Chapter 29
S ailor
"Auntie Sailor! Look at me!"
I shaded my eyes against the sun and watched as Skylynn twirled in the backyard with her arms outstretched like she was trying to take flight. Her laughter was sweet and uninhibited.
"I see you, pumpkin!" I smiled as she spun faster until she collapsed on the grass, giggling like it was the funniest thing in the world.
Skylar sat next to me drinking iced tea, watching her daughter in amusement. "I swear she has unlimited energy. Gray thinks she might be solar-powered."
"Well, she's certainly soaking up enough sun to last for a while so I apologize in advance." It was a perfect sunny day. Warm but not hot and just enough of a breeze to make sitting outside comfortable.
Skylar called this morning, asking if she could stop by with Skylynn and I missed her so I quickly agreed. Gray was meeting with his accountant about expanding his bar into a franchise and she wanted some sister time. What started as a quick visit had stretched into an afternoon of catching up, lunch, and a full tour of the house.
"This place is incredible, Sail. When all the renovations are done, it's going to be perfect for a family."
I followed her line of sight and smiled at the expansive yard where Skylynn was poking at something in the grass. The property was larger than most in this neighborhood, with mature trees that provided shade and plenty of open space. Rival had been gradually restoring the house room by room, but the yard was still mostly untouched, waiting for its own transformation.
"It's a lot of space for two people," I agreed.
"Room to grow," Skylar said casually but I caught the pointed look she sent my way. "This yard is begging for a swing set and maybe a treehouse."
I rolled my eyes but smiled, shaking my head at her not so subtle hint. "Sounds like you’re plotting with my husband."
She grinned. "I'm just saying, my daughter is having the time of her life out here and she's only visiting. Imagine having this as your backyard growing up."
I watched Skylynn who had plopped down on her stomach and was now examining something with fierce concentration. "Kids had never really been my thing other than my niece and nephew.” I rubbed her stomach.
"But they are now?" Skylar prompted.
"I’m thinking about it."
"That's new."
"A lot of stuff with Rival is new."
"Having kids changes everything in ways you can't possibly imagine until it happens." She followed Skylynn’s movements around the yard but had a goofy smile on her face.
"That's what scares me. I like knowing what I'm doing, being prepared and having a plan. With kids you're just winging it."
Skylar laughed. "Oh, we're absolutely winging it. Every single damn day. I have no idea what I'm doing half the time and I'm pretty sure Gray doesn't either."
"You seem so natural with her, though."
"That's the greatest secret of parenting. Nobody knows what the hell they’re doing but somehow it works. We're all just trying our best and hoping we don't mess up so badly that our kids end up with some serious issues like all of us.”
I groaned as she grinned and added, “But kids are remarkably simple and forgiving. They just want love, attention, and boundaries. The rest works itself out."
I considered that, trying to imagine myself as a mother. The idea had always seemed foreign and incompatible with who I was but lately I found myself wondering what our child might be like. Rival would be an amazing father.
"I don't know if I would be good at it," I said honestly.
"Are you kidding? Sail, you'd be an amazing mom."
I arched my brow and she continued. "You're protective of the people you love. You fight for what's right, even when it's hard. You're smart as hell, which means your kids would never get away with anything?—"
"That doesn't sound like a positive." I laughed.
"Trust me, it is, and most importantly you know how to love deeply, even when you're scared. That's all a child really needs."
"I don't think of myself that way. God, this new space I’m in is so damn emotionally weighted for me."
"I know. You've always been harder on yourself than anyone else, but I see you, Sail and I'm so proud of who you've become."
"Stop it, Sky. You're going to make me cry."
"Good." She grinned. "About time you showed some real emotion."
"I show plenty of emotion. Just selectively."
"Mmhmm. Seriously though, it's been amazing watching you these past few months. You've opened up and softened but you're still the take no prisoners Sailor we all know and love. You've just added new dimensions."
"Is that your way of saying marriage has made me boring?"
