Chapter Twenty-Two
“F-fuck. Fuck. Fuck. F-fuck. Fuck.”
I try to breathe, but the air disappears from my lungs.
“He’s gone! What have I done!?!” My mind races, trying to make sense of what’s happening. He brought me here and poured his fucking heart out to me and I-I-I…
“WHAT HAVE I DONE?!”
A tennis ball-sized lump forms in the back of my throat, and this time I cannot stifle the feeling.
I cannot hold back the tears that flow down my cheek like the steady streams around me.
Helplessly, I drop to my knees and sob uncontrollably.
I fix my gaze on the vortex in my hand and feel anger bubble like lava in my veins.
“FUCK YOU!” I scream at the black hole dominating my palm. This power has caused me nothing but problems.
‘Don’t cry, my child. He is not gone, just simply lost.’
I sense light peeping through the shadow of darkness as Oriah consoles me.
‘How do I get him back?’ I plead in my head, drying my tears with the sleeves of my cardigan.
‘You must learn the ways of the moon to gain control,’ she repeats the same line she told me before.
‘How the fuck do I do that!?’ I snap back, feeling hopeless as I look around at the perfect scene River created for us, this place, the picnic. He tried so hard to make this date amazing, and I ruined it.
‘The moon boy… You can trust him with your secrets.’ I feel her voice quieten as if she is retreating in the distance.
‘I need your help, Oriah. Please, just tell me how to get him back. PLEASE!’ I scream into the void of my mind, but I get no reply.
So this is it? She can butt into my conversations whenever she pleases, but when I actually need her, I’m on my own? Typical.
I race back to the secret hatch and rush down the stairs.
I place both hands on the tunnel wall and dip my head low between them, taking three deep breaths and exhaling shakily.
A musky smell greets my nostrils with every inhale.
Come on, Asha, pull it together. River needs your help.
I peel myself off the crumbly wallpaper and run to the stairs at the end of the tunnel.
I catch my breath and barrel up them. As I open the hatch, a cool breeze entangles in my hair, reminding me to breathe.
I squint my eyes to adjust to the brightness; the sun is almost set.
‘Find the moon boy. ’ I hear Oriah’s words repeating in my mind. I run faster than the wind can carry me. I don’t know where I am going, but I feel a pull in the earth’s atmosphere encouraging me along.
My feet drive me forward and patter on the hard concrete of the courtyard floor.
I am running so fast I cannot catch my breath.
The wind is swaying my hair behind me as the adrenaline floods my system.
The world feels still as I race forward.
A loose stone stops me in my path and has me tumbling down onto the hard ground, but before my body can hit the floor, I am transported to a different location.
I am now kneeling on a dirt floor, my hands embedded in its soil.
What just happened? I pluck my hands out of its grip and look around. The woods? It is dark now; the sun has set and left complete darkness in its wake.
“I was wondering when you’d fall back into my life,” a familiar voice breaks through my thoughts.
I stand up and dust myself off. Ryder emerges from behind a twisted tree trunk, his face glowing slightly under the moonlight.
It’s as if I were drawn to his exact location.
I walk towards him to see him more clearly under the blanket of the night sky, my shoes crunching on the stray twigs littered across the forest floor.
“Ryder, I need your help,” I plead with him as his face becomes clearer, wiping my eyes from the sobbing that took place moments ago under the dome.
“River’s gone. I sucked him into my vortex, and I don’t know how to get him out, and Oriah said I could trust you.
I mean, she said ‘moon boy’, so I think it could be you.
I mean, I am hoping it’s you. I’ve just been under so much stress lately and-”.
“Whoa! Slow down,” Ryder cuts me off and approaches me slowly.
“One thing at a time. I might be able to help you, but we need to go someplace else first. Take a breath.” He gently holds my face and begins taking a deep breath, encouraging me to breathe with him.
I had been too panicked to notice that other moons might be near us.
I see a few shadows moving in the distance, and a twig snaps a few yards away from us.
My face must’ve visibly changed to look more tense because Ryder grabs my hand and pulls me into a small alcove behind a tree.
We duck low and sit for a minute, waiting for the figure to pass.
