Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Fienvillers, France
SULLY LAY IN THE dark, facing the wall, eyes tracing the large cream roses and vines that climbed the vertically striped blue wallpaper.
He could hardly make them out in the faint moonlight.
They were faded with age, the difference between the dark blue and light blue stripes nearly identical.
Slim silver lines between each stripe were the only way to tell them apart where the sun had mostly bleached the color.
Behind him, Elliot silently faced the opposite direction.
The events of the night before in the barn were still fresh in Sully’s mind; he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
After, they’d cleaned up and retreated to the relative warmth of the farmhouse, where they’d spent the night in the parlor quietly talking while Sully maintained the whisper thin illusion around the house.
In the light of dawn, Elliot had coaxed him into dozing, so he’d have enough energy to help them cross the line that afternoon.
He felt like he hardly closed his eyes when Elliot shook him awake.
They brought Emilienne, kitted out in clothing pilfered from each of them to keep her warm on the ride.
Back on their side, Charbonneau made arrangements with the head nurse for her to be sent to join his daughters until her family could be located.
If they ever would be. Sully hoped she’d be happy there.
He ought to be sleeping instead of letting his mind wander.
This would be his first full night of rest in too long with nothing to fear.
He asked for Elliot’s help, and he knew he’d get it.
Tonight no horrible dreams awaited him. No waking drenched in sweat with his pulse hammering. He could really rest.
Except where his thoughts and emotions incessantly returned kept him wide awake.
He was remembering the way his heart pounded in the barn.
Overwhelming longing ached in his chest. The massive mess of want and need he felt for Elliot twisting and twining with everything Elliot reflected right back at him.
Elliot’s hand on him, urgent and incredible.
Mine forever.
His stomach somersaulted, a giddy sensation coursed through him. The thrill of those words settled in his flesh and blood, and he wanted them to be true. Wanted to believe them.
Sully couldn’t remember all the dreams they’d shared, but he recalled plenty.
Enough to know for months he’d been dying to see Elliot again.
Craved permission to touch him. Worried constantly if he gave in, Elliot might not ever come back.
And here he was, lying in a bed, inches away from the man, and it felt like a yawning chasm between them. A chasm he himself was enforcing.
Why? Why when all I want is him? When he’s right there and he said I could just ask him. Why can’t I?
Flipping onto his back, Sully stared up at the ceiling. “Can’t sleep,” he mumbled, because it wasn’t asking for anything. It was a statement. Maybe he could work up to asking.
“Do you want to talk?” Elliot shifted around until Sully sensed him watching his face.
“It’s just…” Stretching his fingertips out and then clenching his palms to relieve the faint tingle in them, Sully made himself say something. Try. “It’s just I don’t know how to make sense of this. Whether I’ll even remember what happens when you come into my dream.”
“I could tell you we can’t interact if you prefer,” Elliot offered, voice light like he’d be fine with that.
If Sully wanted to use him to sleep but keep him at arm’s length.
And the thing was, Sully could feel he meant it.
“I’m sure you’d already know, if that’s what you decide you want, but I could just be there. ”
Sully considered the proposal, gut twisting unhappily.
He could remember how Elliot had slowly warmed up to casual touching in his dreams. The comfort he’d taken from a hand on his shoulder or an embrace on his worst days.
He liked that. Coveted it even. How long had it been before Elliot when someone had comforted him through touch?
How long since Sully had let someone? Had he ever?
“No,” he said softly, tilting his head to meet Elliot’s eyes, trying to see him clearly in the dark.
“I want things like they were. It’s just confusing me.
I remember a lot. Not months’ worth. There are gaps, but it’s enough for me to remember how bad I wanted you then.
And I know exactly how much I want you when I’m awake, and it’s like it doubles the way I feel ’cause I never felt so strongly for anyone, any lover, in my life.
It’s so big.” That last sentence came out barely above a whisper.
His heart thumped in the silence that met his declaration.
Fingers slid across his cheek, until Elliot’s palm was resting gently against it, his thumb smoothing back and forth in small soft sweeps. Felt nice. Sweet. “Neither have I. I won’t lie and say I’ve never loved anyone else before, but this, with you, it’s more.”
