Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
I didn’t realize it was possible to be miserable while eating cotton candy, but here I was, plopping the sugar strands straight into my mouth and forcing yet another smile. The sweetness was cloying on my tongue.
“You’re not very good at that,” Grant said, grabbing a huge hunk of cotton candy from my stick and stuffing it into his mouth.
“What?”
“Pretending like everything is fine.”
I heaved out a sigh, my arms glistening with sweat. They’d started the filming day early, ushering us into vans at sunrise. We’d driven for close to an hour before Brady excitedly pulled open my door, announcing we’d arrived.
The end destination had turned out to be an empty parking lot, of all places, where a few of those sad carnival rides had been erected.
Not to be a downer, but the whole thing was pathetic.
As if a few colorful monstrosities assembled on this lava-hot asphalt could actually fool anyone into thinking this was a fun date.
Grant and I sat on the edge of a picnic table with the rides framed in the background. At the mansion it was easier to forget about the show’s low budget, but at this particular moment, I was feeling every bit of it.
I sighed, looking over at him as he arched an eyebrow. “Everything is fine,” I insisted.
“I can tell all you’re thinking about is Danny.” His mouth was full, the cotton candy still melting on his tongue.
“No, I’m not.”
His shoulders shook with laughter. “Please. Let’s be real, my chances—along with those of every other sad schmuck here—blew out the window the minute he walked in. We all saw how you two looked at each other.”
I glanced over at the cameras nervously, but Brady waved his hand, signaling us to keep going. Apparently, Grant and I didn’t have to fake it any longer now that Danny was here.
Talking about him was the show they wanted, which put me on edge. Because that meant they either hoped we’d end up together, or they hoped he’d dump me in another epic way and leave them with a dramatic ending.
Watch idiot Trace get her heart broken by the same guy, again. She’ll never learn.
It'd be fantastic television.
I chose my words carefully. “The whole thing has been…unexpected.”
He snorted. “That’s an understatement.”
“Okay, it shocked me to my core. Is that better?”
He nodded. “It’s a start.”
Danny and the other guys were off to the side, just out of sight, but I swear I could still feel his eyes. It was like they were a beacon programmed only toward me, even with buildings and rides in between us.
“Should we go on a ride?” Grant asked.
The rickety Ferris wheel loomed behind us, looking the opposite of inviting.
“Does it really look stable?” I asked.
“Cut!” Brady yelled, flustered, his face red from the heat. “How many times do we have to assure you, it’s fine. This is a professional crew.”
“We’re in an abandoned Sears parking lot,” Grant pointed out.
“They set these up in like fifteen minutes,” I added.
“Professionals set these up in fifteen minutes,” Brady said, emphasizing the word like he’d had enough of all of us.
Emma stood behind him, covering her mouth, trying to hide a laugh.
Grant turned to the ride operator just behind us. “Sir, what are your credentials?”
The teenager in a black shirt and visor shrugged. “This is my first week.”
Grant smirked, and we both turned back to Brady, eyebrows raised.
Brady let out a sound of irritation. “We need to get a shot of you on a Ferris wheel with someone, Trace. We didn’t drive all the way out here not to film you on rides.”
“You couldn’t have sprung for a real theme park?” Grant asked. “We’re in fucking Florida.”
Brady huffed a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know what kind of budget you think we’re working with here, but we aren’t miracle workers. I’ll put on mouse ears if that’ll help.”
Grant considered this. “You know, it just might.”
“For the love of—” Brady ran a hand through his hair. “Get someone else in here. Anyone! Grant, you’re done.”
Grant squeezed my knee and offered me a thumbs up. “Good luck up there,” he said, pointing skyward at the rusted ride before sauntering off the set.
My breath caught as I waited to see who they’d send around the corner next. Danny’s face knocked around in my head. He sucked the air out of every room, even when we were outside. My resolve never to give him another shot was past wavering, it was damn near crumbling—almost completely blown over.
The camera operators adjusted, moving to capture whoever was about to appear from around the trailer. I saw the white tennis shoes first. Then the khaki shorts. My heart sank in that millisecond. I knew it wasn’t Danny based on the outfit alone. Tripp came into sight, also wearing an uneasy smile.
Guilt overwhelmed me seeing his face. We’d hardly spoken since he’d basically offered to freaking propose to me. At the volleyball date, we’d barely had a second alone, and I’d forced all conversation to be light and easy.
It wasn’t fair.
He’d been honest with me, told me he was willing to try us out in the real world. But as much as I wished I could be the girl who gave the good guy a chance—the guy who might not break her heart, for a change—I wasn’t sure that was possible now.
