Chapter 13
S ailor
The ride back to Rival's house, our house as he insisted on calling it, I was mostly silent. My mind was racing, torn between anger at his interference and dread at the prospect of facing my father tomorrow night.
My father was not a man who took surprises well, especially when they involved his children making major life decisions without his input. He barely accepted Skylar's independence when she refused to work for his firm and it took an act of congress for him to approve TJ's different path after his breakdown. My impulsive marriage to a man my father had only briefly met as the carpenter was going to be a disaster.
As we pulled into the driveway, I noticed Rival’s jaw was set and his posture was stiff as hell. He was angry and had every right to be. Shit, why can’t this just be easy? "I know you're pissed," he said slowly and the tightness of his voice proved he was indeed angry and trying his best not to blow up on me.
“You shouldn’t have…”
“Sail, shut the fuck up and let me finish.” I slammed my mouth shut and let him speak. “What’s done is done. We'll face it together."
"You don't know my father," I muttered, grabbing my purse. "This isn't going to be some cozy family dinner. This is going to be an inquisition."
"I can handle myself."
"It's not about handling yourself. It's about..." I trailed off, unsure how to explain the complicated dynamics of the Addison family to an outsider.
Rival cut the engine and turned to face me. "Look, I know you’re trying to figure this out and you stay in your fucking head about what you think and what you feel, but hiding isn’t the move, Sailor. I’m a grown ass man and will not dance around this shit with you or your family. Your father deserves to know."
I closed my eyes briefly, then smiled, nodding, because once again Bossy Rival had me and my pussy falling into compliance. “You’re right and I apologize.”
“I don’t want you to apologize. I want you to trust that I got you no matter what. You have to trust me to be your husband, Sail. There’s not a person on earth, including your father, who I won’t defend you against, right or wrong, and your ass is wrong a lot, Sail.”
I was about to argue but the look he delivered had me grinning. “Okay.”
“Just okay, no strategic debate about this?”
“Nope.”
I pulled out my phone, scrolling through my contacts. "I need to call Skylar and TJ. They should be there tomorrow night. If I'm going down, they're coming with me."
"You make it sound like you're facing a firing squad, not dinner with your family."
"You'll see," I muttered, finding Skylar's number. "My father has a way of making you feel like you're on trial even when you're just passing the salt."
As I made the calls, the reality of tomorrow's dinner settled over me. My whole family would be there, my parents, TJ and Indi, Skylar and Gray, now me and Rival. I would have to tell the truth about our arrangement and how I got myself into this mess.
Marrying a man because he denied me his dick…
By the time we entered the house, I'd spoken to both my siblings. They hadn’t been surprised about our father’s demand.
"They'll both be there. Teej’s bringing Indi and Sky and Gray will be there too."
"Full house.” Rival didn’t seem the least bit worried. I wished I could be that calm.
"Safety in numbers." I was only half-joking.
"What are you going to tell them?"
I looked at him, really looked at him. This man had turned my carefully constructed life upside down by forcing me to accept my consequences. I could do the same with my family for him. "The truth. That I married you while drunk to get you to sleep with me and now you're holding me to it for a year. What else is there?"
He barked a laugh. "Shit, I don't know. I just figured you might want to edit that version a bit."
"My family can spot a lie a mile away. We're all trained to do it. The only way through this is the truth, as humiliating as it is."
He nodded. "I respect that. Just don't make it sound like I forced you into this. I don't want your family thinking I'm some kind of predator."
I snorted. "Trust me, they'll know exactly who's at fault here. I have a history of impulsive decisions."
"Like the time you decided to dye your hair auburn but it came out pink because you bleached it first?"
I froze. "How did you know about that?"
"You told me. That night, when we were drinking. You said it was the dumbest thing you ever did but had to own it because Addisons don’t make mistakes."
A memory surfaced of me laughing, telling Rival about how I left my hair pink for three months just to prove that had been my initial plan. How much else had I shared that night?
"I need a minute," I said abruptly, heading for the stairs. "I've got calls to make before tomorrow."
"Sailor," he called after me. When I turned, he was watching me with those intense eyes that seemed to see right through me. "I meant what I said. I’m your husband. I defend you, always. Right or wrong."
I nodded and smiled before making my grand escape. I worked in my bedroom while Rival spent time in his shop. By late afternoon I received a weather alert that said we had heavy storms, so I closed my laptop and stretched, feeling tension throughout my body. When I made it downstairs, Rival was heading my way which meant he was ending his day too.
“Where you going?”
"I need to get those boxes before it starts raining.”
"I got you, stay here."
“I can help…”
“Can, but you’re not going to. I said stay here, Sail.”
I grinned and watched my husband stack three file boxes and bring them inside. I enjoyed the visual because watching Rival do anything was tantalizing. As Rival carried the heavy boxes inside, I hurried out the door and I grabbed my small duffel bag and slammed the trunk closed.
"Where do you want these?” He balanced the boxes while I locked us in.
"Just upstairs in my room is fine. I'll sort through them later."
He nodded, carrying them upstairs while I followed with my duffle over my shoulder. In my room, he placed the boxes neatly beside the closet against the wall, then turned to leave.
"Thanks.”
"No problem." He paused at the door. "Dinner in about an hour?"
"Sure."
Once he was gone, I unzipped the duffle and removed the item I'd specially packed but hadn't wanted him to see, a purple weighted hippo. Her fabric was worn from years of snuggling.
I hadn't been able to sleep peacefully the past few nights without Hippo who was my silent guardian through some of my toughest moments. I'd gotten her after TJ's breakdown, when my own anxiety started creeping in. The fear that I might have the same tendencies as my brother haunted me and the weight of the stuffed animal helped ground me when the pressure became too much.
