18
‘Scared Of My Guitar’
—Olivia Rodrigo
Lara
It’s day 4, and I’m sitting in the living room next to Grams while she knits something. Scotty emerges from our room, his hair still wet, looking like he just showered. The grapefruit smell fills my lungs, intoxicating me.
Gram looks up from what she’s doing to look at Scotty. It’s dark outside. We spent the day out at the shops downtown. We ran into Ava and her friends, but Scotty brushed them off and said we were busy.
I doubt he will ever talk to them again. I don’t know why, but I feel happy he doesn’t like her. Maybe because she’s absolutely stunning.
“You two should use the hot tub,” she says out of nowhere. Scotty’s eyes light up.
“We should.”
“I don’t have a swimsuit.”
“Use your old one.” Grams pipes in, but my old one is a small bikini.
“Pleaseeee, Lara.” Scotty puts two hands together in a pleading motion. I half expect sparkles to form in his eyes.
“Fine.”
**
I changed into my swimsuit, feeling more insecure than ever. I don’t like showing off my stomach, but here I am. I walk out on the porch, Scotty is already in the hot tub, relaxing.
It’s Christmas Eve tonight. I'm excited for this vacation to be over, but also kind of sad I can’t spend every waking moment with Scotty anymore.
I slide into the hot tub, trying to cover myself up with my hands.
“You look fine, Butterfly,” Scotty says, noticing my body movements. He can tell I’m insecure. I’m sitting across from him, and he’s shirtless, making me blush.
“I know,” I tell him, trying to come off cool, like I don’t care.
“Merry Christmas Eve,” Scotty smiles.
“Happy Christmas Eve,” I say, it’s an inside joke between us. When we were little, Scotty didn’t know it was ‘Merry Christmas,’ so he told me ‘Happy Christmas’. I teased him about his mistake every day.
“Our snowman's head fell off,” Scotty says.
“Not Mr. Snowman.” I frown.
“We need to wait for it to snow again to make another one.” I nod in agreement.
“Do you miss your friends?” I ask.
“Yeah, what about you?”
“No, they aren’t even real friends.”
“You need to learn to stand up for yourself.” He tells me.
“I don’t want them to unfriend me. Then I will have no one.”
“But they make you cry. I hate seeing you cry.”
I stare at him for a few long seconds.
“Tell me why you hate Isaac now,” I demand. He pauses for a long moment, staring off, thinking about what to say.
“Are you sure?” he asks, making sure I’m comfortable.
“Very.”
He sighs, taking a deep, shaky breath before he speaks again. “I was over at his house, we got drunk. His mom started asking him questions. I forget what… He smashed a beer bottle on her head.” He stops speaking, and his voice trails off. I gasp.
“He beat the shit out of her, to the point that she had to go to the hospital, and he blamed it on his dad. I feel like he does it more often than when it happened then. His mom is terrified of the boy, so she didn’t go to the police.”
He waits for my reaction. I kissed that type of guy?
I let a guy who beats a woman into my life?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask my voice quietly.
“I didn’t want to ruin you two. You looked happy. I don’t know if he still does it… He was 17.”
“That’s just two years!” My voice gets a little loud, so I calm myself down. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“So you weren’t jealous?”
“I was jealous.” He runs his hands through his hair, the water splashing as he does so. “I was so fucking jealous.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“Lara, I can’t get you out of my head,” he admits.
“Everything with him didn’t feel the same as you.” I didn’t even realize how close we were until now. It’s really hot here. He leans in to kiss me, I lean in closer, too, but I pull away.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to ruin anything; we finally get along. This will mess everything up.” I climb out of the hot tub. “I’m sorry Scotty.”
“No, Butterfly, wait.” He gets out after me grabbing my wrist, trying to stop me from leaving. “Please.” It’s not right, Scotty and I just became friends, we can't ruin it with a kiss. Or with anything. I like how we are now; this will mess it all up.
“No, Scotty, we can’t throw away our friendship just because we want to kiss.”
“It’s not that-” I shake my head and walk away. I’m not hearing him out.
Scott
“So you weren’t jealous?” Lara asks me. Oh, little does she know, I fumed at every little word he said to her, every little touch they had. A brush of the wrist, anything set me off.
