Chapter 32 Aurora #3
‘He what?’ I stare at him in disbelief, images of a traumatised and panicked Rafael searing into my brain and making me want to burst into tears.
‘God-awful idea,’ he mutters. ‘The safety team there talked him out of it because I had no experience. But I’d already started drinking more to quell the bloody . . . the bloody fear that I was going to have to do it in order not to let my father down.’
‘He’d have understood. He’s your father.’
He shakes his head with a heavy sigh. ‘Your father would have understood. Mine wouldn’t.’
‘So what happened? Why didn’t he sign the deal?’
Rafael’s gaze drops from mine as his brow knits like the memory is almost too painful to recount.
‘I was pretty drunk, though I didn’t realise how drunk until I made a comment about it being stupid to throw yourself off a building.
He didn’t appreciate that, so I went inside and tried to sober up.
I found an office with a coffee machine, and I made myself one.
But then . . . Fuck,’ he curses quietly.
‘But then?’ I encourage.
He lifts his bloodshot eyes to mine. ‘I don’t want you to look at me differently, Aurora. I was drunk, it was a stupid mistake.’
Images of him wrecking the office out of frustration or throwing up all over the desk fill my head. ‘What did you do?’
‘This . . . woman came in. Smart, attractive. She could see I was freaking out, and she offered to help, told me I needed to relax and think about something else. And then she . . . kissed me.’
Sourness creeps over my tongue. ‘You had sex with her?’
Rafael’s silence speaks volumes.
‘In his office,’ Rafael says slowly. ‘She was . . .’ He swallows. ‘. . . bent over his desk when he caught us.’
The visual of Rafael fucking another woman is hard to stomach. I press my lips together, ignoring the sting of bile in my throat, even though it happened years ago.
‘Right,’ I murmur.
He winces. ‘She was his wife.’
I snap my eyes up to his, clamping my hand over my mouth. ‘You had sex with his wife on his desk? Rafael, that’s . . .’
‘I lost the deal. My father was livid. And he still doesn’t know why. He thinks I just couldn’t keep it in my pants. He doesn’t know the full story.’ He looks at me with shining eyes. ‘I’m broken, Aurora.’
‘No, you’re not! You are not broken,’ I sob. ‘You’re not. You were just a child. You needed help.’
‘My mother wanted to take me to a therapist, but my father shut it down. He said men aren’t made from talking about their feelings, but from taking action.
He made me clear the rest of that ivy from the balcony with him as soon as I was home from hospital.
The first time I shook so much . . . I wet myself.
He made me carry on without getting cleaned up.
He said facing up to it was the only way to get over it. ’
‘That’s just cruel.’ Anger surges through my veins, making my blood burn at the idea of a nine-year-old, traumatised Rafael being told to ‘man up’ and get on with it when he almost lost his life.
‘Yeah, well. Didn’t work, did it?’ Rafael shrugs. ‘I’m still screwed up. And he lost the biggest deal of his career because of it.’
‘That’s not your fault,’ I insist when he flicks his eyes away from mine. ‘Rafael?’ I turn his face back to mine. ‘None of it is your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself. And you need to talk to someone about it. This isn’t healthy.’
‘I’m talking to you.’
I stroke his cheek. ‘You are. And I’m grateful you’re sharing it with me. But I mean a professional. Someone who knows what they’re doing and can help you.’
He rests his head back against the stone column. ‘I don’t deserve you.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘I don’t.’
I swallow, my throat burning with the words that I’ve never voiced to anyone before. Not my father. Not Dove.
‘I know what it’s like to blame yourself for something, even though people tell you it isn’t your fault.’
Rafael’s brow furrows and he sits forward, searching my face for meaning.
‘My mother died after giving birth to me. My father lost his wife because of me. And now he’s losing his freedom because I can’t help him,’ I choke out. ‘I’m not strong enough or smart enough to be able to get him out of there, even though I know he did nothing wrong.’
‘Listen to me,’ Rafe says, all of his usual confidence and assertiveness returning at once. ‘You had nothing to do with losing your mother. Jesus, Aurora.’
‘I-I k-know. That’s exactly what I’d tell anyone else in my position. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling like it was my fault.’
‘And your father?’ Rafael frowns. ‘You could never let him down. Look at all you’re doing. All you have done for him. You’ve never given up, not once. I’m in bloody awe of you.’
I stare at him, unable to speak. No words could ever convey how much hearing him say that means to me. Even if I’m struggling to believe him.
‘Let’s go back inside,’ I whisper.
I help him to his feet, and he readjusts the towel around his waist, then holds my hand. He keeps his gaze firmly ahead until we’re safely back inside his room with the balcony doors locked behind us.
‘I’m sorry for shouting at you,’ he says, pulling me into his arms. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you. But seeing you on that column, I just—’
‘It’s okay. I understand. I didn’t, but now I do.’ My eyes drop to his chest, and I trace his scar with the pads of my fingers. ‘Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.’
‘The same goes for you too.’
He hooks his fingers under my chin, tilting it so he can slant his mouth over mine.
His kiss is weighted with emotion, and everything about the gentle way he traces my tongue with his tells me this isn’t like all the other times.
