19. Haze
19
HAZE
Imry is in his side yard. There’s an enormous piece of wood set up on a whole bunch of sawhorses. Just beyond is a table lined with big buckets. He looks up as I get closer and smiles.
Every time I see him smile at me, I think about what my brother said. Give yourself permission to see where this relationship goes. I know Imry feels me holding myself at a distance sometimes, and I hate that I’m making him feel… insecure with me.
I haven’t found the right internal words to give myself permission, as Oren suggested. I think maybe because I don’t believe I’m ready. Or maybe I don’t believe I’m interested in a long-term relationship. Whatever the reason, I can’t seem to get that block to go away.
Yet, when he smiles at me like that, my heart skips around and my stomach flutters. I love being looked at like I just made someone’s day simply by existing. By showing up to hang out with them. That’s what I see in his smile.
“Hey,” I say as I get closer. He turns to face me, and my eyes catch on the necklace I bought him for Christmas. He hasn’t taken it off yet. That makes my heart stutter too.
“Hey,” he returns, meeting me part way. His arms immediately wrap around my waist, and I hug him. His hair smells like his shampoo, and I bury my nose in it to take a deep breath.
“You getting bored staying home yet?” he asks.
“Yes and no. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find any area in life that I’d like a career in, but I have to admit, staying home all day can get a little monotonous.”
Imry nods. He takes a step back, kisses me, and pulls away entirely. “I get that.”
“Yeah? You get bored staying home all day?” I ask, teasing.
Imry flashes me a smile as he goes back to the big sheet of wood. I follow, seeing that he’s in the middle of making a grid with chalk string.
“I’m going to let you in on a secret,” he says. “I’m filthy rich, so when I want to take a break from working, I don’t go in.”
Laughter makes me shake. “Fuck, Imry. Where do I get a family like that?”
“Just have to be born lucky, I guess.”
I was born anything but lucky. I was born really fucking unlucky.
When we’re finished with the chalk grid, Imry sets a piece of paper on the board. There’s what looks like a stained-glass pattern, also broken up by a grid to match that we’ve just made. It’s an image of trees and mountains and a brook running through the scene. There’s the occasional woodland creature, too.
“Did you draw this?” I ask.
Imry shakes his head. “It’s an image I found online and modified it a little to fit this purpose.”
“And what’s the purpose? What are we doing with it?”
He gestures for me to follow him to the table of buckets. Each one is filled with different colored broken tiles. Some solid colors, some with patterns. Each bucket is a single color but filled with different shades of that color.
“I saw this online and got sucked down a rabbit hole as I watched video after video of people making these tile mosaics. So I thought I’d give it a try.”
“This is enormous for a first try,” I point out.
“If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it right,” he says, grinning.
“What will you do when it’s finished?”
“First, we’re just going to lay out the tiles. Not grout them on or anything. If I like how it looks without grout, I’ll find somewhere to make it permanent. Otherwise, we’ll call this a fun afternoon and never talk about it again.”
I laugh. “Okay, sounds good.”
“Choose a square and some colors to correspond,” Imry says, handing me a plastic plate.
Using the scoop that’s on the table, I grab a scoopful of blue and head back to the table. Might as well begin with the sky.
We work in silence for a while, and my mind wanders. A conversation I had with Briar the other day pops into my head, and I ask, “Did you go to public school? Or were you homeschooled? I was a little confused when Briar was talking about schools.”
“Both,” he says. “You’re probably confused because of Uncle Noaz. They started in public school, but people are assholes—especially thirty years ago—when you don’t comply with your birth-assigned gender role. Noaz never did. I think the last straw was when Kairo beat up a kid in Noaz’s class because they were making fun of Noaz’s long hair. Uncle Noaz was taken out of public school. If I remember correctly, Dad had a teacher fired over Noaz’s treatment. And they were homeschooled with some epic tutors instead.”
“Ah,” I say. “That makes sense. Briar mentioned both, and I wasn’t keeping up.”
