Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
DELPHI
Things have been odd between us since I told him about Samuel. He’s been as attentive as he always has been, but now he’s being—dare I say it—too careful. Like he’s waiting for me to break.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around him or what I’m supposed to say. Everything feels unsettled, and it’s making me antsy as fuck.
I keep reading over his letters, reminding myself that the person who wrote these wouldn’t just leave me, not now. But it’s hard to convince myself of that in the dead of night when I have ghosts whispering in my ear about how pathetic I am.
At least my cast is off now, so I don’t have to deal with that.
Now, the cuffs I hadn’t felt the need to wear much around Kruger are firmly in place, because I find his eyes drifting to them all the time, like he alone is responsible for them.
It would be easy for me to blame him and the club.
I could blame Blade or Lee. Hell, I could blame Bear or God himself.
But the only person who put that blade in my hand was me.
I can’t even say I regret it, as fucked-up as that sounds.
But hitting rock bottom wasn’t enough. I had to crawl out from the basement below it to start healing.
And let me tell you, healing, living in general, when everything hurts, is so much harder than the cold comfort death offers.
I don’t know if my being here now is a good thing or a sign of madness, but here I am anyway.
The point is, I’ve come too far to backslide.
And though this is all new and fresh for Kruger, it’s a barely scabbed-over wound for me that he just keeps picking at.
It happened to me, not him. As he takes his time working through shit, I feel the stirring rebellion of resentment grow, which is precisely what I didn’t want. Something has to give, and it has to be soon, before one of us breaks.
“You want to go out and grab something to eat later?”
I look over at him as he parks the truck. “I thought Hannibal and Lola were going to be at the clubhouse tonight.”
“No, they are. But I don’t need to be there—”
“Kruger. Hannibal is your friend.”
“Hannibal doesn’t have friends.”
He jumps out of the truck, but I’m too pissed to wait for him. Instead, I open the door and jump down.
“You’re supposed to wait for me.”
“I’m capable of getting out of a truck all on my own. Been doing it my whole life,” I snark back.
“Hey, what’s with the fucking attitude?” He pins me to the truck and leans over me. My heart rate picks up as he cages me in.
“I don’t have an attitude. You’re the one acting all fucking weird, and I can’t handle it anymore.”
“How am I acting weird?”
“Ever since I told you about Samuel—”
“Don’t.”
“See, this is what I’m talking about. You’re making me wish I kept my goddamn mouth shut, which sucks because it means I don’t feel comfortable telling you anything else. And where the hell does that leave us?”
“You can tell me anything. I’ll do better—”
I shove him. “I don’t need you to be better. I need you to be my Kruger. I don’t know what you’ve done with him, but I want him back, dammit.”
“Why? What the fuck would you want with that loser? I’m the reason this happened. I let you down, I—”
I slap him, stunning the shit out of us both. I cover my mouth with my hand, shock rendering him speechless.
“Don’t talk about yourself that way,” I hiss, feeling tears prick my eyes.
God, I’m so sick of crying. What is it with this man?
“I didn’t lose my boy because of you. I didn’t lose my husband because of you.
” I hold my hand up before he argues with me.
“He made that choice when he turned traitor. He marked himself for death. If it hadn’t been that night, it would have been another. ”
I reach up and cup his face. “It’s not your fault I hurt myself. I made that choice. And now, I’m here making a different one. I’m choosing you, Kruger, but you have to come back to me. Your guilt is like a third person in this relationship, and I can’t—”
My words are cut off when his mouth slams down on mine. With my back pinned to the truck, I have nowhere to go—not that I want to be anywhere else but here.
His hand slips under my T-shirt and slides up my ribs, making me shiver as his tongue dances with mine. He pushes his leg between mine. My pussy is now resting on his thigh, and with how achy I am, I can’t help but grind down on him.
“Jesus, chestnut, you’re on fire.”
His cell phone rings, making him sigh. He yanks it out and answers it without looking. “Yeah, Nathan, I’ve got it.” He hangs up and shoves it back in his pocket.
“Nathan says to keep it for the sheets, not the streets.”
I chuckle, “Right, how could I forget about the cameras?”
“You’re not the only one. I lose my fucking mind around you.”
I look up at him, grabbing the front of his cut with both hands. “You’re back?”
He presses his lips to my forehead. “Yeah, chestnut, I’m back.”
“I’m sorry I slapped you. I said I’d never do it again and yet here we are.”
“Don’t be sorry. Turns out I needed some sense knocked into me.”
I snort and let him lead me inside. We head up to see Theo, whom I’ve visited every day since we found him hiding out here.