His kisses have always been enchanting. But this one? This one’s raw and wounded. Scarred.
‘I don’t think it’s only heights that scare you,’ I whisper against his mouth as he takes his time tracing the seam of my lips with his tongue.
‘No. Now, I’m more scared of losing you,’ he breathes.
He kisses me deeper, sliding his hands into my hair and holding me in place. Our bodies press together, and the solid length of him strains against the towel.
I shake my head against his lips. ‘I think you’re scared of disappointing your father. Of feeling like he doesn’t love you and isn’t proud of you.’
‘Aurora.’ He sighs, pulling back, but I know he hears the truth in my words.
‘You should tell him what really happened with the Wyndham deal.’
‘I was going to today. But he and Angelo argued, and I needed to get my brother out of there. It’s how we ended up at the fight.’
‘He doesn’t get along with your father?’
Rafael grimaces. ‘Angelo’s relationship with him is worse than mine.’
He falls quiet and his gaze drops to my hand, still resting over his heart. I hold his eyes and dip my head, sliding my hand away and placing a soft kiss over the red, healed skin. He sucks in a sharp breath, and I lift my lips from his chest to gaze up at him.
‘I’m sorry, I won’t—’
‘Do it again.’ His voice is thick like it’s an effort to speak. ‘Please.’
I place my lips over his scar again and kiss it gently. He watches me as I carefully pepper tender kisses down to where it ends, then back up again.
‘Beauty,’ he whispers.
His hand tangles in my hair, and he strokes it back from my face, studying me as I kiss up and down his skin again. The way he’s looking at me has me pressing my thighs together. His eyes are intense, darkened with a mix of gratitude, awe, and desire.
‘If I’m going to get into a fight over a woman . . . Then she won’t be just anyone. She’ll be . . . mine.’
That’s what he said once, the first time he ever came to my flat. And that’s exactly what he did tonight when he punched that guy. He risked his own safety for me.
It’s time I risked mine for him.
‘I love you.’
His eyes widen as the softly whispered words leave my mouth, like he never expected to ever hear them from me.
‘I’m at the bottom of the cliff too. You don’t have to look up to see me. I’m right beside you.’
‘You are?’ He searches my eyes. And I see the exact moment my confession sinks in and he allows himself to believe it. ‘But you can’t, you—’
‘I do,’ I say, pulling him to me for a kiss.
He hesitates, but as I slide my tongue past his lips he swoops on me, kissing me back until I’m panting. My dress is lifted over my head, and my bra and panties are slid off within seconds. I don’t know whose hands are doing what any more. We’re a tangle of limbs, touching, stroking, caressing.
‘Tell me again,’ he urges, his brow knotted as if he’s confused as I lie on the bed and he climbs up over me.
My thighs part around his hips on instinct, allowing him to bring his body flush to mine.
‘Tell me again, Aurora,’ he pleads, his tone filled with a desperate need.
‘I love you,’ I say as he slides inside me.
‘Again,’ he begs.
‘I love you,’ I gasp, submitting to the delicious feeling of having him so close and deep.
‘Again.’
I hold his eyes as he moves in and out of me with aching slowness, every cell in my body vibrating with golden energy.
‘I love you, Rafael Francis Fairfax.’
He groans. ‘You remember that?’
‘I do.’ I bite my lip in a smile as he pulls almost all of the way out, then slides back deep inside me where he belongs.
My eyes roll and I whimper beneath him.
‘Aurora?’
‘Yes,’ I answer breathlessly as he keeps his pace, moving inside me with perfect strokes.
‘I love you too. And I’ll love you until my scarred heart takes its last beat.’
Tears prick my eyes as I gaze back into molten bronze that’s shining with devotion, warming me from the inside out. ‘Promise?’
‘On my life,’ he whispers, drawing me into another kiss.
We stay tangled in one another, coming at the same time a few minutes later. Two bodies, two hearts, two souls. Each time between us has been passionate, and intense, and electric.
But this time it’s simple.
We’re two people who have fallen head over heels for one another. Making love like we’re desperate to cling on to every fibre of the other’s being. Like we need one another to exist, to thrive, to live.
‘Beauty,’ he breathes, dropping his forehead to mine. ‘Are you sure you love me?’
His vulnerability cuts me like a knife. He thinks his father isn’t proud of him. Maybe that he doesn’t even love him.
Looking into his broken gaze, I realise he’s never had anyone he truly feels like he’s enough for. Rafael Fairfax, ruthless CEO, award-winning businessman, a man people admire and dream of meeting.
And he’s never felt like he’s enough.
I press an achingly tender kiss to his lips, hoping it conveys just how much I mean what I’m about to say.
‘I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my life before.’ I search his eyes, holding his face in my hands. ‘No matter what happens, I promise I love you, that I will always love you.’
The next crush of his lips on to mine is tinged with salty tears. But he doesn’t need to worry. Because I mean every word.
No matter what happens, Rafael Fairfax has embedded himself so deeply into my heart that I could never dig him out even if I wanted to.
Because if I did, there’d be nothing left of me.