Imry nods. “We all went to public school right until Dad took us away from Mom. As soon as we moved here, Loren, Avory, Ellory, and I finished high school at home. Voss finished at the high school in Flagstaff. Myro had already graduated.”
“Okay, that makes more sense. You guys talk about school as if you’ve lived two lives—one in the public and one at home.”
He chuckles. “Sorry. It’s not easy remembering there are people here who don’t know everything about our lives.”
“Eh. Not a big deal. I appreciate having a timeline understanding, though.”
“You know what’s amusing? Because there are ten of us within just over a decade of each other, and once we all moved back to the Estate, we joked that someday we’d have to open our own school. Arguably, we’d begin having kids all at the same time and there’d be a Van Doren boom.”
I grin. “I can totally see that happening. I know Briar isn’t settling for one kid. Levis always talked about having a couple, too.”
“What about you?” Imry asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m a little scarred from my siblings. Maybe one. Maybe .”
Imry nods. We’re quiet as we continue placing tiles. This is like a puzzle as we try to fit the shapes together while keeping different shades of blue in groups.
“I think homeschooling is a cool idea, but if you play sports or something, then you have to have access to the school to some degree,” Imry says.
“Not necessarily. Most states have sports programs that aren’t run through the districts. Hockey, football, soccer. Cheer. I think there are a few others. Probably baseball. Basketball. Honestly, I think that’s a better way to go. School programs are okay, but I feel like the leagues outside of school give you more professional training.”
“What sport did you play?” Imry asks.
I shake my head. “None. One of my brothers played hockey. Otherwise, we didn’t play sports.”
“Then why do you look like you played sports?”
“Body image issues.”
Imry looks up, eyebrows knit together. “Really?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that, but kinda, yeah.”
He frowns, but his expression is soft. “I’m sorry. That sucks. For the record, you have a gorgeous body.”
I grin. “Thanks. I take it none of you played sports?”
Imry shakes his head. “Nope. As far as I can remember, no one showed any interest at all. I think Voss is the only one who works out on a regular basis, and I think that’s more to expend some pent-up energy than anything else.”
“You’re all relatively fit,” I point out.
He nods. “We are. I’d go so far as to say that we can probably outrun most people. Especially since we’re not carrying around any massive bulks of muscle.” Imry eyes me playfully, trying to keep his smile contained.
“Not a chance,” I tell him. “I’m a damn good runner. I swear, I spent an entire past life running from something.”
Imry stands straight. “Yeah? Want to see who can outrun who?”
“You want to race?” I ask, amused.
The look in his eyes when he raises them to mine has my dick twitching. “No,” he says and licks his lips. “I think maybe we should play a game where I chase you and see if I can catch you.”
If I’d been asked a month ago whether I thought being chased sounded sexy, I’d have said fuck no. Right now, the way Imry’s looking at me, I’ve definitely changed my mind.
“And if you can’t catch me?” I ask. “What do I win?”
Imry shrugs one shoulder. “What do you want?”
“I want to fuck you over the kitchen counter.” Not gonna lie, that’s totally been a fantasy of mine. “While we make cookies or something. I want to be covered in baking food, licking frosting from each other. Maybe mix some cum into the frosting and eat our cookies.” A shiver races down my spine.
Heat flashes in his eyes. He nods. “Okay.”
“If you win?” I ask.
“When I win, I’m going to fuck you right where I catch you. Maybe I’ll tie you up. I’m going to fuck you so hard that your screams are going to echo through the trees around us.”
The tone of his voice, the way he’s looking at me… it sets my blood on fire. My heart races. There’s a very distinct difference in Imry right now. I might not have realized it, but over the last couple months, I’ve seen a softer side of Imry than I think most of the world does. I’ve seen some insecurity. Vulnerability. Self-doubt.
Right now, none of that has a home in Imry Van Doren. He is the epitome of confidence.
“Okay,” I agree. “Ten-second head start.”
“I’ll give you a minute. I need to grab some rope, a condom, and lube.”
Another shiver races down my spine.
“Run,” Imry says, and his voice makes the little hairs all over my body stand on end.