Breath catching, Sully froze. The warm, enormous feeling inside him slotted into place.
It was love. Of course it was. Different than he was used to, a new kind, reserved for Elliot, but it was unmistakably love.
How could it be? How could he love someone this much?
This fast? “I feel like I know so much about you, that I know you, but really, I only spent a night with you, and it’s hard to wrap my head around. ”
“Maybe we haven’t known each other very long out here, but that doesn’t mean what happened in there,” Elliot’s fingers gently tapped Sully’s head. “Was any less real. I’ve only ever told you the truth, even in dreams.”
He let that sink in. Let the feelings Elliot gave off like content, glowing effervescence wash over him.
It harmonized with the swelling in his chest, made him grin like a fool in the dark.
Elliot loved him. Loved him. Had protected him.
Cared about him enough to make sure he got the things he needed.
And Sully had treated him like shite for it.
Hadn’t let him explain. But Elliot wasn’t asking for an apology either.
Maybe because they’d both done things they weren’t proud of.
It could be different from now on. Couldn’t it?
They could be something special. Nothing good lasted, but Sully would take what he could get.
Would take anything Elliot wanted to give him.
“Okay. Maybe you’re right. It doesn’t feel pretend, all those months. It feels… yeah. Real. So what now?”
“For starters, you get some sleep. In your dreams I’ll keep the same rules, which you may or may not recall.”
“‘No physical intimacy,’” Sully quoted, drawn down the rabbit hole of memory.
Elliot bloody and mangled on the ground after dying in his arms, the way his heart broke until those soft thumbs brushed the tears from his eyes and made everything that hurt go away.
Like being warm and toasty after years and years of ice and cold and misery.
Elliot’s white teeth flashed in the moonlight. “Among others, but yes.”
Sully smirked even if Elliot couldn’t see him much. “Think that boat’s sailed.”
“Even so. It’s muddled enough for you. I won’t make it worse.”
Rolling onto his side, Sully faced Elliot more fully. “What about here? Do we got to follow the rule out here?”
There was a slight pause, and then Elliot whispered, “Whatever you want.”
Biting down on a grin, Sully gently pushed Elliot onto his back and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. “Like that?”
He felt the twitch of Elliot’s grin a breath away from his own. “Mmm. Of course. Whenever you like. Within reason.”
“Good.” Sully kissed him again, deeper, slower. Then shifted to lie with his head on Elliot’s chest, resting his arm heavily across Elliot’s waist. “What about like this?”
Soft laughter tickled Sully’s scalp. “That too. Are we finally going to sleep now? Because as much as I rather desperately want to explore this newfound playfulness, I’m not entirely sure how much longer I can keep my eyes open.”
“Mmm. Not much could stop me from nodding off.” Sully let himself enjoy the feeling of Elliot holding him close, so comfortable he could melt into him.
For the first time since he’d been informed he was to report to training, given a train ticket and a date, and told the consequences of failure to comply, Sully felt safe.
* * *
THREE SHORT DAYS LATER, Sully once again found himself across the German line.
He accompanied Bellona and Elliot, providing an illusion that kept them from watchful eyes as they crossed no man’s land and traversed the trenches.
When they landed precariously close to the edge of a trench above a group of German soldiers, he’d had to act fast as he scrambled for purchase.
The dirt beneath his boot crumbled down onto a soldier who glanced up sharply.
Now they were safely holed up in an abandoned house outside of a city whose name Sully couldn’t pronounce if he was held at gunpoint…again. The roof overhead was lined with dark wood beams, and the sturdy furniture was coated in a thin layer of dust.
The papers they’d recovered hadn’t been fully translated.
There were too many to sort through and not enough skilled soldiers or those with proper clearance who could read German.
What they knew was a large-scale test would soon be performed.
What that meant, none of them had a clue, but Sully grimly thought it was bad news for some unlucky bastards.
Some of the papers that had been translated mentioned the skilled German spearheading this initiative—Oberst Ulrich Brandt, an officer no one on their side seemed to have heard of.
They needed more information. Desperately.
Elliot had come up with a plan to infiltrate his dreams, discover what he could about the tests and the weapon.