Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
BACK IN FIENVILLERS ONCE more, no sooner had everyone gone up to their rooms by silent agreement to collapse and deal with the fallout of their mission the next day, than Sully backed Elliot up against their bedroom door.
He was emotionally exhausted. Still scared.
Fucking relieved they’d gotten there in time to save him, but what if they hadn’t?
What if Bell had left Elliot there? What if he’d done offered himself up as a diversion for her escape and what if he was gone? What if he was gone?
Sully was frantic for Elliot’s mouth on his.
The same desire poured off Elliot, saturating the air around them until Sully could hardly breathe for how much he wanted.
How much he needed. One moment he was staring at dark shades of blue flickering in the pre-dawn glow, the next they were kissing as if it was their last chance, their only chance.
They grabbed at one another, pressing close, fingers digging into shoulders and backs, hips instinctively flexing, grinding.
Every bit as desperate as they had been in the barn.
More than, because every part of Sully was reaching out for Elliot.
From his heart and soul to his body, all of it. He could’ve lost him. He could’ve…
Sully couldn’t stop touching Elliot. He dragged his hands through soft fine hair, down his neck, over his strong shoulders and arms, sucking in Elliot’s plush bottom lip, biting down and tugging gently as he pulled away. He dropped to his knees on the hard floor right there in front of him.
Elliot let out a quiet wounded sound at the sight, and Sully spared enough thought to hide any noises they made from being overheard. He was determined to draw more sounds from Elliot. Needed to hear them.
Pressing his face to the front of Elliot’s gray pants, Sully inhaled the musky scent of him and savored the shudder he drew from Elliot with hardly a touch.
Their eyes locked, and Sully slid firm hands up Elliot’s thighs, rubbed his palm over the straining ridge of his cock beneath wool, watching from close up as Elliot pushed into his caress, head dropping back against the wood, exposing the beautiful line of his throat.
He was torn between wanting to take his time and needing this to be fast, punishing.
He couldn’t forget coming upon them in the hallway, seeing Elliot so defeated because of him.
He wanted to push it out of his mind, too upset to think about it, so he fumbled open Elliot’s belt and pants.
Jerked them down his thighs along with his underwear, watching the long sway of hard, flushed cock bob in front of his face, mouth flooding.
Elliot’s hand settled in Sully's hair, brushing it back from his forehead. The fingers of his other hand reverently traced Sully’s cheekbone.
The mix of tenderness and the raging passion Sully felt beneath the surface were dizzying, too much, too little.
He wet his lips and went to work. The heavy, hot drag of Elliot's cock in his mouth filled Sully’s senses and narrowed everything to lips and tongue and salty arousal.
He took Elliot in as far as he could, swallowing around him.
Rubbed his tongue along the underside as he pulled off.
Flicked and played over the head, again and again, building a methodical rhythm that had Elliot’s hips twitching with barely restrained thrusts.
Sully moaned, a sound Elliot mirrored, filthy slick noises echoing in the room. Cupping Elliot’s balls with one hand, Sully worked his own belt and buttons open, desperate to relieve the pressure of his rigid cock constrained too tightly.
He focused on the velvet feel of Elliot's stiff shaft sliding past his sensitive lips, pushing into his throat, making him shiver with sensation. The pulsing, mad, fierce rush of pleasure like a thundering heartbeat reverberating between them.
Sully couldn’t hold back. He stroked himself fast and hard, groaning around his mouthful.
So desperately close already and he knew Elliot was too, could taste it, could feel his orgasm rising like a massive wave ready to crash on the shore.
Lifting his lashes, Sully gazed up at Elliot, skin glowing in the pink of dawn, shining with sweat, staring down at him with those blue, blue eyes full of wonder and lust. Love expanded in Sully’s chest, wrapped around him like a warm blanket.
“Warren,” Elliot panted, fingers reflexively tightening in Sully’s hair, prickling along Sully’s scalp. Another layer of delight mingling with the trembling sensations already hollowing him.
He sped up, sucked the slightest bit harder and Elliot’s hands clenched, fingernails scratching in a way that sent violent spasms of pleasure igniting through Sully’s blood as warm release flooded his mouth. Sully swallowed it down, possessive pride swelling in his gut.
Elliot whispered his name, broken open and unpolished and that was all it took to send Sully tumbling after him, shaking and crashing into such intense euphoria that for long moments he didn’t even breathe.
When he managed to draw back and gasp in a ragged lungful of air, Elliot collapsed to his knees, practically on top of him.
Instantly captured Sully’s bruised mouth in a clinging, urgent press.
Elliot’s tongue slipped into his mouth, claiming, brutal.
Sully kissed him back, fierce and urgent.
Kept him close with his arms around Elliot’s shoulders.
“I thought,” Elliot gasped against his lips, then kissed him again. Whatever he thought lost to Sully’s plundering mouth.
“I made you a promise,” Sully mumbled, tugging on Elliot’s hair, resting their foreheads together, breathing heavily. “I was careful. You should know by now I keep my promises, Elliot.”
“Yes, well I thought…” Elliot squeezed his eyes shut, the pain on his face overwhelming. “They said…”
Sully rubbed his nose against the side of Elliot’s. “I know. I heard you. And I'm fine, but Elliot, we got to talk. Let’s just…can we get in bed?”
He felt Elliot nod before he shakily stood, offering Sully a hand up.
They undressed. Neither of them rushing.