My adrenaline spikes immediately, and I turn for the trees.
Imry’s house is surrounded by trees. I wouldn’t say it’s deep within the trees, but he’s deep enough that I can’t see the field or the property beyond. I run straight through, my feet crunching on fallen leaves and branches, the air whooshing in my ears. I make a calculated decision to slow down so I don’t run out of energy before he’s even begun to give chase.
Keeping the road that runs through the trees to my left and the river that runs through it on my right, I run toward Noaz’s house. Further beyond that is Kairo’s. I don’t know what lies beyond Kairo’s except more trees.
Part of me wants to win this bet. Another part of me wants to lose. I’ve yet to fuck this man for no other reason than his dick is so damn good. He’s agreed to my fantasy, though, and I really want it.
What truly keeps me going is that I’m being chased. Even knowing who’s chasing me and knowing he isn’t going to hurt me, it still keeps my blood drunk with adrenaline.
I move toward the water and slow down. It’s definitely been longer than a minute, and I haven’t heard Imry’s footfalls at all. I stop to listen, trying to catch my breath as silently as I can while I strain my ears.
These are big woods. Even if it’s not a massive hundred-acre forest—though maybe it is, I never thought to ask—the trees stretch on for ages. How will he even find me? Okay, maybe he’s grown up here, but still. Lots and lots of trees. Lots of ground to cover.
The confidence this lends me has me moving more slowly as I consider how I can win this. The only true ending our agreement came to was in the eventuality that Imry wins. He catches me, ties me up, and fucks me right here. I shiver with excitement. Okay, even though I’m going to win this one, that’s a game we’ll have to revisit another time.
But how do I end it as the winner? Maybe I’ll find somewhere that I can cross the river and loop back around toward Imry’s house. When he finally returns, losing our little game, I’ll be partially through baking cookies. Perfect set up.
His confidence is sexy, though. Not going to lie. I equally love that he’s allowed me to see parts of him he doesn’t share with the world. The two different pieces of him make him a whole, beautiful soul.
I can hear the water now, so I move in that direction but still keep north. I’m calling it north even if that’s inaccurate. Just like when you’re moving down a body, you say you’re moving south. Well, I’m moving up along the river. Therefore, I’m moving north.
There’s no indication Imry is anywhere near me. None at all. Minutes turn into half an hour, according to my phone, and I come upon a bridge that crosses the river and moves deeper to the right into the dense forest.
I pause at the bridge. An engine in the distance makes me stop to listen. It gets closer. I peek out from under the bridge in time to see it move into the trees. It’s not a vehicle I’m familiar with. It’s a white pickup truck.
With my hand on the stone, my feet just a foot from the water’s edge, I stare into the trees in the direction of Imry’s house. There’s no movement.
I smirk and glance up at the bridge. Now I have a way over the river. Easy peasy. I can start making my way back toward Imry’s house. I think we’re going to have sugar cookies. Royal icing seems like a good foundation to mix some cum in.
I don’t take more than a step forward when a hand wraps around my neck. My heart jumps, thundering in my chest as I’m yanked backward into a body. “You lose,” Imry’s voice says right at my year.
Shivers race through my body. Holy fuck. How did he even do that? Impossible.
Maybe it’s my adrenaline once more or maybe now, my libido, but this man gets my hands over my head with rope tightly wound around my wrists. Before I’ve managed to form a coherent question, Imry has the rope tied to the top of the bridge, with my feet barely touching the ground.
I’m completely at his mercy.
Something he fucking loves. His eyes glitter with triumph. Excitement. Lust. Control .
I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something else there, too. Something far more dangerous. However, my dick is totally on board with this, as is the rest of me. Imry remains in front of me while he drops his pants and slides the condom onto his cock. A rush of need races through me as another vehicle engine comes toward us.
My adrenaline spikes again, but this time for another reason. Imry looks entirely unfazed as he stalks toward me like I’m a rabbit caught in his trap, and he’s going to skin me alive. Holy fuck .