Chapter Seventeen
Julian Sinclair stood at the top of the steps with his tousled, sun-kissed, sandy blond hair, plump lips, devilish grin, and long, strong legs. That grin had always been charming, and God damn him it still was all these years later. Because of course it was.
His white skin was tanned, and his distinctive eyes—the irises dark-rimmed amber and lashes so thick he could’ve been wearing eyeliner—had always seemed to see right through Lachlan.
Yet as their eyes met, Julian’s bright, confident smile faltered for a heartbeat—so quick that you’d miss it if you didn’t know him.
Lachlan had thought he’d known him, but he’d been young and in love and naive as.
Turning back to the window, Lachlan lifted the binoculars and checked in on the beginner surfers, listening as Baz introduced Julian to Cody and Damo. Had it really been so long ago that Damo hadn’t worked with him? Apparently.
Lachlan had just turned twenty when he and Julian had met, which was somehow ten years ago. He wished he didn’t suddenly feel like a kid again. He’d technically been an adult, and Julian had only been a few years older. But far, far more experienced.
“Central to the old-timers on the beach: the Sinnerman’s paying a visit,” Baz said on the radio. Then he slapped Lachlan’s shoulder. “Sharky, you remember Sinner?”
“How could I forget?” Lachlan forced a smile and lifted a hand for a slap-shake. It was nothing—a momentary meeting of palms, but that fleeting touch sent a mess of memories ricocheting through him.
It wasn’t that he still had feelings for Julian. Aside from faint, lingering resentment over how it’d ended and the remnants of guilt for keeping it a secret from everyone but Ryan.
Seeing Julian hammered home just how long ago it had been. Sure, he was still gorgeous, but it was all on the surface. Now that the shock had started to settle, Lachlan was relieved to feel largely indifferent. He experienced none of the old attraction deep inside where it mattered.
Julian winked with that same slick confidence back in place, and Lachlan turned to the windows, ignoring him and concentrating on the people in the water. The beginner surfers were wiping out on the small shore break, but they were laughing.
“Thought you’d be in the CBD in a three-piece suit by now,” Julian said.
“He was—that’s why we call him the Shark.” Baz grinned. “Doesn’t seem to have that killer instinct, though. Should probably rename you kitty cat.”
Ignoring Baz, who meant well, Lachlan kept his gaze on the water. “Thought you’d be trying your luck in America.”
On cue, a voice called out, “Hollywood!” and Chalkers jogged up the stairs to the viewing area. He was off duty, wearing shorts and a singlet that showed the hair on his chest was going gray along with that on his head.
Julian had been called “Sinner,” “Sinnerman,” “Hollywood,” and sometimes “Flash,” and Lachlan had liked to think that “Jules” had been reserved for him.
It hadn’t been, of course. He’d learned that the hard way when Julian’s new girlfriend had shown up at the tower the day after Lachlan had been dumped.
“You’re still kicking around?” Julian asked Chalkers with a grin.
“Old sea dogs never retire,” Baz said.
“So, are you living it up in California?” Chalkers asked.
There was a pause, and Lachlan glanced curiously at Julian, who smiled stiffly. “Nah. It was fun in LA for a while, but you can’t get good beer in America. Then I was modeling and stuff in Japan, but it was time to come home.”
“You’re back for good?” Baz asked.
Damo said, “Your folks must be happy, hey?”
Lachlan winced internally. He didn’t know much about Julian’s childhood since Jules had never wanted to talk about it. What he did know was that he’d lived with multiple foster families and hadn’t stayed in touch with any.
But there was no way for Damo to know that, and Julian simply said, “It’s great to be back. I’m going down to Marg’s to help manage a new bar my mate’s opening.”
Okay, Julian would be living in Margaret River. At least it was a few hours away.
Tim walked into the tower—because of course he did—and Chalkers said, “Bull, this is Sinner, one of our former lifeguards.”
They shook hands, and Lachlan felt queasy. He was long over Julian, but that didn’t mean he wanted him and Tim coming face to face.
“Julian Sinclair. Great to meet you.”
After a beat of silence Tim said calmly—too calmly—“Julian?”
Lachlan felt hot all over, and not in a good way. He tried not to look behind him, telling himself to keep watching the people in the water, but it was no use. He glanced over his shoulder.
Tim’s gaze had narrowed on Julian, and his eyes flicked to Lachlan.
Julian said, “Uh, yep. That’s my name.”
Before Lachlan could think of something—anything—to say, Ryan burst into the tower and immediately scowled at Julian, his expression a carbon copy of Tim’s. To Damo, he said, “Can you take over my patrol? I, uh, have the shits.”
