Chapter 43
Staying by myself became my goal. I no longer wanted to make friends, build relationships, or seek support.
I put my faith in loneliness. After all, loneliness can’t deceive you, it can’t cheat on you or betray you.
It would stay with you forever as a table for one for a quiet night out and a spacious bed meant only for you.
The chill no longer hurt our limbs. I couldn’t feel mine. All I could feel were my burning lungs and a dull ache in my chest.
My heart was beating so fast I could no longer feel it. Like it was no longer working.
The woods were dark. The branches grabbed my arms like silhouettes of shadow people. They were trying to stop me. To suck me into the void and bury me there forever.
Darkness was crawling under my skin, wriggling its way into my head. The thought of us getting lost made my chest tighten up in panic.
But I couldn’t trust my thoughts anymore. I simply kept running.
We didn’t stop once throughout this time. Because the game was on the moment I entered the room. Our lives were at stake.
The loser would die.
I gave Bell my coat and put on Eric’s black cloak. The same one I first saw him in. It still smelled of him. His scent gave me strength. Strength to run faster for a chance to never see him again .
It was drizzling. The rain stung our faces, getting in the eyes. It’s like it was helping us wash our sins away to finally free ourselves and get our old lives back.
I held Bell’s hand. Her warmth invigorated me. I could feel we were on the right track. I believed we’d make it.
I didn’t know, how long we were running for, but we finally saw the yellow lights of the street lamps among the trees up ahead.
Once we were out of the woods, I felt our lustration ritual was over. The nature gave us another chance. It had faith in our rebirth.
We didn’t stop running, now heading towards the pawn shop. Every move mattered. Every minute was precious.
We hastily ran into the pawn shop, panting heavily. Warm smell of old junk blasted our noses. I was struggling to unclasp the ice-cold necklace with trembling fingers. My hands were barely responsive, my eyes couldn’t see, so Bell helped me with it.
“How much...,” I was out of breath, “how much would you give us for it?” I asked in a single burst.
An old man with a gray beard and round glasses resting on his nose furrowed his long brows at us.
“Is someone after you?”
“We want to make it for the last bus,” I blurted out, giving him a strained smile.
I inhaled the warm air, yet I couldn’t get enough of it. The place felt like there was no air around at all.
He looked us over suspiciously and slowly took the necklace in his hand, examining it under a magnifying glass.
“Ladies, I don’t have that much money.”
He handed the necklace back to me.
“We’ll take whatever you can give.”
The man took the necklace to the back through a brown bead curtain and came back with a stack of cash. He placed it on the counter.
I grabbed it and we ran out of the pawn shop like it was on fire .
I was so grateful to all the Gods of this forsaken place for the pawn shop being so close to the bus terminal.
“Two tickets for any of the next buses.”
The ticket booth was about to close, but luck was on our side. I hoped we hadn’t run out of it and a losing streak wasn’t in the cards for us tonight.
Bell sat down on a wooden bench. The paint was peeling off of it.
I was pacing the pavement, waiting for the bus, pushing and rolling the ring anxiously so hard it hurt.
It should be here any minute.
Those were some of the most agonizing minutes of my life.
Adrenaline was running high, swinging me around on the tallest roller-coaster.
It seemed to me that Mortimer would walk out of the woods any moment, like a serial killer, to gun us down.
Headlamps of the passing cars would make me freeze. It felt like Eric was about to show up. I wasn’t afraid of him, but of what he might say. It was something I was too scared to even think about.
I looked up at the rusty clock hanging on the old bus station building. We’ve been gone for two hours already. They must be looking for us already.
Anxiety was gnawing at me, making my heart jump like a tennis ball on a racket.
Were they gonna go to the university first? Was it even open?
I prayed it was.
It was important for us to know when they realized we were gone. If it happened after an hour or so, we stood a chance. If they found out before then, we were already dead.
I kept rolling the ring hard on my middle finger. Pain kept my feet on the ground, not letting me get lost in my own thoughts. I was getting harder to fight them off.
Maybe we should have taken a car ?
No. They’d have heard the car running straight away. And I wasn’t sure the car would have been free of trackers. Even if we were to drive away, he’d still find us.
Maybe we should have hitch-hiked?
No. It’s night-time. We’re two girls wearing gowns. We might as well have stayed at the house.
“Zoe.”
Bell pulled me out of the slough of my thoughts.
“Look.”
For the first time in a long while I could see her genuine smile. Feeble sense of joy filled my mind, but it was still a long way away from actual relief.
The bus headlights illuminated the wet road ahead, and the sound of the old engine came closer, drowning out the silence.
I came up to her and hugged Bell tight.
“We made it, just as I promised you. We made it, see?”
Bell nodded, smiling to me. I could see tears of joy in her eyes, and I hugged her tight once more.
We stood there, holding hands, watching as the bus rolled up to the terminal.
Bell pulled me towards the doors.
“Let’s go.”
“You go first. I’ll make sure it’s okay.”
If someone shows up, I’ll hold them back. I would sacrifice myself for Bell. I promised her life, and she’d have it.
“Zoe?”
I turned my head to look at her.
“Thank you.”
My eyes spotted a shadow of a man by the bus.
I opened my mouth to warn her, but the bullet was faster. It exited Bell’s head and I saw a stream of blood flowing from her forehead down her nose and cheek. She fell on dirty pavement like she was never alive at all .
I ran up to her, my knees hitting the asphalt.
“Bell. Bell. Bell.”
