Chapter 28
chapter twenty-eight
Audrey
Today's vocabulary word: compensate
"Same botanical garden location, different season," Janet said, setting another collage on the table. "I played around with the color palette here to give it more of a warm autumn feel. See what I mean?"
"It's lovely," I said, running my gaze over the designs.
I'd come prepared to humor the hell out of her and fake all my enthusiasm.
If it came to it, I'd pull her down an obscure rabbit hole—a cute quote for custom cocktail napkins, symbolic dessert options, fun table names with special meanings.
So far, there'd been no need to dip into my bag of tricks.
Not with everything she'd crammed into that binder. "The autumn one is really pretty."
The hard part of this charade was that I liked her designs.
If we were actually getting married, I'd chain myself to a few of these looks.
It left me with a bittersweet mix of longing and guilt.
I didn't want to think that this could've been real.
If things had been different and life hadn't been what it was for us—for me—this might've been ours.
The thought was a fine shard of glass in my heart.
"If you get bored at the car dealership, there's a future for you in event design," I said.
"These are just ideas," Janet said for the fortieth time today.
Always very careful to make sure I knew she didn't want to steamroll me.
But at the same time, there were a few constants in every design and plenty of comments that made her priorities crystal clear.
Suffice it to say, the cake would be frosted in buttercream, round, and three tiers.
Five if we really thought it was necessary.
And no "ridiculous" flavors like lemon. "I'm sure you have plenty of your own. "
I reached for my drink, laughing. "You'd think so. All of my friends have been getting married over the last few years—one is getting married in Rhode Island next weekend, actually—but I haven't found much time to consider what I'd want."
"Jude mentioned you had to head back east for your bestie's big day." Janet's grin over the rim of her iced tea was intensely curious. "Too bad he has so many meetings and won't be there as your date."
I didn't have to fake the fun but I was fighting for my life with these stray comments. Last night's boundless joy still bubbled over but now there was a strange new element.
At first, I'd filed those meaningful stares and not-quite passive-aggressive but definitely somewhat aggressive comments away as my own hypersensitivity.
Count on me to take the emotional pulse in the room every thirty seconds and overcompensate for it.
And after being the main event and monologuing my way through four long hours of drinks, dinner, and dessert last night, I was mentally toasted today.
Whatever my spidey senses picked up, I felt it twenty times harder than reality.
I told myself everything was fine and that I was being paranoid.
But then I realized Janet had her doubts.
"I know." I threw in a dramatic groan to make sure she knew I was heartsick over it. "He'd love the tulip farm where it's being held. It's that offbeat brand of quirky that he enjoys so much."
She tapped a hot pink nail to a collage doused in shades of plum and evergreen. She was right. He'd take one glance at the table and pick that palette. "He'll only do it if he can do it his own way."
"I couldn't say it better myself." I pulled that collage closer. The less we talked about Jude, the less she tried to interrogate me. "Do you think this would work for summer? Or does it belong in late autumn or winter?"
She propped her reading glasses on her head. "You're leaning toward summer, then?"
"We've talked about it." I held up two color palettes as if I was torn between them. "Summer plays well with teacher schedules."
"Mmm. I hadn't thought about that." She shuffled the papers into orderly rows. "Summer is tougher for Jude though. With Percy in Michigan."
"We'd definitely plan around that visit," I said quickly. "If we went with a summer date. We wouldn't get married without Percy there. That's out of the question."
Janet studied her designs for a moment. Going for a calm, completely unflustered vibe, I sat back and nibbled a tortilla chip. Internally, I was kicking myself. I knew Percy spent summers with his maternal grandmother. I couldn't believe I'd tripped myself up on such a basic detail.
"And your family? Do they have any thoughts on the date?"
I was amazed that I didn't snort-laugh. "Not too much, no." The peacekeeper in me wanted to pour on details about them just being excited to celebrate with us whenever this fictional wedding occurred but the rest of me knew I wouldn't be able to say it without gagging.
She reached for my hand, gave me a firm squeeze. "I'm just so happy you've been able to put the past behind you."
I sensed a ripple in the waters, the start of a subtle but serious undertow that would drag me under if I didn't brace myself now. "Growing up will do that to you." I lifted my shoulders in a bashful shrug. "And there's a lot to learn from time apart."
If Janet remembered saying those exact things to us back in high school during one of the many too serious too fast lectures, she didn't show it.
