Chapter 38
ELOISE
“ K atelyn, please explain all this.” My mouth is so dry, and the thumping in my head is getting stronger.
“Where do you want me to start?” She sits on the bottom of the bed with her legs crossed, the way she used to when we hung out as teenagers.
“At the beginning, what happened to you?” I can tell that whatever it is, it’s painful. Has my friend been putting on a huge front for all these years?
“Well, for a start, when my parents died, I didn’t go to Florida to stay with my grandma.” She plays with the bottom of her jeans and laughs sadly.
“What?” I try sitting up straighter. “You were there for a whole year before you came back to New York for college.”
“Nope. I was right here.” She looks around the place and smiles sadly.
“Where is here , Katelyn? What’s all this about?”
“This is about how unfair life is. Look at you, you're living your dream.
You always wanted to be a mom, and you got yourself a sexy, millionaire who's obsessed with you thrown in as an added extra.” She shakes her head and laughs some more.
“What do I have?” Her face turns serious as she looks at me for an answer
“You have lots of things. A great job; look at you, you're beautiful, every man in New York wants to date you.”
“I don’t want them, Eloise. I had the man I loved, and I lost him.” Her lips wobble like she’s about to cry.
“I’m sorry but, Katelyn, you never told me any of this. Why?”
“You're not sorry, you're not sorry at all.” Tears stream out of her eyes.
“This was his favorite place in the world. We have some good memories here, some horrific ones too, but I try to think more about the good,” she snuffles.
“Who was this guy? Why did you never tell me about him before?” I ask her.
“You know who he was, Eloise. Think about it, think back long and hard.” She pierces her eyes into mine, and I shake my head because I really have no idea what she’s talking about.
“Do you think you were the only apple of your daddy's eye?” she whispers, causing my insides to clench and vomit rise to my throat.
“No.” I shake my head viciously.
“ Yes , Eloise.” She climbs over me so her hands rest on each side of my hips. “Your daddy loved me, too. Never quite as much as he loved you.” Her eyes look me up and down as she sniggers, “And you made him feel so guilty that he killed himself.”
I can’t respond. I’m too stunned.
“What's wrong, El? Don't you feel so special now?” She pouts her lips at me cruelly.
“How can you say that to me? That's sick.” I look back at her in disgust. How could she have been there for me, comforted me through all my suffering, and never mentioned that he was abusing her, too?
“You know, I can kind of understand how that nut job boyfriend of yours acts; love makes us do all kinds of crazy things.”
I breathe a sigh of relief when she backs down and sits on the end of the bed again.
“How could you have loved him? He was an abuser,” I ask, trying to understand her.
“Nile wasn’t a predator; he was soft and gentle, he listened to me, he understood. You know, when I was pregnant, he used to bring me fresh strawberries every time he visited me here. He’d sing to my tummy so our baby could hear his voice. Sinatra. It was always his favorite.”
“ Baby?! ” Suddenly, this bed feels as if it’s spinning.
“Why do you think I had to go away for so long?” She’s looking at me as if I should be keeping up with all this.
“Because your parents died. Your gran took guardianship, she–”
“There you go again, believing everything people tell you. Yes, my parents died, but I never went to live with my gran. That was all just a cover to keep my dignity .” She rolls her eyes.
“I told my parents about the baby pretty early on. Nile had told me to. He said to pretend that I didn’t know who the father was, and leave it to him to fix it.
He had a plan that would allow us to be together.
” She smiles like she’s seventeen again.
“ I lied to my folks, told them I’d confided in your father because he was a doctor, and when he came over to help with the crisis, I really thought they were gonna buy his suggestion.
” She shakes her head and chews on her thumbnail.
“Dad was all for sending me to the teen mom facility Nile told them about. Of course, I was never really gonna go there; we always planned that I’d have the baby here.
I was gonna turn this place into a cosy little home for the three of us, where he’d looked forward to coming.
” She smoothes her hand over the bedspread and smiles.
“But Mom thought differently. She was convinced I’d be better off with family. She wanted me to go to Florida to have the baby and put it up for adoption. I couldn’t let that happen.” Katelyn shakes her head.
“So what did happen?” I bite the inside of my cheek and try not to cry.
“I taught myself a little about mechanics, and I cut the brakes on their car the night they went to watch the Christmas tree lights get turned on.” She explains in a matter-of-fact tone that sends a chill down my spine.
“My nan was relieved when Nile made the same suggestion to her as he did my parents. She was happy to take the out-of-sight-out-of-mind approach to the situation. And so we ended up here.” She gets off the bed and swings around its post before heading into the kitchen.
“So you and my dad have a kid together?” All of this is far too much for me to get my head around.
“We were happy here; your dad would come at least once over the weekend and stop by every now and again between shifts. I missed him so much when he was gone, but I had our baby to keep me company. Isn’t it magical when you feel them moving around inside you?
” She tilts her head at me as she places a glass of water on the bedside table.
I hold my breath nervously when she presses her hand against the swell of my stomach. “It just makes you feel so special.”
“What happened to it? How could I have never known?”
“It seemed you were happy in the knowledge that I was in Florida. We both know Luca Fenton wouldn’t have asked you to the senior prom if I were still at school.
” She giggles spitefully. “All those phone calls I made to you were from here. I desperately wanted to still be your friend; I was hoping that maybe one day the two worlds your dad was living in would come together, and I wouldn’t have to be a secret. ”
“You were seventeen, and my best friend. All my dad ever cared about was his reputation. You must have seen that it was never gonna happen,” I point out to her. The angles I’m tied at are so uncomfortable, I really need to move.
