12. Lilith
Chapter twelve
Lilith
T he sunlight shining through my curtains feels as though it’s stabbing through my skull. I can’t even remember the last time I was hungover. This is such a cruel way for God to punish those who drink.
After almost getting me off, and then reinstating that he has to stay away from me, Elijah dropped me off at my apartment. Where I then kept drinking until I was finally able to fall asleep. I wish I would’ve put more thought behind my actions, but there’s nothing to do about it now.
I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. Why does he have to stay away from me? And more importantly, why can’t I love myself enough to stay away from him? My phone rings and the sound feels as though it’s gripping onto my brain and shaking it around.
“Good Lord,”I mumble as I answer the phone, “hey Leah I feel like absolute-”
“Oh thank God!” She breathes a sigh of relief into her phone. “You’re okay!”
“Yeah… Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You haven't heard?!”
“Heard what?” My stomach rolls. The anxiety mixes with my hangover and I’m positive if I move I’ll throw up.
“Some guy was murdered after he left the bar you went to last night. Police found him nailed to the bar’s front door.”
“Hang on let me look,” I croak as I put her on speaker and pull up the news tab on my phone. Instantly I freeze as the leaked crime scene photos appear on my screen. There he is, the creep from last night, hung up like he was put up on a cross. Nails are stabbed through his extremities. My eyes travel down the rest of his body before making my way back up to the gnarly gashes across his chest. “I AM A PERVERT” is carved into him. “Leah,” my voice comes out softly, “please come over.”
“I’m grabbing breakfast with Jacob’s mom, but I can come over after. Is everything alright?” Her voice comes out laced with concern.
“I spoke to that guy last night,” I whisper as tears begin to blur my vision. Something about this, about the words on his chest, make me feel as though this act was done for me. “Well, I wouldn’t say we spoke really. He wouldn’t get his hands off of me. Elijah showed up, I don’t know, it happened so quickly.” I rub my face with my palm as I try to calm down.
“Elijah didn’t hurt him did he?”
“Oh gosh no!” my voice comes out more protective than I meant.
“Okay…” Leah huffs out a breath of air before continuing, “I really can’t continue to blow her off. I haven’t seen her in person since the news broke and I’ve finally built up the courage to tell her about her grandchild. But I promise I’ll head straight there after okay?”
“Okay,” I choke out, “And good luck Leah. I know this has to be terrifying but she’s going to be so excited.”
“I know. Until I make it over, please take care of yourself. Grab some breakfast and get a shower in.”
We finish off the call with our typical “I love you’s” and “Goodbyes.” After a few minutes of enjoying the silence, I’m finally able to sit up without feeling like there’s a sledgehammer slamming into my skull. I flatten my comforter over my lap and look around my room. Dirty clothes are thrown around, and my stack of water bottles is starting to look like it could rival mount everest. I’ve tried to clean up, but every time I start to I’m reminded that John will never be able to take care of himself again. And the guilt of doing something for myself, when he can't, continuously shuts me out and I’m left with my mess.
Eventually my feet find their way to the floor, and drag my body into the bathroom. The level of cleanliness here is so much better thanks to Leah. Unlike me, her grief has been pushing her to take care of everyone else, to be strong. And while I’m grateful she hasn't let me drown in my own shit, I hope she's making time for herself too.
I hop into the warm water and let it run down my body. Adding some soap to the mix, I allow the water to wash off the uneasy feeling that has settled into my bones. By the time I’m finished, I’m already feeling so much better.
I toss on some black sweats and make my way into the living room where I plop myself down on the couch and resist the urge to look at my phone. Instead, I close my eyes and try to force my thoughts into a space where the murder isn’t in the
forefront. The guy was an asshole, who’s to say he didn't go to some other bar and hit on the wrong man's girlfriend?
Half an hour later, Leah is knocking on my door. I open it up to see her holding a bouquet with a note attached. “Hey!” I exclaim as I pull her into a hug, “did Jacob's mom get those for you?”
We separate from our embrace and begin to head inside as she informs me, “No, these were on your porch. Maybe Elijah has finally come to his senses.” She finishes off the sentence with a wink towards my direction. I feel myself blush as I grab the bouquet of roses from her and with shallow breaths I set it down on my coffee table. Leah plucks the note from its plastic holder and stretches it out to me. “Read it! I could really use some romance in my life.”
I shoot her a soft grin before unfolding the paper and begin to read it out loud, “It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of a living God. I hope you like my art-” I clutch the note in my hand, unable to finish. My face pales as I look at her and I drop the note to the ground. All the nausea I was feeling this morning comes back, full force, and sends me rushing into the bathroom. The panic forces me to get sick until I’m dry heaving and sobbing over my toilet. The bible verse replays in my head over and over again. Along with the rest of the note asking if I “Liked his art display.” This can’t be real.
“Lilith, I’m gonna come in and help you get cleaned up okay,” Leah calls through the crack in between the
bathroom door and the wall. She pushes her way into the room and sits down next to me, wiping my face with a cold and wet washcloth. “I made a call to the police station. They’ll be over in a bit to collect the stuff and ask you a few questions.” I only manage a small nod in response, scared to open my mouth and get sick again.
“And you’re sure your little friend didn’t follow this guy after what happened?” The officer questions for the fourth time since they've arrived. I take a deep breath trying to remain calm even though they’ve heard my story
“Yes I’m sure. As I said before, he took me home, and the guy left at the same time as us,” I pause for a moment trying to keep my composure, “I’m sure the bar has security cameras. Maybe someone at the bar saw him violate me and followed him out.”
The officer looks up at my apartment ceiling, then at me with annoyance written all over his face. “The cameras were wiped clean,” he responds.
Leah pulls me into her side and rubs her hands down my arms. “It’s okay Lilith,” she reassures me, “I’m sure the officers are doing everything in their power to figure out what’s going on.”
We both look towards the cop for confirmation. He gives us a quick nod before continuing, “we’ll take the note and bouquet to see if we can grab some fingerprints.”
“That’s it?” I question, “Whoever this was knows where I live and all you’re going to do is take the items he left?”
“We can’t even be sure this is even connected and not just some sick joke,” he looks down at his watch as if he’s late for something. “My crew is about to head out, if you get any more gifts, give us a call.” The man abruptly spins on his heels and marches his way out of my apartment. Within a matter of minutes everyone but Leah and I have vacated the premises.
“You’re welcome to come stay with me,” Leah offers with a soft smile.
“I refuse to be scared out of my own house,” I huff as I storm my way over to the front door someone left open. I slam it shut before going on, “I’ve had everything taken away from me. A promising career, the guy I liked, my brother, my mom…” I choke out the last word as Leah stands to grab my hands and leads me over to the couch.
Rubbing my thumb with hers she responds, “I know Lilith. And I understand. I just want to make sure you’re safe. With Jacob gone, you and his mom are all I have left.”
I squeeze her hand in return as the guilt pools in my stomach. I shouldn’t have snapped at her. Out of everyone in my life, Leah has been the one to stick with me through all this, even with going through her own grief. The least I owe her is kindness.
“I’m sorry Leah, I'm just frustrated.” I meet her eyes and continue, “I want to stay here for now but I promise if anything else happens I’ll take you up on that offer.”
“Thank you Lilith. With all that said and done, there’s something I need to show you.” My brow furrows into a questioning glance as I stare over to her. She’s been here all day and hasn’t said anything about wanting to show me something.
“It’s about John and Jacob.”