Chapter Thirty-Nine #2
I’d started crying, and he put his hands on my face, or maybe he touched me and then I started crying, I wasn’t really sure.
Because if I could feel him like this, the warmth of his hands on my cheeks, his calloused fingertips sliding over the sensitive spot behind my ears, into my hair, his mouth pressing a kiss to my forehead, down to my cheek, my mouth…
this couldn’t be a dream. So many times I’d dreamed about him in the last few months, and it had never been like this.
“I love you,” he said. “All the way, in every possible way.”
I reached up to grasp his wrists, wanting to hold him there forever. “I love you, too,” I said. “God, I really do love you.”
Those strong wrists, the way he held me like he also didn’t want to let me go.
The line of his jaw, his ears, that fuzz of his hair that started right at the nape of his neck, still warm from the sun.
Those cheekbones, that mouth that seemed to stretch into a smile easier than it had when I’d first met him.
Those blue, blue eyes, the way he looked at me.
It seemed ludicrous, suddenly, that I’d have found someone who looked at me like that. And he was real, he was here.
He gave me a crooked smile now, swiping at the tears on my cheeks with his thumbs. “I don’t pretend to know how we’re going to make it work, me living there, you living here. But for the first time I’m more scared of not trying than of the alternative, so I’ll do anything I can.”
“Had they but courage equal to desire,” I said, laughing a little. He didn’t even know. “I would’ve come to you sooner, except I was scared you didn’t exist.”
He got that line between his brows. “Is this about the birthday wish, worrying everything would disappear?”
“You remember that?”
“Jess, I remember everything.”
There was no reason for me to take that in a sexual way, because of course everything encompassed so much more—the places we’d gone, the food we’d eaten, the conversations we’d had.
And yet I felt a twinge in my belly all the same, as I thought about all the moments I’d replayed obsessively over the past few months.
I guided his hand to the back of my head, where I knew there was still a shorter patch of hair growing back in under my new haircut.
“I really was in a coma for a few days,” I said, then cut him off when he was about to say something.
“But that’s a long story—one that we’ll definitely need to talk about.
I think we both have a lot of questions. Like…are those for me?”
I gestured down to the flowers, which Eamonn must’ve dropped when he went to kiss me.
“Oh, fuck,” he said, bending to pick them up, giving them a little shake. “Yeah, sorry. I’ve bought like eight of these by now. I can’t believe it worked this time.”
“This time?”
He handed me the flowers, which were wrapped in the patterned cellophane I recognized from a local grocery chain.
I still couldn’t get over it, that he was here, that he’d bought flowers at the same store that I shopped at every week.
I buried my face in the bouquet, not sure if I wanted to laugh or cry.
“I would’ve come to you sooner,” he said. “Except it was a whole process, getting my waiver to travel here. It only happened because Niall vouched for me.”
I didn’t know what surprised me more. That Eamonn had gone through all that trouble, when he’d seemed so resigned before to the fact that he’d never be able to travel to America even if he wanted to.
Or that Eamonn had clearly worked to reknit the relationship with his brother, which he’d seemed even more resigned to being a lost cause.
“We’ve eaten at that Thai place almost every night,” Eamonn said.
“And this is the third library art class I’ve shown up at.
I was beginning to worry I wouldn’t find you.
Even before I flew over, I called most of the law firms in this area, just waiting to hear your voice.
My mobile does have international calling, by the way. ”
I knew I’d had that feeling, that one day I’d pick up the phone and he’d be on the other end of it. “When did you try that?”
He squinted one eye, as if thinking about it. “Not too long after. A week? Maybe two?”
“I was on leave,” I said. “We probably just missed each other.”
I couldn’t believe we’d had all these moments, times we’d been circling each other and didn’t even know. I ran my hand up his arm, up under his shirtsleeve, until I felt those raised initials of the tattoo.
“I tried searching for you so many times,” I said. “Eamonn Gallagher.”
His brows knit together. “Well, that’s why it didn’t work. Gallagher was my mother’s name.”
I laughed, leaning my forehead against his shoulder. He smelled so good. He smelled like him. “No wonder I couldn’t find you,” I said. “No wonder I thought you didn’t exist.”
His hands tightened at my waist, his fingers sliding up into the space between my shirt and my jeans.
It gave me goose bumps, even though it was a million degrees outside.
“I promise you, Jessica, I exist. I think I exist more than I ever have, and it’s because of you.
It’s been a lot of sleepless nights, going back over everything you said, wishing I had done some things differently.
Wishing I’d just asked for your feckin’ number, for starters. ”
“And where’s the fun in that,” I joked. I could afford to find the whole thing funny, now that he was here. “How long are you here for?”
“Until Tuesday. I couldn’t stay any longer than two weeks.”
I wished we’d been able to find each other sooner, on the front end of his trip instead of the back one.
But I also was so grateful for any time at all, knew I couldn’t be greedy.
I gave my bouquet another sniff, appreciating the floral earthiness of it, appreciating it all the more for how much he’d gone through to bring me this ten-dollar grocery store bouquet.
“I should probably put these in water,” I said. “Did you drive here, or…?”
Eamonn laughed. “No chance,” he said. “If nothing else, everything is on the wrong side and people drive like maniacs. Niall’s been getting me around, or I’ve been taking the bus.”
“I drove on the wrong side,” I couldn’t help but point out. “In a stick shift no less.”
He could’ve pointed out that I’d done that for the easiest five-minute country drive ever, but he didn’t. “I know,” he said, pulling his phone out of his back pocket to start typing something into it. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”
There was such an easiness to the way he said it, like we’d already graduated from love being the biggest word in the world to it being the most natural. I’d started heading toward my car, and I still couldn’t believe that he was there walking next to me, his forearms a little pink from the sun.
“Sorry,” he said. “Have to update the group chat. My sisters are very invested in this whole thing.”
He held up his phone to show me the messages coming in, some in all caps, a line of heart emojis. It made my own chest ache, even more so when the screen timed out and I caught a glimpse of his lock screen.
“Oh my god,” I said. “You did it. You got a dog?”
He looked a little bashful as he glanced down at the picture of a sandy-furred creature, one ear up while the other flopped over. “That’s Daffodil,” he said. “Paul’s staying with her while I’m out of town.”
Daffodil. I had so many questions, but Eamonn was already opening another app, his thumbs poised over his phone.
“Can I get your number?” he asked. “I’ll send a video of her.”
He said that like he was being so slick with that request, but he had to know he didn’t need to bribe me with cute dog content.
I was more than happy to give him my phone number, my full name, the rest of my life if he wanted it.
We’d reached my car, and I turned to loop my arms around his neck, probably smacking him with the flowers, but I didn’t care.
I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him, pressing my body as close to his as I could.
I whispered my phone number in his ear, even though I knew I wasn’t giving him enough space to type it into his phone. It wasn’t like we wouldn’t exchange all that information. I wasn’t worried about losing him again.
“Now you know it,” I said.
He gave my ass a squeeze as he pulled me in for another kiss. “I also know how you look in jeans,” he said. “Which was something I gave a lot of thought to.”
“God,” I said, laughing, “I have been having the most existential thoughts and you’ve been imagining what my butt looks like in jeans?”
“I can do both,” he said. “I’m ready to talk through all the existential stuff, and I’m also ready to get you out of those clothes. We can even do it all at the same time if that’s what does it for you. Is it all right if I spend the next three days at yours?”
I laughed again, squeezing him tight while I leaned in to nip his earlobe. “Three days is a start,” I said. “But I’m going to need more time. I have so much to tell you, and I’m so glad you’re here.”