“Are you really accusing me of being na?ve?” She places a pillow behind my back when she notices me struggling to get into a better position.
“So where is this baby now?” I question her, feeling a little relief from the extra support of the pillow.
“Nile said we’d be safe having the baby here.
I remember being where you are now, how scary it was, but he kept telling me everything would be okay.
He spent more time here the closer I got to delivering, and my due date came and went.
When I went into labor a few weeks later, I wasn’t scared anymore.
I was just so happy that he was here and excited to meet our baby.
” She picks up the water and brings it to my mouth so I can take a sip.
“I didn’t expect it to take so long. Nile kept telling me everything was fine, but I could tell from his face that it wasn’t.
Two other people arrived, by that time, I was in so much pain I couldn’t focus.
I’d been pushing for what seemed like hours, and I was exhausted.
We’d run out of the gas and air he’d brought from the hospital, and I was starting to fall asleep, even through the pain.
But eventually she came.” Her voice softens, and she smiles to herself.
“She came out, pink and healthy, screaming her lungs out like she wanted to be heard.”
“You had a girl,” I whisper, feeling tears in my eyes.
“I had a girl, I remember her screwed up little face. I’ll never forget it.
” She wipes away her tears. “All I wanted to do was hold her. I’d carried her for nine months, wondering how it would feel, but when I held my arms out, your dad shook his head at me.
He told me I was too weak; he said I wouldn’t want to drop her, so he handed her to the woman who was there, instead.
I was too tired to argue; my legs were shaking.
I felt like everything was draining out of me, and that's when I looked down and saw all the blood.”
I can feel myself starting to shake just from hearing how horrific it all sounds.
“Nile was so calm; he stroked my hair and told me not to panic. He promised me he was gonna fix it all. But I saw how scared he looked. He was trying to do everything by himself, and those people who were there were just watching him, looking horrified. I felt him jab something into my hand; it was a drip, and he got the man who was there to stand and hold it. When he told me to count down from ten, I knew that he was putting me under. I remembered having to do that when I had my tonsils out. But I didn’t want to go to sleep.
I wanted to hold my baby. I was so scared that if I went to sleep, I’d never wake up and see her again.
” She starts sobbing uncontrollably, and despite the situation I’m in, if my hands were untied, I’d comfort her.
“I woke up and everything was quiet. I was in fresh clothes, the bed I was on was all clean, and my little girl was gone.” She looks up from the floor with eyes full of pain.
“Where was she?”
“Nile told me it was all for the best. That he’d found her a mom and dad who would be able to take care of her the way she deserved.
He said I was too young; that he was too busy with work, and with you.
” Her fists tense with anger. “He said that if I loved her, I’d understand that it was what was best.”
“That's why you hate me? You think I was the reason Dad wouldn't let you keep your baby?” I say it out loud so she can hear how ridiculous that sounds.
“Don’t you see that he was abusing you, the same way he abused me? I just don’t understand how you couldn’t have. You were my best friend, you knew what he was doing to me.”
“Yeah, and I knew that I was a substitute; he never took it all the way with you because you were his daughter, but he could with me. Do you know how much it hurt when he’d say your name instead of mine? It hurt like fucking hell, Eloise. I hated you, but I couldn’t stop loving him.”
“You didn’t love him; it’s just your mind playing tricks on you. For years, I felt like I had to forgive him because he was my dad, but I got help. You can get help, too. My therapist–”
“You got yourself knocked up by your stalker, Eloise! Forgive me for not having much faith in your therapist,” she swipes at me cruelly.
“Besides, I don’t need a therapist. I have a plan.
” Her hand rubs my belly again, and the dreamy smile she makes as she looks at it makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs for help.
“We can find your baby. Ren’s smart, he’s got some really useful connections too. Let us help you find her.”
“See, now we’re moving onto another way you managed to fuck my life up.
” Her smile turns into an angry scowl. “My little girl wasn’t adopted; your father made his own, personal arrangement with that couple.
On paper, my baby was never mine. I don’t know if she even exists.
Any hope of me ever finding her was crushed when your daddy felt guilty enough for what he did to you…
” She jabs her finger hard into my chest, “...to hang himself from that rope.”
“Is that what he was doing in my apartment, looking for something that might help find your daughter?” I look down at the body on the floor.
“I figured it was worth a try; you’d said a few years ago that you had paperwork of his that you were avoiding going through.”
“Katelyn, I still have all that. I can tell you exactly where it is, and we can go there together and look through his stuff. Please, Katelyn, I want to help you.” I beg her to start seeing some sense.
“She’ll be eight by now. She’ll have her own little personality; a favorite TV show, a favorite flavor of ice cream.
She’ll love her parents. Nile wouldn't have given her up to bad people; he loved her like I did. She won’t want me.
” She moves toward the kitchen again, opening the refrigerator door and taking out a plate.
“You don’t know that, not until we try. Let me help you find her.” I watch as she peels off the cellophane covering the sandwich.
“We can make this right,” I tell her as she sits back on the edge of the bed.
“Don’t you see, Eloise? I am making this right. I carried a baby for nine months, I deserve to be a mom.”
“And you will be, Katelyn, even if you don’t want to look for your daughter. You can find someone, someone who loves you. You can start a family, be happy,” I promise her, and when she slaps me hard across the face, I stare back at her in shock
“He had to take my womb out, Eloise," she tells me sternly, and I feel more tears streak down my face when I realize that I’m not getting out of this.
“I can’t carry another baby. And this one is as close to him as I’m ever gonna get.” She smiles as she rubs the side of my stomach and finds her calm again.
“Come on, eat this. I want my little girl to be nice and healthy.” She holds half a sandwich up to my mouth for me to bite.