There was a chorus of laughter from everyone but Lachlan and Tim. Lachlan’s chest warmed with a rush of affection for his best friend. Despite everything, there was Ryan showing up for him.
Meanwhile, Tim clenched his jaw. “We don’t allow visitors in the tower.”
Julian blinked in surprise. “Oh! Uh, sorry.”
“What?” Baz stared at Tim in confusion. “Sure we do.”
Tim radiated tension. “That’s a change I’ve been meaning to make.”
Chalkers looked dubious. “Okay, but Sinner’s one of us.”
“A million years ago,” Ryan muttered. “Not anymore.”
Brow furrowed, Baz said, “Thought you needed the toilet.”
Ryan mumbled something and disappeared to the locker room.
Tim asked Julian, “What are you doing here?” The question was practically a growl.
“He’s just saying hello.” Chalkers frowned. “What’s crawled up your arse, Bull?”
He’s jealous, Lachlan thought with an undeniable thrill. Protective too? Lachlan had to look away to hide his smile. He knew he shouldn’t enjoy this, but…
“Is Teddy around?” Julian asked uncertainly. “I just wanted to say hello.”
“Come take a ride with me to the north end and I’ll fill you in.” Baz clapped Julian on the shoulder.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Mark stood in the doorway in jeans and a T-shirt. He wasn’t on the roster, but like Chalkers hanging around, it wasn’t unusual for off-duty lifeguards to be at the beach.
Everyone gaped, and Lachlan was frozen to the spot. He’d never heard Mark speak to anyone like that. While Tim and Ryan hadn’t been welcoming, Mark glared at Julian with hatred.
Julian tried to smile. “Nice to see you too, mate.”
After another charged moment where no one moved a muscle, Mark tore his eyes from Julian and held up a green reusable Woolies bag. He was so tense he practically spat the words, directed at no one in particular. “Just returning Ryan’s board wax. Tell him I owe him a shout at the pub.”
No one moved, so Lachlan stepped down to the door and took the bag. “Thanks, mate. Will do.”
With a last glare at Julian, Mark was gone. Baz ushered out Julian, who didn’t try to catch Lachlan’s eye on his way past.
Chalkers said, “Well, that went sideways fast. What the hell was that about?”
Lachlan managed to say, “No clue,” which was the truth when it came to Mark, at least.
Chalkers left, Cody scanned the water with binoculars, and Tim stood glowering. Lachlan raised his eyebrows and mouthed, “I’m fine!”
Tim snapped out of it and grumbled, “This is why we shouldn’t have visitors,” and stalked off. Lachlan hid a smile and rejoined Cody at the window.
“What was that?” Cody whispered. “You know that guy?”
“I did, but it’s been a really long time.”
“So, what did he do?”
Lachlan hesitated. Yes, Julian had broken his naive heart, but he didn’t really want to get into that. “Dunno.”
“I didn’t think Mark had it in him! Never seen him be more than mildly annoyed when someone didn’t line up all the bandage packages the same way.”
“Me either. No clue what that’s about.” It was the truth, at least. How had Julian made an enemy of kind, even-keeled Mark of all people?
“And why was Bull being such a dick?”
“He wasn’t!”
Cody shot him an incredulous look. “He really was.”
Lachlan could only shrug because nothing he was thinking about Bull being jealous or protective was fit to say out loud. “I’m going to check on Ry. You good?”
“Yeah. Winding down now. That surfing lesson’s over, thankfully. Liam’s told that instructor before that he needs a safer ratio of teachers to students, but he doesn’t listen.”
“I noticed that too. Sing out if you need us.”
Lachlan hurried to the locker room, where Ryan sat on the bench. “You right?” Lachlan asked.
Ryan’s brows met. “’Course. I don’t really have the shits.”
Lachlan huffed out a laugh. “I know. I just… Thanks. For checking on me.”
“I wasn’t.” Ryan crossed his arms and looked away.
He’d rushed up to the tower when he’d heard on the radio that Julian was visiting. Because he thought Lachlan might get upset. Because he was good. The best friend Lachlan didn’t deserve.
Chest tightening, Lachlan’s eyes burned.
Ryan glanced up and jolted to his feet. “What happened?”
Lachlan couldn’t swallow over the lump in his throat. Blinking rapidly, he caught his breath. He had to hold it together.
“What did he say?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why are ya tryin’ not to cry?” Ryan whispered, because of course Lachlan wasn’t fooling him for a second.
“You.”
Ryan’s spine stiffened. “What did I do?”