"Not boring. Whole."
Before I could respond to that profound observation, Skylynn came running up to the patio with her hands cupped together.
"Auntie Sailor, look!" she whispered excitedly, opening her palms to reveal a tiny green lizard. "I caught him!"
I leaned forward and offered an appropriately fake impressed face. "Wow, that's great, Lynnie. What's his name?"
"Pancake because he's flat."
I choked on a laugh. "Pancake is perfect. Where did you find him?"
"By the big tree. Can I take him home?"
"You’ll have to feed him. Do you know what lizards eat?"
"Bugs and veggies sometimes, he can eat mine because I don’t like them. My daddy read me a book about them and they ate all the veggies. I’ll share with him."
“I bet you will,” Sky mumbled.
"Well, if you keep him in your hands too long, he might get scared. Maybe we should make him a little home near where you found him, so he can be with his family but you can visit him?"
Her small face scrunched. "Okay. Will you help me?"
"Yep, I sure will. Lead the way, lizard expert."
As we crossed the yard, Skylynn rambled about her limited reptile knowledge. I glanced back to see Skylar watching us with a soft smile. She gave me a thumbs up and I rolled my eyes, but couldn't suppress my own smile.
The rest of the afternoon was pretty simple. I helped build a lizard palace from rocks and twigs then we picked flowers to make Queen Skylynn a crown. Later we ordered pizza, and by the time Skylar gathered their things to leave, I was exhausted.
"Today was perfect," Sky said and hugged me goodbye while Skylynn reluctantly put on her shoes because she didn’t want to leave. "We needed this."
"Me too," I admitted. "Come back anytime."
"Be careful what you offer. I might take you up on that when I need a break."
"Mommy, I'm ready!" Skylynn announced after a struggle of getting her shoes on the right feet.
"Okay, baby. Say goodbye to Aunt Sailor."
She launched herself at me but I caught her, lifting her up for a tight hug.
"Bye, Auntie Sailor! Can I come back to see Pancake tomorrow?"
I laughed and set her down. "Maybe not tomorrow but soon. I'll make sure Pancake has plenty of company."
“Promise?”
“Yep, I promise and if you don’t want your veggies, ball them up in a napkin but don’t tell your mean old mommy I said that.”
She giggled and peeked at Sky. “I won’t.”
After they were gone, the house seemed quieter and too empty without Skylynn's constant motion and sweet little voice. I moved through the rooms, straightening the minor chaos left from Hurricane Skylynn, thinking about my conversation with Skylar.
The idea of children running through this house brought a smile to my face and surprisingly I could see their faces matching mine and Rival’s.
O nce they were gone I ended up at the dining room table with a stack of contracts I needed to review for a new client, but my mind was stuck on the words Sky put in my head. Room to grow . Me and kids in the same thought would have never happened but now it seemed to be on repeat and I didn’t hate the idea.
I was halfway through the third contract when I heard Rival pull up and I grinned then rolled my eyes when I realized knowing he was home had me smiling.
"Sail, where you at?"
"Dining room.”
I felt his presence before I saw him which was still so damn weird, the subtle shift that always happened when he entered a room.
"You been working all day?" He pressed a kiss to my neck.
"Sky and Skylynn were here earlier. We had an adventure-filled afternoon of lizard-hunting and flower crown making."
“Damn, hate I missed that."
I tilted my head back and grinned at his sarcasm. "She left you a surprise.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep. Our yard is now home to Pancake the lizard who lives in a luxury rock and towing palace behind a tree."
"Sounds like our property taxes are about to go up?"
“Completely gentrifying, so yep.”
"Did you finish today?" He had been hired to do a custom wall unit for someone’s entertainment room and what should have been a week-long job turned into two after they changed their mind about the wood type which cost him two days removing half the wall. Rival didn’t care because they were willing to pay for the extension of his time and lost time and materials.
