Chapter 23
Triple Digits
After five days of tech, five days of slogging through Hometown, five days of hearing Rebecca’s voice out there in the dark, five days without anyone bringing me herbal tea or texting me late at night or wrapping her arms tight around me as I fell asleep, we were finished with the process.
I would have thought I’d be grateful for the day off afterward, but at least tech kept me busy.
At least tech kept me surrounded by my castmates and the words of the play.
Even with Rosie back from boarding, my house was so quiet.
I talked Aisha into coming over for dinner, so I spent the afternoon slow-roasting tomatoes and making homemade pasta, and it was almost like I didn’t have to think if I just kept putting time-intensive tasks in front of myself.
When she arrived, I threw my arms around her and did my best not to burst into tears.
“Wow, that is … a greeting,” Aisha said, stepping back from the hug. “You OK?”
“Tech week,” I said, and she nodded knowingly, as Rosie trotted over to greet her.
“You know, every time I worry, wow, did I pick the wrong path for myself, I talk to you and I remember, no, definitely not,” Aisha said with a laugh. “It smells amazing in here, by the way.”
“I made pasta,” I said. “And a sauce that’s not not viral on TikTok.”
“Wow, you sound young.” Aisha followed me into the kitchen and looked around at the number of pasta drying racks. “This is … a lot.”
“I was going to send you home with a bunch to freeze,” I said. “There’s no point in getting out the machine if you aren’t going big with it, you know?”
“No, Tess, I don’t know, if I want fresh pasta I just … go to a restaurant.” She was still eyeing the room, and I wondered if this looked like savvy food prep or a cry for help. Couldn’t something be two things at the same time? Not that I wanted help. What was help?
“It’ll take like five minutes to cook now that you’re here,” I said. “Sit down. Or open a red.”
“Sure.” Aisha and Rosie walked over to the wine rack, and Aisha examined a couple of labels before pulling down a cab. “Everything OK with you?”
“Super, sure, tech, remember?” I didn’t make eye contact with her, just dumped a few tongfuls of linguine into boiling water and set a timer before drizzling homemade vinaigrette over a bowl of greens and tossing it.
The pasta was ready to drain by the time I was finished, and I focused on mixing the chunky sauce throughout.
I’d be in training in a couple months; I was going to eat a giant bowl of pasta while I could.
“We’ve known each other a long time,” Aisha said, dishing up the salad into two bowls. “It’s obvious you haven’t been yourself lately and—”
I sighed. “Who else would I be?”
“You know what I mean,” she said, pulling out an electric corkscrew from a drawer. “Though I guess I should just say what I’m thinking.”
“Oh,” I said, something rattling off-center inside me as I plated the pasta into big low bowls. Aisha grabbed a chunk of Parmesan and grated it over both servings, and we carried everything to the table like a normal dinner instead of whatever was about to happen.
“I saw the Vindicators 4 announcement,” she said, once we were seated, eating our salads, sipping the cab. “I’m honestly kind of shocked.”
I shrugged. It was so strange that people thought Vindicators 4 had something to do with anyone who wasn’t me. Me and the Timex Bros, that was. “It wasn’t an offer I could really refuse. There was a lot of pressure from Pantheon and my team and—”
“So you got mad at me for asking you to do a workshop,” she said, “because of your image, that it might make people think too much about Princess Platinum. And then, what, weeks later, you sign on to do the whole thing again?”
“Aisha,” I said, and didn’t know what to say next because that was all technically true. “I did come by and do a workshop, though.”
“Sort of,” she said with a frown. “And not until your fucking people made you do it. Couldn’t you have just done it because I asked, because I needed you?”
“There’s a lot of pressure on me and my image right now,” I said, which was hardly untrue. “I’m trying to be so careful and—”
“No, I know, the great Professional Actress Tess Gardner’s going to win an Oscar someday and this is all just the path to get her there.”
“It’s not that,” I said, even though it was partially that and we both knew it.
“It’s fine,” she said flatly, winding pasta around her fork.
“It’s just clear that something’s up with you, and I wish you’d talk to me like before.
I know that you regret coming out to me and telling me about Rebecca, but—but you did and also I’m glad you did, because I love you and I want to know you.
Not just the version you put out there to the public.
And I guess if that were just it—I don’t know, Tess.
