Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
It took less than two hours for Brady and the crew to execute damage control and get back to filming.
Austin had been officially and unceremoniously booted from the show for using violence. We’d all been corralled for individual interviews to give our version of what happened. Danny was asked to sign something, which he refused, much to Brady’s dismay.
It had all gone by in a blur. I’d had a difficult time concentrating while Emma asked me questions. The whole time my focus had drifted beyond the camera, to the makeshift medic tent where someone was applying a butterfly stitch to the cut Austin had given Danny.
He’d kept catching my eye and smiling at me, and I hadn’t had the resolve to look away. Watching him get cleaned up reminded me too much of the time I had helped him after he’d hurt himself skiing. It brought back a wash of memories.
Now, after a quick makeup touchup, the sun had almost completely set, and the rides were illuminated by a million tiny light bulbs. It reminded me of the county fairs I used to attend in grade school.
The remaining three guys now sat on a picnic bench. When I approached, Danny shot to his feet.
“Hey,” he said gruffly as Tripp and Grant slowly rose to their feet.
“Sorry about that, y’all. Austin is gone.” I met Danny’s eyes. Maybe I was imagining it, but I swore there was a twinkle there. Something told me that despite the injury he now bore, things had gone down exactly the way he’d wanted them to.
“Are you okay?” Tripp asked.
“Oh, I’m fine.” I was more than alright. I’d been waiting to get rid of Austin since that first whiff of his toxic masculinity I’d gotten on day one. While I didn’t love that it happened thanks to violence, it was a relief to finally have him off the show.
“Danny, can I talk to you?” I asked. Crap, did my voice sound as shaky as it felt? Maybe if I kept my face neutral, he wouldn’t be able to tell how nervous I actually was.
“Yes.” In an instant he was at my side.
Every cell in my body was hyper aware of him. Everything was on fire when he was next to me.
I led us to a different area of the parking lot, one that now temporarily housed a small carousel. Brady had already briefed me that this would be our final spot for filming.
Danny held out his hand to help me with the small step up. Hopefully, he chalked up my sweaty palms to the heat, and not my nerves. I was about to swing my leg over one of the paint-chipped horses when Danny placed a hand on my arm, gently stopping me.
“What about that one?” He pointed to a sleigh instead. It was the only thing that would fit the two of us. “I’d rather not have a conversation while riding a metal horse bareback,” he explained, which caused a giggle to seep out of me.
A smile cracked his features. It struck me how good it felt to let go for a second.
“What if I wanted to see you on one of the horses?” I asked, but I slid into the seat without fighting him on it. I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t want his body as close to mine as possible.
Two camera operators joined us. One sat on the floor just behind us to our right, and the other braced himself on a pole ahead. Never a moment of solitude.
The ride whirred to life. Something in me got the tiniest bit of joy at seeing the lights dance around as the music played. The horses jerked up and down instead of moving smoothly. The sleigh stayed bolted solid to the floor.
“Are you okay?” I asked at the same time he asked, “How are you?”
A nervous laugh escaped me, mostly because of the awkwardness between us. This man had been my first love, and by far the best sex of my life. Now I could barely form a coherent sentence around him.
Danny ducked his head. Maybe it was the ridiculous ride we were on, but the intensity that had been brewing between us dimmed a little.
“I’m fine. But I’m also not the one who got punched in the face,” I pointed out.
He brushed off my comment. “Eh, he hits like how you would expect him to.”
I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate.
“Weak,” he clarified. “Like his character.”
I snorted. I couldn’t help myself. “Ahh. Well, I don’t disagree with you on that.”
We rode a lap in silence. The wind felt amazing against my warm skin. I closed my eyes for a moment, savoring it.
“Have you been writing much lately?” he asked. I snapped my gaze to him.
“Can’t say I’ve had much inspiration lately.”
Regret flashed unmistakably across his face. “That’s a shame,” he said, voice low and gruff.
A smile teased at the corner of my lip. “I did write a new song about you, though,” I said.
His brows lifted at that. “Yeah?”
“Yep. It’s different for me—full of a lot of rage and frustration. I’m thinking of calling it Coward, or maybe Liar.”
It felt good to tease him. While I was being one hundred percent honest about the song, I’d written it months ago, right after he’d dumped me. It had been cathartic to get all my feelings out on paper.
He looked over at me warily, but when he saw the smirk threatening to spread across my face, he let out a breath.
“I deserve that one.” Then he shook his head and chuckled. “I’d like to hear it.”
“Oh, I’ll definitely be playing it for you.” I smiled, and despite my better judgement, I pictured it: us, sitting on the rug of his cabin, my guitar in my lap, playing him everything I’d written lately.
“The tour was alright?” he asked quietly.
My smile fell. That question pierced me a little.
The tour hadn’t been alright. In fact, it had been hell.
Not just because it was night after night of playing shows that weren’t sold out and my label telling me I was to blame for it.
No, it was because my heartbreak had still been so raw, and I’d had to go out there on stage and perform like everything was fine.
“It was hard,” I said, staring at him. I didn’t have to say more for him to know what I meant.
“I fucking hate that I ruined it for you,” he whispered.
“It wasn’t all you.” When I met his eyes, he frowned like he didn’t believe me. “Okay, it was definitely at least half you.”
“I’ll never ruin something like that for you again,” he said, his jaw locked with determination.
I let the promise drift between us, wanting to believe it was true, but also not wanting to acknowledge the weight of it.
Danny sighed and put a hand to his butterfly stitch, playing with the edge of it. I sat on my hand to force myself from reaching out and stopping his fidgeting.