“I’m leading a search party tonight… for Tommy.”
I notice a crack in his voice as he says this; he looks vulnerable. He has his own problems. He shouldn’t have to deal with mine too.
“Oh…okay, well, I can come back later?” I don’t really want to come back later. River could be suffering, and I need Ryder’s help now, but I don’t want to pressure him. He furrows his brow deeply.
“What? No, you need my help… This is the third one, and we haven’t found anything yet.” His eyes sadden. “No doubt tonight will be the same; the bastards that have taken them sure are good at covering their tracks.”
He kisses his teeth in annoyance, and I feel his pain.
“I’m so sorry.” Before I can think, my hand cups his face in an attempt to console him, but I flinch and pull it away just as quickly as I placed it there, remembering that this is exactly what got River trapped.
“What the fuck was that about?” He looks a little startled at my reaction, and a little hurt.
“Ummm… I-I need to tell you something.” I look down, embarrassed as I say this. “Can I trust you?” I look up into his chocolate brown eyes, which harden upon my question.
“We’ve been through this before, Asha. I’ve kept your little visits a secret so far, haven’t I?”
A smirk curves on his lips as he licks them, and his face shifts from hurt to flirty again. This boy can really turn it on at any time.
“This is different this time. I-I need your word.” I want him to understand the severity of this situation. He turns his head away and huffs in frustration.
“I’m serious Ryder,” I say, cupping his cheek with my left hand to force his head to face mine again. His eyes lock with mine and my heart skips a beat or two.
“You can trust me, Asha.” His voice softens, and concern smothers his face. “Come this way, we’ve already scanned this section of the woods so no one should bother us for a while.”
I nod as he takes my hand and walks me in the other direction. There is a small wooden bench, under a tree lit dimly with lanterns.
He urges me to sit down next to him and envelops us in shadows, like our very own shield, the shadows protect us from prying eyes. “Now talk me through it slowly.”
I nod slowly and pause, trying to articulate the best place to start.
“How did you know about the humblebee vine?” This question has been weighing on my mind ever since that night in the tunnels.
“I didn’t.” He sighs and stares at my face, which must be looking very perplexed right about now.
“Huh?” I tilt my head in confusion.
“Look. I used to get nightmares when I was young. My mum would put it under my pillow and it worked for me, so I thought it might work for you too.” He shrugs and paces in front of me. “There’s no science behind it. I think it’s more of a placebo effect type thing.”
I stare in disbelief.
“And the dream walking?” I ask, expecting another stupid answer.
His eyebrow rises, and he looks at me more seriously.
“My nightmares were bad. I would see things, bad things. My father took me to a shrink. They think it’s to do with the serpent venom that runs through my veins.
Anyway, they gave me a book on the subconscious mind and dream walking was mentioned.
Only five percent of Moons have this Gift… Luca was one of them.”
He scratches the back of his neck and looks down at the ground. “That’s why I thought you were different.”
Wait? Luca! My father could dream walk. I take a moment to take this all in and reply when I feel satisfied with his answers. I take a deep breath.
“You’re right, I am different. You were right all along… I’m not a Sun.” I lift my head slowly to gauge his reaction to this statement. His face doesn’t change much, but I can tell from his eyes he is thinking.
“Are you one of us?” he asks, and I swear I see a glint of hope in his eyes. I shake my head and lean back on the bench.
Ryder joins and sits beside me. “What are you then?” he questions curiously.
“Have you heard of the Starkind?” I ask, pulling the leaves off a twig I picked up from the bench.
His eyes narrow, and he looks at me puzzled.
“I- I -I’m both. You know that article you found about my mum and Luca.” I look at Ryder to make sure he’s still following my story; he nods at me in response. “Well, it turns out, he’s my father… My real father.”
Ryder’s face shifts from confusion to shock.
“That’s impossible.” He shoots up and begins pacing the ground again, his black hair shining silver under the moonlight.
“Apparently not… Something to do with eclipses, but I’m not too sure.
All I know is it happened, and I exist,” I say, trying to hide the disbelief in my words.
I stand and still him from pacing by gripping his forearm.