We’ve been friends for so long but lately I feel like you’re hiding from me.
Things haven’t been like they were, and I’m not stupid. ”
“What do you want me to say?” I snapped. “That my life’s been a lot harder and I don’t always know how to talk about it and this whole thing I signed up for a long time ago has only gotten more limiting and if I can’t even have bad days with my best friend I really don’t know what to do?”
“Yeah, I don’t know, something like that?” Aisha shook her head. “Sorry. I told myself to go over and have a nice dinner with you and not act like a bitch, so this is me trying.”
“Sorry here too,” I said. “I’m glad you’re here.”
We ate in silence for a few moments, but I could tell from Aisha’s face that she wanted to say something else, so this time I kicked her under the table. Even if I probably didn’t want to hear whatever it was. “What else?”
Aisha smiled, tentatively. “OK, I know it’s not the best timing, but it’s not superhero related, so I’m hoping I can ask you a favor, because this would mean a lot to me—and honestly I think we can agree you owe me one.
This movie theater in Eagle Rock is doing a screening of All Green Lights, and I made sure they could do it on a night you’re off.
There’s going to be a Q and A after the movie—Nikki and Veronica are coming for sure.
And the theater is giving Silverlochen a table in the front of the lobby to hand out brochures and sell T-shirts and get donations, all of that, which could help so much if we get a decent crowd. ”
“So you want me to do the Q and A?” For a split second I wondered if Aisha understood me at all. How was she even asking me this? “After every single thing I’ve said about trying to focus on a more prestigious awards path in front of me—”
“Tess.” She rolled her eyes. “You cannot be serious.”
“You’re the one who brought up my career goals, so I don’t see how you think me showing up at some Q and A where weird men are going to ask me a bunch of questions about Princess Platinum’s superpowers and any secret intel on Vindicators 4—”
“Yep,” Aisha said dryly, “I absolutely roped you into an event that’s going to be chock-full of weird men, that’s absolutely my style.”
“I just don’t know why you’d ask me to publicly revisit a shitty old movie,” I said, almost crying as I said it.
Immediately I felt like a traitor to All Green Lights, which had given me my start as well as my best friend.
I imagined Rebecca and her girlfriend watching me on the big screen, imagined all the other ways everything could have gone.
Aisha couldn’t have known any of that, but the timing was still more horrible than I could handle and also she did know about enough.
“That was before I even got my teeth fixed.”
Aisha set down her wineglass so quickly it tipped, red liquid flowing down the center of the table. “Considering we wouldn’t even know each other without that movie, that’s a fucking terrible thing to say. You know what, I’m gonna go.”
“Aisha—”
“Tess, let me ask you something,” she said, making a weak attempt to staunch the spread of cabernet with her napkin. “When’s the last time you asked how I was? How anything in my life was? When have you asked about Silverlochen in ways that didn’t relate back to you?”
I stared at her, tried to make her accusations seem wrong in my heart instead of—
“I know we still hang out all the time,” she said, “but I’m convinced you only have me and Andy over so often because you hate being alone, and not because you actually want us around.”
I imagined my two favorite people talking behind my back. “Did Andy say that?”
“No, you know that Andy’s too much of a gentleman to say it. But I’m saying it. I keep waiting for something to click or for it to feel like you’re actually letting me in again, but … lately you treat me like I’m some member of the Professional Actress Tess Gardner team.”
Before I could respond, Aisha walked to the door. “You’re acting exactly like what you’ve always professed to not want to be: a spoiled, entitled movie star. And I got out of this business for a reason.”
I stumbled up and toward her, but it was too late. Aisha was out of the house, across the lawn, out of the gate. I grabbed my phone to text an apology, but that felt idiotic, so I texted Andy instead.
I’m not the absolute worst, am I?
I kept texting, details of the fight with Aisha. Andy was so non-drama. He’d know what to say.
Three dots appeared, disappeared, appeared again. I know it’s been a rough month. But you’ve been kind of an asshole to Aisha. I don’t know what else you want me to say.
I shoved my phone in my pocket. “Come on, Rosie, let’s take a walk.”
For a split second I worried she’d understood everything Aisha had said, but of course she ran over, wiped out on the floor as she reached me, and bounced around as I buckled her into her leash and harness, like I was still the greatest thing the universe had ever produced. Dogs were miracles.