to see me,” Tim said as he crouched and scratched her head, letting her lick his chin.
“You right?” Liam asked.
“Not really.” Tim stood, his knees creaking. “Stuffed up my life. Just for a change.”
Liam peered at him with concern. “Can we help?”
“Yeah, nah. I’ll be fine. Thanks, mate. Hey, how’s Teddy? Have you spoken?”
Liam’s face pinched. “My brother Greg said the treatment’s hitting him harder than he expected. He’ll be right, but it’s tough going at the moment.”
Tim’s heart sank. “Fuck.”
Liam nodded and repeated, “He’ll be right. And he knows we’re in good hands at the beach with you in charge.”
And here he was wanting to chuck a sickie when Teddy was genuinely ill. Fucking Lachlan when Teddy was depending on him. Tim’s throat was suddenly thick. “Doing my best,” he managed. And it wasn’t even close to good enough.
Back at the pod, he grabbed the office keys and hurried over to the council building as the sun rose over the hill toward the valley. He needed a distraction.
Not thinking about Lachlan alone in that house—not even a little—Tim got stuck into paperwork, monitoring the situation on the beach by keeping the lifeguard radio frequency on low.
The universe decided to give him a break, and it was a quiet day. The autumn crowds were getting a little smaller, and clouds helped. Hearing Ryan’s voice on the radio occasionally tugged at Tim.
That his son was putting Teddy first even when he’d surely love for Tim to disappear made him damn proud. Maybe there was a little part of Ryan that didn’t want him to go? Not that Tim deserved it.
Since he’d started in the office hours early, he knocked off mid-afternoon, leaving Hazza in charge. He hadn’t even planned where he was driving, but after passing Freo and heading into Perth, of course he was going there.
Crouching in the front rock garden, Maria looked up from under her wide sun hat. As Tim climbed out of the ute, she smiled for a second before shooting to her feet.
“What’s happened?” she demanded, running toward him, her voice thin and high.
“Nothing. Well, not nothing, but—” Shit. “Ry’s fine. He’s not hurt.” Not physically, anyway.
She sighed loudly, dropping her hands. “Jesus Christ, Bull. Scared the shit out of me!”
“Sorry.”
“You can’t just rock up on my doorstep unannounced and not expect me to think the worst.”
“You’re right. I just… Look, there’s something you need to know. I don’t know what to do. You’re probably the last person I should be coming to, but… Here I am.”
Hands on hips, she frowned. “All right. You want a drink or do you want to help me with the new rocks?”
He glanced at the ground. “How can you tell which ones are new?”
She huffed. “I can tell. Look, come in.”
“I don’t want to be a bother.”
Maria laughed. “Right, that’s why you drove up here unannounced. It’s fine. Warren’s out in Cottesloe with his girlfriend. Come on. Beer?”
“Nah,” he said, following her into the house, which was bright and airy in a coastal style.
If Woz had contributed at all to the decorations, Tim couldn’t tell.
Not that he’d added much himself when he’d lived with Maria.
As long as he’d had a comfy chair to watch footy and an al fresco, he was set.
He said, “Coffee would be great. Didn’t sleep well.” Or at all, but who was counting.