I knock on the door when we get there, which makes Kruger sigh. “Woman, you own the place.”
“So? Right now, it’s Theo’s home. He deserves a little privacy. Besides, there are some things you can’t unsee, and walking in on teenage boys doing things is something that would burn my retinas clean off.”
He cracks up laughing as the door opens.
“Hey. You know you can just let yourself in. It’s your place,” Theo says, which just sets Kruger off again.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He hit his funny bone.”
“Huh?”
“He found it humorous.”
“What?”
“Ugh, tough crowd. The bruising looks better, and your eyes are the same shape now. You don’t look like Sloth from the Goonies anymore.”
“I did not look like Sloth, right?” he asks Kruger, who grins.
“So what have you been up to?” I ask
“You know, the usual. Had a wild party.”
“Nice. Filled with ladies and liquor?”
“Obviously. Is it even a party without liquor and ladies?”
“True that. What else?”
“Got a tattoo on my ass of a kangaroo, thought I might rob a bank later. But then I thought, why rob a bank? Why not rob a casino?”
“Aim big or go home. Nice. Why a kangaroo?”
“Because I’m really good at going down—”
Kruger covers Theo’s mouth with his hand as I giggle into mine.
“You two are fucking insane.”
He lets Theo go, ruffling his hair in the process.
“Dude, watch the hair.”
Kruger cocks an eyebrow. “Wait, you made it look that way on purpose?”
Theo throws the cushion at him. “At least I’m not going gray.”
“I wasn’t going gray until I met you.”
Theo grips his chest and grimaces. “Emotional damage.”
And that sets me off again. I can’t help it, this kid is…well, he’s fucking awesome. And I hate that he’s stuck here hiding out from shitty fucking parents who don’t deserve him.
“Alright, settle down. I have news.” Kruger takes a seat next to me. I knew he had spoken to Havoc, but Havoc wanted to call church about the whole thing, so I’ve been in limbo, waiting.
“The club did some digging. We have some shit on your stepfather. We’re willing to use it as leverage to keep him off your back. Can’t do dick to get your mom out, though, if she doesn’t want to leave.”
Theo looks at me. I lean forward and squeeze his knee.
“Not your job to fix her, kid. It’s a tough lesson to learn, but you can’t save everyone.
And honestly, some people just don’t want to be saved.
You’ve gotta think about you. Maybe getting out and being safe will give her the courage to do the same.
Maybe it won’t. Either way, it’s not on you, Theo. ”
He rubs his hand over his face but nods. “So I have to go back home?” His shoulders slump.
I fist my hands and look at Kruger, who is staring hard at Theo.
Despite his initial reaction to Theo, he’s come to care about him too.
I know sending him home doesn’t sit right with him any more than it does me.
Of course, he doesn’t know that I’m planning on giving Theo the spare key to the shop, so he has a safe place he can come to anytime he wants.
“We’re renting a one-bedroom right now. It’s a stopgap. I wanted someplace where I could have Delphi to myself so I could make her stop hating me, maybe even make her fall in love with me a little.”
“I think that plan was a success,” Theo mutters, making us both look at him. “What? Of course, you love him. It’s obvious.”
“It is?”
He shakes his head. “Women. Always gotta make shit complicated.”
“Language.”
He rolls his eyes but leans back with a smirk and crosses one of his lean legs over his knee at the ankle. “If he disappeared tomorrow, how would you feel?”
“Sad. Upset. Hurt,” I answer straight away before I turn to look at Kruger. “Alone, worried, scared.”
Kruger takes my hand in his, his intense eyes locked on mine as I frown and look at Theo. “Wait, I feel that way about you, too.”
Theo’s eyes widen. “Really?”
Kruger snorts. “Guess that means she loves us both, kid. I waited a lifetime for this woman, and now I’ve gotta share her with you? Typical,” Kruger jokes, but Theo looks stunned.
“You love me?”
I shrug, then nod.
“But how do you know?”
I get up and move so I’m sitting on the coffee table in front of him, take one of his hands in mine, and repeat the same thing I said about Kruger. “Because the thought of you leaving makes me feel sad and upset and hurt. If you were gone, I’d be alone, and worried and scared.”
“You won’t ever be alone,” Kruger’s voice breaks in, making me look over at him and wink.
“Hey, Kruger?”
“Yeah, chestnut?”
“How do you feel about having kids? See, I’m not great at having babies, but someone told me they thought I’d make a pretty great mom. And well, I found a pretty great kid here who’s already potty-trained. Can we keep him?”