1. Asaiah
*
Have you ever walked with the Lord all night long, wondering how you were going to pay your bills?
And a still small voice says, 'be strong ; sometimes struggle is my will.'
*
Lying here with my arm resting behind my head and my eyes closed, my chest pinches at the lyrics being sung by Shirley Caesar. So many times, throughout my life, I have asked God these questions. Life has been a conundrum. I often feel like I won't survive the many storms I've endured.
"God, while you have given me more money than I had back then, I haven't gotten the plane or the ability to move far away." My words come out heavy from the emotion clogging my throat, and water slowly slips from the corners of my eyes.
At thirty-six, I'm no longer responsible for Annalise's care, as she is now twenty-five and flourishing independently. However, I have traded caring for her to ensure that Andre and Valerie don't succumb to the vice they have yet to give up. Therefore, I'm taking care of two residences: mine and theirs. I moved them out of the projects into a studio apartment about ten minutes from my house. I pay their rent and utilities, along with providing groceries every month.
I have forbidden them from having their drug buddies or their dealers in or around the apartment. Thus far, they have complied with that condition, knowing that crossing me would result in their homelessness. Who knew that the crackheads whose parentage didn't reach further than my existence also valued a warm place to do their drugs and a comfortable place to sleep it off? Many call me crazy for taking care of the two people who have never given me the level of safeguard I provide for them. Yet, my decision didn't come lightly, nor was it easy to reach because of the aftermath I'm living with Andre and Valerie as parents.
My deciding factor was finding out that my mom and dad were sleeping under a bridge. My heart loves them even though I've often fought to receive an inkling of love from them. Therefore, seeing them on the streets is something I can't do despite the ridicule of others about my decision. Even Annalise thinks I'm crazy for ensuring comfortable living for our parents, but I can't turn my back on them. On the other hand, I feel like Annalise has done the same thing to me by staying in Dayton post-college. Yet, it's her life to live, so I try not to hold her leaving me to deal with our parents alone against her. Annalise has no connection with our parents since I raised her, so she doesn't understand or feel any love lost where they're concerned.
Brrnng.
Without shifting my posture or opening my eyes, I use my free hand to tap my earpiece to connect the incoming call. "Hello."
"What's good, man?" Uriah's voice pierces my ear.
Uriah Layton is the friend that God sent to let me know good people exist in the world amongst the ugly ones I had been subjected to. Without him and his family, I would be walking the streets of Ribax without direction or believing that things could still turn around for my good. The Layton family adopted Annalise and me into their family without conditions or expectations. I love them for loving on me and my sister.
"Lying here listening to Shirley Caesar. What do you have going on?"
"Oh. I see you're in your gospel bag today. I ain't doing nothing, just seeing what's up with you. Have you talked to Ma? She called me, saying she ain't talked to her other son in weeks. You know how dramatic she can be about you, so I don't know why you don't be answering her calls and shit."
A grin upturns my lips because Mama Layton be damn near ready to put out an APB if too much time passes between our conversations.
"I'll call her when we hang up. I don't want no smoke with Mama Layton."
"Say less." Laughter echoed around my room when I heard beeping sounds in my ear, letting me know Uriah was no longer on the line.
Opening my eyes, I pick up my phone and dial Mama Layton's number just as Shirley's voice fades at the song's outro.
"I don't know why I have to send word through someone else in order for you to let me know that you're still breathing, Asaiah Jamal." Mama Layton's rants hit my ear when the call connects after the second ring.
"It ain't even like that, Mama. You know I love you like fat kids love cookies."
"Not as much as I love you without conditions or obligations, either. You are the son God saw fit to add to my life, and I refuse to let you push away my adoration for you. Stop ignoring my calls, or I'm gonna bust your ass. Lord, forgive me, but you know my heart."
Thanks to the Laytons, I know who God is and have a relationship with Him for myself. I'm a member of Pursuing His Glory Ministries under the leadership of Pastor Lorenzo Reese. I joined the church when I was twenty and love it. Although I often fall short of His goodness, my mouth frequently resembles a truck driver, and my hormones walk me into situations that would have many doubt my Christian service. I'm thanking God right now because His mercy and grace in life have been felt after the first given to me by a motherly hug from Mama Layton. For the lack I have often gotten from my mother, Mama Layton has given me the motherly love, care, and attention I have needed over the years.
"Thank you, Lord. Thank you," I express before my words become incoherent from my crying and appreciation for God's blessing in my life.
"When you get yourself together, come home so I can wrap my arms around your big butt," Mama Layton advises lowly and gently, and I can hear the emotion within her vocals, letting me know that I’m not alone in my praises unto God about providing me with security.
Home.
"Yes, ma'am." Those two words are the only things I can say when my mind sputters over the one thing the Laytons gave me years ago, which I didn't have before meeting them.
* * *
"Do I have anything on my calendar this afternoon?" I ask my administrative assistant through the intercom.
"Nothing as of yet. You're clear," Dominic says a few seconds later.
