Chapter 8
chapter eight
Jude
Today's vocabulary word: pressure
Audrey: I'm going to send some flowers to your mother on the day of the engagement party she's hosting but I wanted to check if she has any allergies or sensitivities first.
I stared at her message in the dark, drafting and deleting responses while Percy slept starfished in the twin bed beside mine. Half his stuffed friends were already on the floor.
As predicted, Brenda had passed out in her recliner before we returned from our rock hunt.
She'd draped a quilt made of Penny's old t-shirts and pajamas over her legs and—not for the first time today—I felt like an asshole for wanting sole custody.
I'd never prevent her from seeing Percy but we couldn't keep going like this. Not without some big changes.
I reread Audrey's messages even though I could hear every one of them in my head as if she'd spoken the words right into my ear.
That was a fucking problem.
Jude: You don't need to send her anything
Audrey: Why? Because we're operating under the assumption that I'm a coldhearted demon spawn who doesn't care about anyone but myself?
Audrey: Or are you too busy being belligerent to answer a simple question? If that's the case, you're going to make it really obvious to your mother that this is a sham.
Audrey: I'm trying to help you here but you're too busy being a shitfinch to notice.
I didn't know what a shitfinch was but there was no doubt in my mind I was being one. There was no good reason to give her such a hard time but seeing her and talking to her again unleashed something in me. I couldn't stop being an asshole.
Or a shitfinch.
Maybe I was just getting it out of my system.
Burning off the worst of it before we were in front of my mother and we had to— Fuck.
I couldn't think about what it meant to bring Audrey home and call her my fiancée.
I couldn't put myself there yet. We'd make it happen when the time came.
All I had to do was build some mental walls around it until then.
Jude: Not sure when you leveled up your vocab but it's colorful
Audrey: You're about as helpful as old yeast
I was shoehorned into a lumpy little bed with a roommate who snored like a buzzsaw and I had a very difficult conversation with Brenda waiting for me tomorrow morning, yet I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. There was no reason for this. Not a single fucking one.
Jude: My mother's been asking if we've set a date. Feel free to invent one.
Audrey: Yeah sure no problem, on it…since I'm inventing everything else
Audrey: I take it I'll be doing all the talking too. There's no possible way for that to blow up in our faces
Jude: take a breath pls
Jude: you know my mother. She's a squirrel on a chill day.
Audrey: right and squirrels never notice when they're being scammed
Jude: it makes sense that we'd do the long-distance thing for a while with me traveling for work all the time and you being based in Boston. Go back to the basics. Don't sweat it. She just wants to see you and throw a party.
Audrey: I really don't understand how you think it's that simple
Jude: Maybe it's not but I think we'll figure it out when it's go time
Audrey: Can you just tell me if she has any allergies?
Jude: I don't think so but I meant it when I said you don't have to send anything
Audrey: Sorry but I can't show up to a party being thrown in my honor without a gift for the hostess. The choices are to send flowers in advance or carve out a lobe of my liver and hand it to her at the door.
Jude: Those good girl manners die hard
Audrey: They die but they stick around and haunt the attic
I laughed and a heavy pressure built in my chest, right behind my breastbone. It was like indigestion but deeper—and worse. I really didn't have time for a heart attack.
Jude: Did you get your flight info?
Audrey: I did, thank you.
It annoyed me that I knew from that response she was holding something back. I wanted to wipe my memory of her quiet tells and quirks, and return to a time when I didn't think about her every minute of every day.
Jude: You're good with it?
Audrey: I'm worried about getting home in time for my friend's wedding.
Jude: You arrive in Boston on Thursday night. Your friend's wedding isn't until a full week after that.
Audrey: Right but we have a bunch of events before the wedding and I have the entire bachelorette bar crawl to plan. I can't get behind schedule.
Jude: I think you'll be okay for the bar crawl
A few minutes passed without another message from Audrey.
There was nothing else to say and I needed to get some sleep but the pressure in my chest only increased.
I checked my work email just to have a new problem to bother myself with but there was nothing waiting for me.
I skimmed the headlines—depressing—and glanced at the weather in Seattle, where I was due for meetings later this week.
Then I tried to get comfortable, but in this bed that wasn't much of an option.
I resented myself for it but I went back to our text thread.
Jude: My mother's always liked hydrangeas. The blue ones you'd see around Hartford in the summer.
Jude: She's mentioned it's something she misses now that she's in the desert
I rubbed a hand to my sternum, hoping to ease the twinge there. Didn't help.
Audrey: I appreciate that. Thank you.
Jude: Yeah, no problem
Audrey: I guess I'll see you in Phoenix this weekend then. Could you send me your itinerary so I know where to find you when I arrive? In case there are any delays with your flight?
Something snapped inside me, like an old rubber band stretched too far for too long. I went to my calendar though it didn't matter much what I found there because I'd already decided.
Jude: Small change of plans actually. I'm flying out with you from Boston.
Audrey: I thought you had to work on the west coast this week
Jude: Only the first part of the week
It wasn't true. Then again, none of this was true.
Audrey: Oh okay
Audrey: then I'll see you at the airport
But at least I could breathe without feeling like my chest was about to cave in now.
Jude: I'll pick you up