By the worried sadness Elliot was trying to hide, it was clear he knew Sully had something serious on his mind.
And maybe that was Sully’s fault. Maybe he was looking at Elliot the way Elliot had looked at him when they parted for their mission, like he was memorizing everything about him and the way it felt to be together because things might not ever be the same again.
Swallowing, Sully crawled beneath the quilts as Elliot crossed the room in the grayish pink light. He seemed fragile, tired, so much younger than either of them really was, and something barbed stabbed and contorted in Sully’s heart.
Elliot settled with his head on Sully’s chest, and they held on to one another, pulses slowing. Gently pressing his lips to Elliot’s soft blond hair, Sully breathed out heavily.
“Tell me,” Elliot said, not moving.
“You tell me,” Sully countered. “Why you were about to give up like that and send Bell off by herself.”
“She couldn’t transport us both.”
“I got that. But to me, it seemed like you gave up so fast. You were just going to stay behind. Tell me why.”
There was hesitation in the emotions swirling through Elliot. “She needed to bring back the new formula. You didn’t see it, Warren. It feels evil. One of us had to get it out of there. She was more likely to survive the escape if she left me. We couldn’t risk waiting.”
Maybe that was true. But it wasn’t all. Sully sensed him holding something back.
And the idea of what it might be squirmed unhappily in his stomach.
He couldn’t be responsible for Elliot giving up like that.
No matter what, he wanted Elliot to keep fighting.
To survive this war. To get the chance to publish those poems he talked about on the first night they met.
The ones he’d recited for Sully in dreams when he thought they would be forgotten.
He wanted Elliot to live and if what they had put that at risk…
“And what else? I can feel what you’re not saying,” Sully prompted.
Elliot was quiet for a while, and when he spoke it was whisper quiet.
“And you were dead. You were all dead. It was my fault—I sent you into a trap I should have seen coming and it got you killed. Just as I got Swift killed. I’m not cut out for this.
I should never have been put in charge. I’m selfish and make terrible choices and I could see where it had gotten everyone.
Of course Bell needed to get out of there and I had to stay behind.
She was the only one I was still able to save.
Christ, Warren. I thought I'd lost you.”
Sully’s heart broke. How could Elliot think he was selfish?
He constantly made choices to protect the people around him.
To protect Sully. Wasn’t a good leader? That was news too, because the way it felt to Sully was like Elliot was the best damn commanding officer he’d ever had.
He cared about his people. And not just about what they could achieve for him, but about them.
Stroking his fingers through Elliot’s soft hair, Sully struggled to find the right words.
“War is dangerous, Elliot. We all know we could die at any time. I've made peace with the fact I might not get home. Watched everyone around me cut down day after day, blown to bits or shot or trapped in barbed wire. What I can’t live with is you thinking you owe it to me or any of us to die too if something goes wrong." Sully took an unsteady breath, chest twisting painfully tight. "You’re not selfish—No, shut up, I’m not done. You’re not.
I’ve seen how much you care about everyone on this team.
I’ve seen you willing to sacrifice. Hell, you were about to sacrifice yourself for Bell.
And I understand that, I do. If it was just about the mission, then fine, I could accept that’s what needed to happen. "
Elliot still didn’t move. “I make bad—”
“You got duped. That doesn’t mean you make bad decisions.
It means you had faulty intelligence and there was no way to know that.
If I die on a mission you sent me on, that’s not your fucking fault.
That’s being a soldier. You didn’t ask to be here any more than I did, but you know what?
I’m glad it’s you. Because I know time after time, you’re gonna do everything you can to give us a fighting chance.
I need you to understand it’s not your fault.
If something happens to me, to any of us, you’ve got to forgive yourself.
” Sully couldn’t make heads or tails of Elliot’s feelings.
Too jumbled, too confused. “And Elliot, look at me.”
Elliot lifted his head and stared at him, the depth of emotion in his wet eyes increased tenfold by what Sully could feel beating against his senses. A dangerous mix of despair and longing and a massive warm feeling Sully barely had a name for. He didn’t say anything, but his breathing was ragged.
“I need you to live. Even if I don’t.” Some people might think their lover dying for them was romantic. Sully didn’t. Living for him was. “I don't want to be responsible for your death, not in any way. I care about you way too damn much. I need to know you’re not going to give up because of me.”
Silence rang out at those words, almost as loud as it would’ve for the ones Sully had really wanted to say.
"Simply don't die then,” Elliot said, tone light despite the dampness nearly overflowing in his eyes.
Sully chuckled wetly, thumbing away tears Elliot hadn’t quite spilled. "You know I can't promise you that, Elliot. Even if it wasn't hell on earth, I couldn't promise that."
Elliot blinked away the residual wetness, his pale blue eyes almost colorless in the dim morning. Sully could feel him thinking, the weight of his roiling emotions crashing over them. “All right.” Clearing the thickness from his throat Elliot gave a soft nod. “If you promise me the same.”
“Promise.”
Elliot nodded. "Right. Excellent. And I know you don’t break those, so I suppose I can’t either."
The corners of Sully’s mouth twitched into a lopsided smile. “Suppose not.”
Elliot bit his lip, then offered a tentative smile that felt warm as the summer sun, made warmer by the rush of delight he sensed from Elliot. And for now…For now, those promises were enough. This moment, the two of them together…it was enough. Had to be. It’s what they had.
Sully tilted his chin up and Elliot met him with a soft kiss that felt like one more promise.