Chapter 17
Shay
Students will be able to confront the throbbing consequences of their own actions.
“Wait a second. Back up. So, he picks you up from the oddball bar that you went to with the oddball people. Did he bring the kid with him?”
I glared at the screen while Jaime shook her iced coffee. That sound was scratching my brain. “No. I think he called Mrs. Castro to babysit. Or she was there? I don’t remember.”
Many of the details were fuzzy. One of the more shameful results of last night.
“And then you had that little conversation,” she said. I didn’t see any reason to share the meltdown I had over my abandonment issues. She knew. She didn’t need that update. “The one where you said some snippy things and he said some snippy things.”
I shifted, shoving another pillow under my head. It was noon though I wasn’t prepared to leave my bed yet. “The one where he said I could divorce him if I didn’t like his rules.”
“Oof. You two should just bang and get it over with,” Jaime replied.
I scowled at the image of her on my screen. “That is not the answer.”
Her brows pinched together. “Pretty sure it is.”
“It’s not like I wanted to call him. And I didn’t ask him to pick me up. He chose to do that on his own. I’d just like to know what his problem is because—”
“Because you need that information in order to bang him? Let me tell you, you’re allowed to bang him without tracing those roots all the way down. And, side note, you don’t need to adopt those issues, whatever they might be, because they’re his issues and they’re about him . Not you.”
“I am not adopting—”
“Doll. I’ve heard every inch of this story.
In my professional opinion, based upon the conclusive evidence I gathered with my own two eyes a couple of weeks ago, that boy adores you and he doesn’t know what to do about that.
Also, he’s not great at speaking words. In case you haven’t noticed.
He needs to put all his misery to good use and you need to bend over and take it. ”
I gaped at her. “What?”
“Okay, I mean, maybe have a conversation about how you’re both clearly very”—she waggled her eyebrows—“for each other and then bang it out. You’ll feel better. Promise.”
I had a hard time believing Noah saw me in any sexual sense.
“I don’t think that’s accurate. And that’s not part of our arrangement,” I said, shielding my eyes from the sun slanting through the window.
“And it’s a damn good thing it isn’t because he throws around divorce like he’s already looking for a reason to end it. ”
Jaime pursed her lips. “Do you want to vent while I listen supportively or do you want me to offer solutions?”
“I don’t know,” I whined. “I’m annoyed about everything that happened last night.”
“Right. Relying on your husband is so last season.”
“He’s not my husband.”
“He is your husband,” she replied. “You might not be doing the picket fence thing but he can give you a ride home when you’re stuck in a sketchy bar without it being a great act of charity.
Even if he wasn’t your husband, he’s your friend.
You can and should expect him to be there for you when you need it.
” She shook her coffee again and my skull throbbed. “Remind me why you can’t bang him?”
“There are so many reasons but the one I keep coming back to is he walked in while I was scrubbing the bathtub naked. No one can recover from that. Even if he was interested in me—which he isn’t—he got an eyeful of asshole, James.”
“You know, in some circles that’s just how people get to know each other,” she replied.
“In— what ? What are you talking about?”
She waved a hand. “I’m not really into it so I can’t offer much detail but I know it happens.”
“Should I be concerned about you?” I asked.
“No more than usual.” She shook her head.
“I’m good. I’ve been to therapy for the past couple of weeks.
I’m a week ahead on my lesson plans. I’ve made friends with your replacement despite resenting her existence on principle.
I’m taking my vitamins, drinking my water.
Having lots of sex with people I barely know.
It’s good. I’m good. Let’s not worry about me when we have your problems to deal with. You should bang your husband.”
“Oh my god, Jaime,” I muttered. “That’s not going to happen.”
“It’s the best hangover remedy I know,” she said. “And I promise you will bang him eventually, at which point you’ll have to come back here and admit that I told you so.” She wagged a finger at me. “I’m going to add Grace to this call so she can start taking bets on when that will happen.”
“I can’t talk to Grace today,” I grumbled. “She’s going to tell me to get out of bed and get over myself, and I don’t want to hear any of that.”
“Then go talk to your husband,” she said.
“No. I’m going to avoid him as long as possible. I did not appreciate his bearishness last night.”
“You’ll appreciate that bearishness later,” she muttered. “If I know his type—and I think I do—it will work out nicely for you.”
I slapped a hand over my eyes. “I should’ve called Audrey. She would’ve said I’m beautiful and perfect and told me how to make an anti-inflammatory smoothie to stop my skull from squeezing my brain so hard.”
“She would do that because she believes she can solve most problems with the use of kitchen equipment,” Jaime said. “I believe you can solve your problem with the use of your husband’s equipment and I think it’s nutty that you’re pretending otherwise.”
“He doesn’t want me,” I whispered, and those words pained me to articulate.
There were so, so many people who didn’t want me and it hurt every time I found another to add to the list. “I know you disagree and I love that you’re cheering so hard but he’s not attracted to me.
He isn’t. It took him a long time to warm up to me, and most days it seems like I get on his nerves or he can’t wait to get away from me.
So much scowling and jaw clenching. He’s going to ruin his teeth if he keeps it up. ”
“We’ll let his dentist worry about that.”
“When he does like me, it’s because we’re playing a part.
It’s a game. And it doesn’t matter how I feel because it’s not going anywhere.
Add to that the fact it’s ridiculous to call him my husband.
He’s a guy I married so I could inherit a tulip farm that I don’t even know how to operate and he could expand his business. Nothing is happening between us.”
“You might be right,” she said after a moment.
“But why would he get so upset about you being stranded at a random bar? Why would he call a sitter, go and pick you up at this bar, take you home, and then give you a talking-to about what he’ll allow his wife to do if nothing is happening?
Is that how someone behaves when they can’t wait to get away from you? ”
I stared at her for a minute, not knowing how to respond. Then, “I thought you said this wasn’t a Hallmark movie.”
She lifted her shoulders, let them fall. “It won’t be a Hallmark movie when you bang him. Those things never get past first base. One chaste kiss, end of story. Daddy Bread Baker won’t stop until that dough rises.”
“You have to stop calling him that,” I said. “And I don’t understand that metaphor. Am I the dough in this? Do I have to be the dough? That seems…unflattering.”
“I wonder,” she started, tapping a finger to her lips, “if the real issue is fully unrelated to your Daddy Bread Baker. I wonder if you’ve walled off everything relating to sexytimes and intimacy, and convinced yourself you’re not ready.”
“Of course I’m not ready,” I snapped. “I just got out of a long-term relationship that ended with me left at the altar.”
“Yes. He did that to you and it was awful. But when he left, he took himself away. He took a lot of important things but he didn’t take you. He didn’t take the best of you. I believe you’re more ready than you think,” Jaime said gently.
“I’m not sure,” I whispered.
“You will be,” she said. “Eventually.”