“Ran up here to make sure I was all right. I am. Really. It was a shock to see Julian, but I don’t give a shit about him.”
“Good. He’s a wanker. Always had a big head.”
Lachlan nodded. “I know.”
“Did you… My dad knows? About Julian?”
“Yeah.”
Ryan’s eyebrows shot up. “You’ve talked that much to him?”
“I guess so.”
“Right.” Ryan’s lips thinned. “I need to get back out there.”
Lachlan held out the Woolies bag. “Mark brought back your wax. Says the next shout’s on him.”
“Since when does he come out on the piss?” Ryan took the bag and opened his locker, and Lachlan felt like he was going to explode. He couldn’t just leave things like this.
“I’m sorry!”
“Why? I’m always happy to have a free drink.” Ryan’s voice was high and tight.
“I’m sorry I lied to you.”
Ryan’s nostrils flared. “Doesn’t matter.”
“It does. You matter. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told Tim who I was that night in Bali. Then none of this would’ve happened. It was a silly crush, but now it’s… I didn’t mean to—”
Ryan’s eyes were sharp. “What?”
Lachlan’s heart drummed. He was hot and tingling all over yet shivering. There was no way he could actually be in love with Tim Bullock.
Remembering the fire and tenderness of their kisses, he imagined the curve of Tim’s mouth when Lachlan made him smile, strong arms around him, the way he listened…
Eyes wide, Ryan whispered, “Shit, Lachie.”
“Don’t worry—it’s over.”
Ryan quickly shut the door, keeping his voice low. “I don’t get it. Why him?”
“I don’t know. Lots of reasons. Haven’t you ever met someone and really liked them? You have a connection. You want to spend more time with them. Can’t stop thinking about them.”
“’Course.”
“And I’ve realized I’m demisexual. Do you know what that means?”
“Don’t think so?”
Lachlan gave him the one-paragraph definition, then asked, “Does that make sense?”
“Not really.” Ryan quickly added, “Not for me, I mean. I’ve always wanted to fuck as many chicks as possible.”
Lachlan had to laugh. “True.”
“But you hadn’t seen my dad in years. Why would you have some connection with him?”
“I think seeing him brought back memories of how safe he used to make me feel. The crush I had on him.”
Ryan scrunched up his face. “That’s so weird.”
It hurt, but Lachlan understood. “It really was innocent, I swear. Even though Bel says I have daddy issues. Maybe I do. You know my dad could be tough sometimes. Tim was easy, and he made me feel…seen? Validated? I don’t know.
It felt good to be around him. Exciting.
That crush came roaring back, and then…”
Ryan shook his head violently. “Don’t wanna hear it.”
“I know. Look, he really didn’t know who I was. It’s all on me.”
Ryan scoffed. “Yeah, except it wasn’t just one night in Bali.”
“We didn’t mean to.” That sounded embarrassingly childish. “I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Why do you like Jodie?”
Blinking, Ryan’s frown deepened. “I just do. She laughs at my shit jokes. I want to drive all the way up to bloody Quinns Rocks to see her even if we’re just sitting on the couch watching TV.
She’ll get up in the middle of the night to fish with me even though I know she’d rather go to yoga.
She makes me want to try yoga because she likes it so much. ”
Lachlan smiled. “Now that I’d love to see.”
“Yeah, nah. No one’s seeing that but Jodes. She’s cool. Coolest chick I’ve ever met.” He curled his lip. “How can you feel any of that about my dad?”
“I don’t know. He listens in a way that makes me feel really good. And I want to hear what he thinks. About MasterChef and the surf report and…everything. He doesn’t think I’m a dickhead for hating being a lawyer.”
“Neither do I!”
“I know. You both see me. I can be myself with him. I can…let go. Maybe it’s because we had this secret after Bali.
We could be real with each other. I trust him in a way I haven’t had before.
Definitely not with Julian. I was a fun toy for him to play with until he got bored.
” He tried to laugh. “Who knows? Maybe Tim would’ve gotten bored too. Maybe I’m just not meant for this.”
Hands on hips, Ryan huffed. “Bullshit. You’re not boring!”
Lachlan’s chest tightened. “Thanks, mate. And look, none of it matters. It was wrong, and it’s never—” He cleared his throat. “It’s never happening again.”
Ryan’s frown looked pained, his eyes sympathetic. “Lachie…”
“It’s fine! It was a fling.”
“Are you trying to convince me or you?”
Cody shouted, “Boys! We’ve got a dislocated knee at second ramp!”
Without another word, they rushed out, shifting gears into lifeguard mode. At least Lachlan had been able to apologize. It wasn’t enough, but it was something.