Chapter 24 #2
“Why did you never talk to me again? Surely you could have bumped into me on my way home from school or something?” I ask, wishing that he had.
“Because I was scared. You put on such a good front for everyone. You were holding it together, and I was never capable of doing that. I told myself that the smile you faked to convince everyone else that you were okay was convincing you too, and I didn’t want to drag you into my darkness.
I was so empty inside, I’d lost all feeling for anybody or anything. Except for you.”
“How long were you sitting under my window for, Ren?” I ask, fearing that my phone calls to Katelyn might not have been the only thing he heard.
“Kitten, I was sitting under that window until you left home to go to college, then I was sitting under your window there,” he tells me, with a clever smirk.
“So you heard what happened with–”
“I heard.” That smirk quickly drops from his face as he saves me from having to say it out loud, and I press my head back against the headboard and close my eyes. “And I hate myself for being too scared to save you.” Both his hands grip a firm hold of my face, and I open my eyes to him.
“Please don’t blame yourself.” I think back to the first night my dad came into my room. It was the night of Mom’s funeral. I thought that my sobs had gotten loud enough for him to hear and that he’d come in to comfort me. I had no idea that what he wanted was for me to comfort him.
“I can’t do this, Ren. I can’t talk about it.” I shake my head, needing to expel all those memories from my head.
“We’re not gonna talk about him, that's in the past. He’s in the past, just like Luca Fenton is.” I feel bile rise in my throat when he says that name.
“How do you know–”
“Have you not been paying attention? I was there, Eloise.
I heard you talking to Katelyn about that jumped-up prick being the hottest guy in school.
You couldn't believe it when he asked you to the senior prom, which surprised me, because why wouldn't he?” Ren laughs as if he doesn’t know what comes next, but I strongly suspect that he does.
“Ren, was it you who killed Luca?” I ask almost fearfully, because I was there when it happened. I may have been a little out of it, but I remember it being a massacre,
“They say you never forget your first.” Ren plays with a strand of my hair and smiles that dark smile again.
“You see why I got you all tied up now, Kitten? I bet, right now, you’re instinct is telling you to run.
” He pulls slightly back, looking wounded.
“It was too much, Eloise. You’d taken it for far too long.
I realized who I really was that night. Why I was saved when those fuckers came to my house and killed my parents.
I was still living, so I could protect you, and I was no use to you being scared.
I did what I had to do. I let the beast who had been living dormant inside me for so long be free to wreak havoc.”
“Ren, you smashed his head into his steering wheel thirty-five times! His face was unrecognisable.” At the time, I was high on whatever shit Luca had slipped into my drinks at the prom, but I read the coroner's report. I had hours of being questioned by the police.
“He tried to touch you, and he called you a slut,” Ren points out as if that makes caving his scull in justifiable.
“How do you even know all that?”
“How do you think? I was there. I wanted to see what you looked like going to your prom. I wanted to pretend I was the guy taking you.
I drove there and watched you go in with him.
I sat out in my car all night waiting for you to come back out.
When you did, you were walking like a baby deer.
I saw the way that fucker high-fived all his football buddies as he put you in the front seat of his car, so I followed behind.
When he took that dirt track, I turned off my headlights, and I parked as close as I could.
The interior light was on, so I could see him through his back window, trying to touch you.
You were trying to push his hands away, but you were weak, and in that moment, something inside me snapped.
I was furious at myself for all those times I heard your dad touching you and did nothing about it. I was done letting people hurt you.
I got out of my car and strode up to his door.
I could hear him shouting at you, calling you names - slut, prick-tease…
I’d been watching you a long time by then, and I knew you were none of those things.
You’d suffered enough from your father touching you; you did everything you could not to be noticed.
All you wanted from Luca-fucking-Fenton was a night to forget all that.
You wanted a pretty corsage, maybe a good night kiss when he dropped you home.
You deserved better than what he gave you.
I ripped open his door and saw you, all strung out, unable to talk, and loose limbs in the passenger seat.
Seeing his hand up your dress sealed his fate.
” Ren shrugs, and I swear if my hands weren’t bound, I’d wrap my arms around his neck and cling for dear life.
What he did to Luca was brutal, but I can’t imagine what Luca would have done if he hadn’t. I doubt Luca would have stopped at just touching with his hands, like my father did.
“Was it you who dropped me home that night?” I check. Everything after leaving the prom was hazy for me, but after seeing all the blood splatter the windows of the car, everything went completely blank. There have been times when I’ve wondered if it was me who killed him.