“I was jealous.” I run a hand through my hair, water dripping through my curls.
I stare at Lara in her pink swimsuit. She’s so beautiful, why is she so insecure?
“I was so fucking jealous.” I watch her lips part, the lips I want to kiss.
“Lara, I can’t get you out of my head.” She’s like a drug.
She’s addictive. I can’t seem to gain the courage to quit.
I move closer to her, closing the gap between us.
“Everything with him didn’t feel the same as it did with you,” she admits.
Oh my god, is this really happening? Does she feel the same way about me?
Pinch me, I’m dreaming. I lean in closer, my lips are about to touch hers, but she pulls away.
No no no no. Please don’t say something stupid like we can’t be together. This dream is turning into a nightmare.
“What’s wrong?” My heart picks up the pace, and I can’t breathe properly.
“I don’t want to ruin anything; we finally get along. This will mess everything up.” She stands up and climbs out of the hot tub. She hugs herself as she begins to walk away. I follow right after her, grabbing her wrist.
“No, Butterfly, wait.” I stare into those big brown eyes. “Please.” Please stay with me. Please don’t do this to me. There’s so much I want to say.
“No, Scotty, we can't just throw away our friendship just because we want to kiss.”
“It’s not just that-” She cuts me off with a shake of the head. I want so much more with her. I want to be with her. Sure as hell I want to kiss her, but there’s so much more to that.
5 years later
‘The View Between Villages’
— Noah Kahan
Scott
I’m pulling weeds from the frozen garden when Lara’s grandpa walks out with his hands in his pockets and stares at me hard. He motions for me to follow him silently.
We sit down on the back porch by the hot tub. “Haven’t heard from ya’ in a few years.” He says, cracking open a beer.
“I got drafted,” I tell him.
“And that made you have to leave everyone that loves ya’ behind?” He asks, staring dead into my soul. This conversation isn’t lighthearted like the last one; it’s heavy, years of baggage leading up to it.
“I had to break up with Lara; it wasn’t good for my image.” He takes a sip of his beer, keeping eye contact with me.
“How so?” He wants me to elaborate.
“They said that dating a high school student makes me look like I’m taking advantage of her. If I wanted to play college basketball, I needed to break up with her, or I’d lose any chance of getting drafted.”
“So you didn’t tell her and just left?”
“I didn’t want to hurt her by choosing my career over her, so I told her I couldn’t do long distance,” I explain to him, but it doesn’t make it any better.
“I think she would’ve supported your decision, that’s just the person who Lara is.” I already feel horrible about what I did in the past, and I should. What I did was immature, rude, and destructive to her mental health. “Can I tell you a story, boy?”
“Yes, of course.” I nod.
“I loved someone before I loved Grams.” That takes me aback, I thought he only loved Grams. I didn’t know you could love someone twice in your lifetime, because I’m still stuck on my first love.
“Who?” I ask, intrigued by the story, wanting him to continue.
“There was this girl in high school, her name was Martha. She had the darkest shade of brown hair and the most gorgeous brown eyes. I fell in love at first sight. When we started dating, I thought she was the one. I really did. Until college came, I had dreams I wanted to chase,
so I did the same thing as you. I told her things weren’t working and left.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to go to college across the country. I didn’t want to do long distance. I was hoping she’d wait for me.”
“Did she?” I ask.
“No, when I came back to find her, she had a husband and was pregnant with his baby. I had a chat with her, though. I told her about why I left, and I even broke down in tears.”
He takes a deep breath. “She said she wanted honesty back then, the truth would’ve made her wait, but stupid me didn’t give the truth. We said our goodbyes, I didn’t push. I moved back to Washington, and a year later, I met Lara’s grandmother.”
“But if you were into brown hair, why did you date Grams?” I ask because Grams has blonde hair.
“Boy, falling in love has nothing to do with looks. If I liked someone with brown hair and brown eyes, it doesn’t mean everyone I date has to have brown hair and brown eyes.”
“I didn’t know that.” I think for a long moment, because if I ever pictured myself dating someone again, I’d always think of blonde hair and brown eyes.
“If you still search for your ex’s looks in someone else, you’re not quite over them yet.” It hits me suddenly. I want to date Lara again. I want to give it a chance before she moves on. I want to tell her the truth.
“I need to find Lara.”