She slipped her glasses into place and examined one of the designs she'd referred to as "my son would hate this.
" She smiled at the mauvey pink and honeyed yellow.
He would hate it. "I hope that's true." A slight edge rang in those words.
"All those years and he wouldn't tell me what happened between you two. "
Now, that was new information. I'd never thought much about what Jude might've told her—or anyone—but it shocked me that he'd kept it all buttoned up. I figured he would've given her the headlines. At least make it known where the blame belonged.
"He went through hell," she went on. "That whole year it was like he was walking under a rain cloud.
But he wouldn't talk about it. Wouldn't let me help.
" She flicked a hand as she rolled her eyes.
"Then he picked up and transferred to Caltech the next year.
The change was good for him. He needed to stretch his legs, like I always thought. "
I choked on air but explained it away with, "Tortilla chip crumb," between gulps of water.
Glasses were refilled and the offending chips removed, which was sad because I was using them for a prop and emotional support.
I needed both more than ever if I was to accept the fact Jude switched to a school an hour away from mine and I didn't know about it until right now.
One of the many problems about inventing a relationship out of thin air was that I had to act like I knew all of this.
All I could do was go along with her and not ask a single question because a real fiancée would have the answers.
A real fiancée would've known her future husband had gone to school forty-five miles away from her at Pepperdine for three whole years.
A real fiancée would've known why he transferred there.
Janet offered a tissue from her purse. "Are you all right, sweetheart?"
"Fine, fine," I wheezed as I blotted my eyes. "Sorry about all that."
"No sweat." She laughed like she hadn't been flame-grilling me just now.
"Rita has this post-nasal acid reflux situation.
She chokes on something daily." She tucked the tissue packet away, saying, "It took him a long time to move on, Audrey.
I won't say he ever got over you because I don't think he did. "
All these truths piled up in my stomach.
I did my best to look like I understood—that I wasn't hearing this for the first time today—and that she didn't have to worry about a repeat performance.
Even if that was exactly where we were heading.
"It was a tough time for both of us," I said. "I wouldn't wish it on anyone."
She stared at me like she wouldn't mind slicing through the layers of my skin until she found my true intentions for her son—or my soul rotting away like an old apple core, whichever she stumbled upon first. That was when I knew it was me she doubted, not the engagement or Jude or anything else.
She wanted a guarantee I wouldn't hurt him again.
It killed me that I'd be the villain in her story once more.
Her face brightened and she leaned close like she wanted to tell me a secret. "We've done enough with the palettes and collages, don't you think? Let's get out of here. I have an idea."
"You'd tell me if it's too much, right?" Janet pivoted on the block in front of the mirrors. "I wouldn't want to steal your spotlight."
I didn't know how to tell her that the last thing in the world I cared about was anyone stealing my spotlight. She shifted again and rhinestone-studded layers on the flapper dress went with her. "It's gorgeous," I said. She really was radiant. The style was perfect for her. "It feels like you."
"The new boobs help." She palmed her breasts and gave them a jiggle. "It's pretty but I don't want to commit to anything until you finalize your plans. Who knows? You might end up doing this at a fancy yacht club back east and I'd look like a nut."
"I can promise there will be no yacht clubs," I said.
Janet turned from the mirrors to face me.
I knew what was coming next. She didn't bring me to a bridal boutique only to show off the mother of the groom dresses she'd scoped out.
No, she wanted me trying on gowns for the next hour, and unless I jumped up and ran right through the shop's front window, I didn't see any way out of it.
Motioning to a mannequin dressed in a lovely lace gown, Janet asked, "Isn't that spectacular?"
I pushed up from the cream velvet sofa to get a better look.
It was beautiful and since I was playing the role of Audrey, Jude's fiancée, and not Audrey, the real person, it didn't matter whether it was far too elaborate for my tastes.
Audrey, Jude's fiancée, couldn't wait to try on dresses.
She loved huge ball gowns and fussy lace sleeves, and she definitely didn't have any lingering PTSD over the last time she'd been shoehorned into a dress and shoved down the aisle.
She wouldn't hyperventilate at the sight of herself.
"It's spectacular," I said, tracing a finger down the tiny line of buttons on the back.
Janet clapped her hands together. "You should try it on! Just for fun! Since we're here."
I grinned at her. This would be fine. I probably wouldn't break out in hives. "Since we're here."