Chapter Thirty-Four #2
“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you weren’t in your bed last night when I got up to pee.” She waves her finger in my face, and I look around awkwardly, not really knowing what to say.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I take a bite of my sandwich, hoping she’ll change the subject.
“Question is… Why don’t you want me to know who it is?”
I gulp my food down and then hold my breath, not wanting her to figure me out.
She leans in closer. “You’re not dating Alex, are you?!”
That’s her first thought!
“You really think I’d stoop that low?” I say, looking offended.
She releases a sigh of relief. “Oh, good. I’m glad. I know I am your friend, but I would’ve told you to sort it out.” She places a hand on mine and laughs. “So go on, tell me then?”
“I-it’s no one.” I take another bite of my baguette, and Nala looks at me, confused.
“So where were you last night and the night before that?”
Now it feels like she is interrogating me. My baguette slides down my throat slowly. She knows something is up.
“I-I’ve just been in the library studying. I have trouble sleeping, you know that.” I do my best at looking innocent, but the hint of unnerve betrays my eyes.
“Fine, if you don’t want to tell me.” She shrugs her shoulders and takes a bite of her sandwich; I do the same.
The air between us thickens as an awkward silence emerges…
and here I am, treading the sea of guilt again.
It is harder with Nala because I want to tell her everything…
But I just don’t know how she’ll react. I feel like there are rocks tied to my shoes, and I am going under.
Charlie slumps down with a thud and pecks Nala on the cheek, breaking me from my moral battle.
“Hey, babe.” Charlie smiles at her before looking over at me. “Asha.” He nods, and I smile back.
I think he senses the tension between us because he fidgets in his seat and works at changing the subject.
“I heard you and Craize went flying the other day?” he asks and gives Nala a look. “Your bond must be pretty strong now.”
I smile at his attempt to cut the tension.
“Yeah, I guess it is. It’s definitely a better feeling than being scooped up by his sharp talons.” I force out a laugh and think back to the day he first spoke to me. He honestly scared the shit out of me, lifting me like that so suddenly.
“How are both of your bonds coming along?” I direct this question to Nala and Charlie, although I am pretty sure Nala is giving me the silent treatment now.
“Great actually. Harlo clicked at me yesterday. I think we’re going to be bonded soon.” His smile is big and genuine, and I match it.
His attention turns to Nala, who is playing with the crumbs on her plate. “And Nala is working on a bond with Kareem,” he says for her, and Nala trails her eyes off in the other direction.
“Hopefully soon, we’ll all be riding together,” I enthuse.
This would truly be amazing. Craize and I have bonded massively over these last few weeks.
He has taken me to his nesting valley and flown me all over Palidonia.
Although I don’t tell them that because I don’t want to rub it in.
No one likes a show-off. I’ve been trying to get Craize to tell me more about my mother, but he keeps saying I’m not ready to know everything yet.
I try not to let it bother me that I’m being spoon-fed information at the slowest pace.
I refuse to bite the hand that feeds me, especially when that hand has the jaws of a lion and the wings of an eagle.
“The bell has just gone, shall we all walk to taming together?” Charlie prompts whilst getting up from the table slowly.
Nala is still staring down at her plate and refuses to even look at me.
“No, it’s fine. You two go ahead,” I state, knowing Nala’s stubbornness will appreciate the break from me. “I’ll meet you guys up there.”
Nala looks at me with sorrowful eyes and turns to walk away with Charlie. This is what you get, Asha. You’ve been lying to your friends for weeks.
The cool wind races through my hair as we fly over Sun Sovereign.
Craize swoops down, and my knuckles whiten as I grip onto his fur tighter.
I still haven’t got used to the sensation of riding, the way my stomach leaps and turns when he makes a sudden dip or change in direction, and the thought of falling off still makes me nauseous, so I try not to look down.
He flies higher than the clouds and then plummets down like a bullet.
My belly swirls with his movements, and I feel sick.
He reaches the castle’s point and lands gracefully on its brick.
I’m sure I am a few shades paler than I was at the beginning of this ride.
I sit nestled between his large wings and catch my breath.
I relax into the rhythm of his breath as the air vibrates through him, and my body shifts with the inflation and deflation of his lungs.
His long white fur tickles my thighs as I take in the view.
The sickness in my stomach dissipates. Moon Castle stares back at me in the distance, in all its glory.
I can see each window and curtain drawn, concealing the secrets of the Moons.
I can’t help but wonder what Ryder is doing, whether he is in a deep slumber or if he is thinking of me.
“You feel for the Moon boy?” Craize’s voice bellows in my head, making me gasp and my cheeks redden.
“That’s kind of an invasion of privacy,” I respond to him, his back rises and lowers as a deep chuckle emits from his lungs.
“Must I remind you again that I can hear your thoughts when we are in close contact?” he retorts.
“A symbol of a close bond… I remember.” I smile and surrender to the fact that I cannot hide my feelings in his presence. “He’s just so…” I pause, trying to think of the perfect word to describe Ryder.
“Unattainable.” Craze finishes my sentence. “Fortresses of steel are but a challenge most are tempted to conquer.”
I gulp at his accuracy, even though he seems to speak in riddles; he can read me like a book.
Ryder is a fortress; he has built his walls up so high that they look impenetrable, but I have seen the cracks, the vulnerability in his eyes when no one is watching.
The ice around his heart is slowly beginning to thaw, drop by drop.
I saw a glimpse of it when he helped me retrieve River, and then a peep when he saved me from Alex.
He dressed my wounds with care and kissed me with pure desire.
“Did my mother feel this way about Luca?” I question, hoping to get another spoonful of information about her to satiate the hunger in my mind.
“Your mother was at war with her morals, not unlike yourself.” His head trails off to the side as it follows a black bird gliding past our view. “It was hard for the both of them to fight the stigma of interdaecial relations.”
“So how did they get past it?” My question ebbs with a longing to understand my mother’s headspace.
“They surrendered to their hearts.” His gravelly voice softens. “Can I give you some advice?” he asks and sways his head gently back to centre.
“Please.” I nod and stroke his fur between his shoulder blades; a slight trill vibrates under his skin as he purrs.
“The strongest fortresses are often guarding items with the highest value.”
His words scratch the part of my brain that itched for an understanding of my emotions, why I am drawn to a heart that seems unobtainable, why I find refuge in the love of a man who doesn’t love.
Because behind that harsh exterior, there is a soft centre waiting to be embraced.
Behind the fear of abandonment, there is an equal longing for companionship…
and we are drawn together whether he likes it or not.
So, I will wait for the winter to pass, for the day the ice finally melts because, although his head is stubborn, there is a cold heart sick of isolation just waiting for my warmth.
I shake off the thoughts of him and urge Craize to leap into the air.
Though I have not been riding long, I have realised that it is one of the best remedies for clearing your mind.
The air whistles through my ears as the wind whips through my hair, stinging my cheeks in cool delight.
Below us, the world stretches out like a painted map of green fields and silver rivers, which feed into icy mountaintops as we move towards the valleys just past Moon Castle.
There is not much else I think about other than Sovereign’s beauty.
Well, that and holding on for dear life, but that just makes each ride more fun.
Exhilarating even. The thought that a majestic and notoriously unpredictable beast is the only thing keeping me from falling to my death intrigues me more than it should.