“Hey,” he said, giving me a hug.
I returned it, disappointed, but not surprised, to realize that I felt nothing at his touch.
“Load them up!” Brady called.
I rolled my eyes but let them lead me onto the pop-up Ferris wheel. It moved violently when we stepped onto the platform. They wouldn’t actually let us get hurt, right?
“This looks…stable.” Tripp gave me his hand and helped me into the rusted neon basket.
He clutched the ride and shook it twice for good measure.
While incredibly loud, the ride didn’t topple over, which could be interpreted as a good sign.
Tripp still didn’t look confident getting inside the small basket.
“Looks older than us,” I said. The sixteen-year-old with no experience pulled the lap bar down.
“Oh, this thing is straight from the eighties,” Tripp said. “That was the last time the color palette of neon pink and teal was popular.”
I giggled, but it came out as more of a breathy, nervous laugh.
Once in the basket, with the lap bar down, our knees touched. We were stuck on this thing. One camera angled up toward us from the ground, while two other cameramen were loaded into the baskets behind and ahead of us.
“So,” we both said at the same time.
He laughed nervously. “You first.”
“No, you. Please.”
He sighed. “I’m glad we’re finally alone. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
“About what?” I asked.
He laughed nervously. “About our wedding getting crashed.”
“Oh, right. That.” Crap. I’d known this was coming. He’d played it cool on the beach date, but it was only a matter of time before we needed to have the more serious discussion.
“That whole day was kind of…”
“Crazy?” I offered.
“I was going to say intense, but sure.” He glanced at me. “How are you doing with everything?”
Ugh, what a nightmare situation for him, and all he does is ask how I’m doing? He was too sweet. Way too good for me. I should feel lucky someone like him was even showing interest in me in the first place.
“I’m alright. It was…surprising, having Danny show up like that.”
He snorted. “You can say that again. Good thing it wasn’t our real wedding, or I might have been pissed.”
Even the way he said it, all good-natured and with a smile, was a green flag. Tripp wasn’t angry. He didn’t view me as his property. That was healthy. It was behavior I should be rewarding—should be running to, even.
What was wrong with me? Apparently, I liked toxic and unavailable. No wonder I was still single. Maybe my mother was right. I would die alone.
“I’m sorry about Danny. I had no idea the show would pull something like that.”
“It’s TV. What can you do?” He tapped his fingers against his bare thighs, a sign he was as anxious as I was. We climbed higher into the air, until eventually we could see over the abandoned mall. This far inland, there was no ocean in sight.
“Are you okay?” I asked carefully, very aware of the mics around our necks.
He shrugged. “I’ve been better.”
“Yeah?”
He sighed. “I can’t compete with him, can I?” His eyes met mine, his expression earnest.
I wanted so badly to tell him that he could, to tell him he was good for me and Danny wasn’t.
But even if I successfully warded off Danny’s efforts to convince me he was the right guy for me, it wouldn’t change one thing—I was hung up on the man.
I wanted that huge, all-encompassing love, even if it killed me.
And as much as I wished he could be, Tripp just wasn’t that for me.
“We have a lot of history,” I said instead. The safe answer.
“I know.” He shook his head. “And I know we just met, and I can’t speed up our relationship timeline, but I still think you’re amazing, Trace. I’ve meant everything I’ve ever said to you.”
My, what a novel idea. Meaning what you say.
“And I’m sticking this out. Whatever you need to talk through with Danny, I’ll still be here. And if at the end of all this, you decide we might be a good fit, I want to try that out, too.”
My stomach flipped, but not in a good way. In the kind of way where you knew you had to let someone down, and you really didn’t want to.
When I opened my mouth, Tripp shook his head.
“You don’t need to say anything now. You’ve got a lot on your mind. Just know, I’m not a complication. If you want to try things, I’m here. If you decide you can’t, then I understand. Okay? No pressure.”
“Tripp, I don’t deserve how sweet you’re being right now.”
He gave me a funny look. “Yes, you do. You’ve done nothing to deserve otherwise. You say yes to everyone. Throughout this whole process, you’ve always been front and center, making everything easy for everyone else. You deserve to have someone make things easy for you.”
Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his waist, giving him a squeeze. “Thank you.”
Did I deserve all that? I didn’t feel deserving. Messy seemed to be my brand lately. I was liquid spilling over from a brimming glass, being thrown into whatever flow direction someone decided I should go.
Maybe Tripp was right. Maybe I did deserve more.