Dominic Mann has been with me since becoming the CFO at Baxtown Technologies five years ago. He is efficient and handles my business with the utmost professionalism, making it easy for me to perform my duties. I expressed my interest in having a male assistant during the final stages of my interview process. While I'm not sexist or chauvinistic, I didn't want to ever face the possibility or potential of sexual harassment. Despite the things that have been done to me by the opposite sex, I value and respect women too much to place myself in a compromising position at work.
"Sounds good. I'm gonna head out for the rest of the day. Once you send that financial report to Sofia, you can head out. I'll see you in the morning."
"Thank you, man. Have a good evening," Dominic replies before releasing the intercom button, and I send a quick instant message to the CEO.
Me:
I'm heading out for the rest of the day. If you need me, my phone will be on. See you tomorrow.
Normani Nichols:
Okay. I'm right behind you, so I'm sure I won't need you for anything. Enjoy your evening.
Normani Nichols is one of the coolest bosses I have ever had the pleasure of working for. She's laid back and doesn't believe in micromanaging her employees, which I appreciate. Having to oversee the care of two individuals who often give me reasons to leave work, Normani's understanding lightens my load.
After closing my programs and shutting down my computer, my thoughts shift to where I'm heading once I leave. Grabbing my keys and messenger bag, I head toward the exit with my mind already in self-preservation mode.
Dear God,
You know where my steps are about to lead me. Go before me. Lead the way and make the path straight. Guide my heart and shield me from anything that can taint me. Give me the ability to show your love when I want to react to whatever obstacles I encounter. I know you have given me the mandate to honor my mother and father, and my days might be long on this earth. Please keep it at the forefront of my mind when my mom and dad do everything to make me want to ignore your command. This is a valley. I need you to walk in with me. Otherwise, I'm liable to flip out when they push my buttons.
In Jesus' name, I pray.
Amen
Between my urgent steps and focusing on my prayer, I got to my car faster than I realized. Hitting the button to unlock the doors, I enter the driver's side before pushing the starter, securing my seat belt, and backing out of my spot.
Bzz.
The text notification from my phone has me retrieving it from my bag once I get to the red light. Quickly unlocking my device, I open the awaiting message.
Danielle:
It's been a while. Any idea when we'll link again? *eye emoji*
Danielle Mitchell is my ex and the woman I occasionally dip into when the backup within my dick reminds me that I'm too young for blue balls. Danielle and I broke up a year or so ago when the pressure of dealing with Andre and Valerie proved to be more than she could handle. Understanding her plight and not feeling any type of way about her feelings, I let her out of our relationship. Yet, the comfort and familiarity of her pussy kept me continuing to get in bed with her whenever the need hit me. With a full plate, I controlled how often the two of us got down, much to Danielle's displeasure. However, since she didn't want the responsibility of supporting me through my situation, I didn't feel the need to accommodate her sexually until it benefited me.
Beeppp.
The horn sounding behind me had me drop my phone in the cup holder and continue through the green light without responding to Danielle. I'm not a man who has to have sex often, which is why Danielle is sending thirst trap messages. Unfortunately for her, my dick and I are good, so she'll be waiting. The drive to my parents' place is quicker than usual since it's early afternoon and traffic is light. Pulling into the spot assigned for their visitors, I park and grab my phone before exiting my vehicle.
A sour feeling fills my stomach when I enter the building and worsens with each step I take toward the elevator. A frown slides into place when I enter the elevator car, and it ascends to the floor, where the unknown awaits me. Quicker than I'd like, I'm walking off the elevator and knocking on the door with my pulse racing. The sound of the locks disengaging on the other side spikes my blood pressure a minute before Mom's ashen face comes into view.
"Hey, Asaiah. What you here for?" The deep frown on Mom's lips and the tightness around her eyes let me know how she feels about my dropping in on her and Dad.
"Who at the… oh, what you want, boy?" Dad asks, standing behind Mom in a robe that's pointless from his inability to tie it, putting his naked body on full display.
My face contorts, deepening my frown and increasing the sickening feeling in my stomach.
"I didn't know I had to make an appointment to come check on y'all," I voice, squeezing through the small opening of the entryway.
"We were busy," Mom insists, closing the door.
"I see. Can you close your robe, man? I ain't trying to keep staring at all that," I say briefly, looking at Dad while motioning to his nudity.
"Tuh. I'm in my crib, and you're interrupting my nut, so no, I can't cover up. Shid, matter of fact, come on, Val, I need you to drain my dick. This nigga can wait." Grabbing Mom by the arm, Dad heads toward the area where their bed is.
Turning on my heels, I walk out the front door because I ain't about to wait for them to have sex. If they have time to dismiss me for sex, I can see that they don't need anything from me at this moment. Therefore, I refuse to subject myself to any more torment from them. With heavy steps, I eat up the space between the front door and the elevator, practically throwing my body inside the car when the doors open.
"This can't be my life. Ugh."