“I lifted you out of his car and put you in mine so I could drive you home. All the way there, I can remember being mad at myself for getting blood on that pretty prom dress you were wearing.”
“Did you carry me to bed?” I remember waking up in my underwear the next morning, and my dress being gone.
Trying to explain that to the police was tricky; they didn't buy the story I made up about me giving it to Goodwill the morning after.
I swear it's one of the reasons they kept coming back to question me again.
“Your dad must have been on a night shift at the hospital because he wasn't home. Luckily, I’d watched you come home enough times to know where the spare key was hidden. I got you inside and stripped you of the dress, but only because it was evidence, and I didn’t want you getting into trouble.
I never touched you like that, Eloise, I swear on our kid’s life I would never have done that. ”
“I know,” I whisper through more tears.
“Don’t cry, I know hearing this is scary, but I need you to be strong because there's more.”
“How much more, Ren?” I don’t know how much I can take.
“The reason you're here, the reason I couldn’t give you space when you asked me to, isn’t just because I’m overbearing and can’t stay away. You're in some real danger, Kitten, and this time, I don’t know what the threat is.” I hate how scared he looks; it does nothing to make me feel at ease.
“Okay…” I try my best to stay calm. “Explain. If you don’t know what the threat is, how do you know there is one?”
Ren takes a long, deep breath and closes his eyes. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to get mad, it’s bad for our baby.”
“You don’t get to use that to your advantage. Tell me what you did, Ren.” I look at him fearfully.
He lowers his head as he pulls out his phone and holds it up in front of me, and I’m stunned when I see a view of the inside of my apartment on the screen.
“What is this?”
“Just wait.” He closes his eyes.
“No, Ren, I won’t wait. Do you have cameras in my apartment? You know how sick that is, rig—” I go silent when I see the front door open and someone in a motorcycle helmet step inside.
“Who is that?” I ask, watching as the stranger in my house starts looking through my things.
“I don’t know, but he was there a while, and he was looking for something. I was hoping you might know what that something is?”
“Ren, I don’t have a clue.” I start to cry again.
“Hey, hey, don’t cry. You're safe here, and I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I’m not the little boy who used to sit under your window and let shit happen anymore.”
“You killed Mr. Connor, too, didn’t you?” I need to hear him say it.
“I’ve killed every single person that’s ever hurt you, that's how it’s always gonna be. I’m just hoping that having you close, and you being mine, means fewer people have to die.”
I have no idea how, but I’m pretty sure he just made murder sound romantic.
I’m totally blaming the pregnancy hormones for that.
“How long have the cameras been in my home, Ren?” My voice comes out shaky.
“Ever since you moved in,” he admits. “And I know how wrong it is.” His fingertips dance across my neck. “But I live to watch you. I needed to know everything. I wanted to be in your life so desperately that I did desperate things.”
“Then why did you never try? You could have just come up to me and said ‘ hey, how’s it goin g?’.”
“I explained all this. Look at you, you're everything that's right about the world and I’m everything that's wrong…I’m–”
“Ren, you’re–”
“I killed your father, Eloise!” He blurts the words out, like he’s been holding on to them for far too long, and all I can do is stare back at him, stunned.
“No.” I shake my head fiercely.
“I know that you hate him for what he did, but I also know that, deep inside you, there’s a little girl who still loves the man he was before.”
“You're wrong,” I tell him sternly.
“Then why do you put flowers on his grave when it’s his birthday?” he questions me.
“My father killed himself when I went to college. He realized all he’d done was wrong, and he killed himself . I read the note.”
“I made him write that note,” Ren admits, knowing that his words will hurt me. I guess that's what I signed up for when I said I wanted the truth.
“Why? Why not kill him the way you did Luca?”
“Because you deserved that apology, whether it was fake or not,” he tells me. “You needed closure to move on and have a happy life, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
“Please tell me that's everything.” I feel exhausted, and the fact that I’m finding the lengths Ren has gone to to keep me safe must mean I’m as crazy as he is.
“There’s just one more thing I need to confess before I untie you…
” His mouth moves closer, kissing me as he lowers down my body.
Slowly, he unbuttons the front of the shirt dress I’m wearing, opening it up to expose my underwear, and when those kisses reach my stomach, he looks up at me and smiles.
“This baby we’re having wasn’t an accident.
” He presses his lips against my flat tummy and makes it flutter.