It was embarrassing, childish even, but Hippo was my comfort object. The one vulnerability I kept hidden from everyone, even my siblings.
Something about her weight and familiar presence made me feel more at home. I was seconds away from tucking Hippo under my pillow, feeling instantly at ease knowing I had her close again, when Rival scared the shit out of me.
"What is that?"
I spun around to find him standing in the doorway with his eyes on Hippo, which I jerked out of view and held behind my back.
"Nothing. Just something from my apartment."
He stepped into the room, reached behind me, and grabbed Hippo, sending us into a tug of war until I released her, fearful that we’d split her in two. Rival handled her with care while he examined her."This doesn't look like nothing."
I crossed my arms defensively. "It's a stuffed animal, which you can clearly see. I've had her since TJ's situation."
"You sleep with this?" His tone wasn't mocking, just curious.
"Sometimes.” I sighed. “When I need to."
He bunched her in his arms, feeling out the weight. "It's heavier than it looks."
"She’s weighted. For anxiety." The words came out before I could stop them.
"So this is your secret. The fierce Sailor Addison sleeps with a weighted hippo."
"Go ahead, laugh." I lifted my chin. "I don't care."
"I'm not laughing, Sail." He handed Hippo back to me. “She’s unexpected but she also makes sense."
I clutched Hippo to my chest, feeling way too exposed.
“Why does she make sense?”
“Because the alternative is you going to therapy which means completely relinquishing control to another person and that’s not the Sailor Addison way.”
“I’ve done therapy.”
He arched his brow in challenge and I grinned.
“Okay so maybe I did the consultation and told her what I felt my issues were, made her listen to me self-diagnose, and then left.”
Rival chuckled and shook his head.
“I have an issue with control.”
“You abso-fucking-lutely have an issue with control, Sail.” He reached out and tugged at Hippo’s ear. “But I’m glad you have her because it’s a very subtle way of admitting you need help. Even if it’s just from a weighted stuffed friend.”
I sighed. "No one knows about her. Not even Sky or Teej."
"Why not?"
I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "It never came up and it's private."
"It's more than that." He sat on the edge of the bed, motioning to the space beside him.
Reluctantly, I sat, holding Hippo close to my chest. "After TJ's breakdown, I started having these moments of panic. Wondering if I had the same tendencies and if one day I might break like he did. I remembered how my stuffed animals comforted me as a kid, so I got Hippo. The weight helps when everything feels like it's spinning out of control."
"What situations make you feel out of control?"
"Work stress, family stuff. When Sky refused to work for our dad’s firm and he was furious. When TJ was at his lowest and shut everyone out. A lot of things. I was the one who had to keep it together and be strong. Hippo..." I gestured to the stuffed animal. "She was the only one who saw me fall apart."
"Why couldn't your siblings see that side of you?"
"Because they needed me to be strong. Sky was fighting for independence and TJ was fighting for his life. They didn't need my problems on top of their own."
"So you kept it all inside and only let it out here." He nodded to Hippo. "With her."
"Sounds pathetic when you put it like that."
"Not pathetic, Sail," he said firmly. "Human. We all need something to hold onto when the world gets to be too heavy."
I looked at him, completely surprised by the understanding in his eyes. "What do you hold onto?"
"My work, mostly. There's something about creating with my hands that grounds me. But I get it. Everyone has their thing."
We sat in silence with the admission hanging between us, creating a new kind of intimacy. Then, to my surprise, he reached out and gently touched Hippo's worn ear.
"I won't tell anyone. Your secret's safe with me."
The understanding and lack of judgment in his eyes broke something open inside me and before I could overthink the decision I leaned toward Rival and kissed him.
He froze for a split second, then kissed me back. His hand lifted and gripped the back of my neck. The kiss was gentle at first but deepened when I moved closer until Hippo was squished between us.
When we finally broke apart, breathing heavily, Rival rested his forehead against mine. "What was that for?"
"For understanding," I whispered. "For not making me feel like I'm broken."
"You're not broken, Sail. You're human, like the rest of us."
I pulled back and studied his face. "I’m still a fucking badass.”
Rival laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, you are.”
My tone softened. “I never bring her out when I'm with someone. I've always been afraid they would think I was a lunatic."
"If anyone thinks you’re a lunatic for doing whatever you need to survive this crazy ass world, they don’t deserve to know you.”
The weight of his words settled over me, forcing me to confront an uncomfortable truth. I had never let anyone truly know me, not completely. I kept parts of myself hidden, compartmentalized and safe from judgment or rejection. Even my siblings.
But here was this infuriating, persistent man who had bulldozed his way into my life, looking at one of my deepest vulnerabilities with nothing but acceptance. I felt safe with him.
"I don't know how to do this," I admitted, gesturing between us.
"Do what?"
"This. Being open. Letting someone see all the parts of me."
"You don't have to figure it all out at once.” He lifted a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "We have time."
"A year," I reminded him.
"Maybe more. If you decide you want that."
The possibility hung between us and neither of us confirmed or denied it. It was too soon for promises but I allowed myself to consider that this unexpected marriage might lead somewhere I wouldn’t mind being.
Thunder rumbled outside and the storm finally broke. Rival stood and glanced around my room. "I should let you get settled. Dinner in thirty?"
I nodded, not trusting my voice. When he was gone and closed the door behind himself, I looked down at my old friend.
"What do you think, Hippo? Am I in trouble here?"
The stuffed animal, of course, didn't answer. But as I placed her on my pillow, I knew something significant had shifted between me and the hubby which couldn’t be undone and I really didn’t mind that so much.