“Did Grant kiss you?” he asked.
“What?” I nearly choked. I had not been expecting that question out of his mouth.
He shrugged. “Just curious.”
His anguished expression made me laugh. “I mean, a tiny one,” I admitted.
“I’m going to kill him.” He rubbed a hand over his jaw, eyes darting to somewhere off in the distance where Grant probably stood, unaware.
I laughed harder and shook my head. I didn’t bother telling him it was all for show. It was funny to see him worked up. Frankly, he deserved it. If he hadn’t wanted other guys kissing me, he should have grown a pair and committed to me like he said he would.
After another rotation, he said, “Jaylon told me to tell you he needs a scrabble rematch. He’s been practicing.”
“Oh, has he?” I asked. “Tell him to name the time and the place.”
“Okay. How about my cabin? The minute this show is done filming?” The earnestness in his eyes and the simplicity of that statement caught me off guard. I cleared my throat.
“Are you still staying out there?” I asked instead of answering.
“I’ve been back and forth between there and California. I was there when…” His voice trailed off.
“When what?”
“When Brady called me about the ‘wedding.’” He threw air quotes around the word.
“Ahh. Got it.” A frown formed on my face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, shifting in his seat, his knee bumping mine in the process.
“Nothing, it’s just…” I stared at my hands, clasped together tightly and resting in my lap. “It’s hard to be here with you right now,” I admitted. My voice was so quiet I wasn’t sure he’d heard me.
He didn’t answer right away. The upbeat carnival music played frantically in the background, a stark contrast to our struggle right now—the push and pull of wanting things to be good between us but not quite being able to erase the hurt that still existed.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” He leaned in even more so that our thighs pressed together completely. “What can I do?”
I shrugged. “It’s mostly hard because of how not hard it is. I should be done giving you chances. It should be easy to say goodbye and never see you again.”
“But…” He didn’t bother hiding the hopeful look on his face.
“But when you showed up the other day, and I saw you stalking toward me, all I felt was…relief. Like I’d been waiting for you for longer than I’d like to admit.”
“I’ve been trying,” he said. He took a piece of my hair and wrapped it around his finger.
My stomach flipped at the simple touch. “I don’t know how to make it up to you, or prove to you that I’m not going anywhere.
The only thing I can think of is just sticking around.
So, that’s what I plan to do. Every day. You can’t get rid of me. Alright?”
I smiled and leaned into his touch. His hand cupped my cheek. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to. He knew I still didn’t trust him. But I also couldn’t actively push him away. It wasn’t in me. Which, apparently, provided all the leeway he needed to keep trying.
“Can you honestly tell me you feel more strongly for any of the other guys here?” he asked.
My eyes flickered to his before dropping and discovering a fascinating loose string in the hem of the top I wore. “I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. You know that.”
He tilted my chin up so that I couldn’t look away from him. “Same here.”
I could see the restraint in his face, like he wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss me. Claim me. But he was being patient. Waiting for me to make the first move. Waiting until I was ready.
“Just give me a chance, Trace. I promise you, with everything I have, it will be the last one you ever have to give. Because I won’t waste it. Not again.”
I groaned. “I want to believe you so badly, Danny. And that makes me feel weak.”
“You aren’t weak,” he said sternly. “You believe in love and happy endings. That’s what makes you special. Never change. And don’t let me dim that just because I was scared.”
I nodded, but I still struggled to ground myself in the moment. I could feel myself unraveling, melting into him.
“Remember our first date?” he asked.
The memory came flooding back. “On Tough Love? I spilled my drink in your lap, and the producers tried to convince us we weren’t right for each other.”
“It was the best first date I’d ever been on.”
I rolled my eyes. “I find that hard to believe. You hate all this.” I waved my arms around, referencing the cameras. “You were so uncomfortable on that show. I can’t believe you agreed to do it again.”
“I’d do whatever it takes to be near you. I don’t give a shit about the cameras.”
The carousel kept spinning, making it even harder for my mind to catch up. To resist him.
I pulled away a little, needing to lighten the moment. “Did you ever go on these as a kid?” I asked.
He nodded. “All the time. There was a fair in the town I grew up in. My parents would take me every year. Until…well, you know.”
Grief gripped my heart for him. “Remember, I told you that my mom used to enter me in all those pageants?”
He nodded.
“Most of them were at fairs. We’d drive hours to get there. I’d beg to go on the rides, but she’d never let me. Said I’d mess up my hair or get too dirty. She never wanted me to get dirty. I always had to look perfect.”
Something like anger flashed in his eyes before he blinked and softened it.
“Is the ride everything you’d hoped it would be?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” I leaned back and examined it. “Someone wouldn’t let me ride the horse.” I turned back to him, letting the smirk spread across my face.
Without warning, he sprang up and reached for my hand. I didn’t think as I placed mine in his and let him pull me up.
“Hey, please remain seated,” said the teenager off to the side in a very bored, very unauthoritative tone.
I couldn’t stop my laughter as Danny grabbed my waist and hoisted me onto the horse I’d chosen when we’d first got on.
It didn’t stop its choppy movements, and I squealed when it bucked me up and down.
Danny took the lion next to me, swinging a leg over like it was nothing.
He wore a huge grin, bigger than I’d seen in ages.
“There you go. Dream come true?” he asked, chest heaving.
I clung to the pole that reeked of iron and closed my eyes, letting my hair fly back around me.
“Better than I could have ever imagined.” I laughed as we spun around a few more times.
Every time I glanced over, he was already staring—almost as if he never once took his eyes off me.