"Yeah, but they hired me to build out a wood encasing for an in-ground fire pit. I’m about to get a beer, you want anything?"
"Just water.” He left and returned with his beer and water for me before dragging me to the living room with him. I settled onto the couch next to him and he dragged my legs over his thighs and reached for the remote.
"Did Hurricane Skylynn leave any permanent damage?"
I laughed. "To the house, no, but she delivered emotional damage, telling me my hair would look prettier if it was purple."
“I could fuck with purple.” He tugged at a strand of my hair but I knocked his hand away. "Today was good. I think me and Sky both needed it."
He lifted his beer but kept his eyes on me then frowned. “What’s up, Sail? You've got that look."
"What look?"
"Like you're examining evidence in a case."
I rolled my eyes. "I don't have a look."
"Yes the fuck you do." He leaned forward and put his beer on the coffee table. "Who’s on trial in that brilliant mind of yours and I pray it’s not me?”
"It’s you, or rather us, but not in a bad way. Can we have the kid talk?"
His expression remained neutral but he nodded. "I told you whenever you’re ready."
"Watching Skylynn today, I kept wondering what our kid would be like. If they would have your persistence or my stubbornness."
"Both, probably and that’s a dangerous combination."
"Skylar said I'd be a good mom."
“Your sister's right, protective, no-nonsense, but secretly soft when it counts."
"I'm not soft.”
"You’re a big ass baby."
"I am not."
"Mmhmm." He covered my hand with his and linked our fingers. "I’ve been thinking about it a lot more lately.”
"You have?"
"Yeah. It’s hard not to, as much as I be in that pussy. It’s not like we’re being careful, which means kids can happen. I wouldn’t mind a daughter with your eyes and that same stubborn ass tilt to her chin when she's determined about something or a son who asks a thousand fucking questions because he's curious about everything like his mom."
"Or you as a sexy basketball dad because you coach our son’s rec team.”
“You really want women lusting after me while I coach our son’s basketball team?”
I frowned. “Wait, no, scratch that.”
He chuckled. "Are we really talking about this?"
"I think we are and I'm not saying I'm ready tomorrow, but I'm getting there and I want to imagine it as a real possibility, not just some abstract future concept."
"No rush, Sail. This isn't the kind of decision we make lightly or rush into."
"But you want kids?"
"With you? Hell yeah but only if and when you're ready. There's no timeline we have to follow."
“What if I'm too much like my own father?"
"You are nothing like him. Never have been, never will be."
"But—"
"Nah fuck that and your father isn’t a terrible person so I’m not saying that. He just made a lot of bad decisions when it came to you, Teej and Sky, but you’re not him, Sail. You’re already thinking about how to not make the same mistakes. That self-awareness alone makes you different."
"You’re being optimistic?"
"Nah, I’m speaking what I know and I know everything.” He smirked and leaned toward me for a kiss. “You’re just too damn stubborn to accept that."
I playfully shoved him away. "I take it all back. Our kids would definitely inherit your ego."
" Our kids. I like how that sounds.”
"Me too but for now let's just say it's on the table. A real possibility, not just a maybe someday conversation."
"I’m good with that."
"Also, Skylynn informed me that the backyard is in desperate need of a treehouse. Apparently it's unacceptable that we don't have one already."
He chuckled and nodded. "I could build on?—"
I interrupted, shaking my head. "You’re about to go overboard with this.”
"I’m not. It can be simple.”
"You don’t do simple with stuff like that. But just so we’re clear, a treehouse does not constitute a binding agreement to fill it with children."
He raised his hands in mock surrender. "The treehouse would be purely for practical purposes. Part time for Skylynn and the rest of the time for us which means very adult activities."
"I’m not having sex with you in a treehouse.”
He burst out laughing. “The fact that I didn’t say a damn thing about sex means you will but I’ll let you live in that delusion.”
My eyes rolled hard but I smiled because he was right. This man could have me wide open anywhere anytime and that was a whole ass problem.