His eyes burn into my soul for a short moment as I wait for him to say something.
“So you’re half Sun and half Moon.” His words come out more like a statement than a question, almost as if he is trying to convince himself. He moves closer to me and looks me up and down, studying me.
“I didn’t believe it either,” I explain, trying to read the emotion on his face. I watch as his pursed lips morph into a slight smile.
“I knew you were different.” He tugs slightly at his hair and lets out an exhale. “So, what are your Gifts?” He no longer looks shocked or confused, just curious. He analyses me with his eyes like I am a brand-new species.
I am amazed at his reaction. He doesn’t seem to care. I thought he would surely be shocked or afraid at this earth-shattering news, in disbelief that everything we have been told about the nature of the Sun and Moons and their ability to procreate has all been a lie … but this boy is unfazed.
I let out a small sigh of relief, knowing I can lower the walls I have built up around myself and finally share the weight of this secret I have been struggling to carry.
I open my left palm and conjure a white orb of light. “The school thinks I’m a light worker because I can do this.”
I pause for a moment, bracing myself for the reveal of my darker Gift.
“But I can also do this.” I reluctantly open my right hand and concentrate on its power jolting through my veins until the black void appears once again. I hold my light close to it so that Ryder can see more clearly. I watch his eyes widen in fascination.
“Let me see that.” His curiosity gets the better of him, and he pulls my hand in to examine it closer.
“Stop… It’s dangerous!” I pull my hand away and close it into a fist, concealing it under my left hand. “River… he’s inside… I think…. No, I know.”
I feel his eyes judging me like I’m fifty shades of crazy.
“What do you mean he’s inside?” He steps in closer and smudges away the mascara from under my eyes with his thumb. Now he looks shocked.
“He took me on a date. It was lovely. I mean, it really was-”
He pulls his hand away and kisses his teeth. Is he jealous?
“I don’t care about your date. Tell me why you think he’s in there,” he says, pointing to my hand.
“I mean…We kissed. He was there one moment and then he was gone… And there was a butterfly. I watched a butterfly get sucked in, too.” I realise how crazy I sound and begin to feel embarrassed.
“He’s in there, I know it.” Tears well in my eyes again.
“Oriah said he’s lost; It’s like some kind of vortex. ”
“Oriah?” he questions, his brows furrowed again.
“The Star God. She’s in my head,” I say, gesturing to my head. “I know I sound crazy, but she told me to come to you.”
“You really kissed that clown?” He smirks at me. Seriously. River is in danger, and this is how he responds?
“Seriously, that’s all you take from that?!” I raise my voice, which makes Ryder jump a little. He raises his hands in annoyance and begins pacing again, his heavy black boots crunching on the ground.
“Hmmm… Okay, just let me think.”
I silence myself as I watch his cogs turn. “You watched the butterfly get sucked in, right?” He looks at me briefly between paces.
“Yeah.” I instantly sadden again, remembering how the innocent creature succumbed to the unknown.
“Well, that’s good. That means that the vortex must lead somewhere, like a portal.”
Ryder gets excited, like it is all beginning to make sense for him.
I’ve never seen him like this before. “Your power, it’s different, but it can’t be much different from any other Moon Gift.
When we were little, we were told bedtime stories about shadow wielders who were consumed by their own Gifts.
” He stops pacing and turns towards me again.
“Wow, that’s some bedtime story,” I exhale. These Moons really are savage.
“In order for the wielders to gain control again, they had to enter their shadows and tame the beast from within,” he continues.
I stop him there, knowing exactly where this story is going.
“Are you crazy! I’m not going inside there.” Thinking about entering that black hole by choice makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
“Do you want to help River or not?” he snaps, startling me.
He’s right; we don’t really have anything else to go on.
“I can send one of my hawks in first and see if I can get eyes on River.”
I don’t know how I feel about this.
‘Oriah, are you hearing this?’
Still radio silence. I look at Ryder, then at my hand, then back at Ryder again. If River is in there, he needs my help. I nod hesitantly to Ryder that it’s game on.
“I suppose it’s our only option.”
I sigh and hold out my hand, ready to ignite the blackened ember.