I laid her head on my lap. Her open eyes glazed over. My hands were shaking, tears falling down on their own.
I couldn’t deny what I saw.
She was dead.
Life left her body fast and I was glad she got to have at least an illusion of happiness before she got killed like a wild animal.
I closed her eyes and began stroking her hair.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Bell. Please, forgive me.”
I kept whispering like she could still hear me.
I nestled her still warm body in my arms, rocking her back and forth, like a baby.
“Turns out you’re even dumber than I thought.”
The familiar voice made my body shudder. I’d hoped to never hear that voice again.
I lifted my tearful eyes to look at Mortimer.
He was wearing a dark-brown trench-coat, a gun still in his left hand.
“I’m going to kill you,” I hissed.
His grim laughter sounded muffled with the bus running next to us.
I gingerly laid Bell’s head on the ground. I slowly got to my feet and took a few steps towards him.
His ghoulish smile finally matched his true nature. We no longer had to play this stupid game.
When I was right in front of him, he pointed the gun at my chest.
My hand slipped into my right pocket, feeling about for the knife.
“Who do you think you are? A savior? Hero? You’re less than fucking nothing.”
“And who’re you? A murderer, rapist, psychopath... ”
He pistol-whipped me in the temple.
I slipped and fell to the asphalt, hitting my elbow on the hard ground.
My vision went dark and I tried blinking the blackness away.
I touched my temple and felt warm blood seeping out.
“Wonder why he took you in. You’re a yappy cow who doesn’t know when to shut up. Did you like our interior? Did Laura show you our house? I saw you chat in her room. You never left it once. You knew one another.”
I tried getting up, but he kicked me in the stomach. My breath hitched as my back met the asphalt.
“Zoe Torn. I looked you up. A wife? Housewife? You’re a fucking loser. No education, no remarkable blood or a wink of power. Your family’s up to their ears in debt, your mom’s in a coma. You should worship Eric for taking someone like you under his wing.”
He pressed his foot on my stomach and leaned in.
“It’s your fault my Laura’s dead. My wife died today because of you, bitch.”
He kicked me in the ribs. I yelled out in pain, feeling one of them crack.
“Her name’s Bell. Bastard,” I hissed through the pain.
His foot collided with my face and everything started spinning. I was sure I’d pass out.
My eyes stared at the bleak star-filled sky.
He stepped on my broken rib and I screamed at the top of my lungs. He grabbed me by the hair, lifting me to my knees.
“She was my wife. Laura was my wife.”
I looked into his rage-filled eyes, realizing he actually believed his own ravings.
“She is not your wife,” I spat.
He slapped me.
The running engine muffled all the sounds .
“Any last words, bitch?”
“What do you value most in life?”
He looked at me like I was dirt under his shoes.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
I gripped the knife tighter, slowly pulling it out of my pocket.
“You took her from me, and I’ll take the only precious thing you have left.”
I drove the knife into the neck with one swift stab. His eyes widened in shock. He dropped the gun, grasping at the knife in his throat. He was suffocating, choking on blood.
Fighting through the pain, I got back to my feet, feeling in control once again.
“Looks like you need help.”
I approached him confidently, jerking the knife out of his neck.
A stream of blood spurted out like a fountain as his choking got worse. He dropped to his knees, struggling to cover the wound with his hand.
I came closer and kicked him in the chest. He fell to the ground, quivering in agony.
He had seconds left to live, and I was going to make sure they felt like hell.
I sat on top of him and began stabbing the knife into his body. He whined, but his moans stopped soon after.
I kept stubbing and dragging the knife out until the body was nothing but a mess of blood and wounds staining my face, hands, cloak and dress. He wasn’t breathing anymore, but I kept thrusting the knife deep into his body.
I couldn’t stop. I wanted to keep killing him. Again. And again.
“Zoe.”
I froze, knife still in my hand.
“He can’t feel it anymore.”
Eric crouched down, but I wouldn’t look at him.
“Give me the knife. ”
I ignored him.
“He’s dead. He can’t feel anything now.”
“Then why can’t I feel anything anymore, either?”
My gaze fell on my hands, still gripping the knife.
“Kill me.”
He stayed silent.
“Kill me,” I yelled.
His eyes, two black holes in outer space, stared at me.
“I ran away and betrayed you. You told me you’d kill me.”
He stared back in silence.
“Not today, Zoe.”
When? When would you kill me? I couldn’t wait any longer.
I wanted the pain to stop. The pain was unbearable, it broke my bones and ground them together with my innards.
I was on fire. My mind, my body and my soul were consumed by pain. They twisted and smoldered within me.
The pain wouldn’t go away. It got worse and worse.
I turned the knife over and my left hand gripped the right. I turned it on myself, but Eric’s warm hand didn’t let it dig into my flesh.
“Let go!”
“No.”
“I want to die!” I cried out through tears.
“You aren’t gonna die.”
“Let me die!”
He forcefully opened my hand and took the knife away. He threw it away and the knife hit the pavement with a clink.
“No!” I yelled at the top of my voice.
Wailing and sobbing took over my screams. They came from the bottom of my heart, crawling to my throat. My whole body was shaking. I wanted to leave this mortal frame and put it to rest for good .
Eric pulled me close, wrapping me in a warm embrace. I gripped his arm with both hands, choking on my tears.
I’d never experienced such all-consuming pain before. It tried to wipe me off the face of the earth but I kept breathing. I felt like I was in hell. And I truly was.